"Mark Twain. The Awful German Language (англ.)" - читать интересную книгу автора

re-reparenthesis, and the re-re-re-re-re-reparentheses, and likewise the
final wide-reaching all-enclosing king-parenthesis. I would require every
individual, be he high or low, to unfold a plain straightforward tale, or
else coil it and sit on it and hold his peace. Infractions of this law
should be punishable with death.
And eighthly, and last, I would retain ZUG and SCHLAG, with their
pendants, and discard the rest of the vocabulary. This would simplify the
language.
I have now named what I regard as the most necessary and important
changes. These are perhaps all I could be expected to name for nothing; but
there are other suggestions which I can and will make in case my proposed
application shall result in my being formally employed by the government in
the work of reforming the language.
My philological studies have satisfied me that a gifted person ought to
learn English (barring spelling and pronouncing) in thirty hours, French in
thirty days, and German in thirty years. It seems manifest, then, that the
latter tongue ought to be trimmed down and repaired. If it is to remain as
it is, it ought to be gently and reverently set aside among the dead
languages, for only the dead have time to learn it.
A FOURTH OF JULY ORATION IN THE GERMAN TONGUE, DELIVERED AT A BANQUET
OF THE ANGLO-AMERICAN CLUB OF STUDENTS BY THE AUTHOR OF THIS BOOK
Gentlemen: Since I arrived, a month ago, in this old wonderland, this
vast garden of Germany, my English tongue has so often proved a useless
piece of baggage to me, and so troublesome to carry around, in a country
where they haven't the checking system for luggage, that I finally set to
work, and learned the German language. Also! Es freut mich dass dies so ist,
denn es muss, in ein hauptsaechlich degree, hoeflich sein, dass man auf ein
occasion like this, sein Rede in die Sprache des Landes worin he boards,
aussprechen soll. Dafuer habe ich, aus reinische Verlegenheit -- no,
Vergangenheit -- no, I mean Hoflichkeit -- aus reinishe Hoflichkeit habe ich
resolved to tackle this business in the German language, um Gottes willen!
Also! Sie muessen so freundlich sein, und verzeih mich die interlarding von
ein oder zwei Englischer Worte, hie und da, denn ich finde dass die deutsche
is not a very copious language, and so when you've really got anything to
say, you've got to draw on a language that can stand the strain.
Wenn haber man kann nicht meinem Rede Verstehen, so werde ich ihm
spaeter dasselbe uebersetz, wenn er solche Dienst verlangen wollen haben
werden sollen sein haette. (I don't know what wollen haben werden sollen
sein haette means, but I notice they always put it at the end of a German
sentence -- merely for general literary gorgeousness, I suppose.)
This is a great and justly honored day -- a day which is worthy of the
veneration in which it is held by the true patriots of all climes and
nationalities -- a day which offers a fruitful theme for thought and speech;
und meinem Freunde -- no, meinEN FreundEN -- meinES FreundES -- well, take
your choice, they're all the same price; I don't know which one is right --
also! ich habe gehabt haben worden gewesen sein, as Goethe says in his
Paradise Lost -- ich -- ich -- that is to say -- ich -- but let us change
cars.
Also! Die Anblich so viele Grossbrittanischer und Amerikanischer hier
zusammengetroffen in Bruderliche concord, ist zwar a welcome and inspiriting