"Mark Twain. The Awful German Language (англ.)" - читать интересную книгу автора

inexactness is worse.
There are people in the world who will take a great deal of trouble to
point out the faults in a religion or a language, and then go blandly about
their business without suggesting any remedy. I am not that kind of person.
I have shown that the German language needs reforming. Very well, I am ready
to reform it. At least I am ready to make the proper suggestions. Such a
course as this might be immodest in another; but I have devoted upward of
nine full weeks, first and last, to a careful and critical study of this
tongue, and thus have acquired a confidence in my ability to reform it which
no mere superficial culture could have conferred upon me.
In the first place, I would leave out the Dative case. It confuses the
plurals; and, besides, nobody ever knows when he is in the Dative case,
except he discover it by accident -- and then he does not know when or where
it was that he got into it, or how long he has been in it, or how he is
going to get out of it again. The Dative case is but an ornamental folly --
it is better to discard it.
In the next place, I would move the Verb further up to the front. You
may load up with ever so good a Verb, but I notice that you never really
bring down a subject with it at the present German range -- you only cripple
it. So I insist that this important part of speech should be brought forward
to a position where it may be easily seen with the naked eye.
Thirdly, I would import some strong words from the English tongue -- to
swear with, and also to use in describing all sorts of vigorous things in a
vigorous ways. [4]
4. "Verdammt," and its variations and enlargements, are words which
have plenty of meaning, but the SOUNDS are so mild and ineffectual that
German ladies can use them without sin. German ladies who could not be
induced to commit a sin by any persuasion or compulsion, promptly rip out
one of these harmless little words when they tear their dresses or don't
like the soup. It sounds about as wicked as our "My gracious." German ladies
are constantly saying, "Ach! Gott!" "Mein Gott!" "Gott in Himmel!" "Herr
Gott" "Der Herr Jesus!" etc. They think our ladies have the same custom,
perhaps; for I once heard a gentle and lovely old German lady say to a sweet
young American girl: "The two languages are so alike -- how pleasant that
is; we say 'Ach! Gott!' you say 'Goddamn.'"
Fourthly, I would reorganizes the sexes, and distribute them
accordingly to the will of the creator. This as a tribute of respect, if
nothing else.
Fifthly, I would do away with those great long compounded words; or
require the speaker to deliver them in sections, with intermissions for
refreshments. To wholly do away with them would be best, for ideas are more
easily received and digested when they come one at a time than when they
come in bulk. Intellectual food is like any other; it is pleasanter and more
beneficial to take it with a spoon than with a shovel.
Sixthly, I would require a speaker to stop when he is done, and not
hang a string of those useless "haven sind gewesen gehabt haben geworden
seins" to the end of his oration. This sort of gewgaws undignify a speech,
instead of adding a grace. They are, therefore, an offense, and should be
discarded.
Seventhly, I would discard the Parenthesis. Also the reparenthesis, the