"HOMES" - читать интересную книгу автора (Barry Dave)

understatement. So the first thing you should do is go up and crouch in the
attic and see if you get bit by a bat. This is usually an indication that the
house contains bats, which, depending on your lifestyle, could be a negative
factor, especially if one tries to suck out your blood, because that means
it's a vampire bat, which means the house is located in South America, so
right away we are talking about probably a fairly long commute to work.

the Floors

These should be sturdy and level. The only proven way to check for
sturdiness is to drop a men's standard sixteen-pound bowling ball (Always
carry one with you!) onto the floor from a height of seventy-five feet through
a hole drilled in the roof, then carefully note the results. (No, the seller
will not object, unless he has "something to hide.")

To check for levelness, you will need a standard piece of string and a
standard rock. Using a standard knot, tie one end of the string, then,
holding the other end of the string, stand in the middle of a room, and
carefully note which way the rock points. Ideally, it will point toward the
floor. If it points somewhere else, such as toward a wall, this is often an
indication of nonlevelness.

the Plumbing

Forget about the plumbing. it will work perfectly. It always does, when
you inspect it, because plumbing is one of the most intelligent life forms on
the planet, and it would never be so foolish as to tip its hand to you. It
will wait until after you have bought the house. Then it will make its move.
Late some night, you'll hear strange gurglings and sloshings in your pipes;
this will be the sound of your toilets communicating with each other, making
their plans:

FIRST TOILET: It's on. Tomorrow is New Year's Day, they have house guests,
it's four degrees below zero outside, and their plumber is in
Switzerland. We break tonight.
SECOND TOILET: Ha ha! I'll tell the hot water heater.

the Electrical System

The most important thing to find out about the electrical system is
whether it contains enough "volts," which are little tiny pieces of energy
shaped like arrows so you can tell which direction they're moving in science
class diagrams.

The standard measurement for volts is "amps," also called "watts," which
travel around in what is called a "circuit." A typical circuit works as
follows:

At the electrical company, fuel oil is burned to set fire to a generator,
which gives off electrical energy in the form of sparks, which are put into