"CLAW" - читать интересную книгу автора (Barry Dave)

figure out what kind of mood the folks up at the Educational Testing Service
were in on the day they made up that particular question.

Nobody has the vaguest idea anymore how this elaborate ritual got
started, what it has to do with anything in the real world, or how the
Educational Testing Service decides what numbers to send you. My personal
theory is that it has to do with how much money you send them in the mail. I
think the amounts they tell you to send are actually just Suggested Minimum
Donations, if you get my drift.

COLLEGE

College is basically a large group of buildings, usually separated by
lawns, where you go to major in business. This means you must avoid:

Courses where you have to trace the Development of something, such as the
Novel.
Courses that involve numbers that cannot be categorized as debits or credits,
such as "square roots."
Courses involving a foreign language, such as French (this also includes
courses involving funny-sounding English, like in those old plays where
everybody is always saying: "Whatst? Dost thou sittest upon mine horst?
Egad!" etc.).
Any course involving maps, the Renaissance, or specific dates such as "1066."
Any course where you sit around a classroom trying to figure out what the hell
Truth is.

What you want to take are courses that have the word "Business" in them
somewhere, such as Introduction to Business, Getting to Know Business a Little
Better, Kissing Business Right on the Lips, etc.

GRADUATE SCHOOL

There are advantages and disadvantages to going to graduate school. The
main advantage is that if you go to a really good graduate school, like
Harvard, you'll have a very easy time finding a good job. At night, as you
lie in your bed, your window will often be broken by stones, around which have
been wrapped lucrative offers. The main disadvantage is that you couldn't get
admitted to Harvard even if you held the dean's wife at gunpoint. So I think
you're better off applying for a job.

ARE THERE JOBS AVAILABLE?

Heck yes! Don't you listen to those Negative Nellies who tell you there
aren't any good jobs anymore, just because the steel, automobile, shoe,
clothing, railroad, and agricultural industries have all collapsed! There are
new career opportunities opening up all the time in today's fast-changing
economy. Just to give you an idea, let's look at:

LOBSTER REPAIR: