"CLAW" - читать интересную книгу автора (Barry Dave)

you wind up serving them food and wearing a comical white hat in the corporate
cafeteria. In fact, I'd recommend that you start preparing before birth,
except that you'd have trouble seeing the flashcards.

The flashcard procedure is as follows: you lie on your back in your crib,
and your parents lean over you and hold up cards, each of which has printed on
it a basic fact that will help you succeed in business. As your parents show
you the card, they should read it out loud in a perky voice, as though they
are just having the time of their lives, and you should indicate comprehension
by waving your arms and pooping.

You should spend as much time with the flashcards as possible. Ideally,
you'll reach adolescence without ever once getting an unobstructed view of
your parents' faces. As an adult, you'll carry around a little wallet card
that says "7 x 9 = 63," because it will remind you of Mother.

PRESCHOOL

Look for a strong pre-business curriculum, one that emphasizes practical
activities, such as blocks, over liberal-arts activities, such as gerbils.

ELEMENTARY SCHOOL

This is where you should learn to add, subtract, multiply, and divide,
which are skills that are essential for filling out expense reports; you
should also develop lifelong chumships with anybody whose name ends in "II,"
or, even better, "III." You might also consider learning to read. This is
not really necessary, of course, inasmuch as you will have a secretary for
this purpose, but some businesspersons like to occasionally do it themselves
for amusement on long airplane trips.

HIGH SCHOOL

The point of high school is to get yourself into a good college. The way
you do this is by being well rounded, which is measured by how many
organizations you belong to. Many college admissions officers select students
by actually slapping a ruler down on the list of accomplishments underneath
each applicant's high school yearbook picture. So you should join every one
of the ludicrous high school organizations available to you, such as the
Future Appliance Owners Club and the National Honor Society. If they won't
let you into the National Honor Society, have your parents file a lawsuit
alleging discrimination on the basis of intelligence.

Another thing you need to do in high school is get good SAT scores, which
are these two numbers you receive in the mail from the Educational Testing
Service in Princeton, New Jersey. They have a whole warehouse filled with
numbers up there. To get yours, you have to send some money off by mail to
Princeton, then you have to go sit in a room full of other students with
number-two pencils and answer questions like "BRAZIL is to COMPENSATE as LUST
is to ..." Then you have to look at the various multiple choices and try to