"Robert Rankin - Sex, Drugs & Sausage Rolls" - читать интересную книгу автора (Robert Rankin)

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`She does what?' John Omally looked up from his pint and down at Small Dave.

`Reads your knob,' said the wee man. `It's a bit like Palmistry, where they read the lines on your hand.
Except this is called Penistry and they can tell your fortune by looking at your knob.'

It was spring and it was Tuesday. It was lunchtime. They were in the Flying Swan.

`I don't believe it,' said John. `Someone's been winding you up, Dave.'

`They have not. I overheard two policemen talking about it while I was locked in the suitcase.'

`Excuse me, Dave,' said Soap Distant, newly returned from a journey to the centre of the Earth. `But
why were you locked in a suitcase?'

`There was some unpleasantness. I don't wish to discuss it.'

`Small Dave was sacked from his job as chef at the Arts Centre,' said Omally.

`What Arts Centre?'

`The one they built on the site of the old gasworks.'

`Oh,' said Soap. `So why did they sack you, Dave?'

`I was unfairly dismissed.'

`The manager gave Dave his cards and Dave bit the end off the manager's knob.'

`It was an accident. I slipped on some mouse poo, and anyway he hit me with a frying pan.'

`I thought that was in self-defence, because you came at him with the meat cleaver.'

`I just happened to be holding the cleaver at the time.'

`You bit off the end of his knob,' said Soap. `That is disgusting.'

`It was an accident. I slipped, he hit me on the back of the head, I fell forward and my teeth kind of
clenched.'
Soap's teeth kind of clenched and so did Omally's.

`So what happened to the manager?' Soap asked.

`He's recovering in Brentford Cottage Hospital. The surgeon sewed the end back on. It's no big deal.
Mind you' -- Small Dave smirked wickedly -- `from what I heard he's going to sue the surgeon.'