"Ryan Mathews - Bubblegum Cards" - читать интересную книгу автора (Mathews Ryan)

stage with a mike and starts screaming lyrics at the crowd.]

PISS
Oy 'ate you lousy fockers!
Oy wish 'at you were dead!
Oy'd like to put big 'oles in your fat stinky 'eads!
Oy! [boom-boom-boom] Fock you!
Oy! [boom-boom-boom] Fock you!
[Piss' watch beeps. She holds to her face. To the watch:]
Oy! Piss 'ere!

WATCH
Piss? This is Wacky. We've got a berserk Buma at the PBS station.

PISS
All roight! Time to kick some arse!
[To the crowd:]
Oy! I'm outta 'ere! Piss off!
[Piss leaves and gets accosted by the manager.]

MANAGER
Hey! You can't leave! I paid good money for this show!
[Piss kicks him in the groin. High voice:]
But if you must go, I won't stand in your way.

[Cut to a horrendous traffic jam. A redheaded policewoman directs the
traffic, making it worse.]

NINNY [pointing every which way]
Now let's see, my left is their right. Or is it the other way around?
Do they drive on the left side or the right? Or is it my left that
they drive on? Which hand is my left, anyway? I'm so confused. Oh!
Look at the nails on this hand! I need a manicure!
[She holds her hand out to examine it, causing a fiery ten-car
collision in front of her. Her watch beeps.]
What's that, Wacky? Berserk Buma? I'll be right there! Hmm. The
traffic doesn't seem to be moving much. Guess I'm not needed.

[Cut to an aerobics class. 15 huge, hulking women thunder up and down
while a black-haired girl named Leonard and her assistant direct
them.]

ASSISTANT
Say, Leonard? About the floor?

LEONARD
What about it?
[Several women smash through the floor, leaving really big
holes.]
Darn it! What did I tell you about trying to sneak out to the