"Ryan Mathews - Bubblegum Cards" - читать интересную книгу автора (Mathews Ryan)

And now, Julia Child's Kitchen!

JULIA CHILD
Oh, *hello* there and welcome back to the show! The gentlemen at GE
have been so nice to provide me one of their new Kitchen-model Bumas!
Say hello, Jules!

JULES
Grarl.

JULIA CHILD
Oh, isn't he just *marvelous*. My next dish involves peanuts.
Unfortunately, the only peanuts I have on hand at the moment are those
little sacks they hand out on airlines, and I always have such a
*devil* of a time getting them open. Could you help, Jules?
*There's* a good boy.
[Ms. Child hands the bags of peanuts to the Buma, who
struggles unsuccessfully to open one up.]
I'll be needing to melt some butter too. Now where did I put the
flamethrower? Ah, there it is!
[The Buma bursts out of its skin and grows to twice its size,
but still can't open the bag of peanuts.]
Actually, I was thinking of using incendiary grenades, but you just
can't get that fine control over the temperature.
[The Buma tries to rip the bag open with its teeth, fails, and
starts to throw a tantrum.]
How is it coming with the peanuts?
[The Buma grabs Ms. Child's right arm and rips it off. Blood
spurts all over the place.]
Oh, dear. Wasn't there a Saturday Night Live skit like this? It
seems that Dan Akroyd fellow was prophetic in a way. I'll just
shuffle over here and call an ambulance.
[The Buma roars and rips her head off.]

DIRECTOR
Run for your lives! The Buma's gone berserk!

[Cut to control room.]

PRODUCER [on the phone]
Hello? Yes, I have a job for you, now!!

[Cut to a punk-rock bar. Hordes of slam-dancing teenagers crowd the
stage. The MC walks out.]

MC
And now, punkers and punkettes! The moment you've all been waiting
for! The First Lady of Punk! The one, the only.... Piss!!

[The crowd roars as a punk-rocker girl with butch-brown hair comes on