"Paul Di Filippo - Two CC's of Bestseller, Stat" - читать интересную книгу автора (Di Filippo Paul)

I found myself in what was obviously an infirmary. The nurses took my
health insurance information and left me alone.

It was then that I noticed something odd about the room.

Although its tiled walls and easy-to-clean floor contained a
paper-topped examining table for patients, it had none of the other
accouterments of a hospital. No machines, and not even a canister of
tongue depressors.

Before I could unriddle this lack, a doctor entered.

In his scrubs, the man was tall, thin, and possessed a mop of red hair
that stood up like a cock’s comb. His face too was half-concealed by a
mask.

“Dr. Gutenberg,” he announced himself. “Please strip to your
underwear and climb on the table, so that we can begin your treatment.”

I started to unbutton my shirt. “But don’t you need to examine me?”

“Not at all, not at all. We have the readouts from the scanner gate.
Your treatment is pre-ordained.”

Sitting in my boxers on the crinkly wax-paper, I watched as Dr.
Gutenberg opened a cupboard door and removed—a book! He began to
rip pages out of it.

“This is a first edition of Jack London’s Call of the Wild. Proven
extremely effective against influenza. Effects of the pure Arctic landscape
described therein. Its cost will show up on your bill, under the ‘drug’
heading. Not covered by your insurance, I’m afraid.”

I quailed at the destruction of the valuable book, especially since I
knew what it went for online. “Wait just a minute. What kind of physician are
you?”

“I am a doctor of bibliostetrics. Under the Public Safety Act, we have
the federal franchise for all bookstores. Now, lie on your side.”

Reluctantly, I assumed the required position. Dr. Gutenberg rolled up
the pages of Jack London’s book into a cone, inserted the narrow end into
my ear—then lit the whole affair on fire!

“Hey!”

“Don’t squirm, you’ll negate the treatment! Surely you’ve heard of
‘ear-candling.’ An essential part of bibliostetrics.”

I quit wriggling and allowed the procedure to finish. After turning over,