"The last thing I remember" - читать интересную книгу автора (Klavan Andrew)

CHAPTER SEVEN

My Karate Demonstration Another flash. Another chunk of the past, of that last day, went bolting through my terrified brain.

It was funny. Now, here, with my life in danger, with guards pounding down the hall to catch me, with terror coursing through me like the blood in my veins-now, the last day I could remember seemed to me a day of peace and calm. Everything blessedly ordinary. Everything blessedly serene.

At the time it happened, though, it was different. At the time it happened, I was scared out of my wits.

It was first period at school, the morning assembly. I was standing backstage in the school auditorium. I was waiting for my karate demonstration to begin. Principal Woodman was onstage at the podium, making the day’s announcements before introducing me. I had already changed into my gi. It felt kind of strange to be wearing the loose-fitting fighting uniform here in school. It felt as if I’d forgotten to change out of my pajamas. I kept checking and rechecking the knot in my belt to make sure it wouldn’t fall off. It was a black belt-the highest rank I was allowed to reach at my age. There was a red stripe in the center of it to show I was still a junior, under eighteen. I found the sight of the belt-the reminder of my high rank-reassuring. I kept telling myself: I know what I’m doing. There’s no reason to be so nervous.

But I was nervous. I was as nervous as I’d ever been in my life. I was using every breathing and focus technique Sensei Mike had ever taught me, trying to keep myself relaxed and calm and ready-and it still wasn’t enough. “It’s all right to have butterflies in your stomach,” Sensei Mike told me once, “but you’ve got to make them fly in formation.” In other words, marshal your nervous energy to give your techniques extra force. That was easy enough to say, but just then it felt as if my butterflies were crazy out of control, rollicking around in any looney-tune way that happened to strike their butterfly fancy. I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to perform my kata. To be honest, I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to walk out onstage.

The trouble was this: I could see her. Beth Summers, I mean. I could look out through a gap in the curtains and see her sitting there in the front row. The other two class officers were sitting to the left of her: class president Jim Sizemore-hyper-smart but way too full of himself-just beside her, and the ever-nerdy-but-occasionally-hilarious Zach Miliken, the treasurer, in the next seat over.

Beth was turned away from them. She was turned to her right. That’s where her friends were sitting. Marissa Meyer and Tracy Wynne. Marissa had long straight dark hair and a perfect oval of a face, like a girl in a portrait. Tracy’s hair was also long and straight but golden blonde, and her face was shaped like a valentine. They were both beautiful, two of the prettiest girls in school. Pretty, smart, mega-popular. Heads of about a hundred school organizations and charity projects, not to mention captain of the volleyball team (Marissa) and chief cheerleader (Tracy).

They were nothing compared to Beth, though. Not to me anyway. There was something special about Beth, about the way she looked, about the way she talked, about the way she just was. Whenever she was around, I couldn’t take my eyes off her. I couldn’t say why, exactly. She wasn’t glamorous or anything, not like her two friends. Her hair was a sort of ordinary honey brown. It was curly and fell to about her shoulders, framing her face in waves and ringlets. Her eyes were blue. Her features were smooth and straight. Her figure, in a knee-length skirt and a pink sweater, was graceful. But there was something else, something more, that made me stand backstage and peer out at her, getting more and more nervous as the moment for me to do my karate in front of her got closer and closer.

It was just how nice she was, I guess. You could see it whenever she smiled, hear it whenever she talked. Marissa and Tracy-they weren’t mean or anything. But they weren’t like Beth. Beth was always warm and interested in what you were saying. She made you feel like you were the only person in the world she cared about. And I’d never known her to say a cruel thing either-not once, not to anyone, not even to her little brother, Arthur, who was a complete pain and totally deserved it.

Anyway, I’m going on and on about her, I know. But she really was nice, and it made her beautiful, more beautiful even than the others. So I stood backstage, peeking out through the gap in the curtains and just kind of gazing at her like I was some kind of big stupid dog, or some big stupid something, anyway. And the more I gazed at her, the more nervous I felt. Because I had this sneaking suspicion that I was about to walk out on that stage and make a total idiot of myself right there in front of her. I could just feel it: I hadn’t had time to practice, and I was going to make some stupid mistake or split my pants or fall smack on my pratt or something. And I could already picture the way she’d look at me-nicely, you know, but with pity in her eyes. She would pity me while all her friends and all the other kids around her laughed and laughed.

All at once, I came out of my trance and realized that Principal Woodman had begun to introduce me. Of course, that didn’t mean I would have to go on right away or anything. Mr. Woodman never said something with a single word if he could say it with ten. Plus he stammered, making every word seem like ten anyway. And he never said anything right the first time and always had to go back over it a second time and correct it. So I figured I still had a few seconds at least-a few seconds left before I went out there and made a fool of myself in front of Beth and everyone else.

“We have a spectral tree for you today,” said Principal Woodman. “A special, I mean, a special tree-a treat-a special treat for you. A special treat.” He was a tall, thin, pale guy with thin reddish hair and a kind of dopey smile stuck permanently on his face. Whenever he spoke, his body waved back and forth behind the podium like a sapling in a breeze. “Our own Harley-Charlie-what am I talking about?-why did I say Harley?-Charlie- Charlie West is here today-as always-I mean, he’s always here, of course, he goes to school here-but today he has a spectral treat in store for us. He’s going to-not spectral-special-why do I keep saying spectral?-a special treat-and he’s here and he’s going to perform some judo.” He glanced over his shoulder, through the gap in the curtains, to where I stood backstage. “Or is it karate, Charlie? Karate. Not judo. He’s going to perform some karate in a spectral…”

Well, I won’t tell you the whole thing. It went on like that for another few minutes. And with every word, I felt my butterflies going crazier and crazier and my muscles getting tighter and tighter until I thought I was just going to go out onstage and stand there shivering like a plucked string. I tried to distract myself with getting ready. I pulled my three heavy cinder blocks closer to my feet. I pushed my elbows back, stretching out my shoulders. I forced myself to take deep breaths, in and out, in and out.

Finally, Woodman said, “So here he is-Harley- Charlie West.”

There was loud applause, even some cheering. I picked up two of the cinder blocks, one in each hand, and carried them out onstage.

It took me a few seconds to position the blocks on the stage floor. I set them up to the far right, directly in front of where Beth was sitting. The cinder blocks were part of my grand finale, and I wanted her to have a good view of it.

While I was setting the blocks up, the applause died down. Now there was just a nerve-racking silence in the auditorium and the sound of me adjusting the blocks on the floor. When I was done, I had to go backstage again to get the third block. By the time I came out, I could hear the audience fidgeting in their seats and murmuring to one another. They were already bored.

I felt a line of sweat run down my back-and I hadn’t even started my kata yet.

Then someone-Josh Lerner, probably-shouted out, “Go get ’em, Harley-Charlie!” and everyone laughed and I laughed with them, but I felt my cheeks get hot.

I forced myself not to look at Beth to see if she was laughing too. As coolly as I could, I laid the third cinder block across the top of the other two. Then I walked to the podium where Mr. Woodman had been. I had to clear my throat before I spoke, and the sound went into the microphone and came out sounding like a roll of thunder. There was more laughter and more heat in my cheeks and another line of sweat rolling down my back.

When I finally got some words out, I could hear the quaver of nervousness in my voice. I could only hope no one else could hear it.

“I’m gonna do a kata,” I said. “It’s kind of like a make-believe fight where you imagine different people attacking you and you do defense techniques on them. That way you get to practice your techniques in motion so your muscles will learn how to do them. Then, if you ever have to use the technique in real life, your body will just know how to do it. You won’t have to think about it or anything. Anyway, I’m gonna do one now called the Tiger Kata because it uses really powerful striking techniques, which, in my karate school, we call tiger techniques.”

Then, for good measure, I cleared my throat into the microphone again, making another thundery noise and getting a few more giggles.

I forced myself to move away from the protection of the podium and walked to the center of the stage. About a thousand cringe-making scenarios were flashing through my mind, a thousand different and excruciating ways in which I might embarrass myself forever. Maybe I would fall off the stage. Maybe I would sprain my ankle and have to hop around like a cartoon rabbit. Maybe my pants would just fall down. Maybe they’d fall down while I was hopping around…

I forced the thoughts away. I arranged myself into what’s called the front position: feet together, arms lifted in front of me, hands together just in front of my chin. My right hand was in a fist to represent the power of the yang, or masculine principle; the left hand was open and covered the fist to represent the restraint of the yin, or feminine principle. Power through self-discipline: that’s what karate is all about.

I stood like that for a long second. The auditorium had grown really quiet. There was no more shifting around, no more murmuring, no more cracks from Josh Lerner. They were interested, I could tell.

I took one more long breath, and then I went into my salutation.

Right away, a wonderful thing happened, an amazing thing. A salutation begins every kata. It starts with a bow and then a series of motions performed with the muscles very tense and the breath coming through the open mouth with a long, loud hiss. The breath is called Dragon-Breathes-Fire. It’s meant to focus your attention and push all your unnecessary thoughts out of you and bring all your energy to bear on the form. And the wonderful, amazing thing that happened is: it did exactly what it was supposed to do. The minute I tensed my abdominal muscles and pushed the dragon breath out of me, all the nervousness flowed out of me too. Suddenly, I had no extra thoughts to spare on anything at all-not even on Beth Summers. Suddenly, there was only the kata-the form-which I knew so well I could do it without thinking- without thinking but not without concentration. And that’s the way it was: suddenly, every thought was gone and all my mind was concentrated on performing the kata’s movements exactly right.

Which I did. I practically flew across the stage in long animal leaps, ending with mighty strikes in the air where my imaginary opponents were supposed to be. My fists corkscrewed out and back almost too fast for the eye to follow. My openhanded strikes slashed back and forth in lightning-speed combinations. I kicked and spun and kicked again, then leapt into the air with my body nearly horizontal to drive a devastating flying kick into an imaginary opponent’s head. I fell to the earth with a downward finishing strike-a punch spiraling straight to the floor as my body dropped down behind it to give it extra force. I let out a deafening roar- “keeyai!”-expelling every ounce of tension in my body, letting the tension explode into the punch as my knuckles scraped the surface of the polished wood.

Then I was upright again, spinning again, lashing out with a hook kick that brought my foot snapping around behind me and the rest of my body snapping around after it. Under the sound of my movements, I could hear the silence of the audience, I could feel their attention on me, feel them caught up in the violent grace of the form. Now I dove forward and went into a rolling somersault. Then I snapped to my feet with a combination of knife-hand strikes and a spinning back kick that brought me around 180 degrees. Someone in the audience-a guy, I’m not sure who-let out a whoop of appreciation, and the rest of the audience applauded. But even then-even as I began to realize that I was doing the best form I’d ever done-even as I began to understand that every eye in the auditorium was locked onto me in fascination-even then, I didn’t let it break through my unthinking concentration. I was deep inside myself, deep inside the form. I had no thoughts-just movement, just concentration. Striking, spinning, kicking as fast as I could but keeping every strike forceful, every position absolutely precise.

Now I was ready to perform the final move of the kata-and the most dangerous. I had come to rest on the far left side of the stage, as far from where Beth was sitting as I could get. I was in a crane position, absolutely still with one leg lifted, the knee up to my waist, the foot pointing down, the edge of one open hand hovering above the thigh, the other hand up to block my face. In one more second, I was going to explode out of the crane and drive across the stage behind a flurry of kicks and blows. At the last second, I would leap into the air above the place where the concrete cinder blocks stood, the two standing upright and the third lying across the top. As I came down, I would unleash a driving downward strike-right into the top of that third concrete block. If I did it just right, with all my focus and all my force-if I concentrated my mind on driving not into the concrete but straight through it-I would break the cinder block in two with my bare fist. That was the plan anyway. My fists were well conditioned and I’d broken blocks before- it’s not really as hard as it looks.

Still, as I stood there on one leg, poised to begin that final movement, a terrible thought broke through my concentration. I had an image of myself driving downward toward the concrete block-driving downward and then, just at the final second, losing my focus. Too late to pull back, I would continue the driving downward strike into the block-but without the full force of my mind and will behind it, it was not the concrete that would shatter, but every bone in my hand. That was it, I realized suddenly. That was how I was going to make a fool of myself in front of Beth. I was going to drive down into the block and break my hand in a million pieces so that my powerful, roaring keeyai would be transformed on the spot into a high-pitched howl of agony. I would go hopping across the stage, gripping my jellylike hand, screaming and screaming while everyone stared in horror and secret amusement. Maybe my pants would even fall off for good measure.

A wavering line of cold nausea went up through the center of me, like a tendril of smoke drifting toward the ceiling. The second the thought of failure occurred to me, I knew I should’ve changed course and abandoned the grand finale. Without confidence, you can’t put your fist through concrete-it just isn’t possible. And with a thought like mine in your head, how could you have any confidence at all?

I told myself to force the thought away. I did force the thought away, but I knew it was still there, just below the surface. And there was no way I was changing course, no way I was going to quit now. Not with everyone watching. Not with Beth watching.

I hung there poised one more second. I let the breath flood out of my body, hoping it would carry the thought of failure away with it. Then I launched the final sequence.

It all seemed to happen fast and slow at once. I could sense and see that I was moving with unstoppable speed, but my mind was so focused on every moment that it felt like slow motion somehow, like a slow-motion movie unfolding frame by graceful frame. Every kick and blow and step carried me farther and farther across the stage, closer and closer to the cinder blocks. Then I pushed off the floor and was airborne, sailing across the final few yards with my right fist drawing back and back, pressed tight to my side, ready to explode downward as I dropped back to Earth, dropped back to the cinder block.

I was screaming before I thought to scream, the roaring keeyai tearing out of the center of me, bursting from me like a tiger bursting out of a cage. I saw the gray of the concrete block rushing up toward me. My mind went down to meet it, went through it. And at the same moment my knee touched the floor, my fist drove out from my side, corkscrewing to where my focus was, on the other side of the cinder block, on the other side of all that concrete.

I don’t remember the meeting of flesh and stone. It was as if I had become so much a part of the moment that I could no longer see it. The next thing I knew, shards of concrete were flying up around my face, and the cinder block, smashed into two pieces, was dropping heavily to the floor on either side of my extended arm.

Only slowly did the rest of the world make its way back into my consciousness. By then, I was already drawing myself up, drawing myself out of that last punch and into the movements of my final salutation. I gathered myself again into the front position, my feet together, my arms up in front of me, my right fist covered by my left hand just beneath my chin. Power through self-discipline. I was done.

That was when I heard them, saw them: the students and teachers in the auditorium. They were on their feet, all of them. They were clapping as hard as they could. Some of the guys were hammering the air with their fists. Some of the girls had covered their mouths with their hands. And then all of them were clapping and screaming and cheering as I stood in front of them, bringing my breath under control.

I let my eyes shift to the right, just a little, just enough to get a glimpse of her. Beth had covered her open mouth with both hands. For another second or two, her eyes remained wide with fear and horror, as if she were still waiting to see what would happen when I struck the block. But now she let the hands fall. She took a deep breath of relief. She laughed. The fear and horror went out of her eyes and something else came into them, something I can’t describe but could feel flowing through me like a warm river.

Then Beth was applauding too, shaking her head with amazement and laughing and applauding, taking her eyes from me to look at Marissa and Tracy and shaking her head at them in amazement just as they were shaking their heads at her right back.

Slowly, I let my hands drop from front position to hang at my sides. I nodded my head sheepishly to acknowledge the cheers.

Nice going, Harley-Charlie, I thought to myself.

The audience went on clapping and cheering, and Beth went on clapping and cheering for a good long time, it seemed like.

It was just a day, you know. Just another ordinary September day. But I remembered now-it flashed through my mind: that moment-that moment standing on the stage while Beth and everybody clapped and cheered-which was, I have to admit, one of the coolest moments of my life so far.