"The Adventures of Father Silas" - читать интересную книгу автора (de Farniente Beauregard)

SISTER AGATHA'S STORY

I was very young when my mother, after the decease of her fourth husband, came to live as a boarder in this convent; nevertheless I was always fearful that her residing there would make me miserable. As I grew older and wiser, my aversion to the cloister increased, I ' felt something was wanting, and that was the sight of a man. From merely regretting this privation, I passed to the consideration of what made it so deeply felt. “What is a man?” said I. “Is he a creature different from ourselves? What is the cause of the emotions the sight of him produces in my heart? It certainly cannot be the charms of his person; for Father Jerome, disagreeable as he is, excites me when I am near him. Is it the mere emotions, but why?” I felt the reason, but could not explain it.

Sometimes I retired to my chamber and gave way to reflection, which stood me in the stead of society. For what was society? Women only; and in my solitude I thought of men alone. I fathomed my heart, and asked the reason of what it felt; I undressed myself, and contemplated my person in a voluptuous manner; I was on fire, I opened my thighs and sighed; my heated imagination presented me with a man-I extended my arms to embrace him; my cunny was devoured with a burning heat; but I never had the address to put my finger in it. Always restrained by the fear of hurting myself, I suffered the most excessive itching, without daring to allay it. Sometimes I was ready to give way; but scared from my design, I put my finger towards it, and hastily withdrew it; I covered it with the hollow of my hand, and pressed it; at last, I yielded to the violence of my passion, and thrust in my finger; I cared not for the pain, but highly relished the pleasure, which was so great that I thought I should die. This I did as many times as my strength permitted.

I was enraptured with the discovery I had made, which threw some light into my mind; I concluded that since my finger could procure me such delicious moments, the men must do with us what I had been doing for myself, and that they had a kind of finger to fit the place where I had put mine, for I no longer doubted that this was the high road to pleasure. Having learned much, I was eager to see in a man the reality of that whose mere shadow had given me so much pleasure.

I knew by instinct that men must experience feelings similar to mine on beholding persons of the opposite sex; so I began to exert my ingenuity in showing off to the best of my skill the attractions with which nature had favored me, by all the little artifices which my imagination suggested. I studied the language of the eyes, till I fancied I had acquired some proficiency therein, and then I longed for an opportunity of trying my skill upon a proper subject.

I was always in the apartment to which persons visiting the inmates of the convent are admitted, whenever I could find an excuse for being there; this appearing to me the most likely way of finding what I wanted. To this end I made the acquaintance of all the boarders who had brothers come to see them; and whenever any of them were asked for, I generally found means of going to see who was there.

I was one day examining very minutely a fine lad, whose black sparkling eyes returned my looks with interest. A feeling more delicate and exquisite than the sight of men in general procured me, fixed my attention upon him.

The pertinacity with which my eyes remained set upon him dissipated the indifference he at first exhibited; his eyes became animated, and he no longer turned them from me. He was by no means bashful, but of a forward bearing, which, well backed by a good looking countenance, was a warrant for his success with all the women he pleased to attack.

While his sister's attention was otherwise engaged, he made signs to me which I could not comprehend, but which my vanity induced me to pretend I did; and he was so far emboldened by my smiling that he began to make gestures which I well understood. He put his hand between his thighs; I blushed but did not the less follow the movement through the corner of my eye. He then raised it, making a sign with his left hand with which he grasped the other above the wrist; it did not require one very learned to perceive that he meant what he had just touched was of the length indicated.

His proceedings had set me all in a flame; modesty required me to go away, but one can offer only a feeble resistance when the heart is bent on betraying her. Love made me remain where I was, though I continued to look bashfully on the ground. I soon, however, gave a glance at Verland (for that was his name) by which I meant to show my displeasure, but my excitement gave different expression. He felt it, and perceived that I understood him, and also that I was too weak to disapprove of it. He took advantage of this, and in order to leave me nothing further to guess as to the ardor which animated him, he joined the forefinger and thumb of his left hand, and thrust one of the fingers of the other hand backwards and forwards in the opening between them, sighing at the same time. The rogue in doing thus recalled to my mind circumstances too agreeable to allow me to appear so offended as this want of respect deserved. How much should I have liked to be alone with him! But, alas, an impassable grating would then have arrested our pleasures!

At this moment my companion was called away, and, on leaving us, she said that she was going to see why they called her, and should return in a moment. Her brother profited by her absence to explain himself more clearly; he certainly did not make use of many words, but they were full of meaning. Although the compliment was not very polite, it appeared to me so natural that I always remember it with pleasure. “We have no time to lose,” said he; “my rod is as stiff as a poker, and I am dying to give it to you. Tell me how I” can get into your convent.” I was so stupefied by his words and the action which accompanied them that I remained motionless; so that he had tune to pass his hand through the grating, thrust it into my bosom, and make still more compliments of a like nature. And when I recovered my self-possession, I was so little inclined to stop his transports, that his sister returned and surprised us thus occupied. She scolded finely, and abused me as well as her brother, whom I never saw afterwards.

The whole convent soon knew my adventure and it was the cause of not a little chuckling, gossiping, joking, and quizzing. I made myself pretty easy about it, hoping it would not go further than the boarders. I was sure that the pretty ones would not betray me, but the ugly ones were by no means to be relied on.

The latter, who were quite secure from any temptation of the kind, cried scandal upon me; at first in a whisper, then aloud, and so loud that the old ones heard it. I laughed about it at first; I afterwards trembled, and had good reason so to do. The sage old ladies called a council, to deliberate as to what punishment ought to be inflicted upon one who suffered her bubbies to be touched by a man,-a crime quite unpardonable in the eyes of a set of old mummies who had nothing but leather bags which could be thrown over their shoulders. They found the case so grave that any one but myself would have been sent away. O how I wished they might do it! But I was expected to bring them a good dowry; for my mother had assured them that I should take the veil; so I was to be kept, and the council determined that I should be flogged. They came to execute the sentence, but I forestalled them, and had barricaded myself in my chamber; they broke open, the door and fell upon me. I bit one, scratched another, kicked a third, tore their dress, snatched off their caps, in short, defended myself so well that they gave up the business; gaming nothing by their exertions but the shame of having proved that six old women were not able to master a young girl. Indeed on this occasion I fought like a lioness.

My wrath and the care of defending myself had fully occupied me till then; and I only thought how I might get the better of the old hags; but soon after I became as feeble as I had been strong and courageous. Despair succeeded to rage. The glory of having vanquished did not equal in my mind the disgrace they had attempted to inflict, and I became very sad.

“How shall I appear again in the convent? Everybody will laugh at me,” said I; “but I will go and see my mother; she will upbraid me, but perhaps she will also forgive me. A man has… well, what harm is there in that? Did I consent? And supposing I did, what great harm in it? I will go to her;” and I rose from my bed with this intent, and should certainly have gone, if in stepping to open the door I had not trod upon something round which threw me down.

I looked to ascertain what had occasioned my fall. Imagine what was my surprise at beholding an instrument representing to the life what my imagination had often figured-a penis!

I had heard talk of a dildo many times; I knew that it was an instrument with which our mothers consoled themselves for the rigors of celibacy. It is in the shape of a man's member, and is intended to serve in its stead. To render the resemblance more perfect, it is hollow, and the cavity is filled with milk to supply the place of the liquid which flows from the tool of a man. When those who use it have, by continued friction, put themselves in a condition which requires something more, they touch the spring, and the milk is forced out and inundates them. Thus they cheat their desires by an imposition which affords them sufficient enjoyment to make them forget that of the reality.

I guessed that some of the good mothers who had come to attack me, had dropped it during the scuffle. I was not however, quite sure that it was a dildo, but my heart told me so. The sight of it dissipated my grief; I thought of nothing but what I held in my hand, and was eager to make a trial of its virtue,-Its thickness certainly frightened me; but all my fears gave way to the ardor with which I burned to make the experiment. A grateful warmth, the forerunner of the pleasure I was about to taste, diffused itself throughout my body, which trembled from the excess of my excitement.

To prevent any interruption, I first shut the door; and without once taking my eyes off the dildo, I undressed myself with all the trepidation of a bride about to enter the nuptial bed. The idea of the secrecy which would envelop the pleasure I was going to indulge in made the enjoyment still more piquant. I threw myself on the bed, my dear dildo in hand; but how great was my disappointment when I found it was too big to enter. I became desperate, and made several thrusts hard enough to split my poor little cunny. I opened it with my fingers, and placing the dildo against it, pushed so hard as to hurt myself insufferably. I could not succeed, but I did not yet give it up. I thought that if I rubbed myself with pomatum, the passage would be easier. I did so, and exerted myself so that I was all blood; and I do think that I should have succeeded had not the instrument been of a prodigious size. I saw the enjoyment near me but I could not seize it, for all my efforts were in vain. “Ah,” I cried, “if Verland were here, and he had one still thicker than this, I feel that I could very well bear any pain he might cause me. Yes, I would bear it, I would help him, though he split me-though he should kill me; I should die happy, if I had but that. If he hurt me,” continued I, “how would the pain be sweetened by the pleasure he gave me! I should closely press him to my bosom and he would do the same to me. I would cover him with kisses, while he thus held me-how exquisite! But alas! I am all alone, and to increase my misery I hold in my hand the shadow, the semblance of pleasure, only to aggravate my despair and provoke my desires without being able to satisfy them. You cursed contrivance!” cried I, apostrophising the dildo and throwing it down in a rage; “go, and be the comforter of some unhappy one for whom you are better adapted, you are useless to me, my finger is a hundred times better.” I accordingly had recourse to it, and forgot in the delightful sensations it procured me the loss of those I had promised myself from the worthless dildo. I fell backwards exhausted, and went to sleep to dream of Verland.

It was very late in the morning when I awoke. Sleep had somewhat dulled my amorous transports, but nothing changed my resolution of leaving the convent. The same reasons which determined me to decide on this step made me more strongly feel the necessity of putting it in execution. From that moment I looked on myself as free, and the first use I made of this imaginary liberty was to remain in bed till ten o'clock. The bell rang in vain for me, I did not appear; and I rejoiced in the vexation that my disobedience must cause the old ladies. At last, however, I got up and dressed myself; and to place myself in the necessity of following up my design, I began by tearing my veil to pieces, as I looked on that as a mark of slavery. I felt free at heart, and it seemed as if I had just burst through a barrier which had hitherto opposed my liberty.

But as I walked up and down my chamber, that cursed dildo caught my eye. I took it up, and sat down on my bed to comtemplate upon it. “It is very fine,” said I, taking it up complaisantly in my hand, “what a length! and how thick! what a pity it is so big, I can hardly grasp it. But it's of no use to me… no, it never can be,” said I, lifting up my clothes, and again trying to put it into a place which still pained me exceedingly from the violent efforts of the night before. I still found the same obstacles, and was forced to be content with my finger. I worked away with all the courage that the sight of the instrument inspired, and to such an extent that my strength failed me; so that I remained insensible to the pleasure; and though my hand kept on mechanically, my heart felt nothing of it. “I am going away,” said I, “and as I have no reason for being particular, I will do so with eclat. I will take this concern to the Superior, and we will see how she will support the sight of it.”

As I went to her apartment, I anticipated the confusion the old lady would be in when I gave her the dildo. I found her alone, and I boldly accosted her in the following terms: “You must know very well, madam, that after the events of yesterday, and the insult you wished to inflict, that I can no longer remain in your convent.” She looked at me with an air of surprise and made no answer, and I continued: “But, madam, without going to such extremities, if I was in fault-which I do not acknowledge, since the audacity of Verland made me unable to defend myself-you might have been content with giving me a reprimand; which, though undeserved, I should have borne patiently, since appearances were against me.”

“A reprimand, Miss,” replied she drily; “a reprimand, for conduct like yours! You deserve exemplary punishment; and, had it not been for the respect we have for your excellent mother, you…”

“You do not punish all the guilty ones,” interrupted I hastily; “and there are some in the convent who indulge in curious recreations!”

“Curious recreations!” replied she; “what, and who?”

“I shall not name them,” said I-“but they are some of those who treated me so shamefully yesterday. -“Ha!” exclaimed she, “You are now carrying your effrontery to a high pitch indeed! This is pushing depravity of heart and perversity of mind to the utmost extent! Good heavens! To add calumny to crime, and accuse the most holy of our mothers! Those models of virtue, chastity, and piety! What an abomination!”

I let her complete her eulogium without offering any interruption, but when she ceased, I coolly drew the dildo from my pocket, and gave it to her.

“There,” said I, “is a proof of sanctity, virtue, and chastity-at least for one of them.”-All this time I scrutinized the countenance of the Superior; she looked at me, blushed, and was quite confounded; from which I immediately concluded that the article belonged to herself, and I was further confirmed in my opinion by the eagerness with which she almost snatched it from me.

“Ah! My dear child,” said she, greatly softened in her manner towards me after I had thus restored the lost jewel; “is it possible that, in a house where there are so many persons of exemplary worth, souls can be found so abandoned as to have recourse to such filthiness! O God! I am almost beside myself. But, my dear girl, never say a word about your having found such a thing; for then I should be obliged to use severity, to make open investigation, and I wish to proceed gently. But, my dear, why do you wish to leave us? Go, return to your chamber, I will arrange everything to your satisfaction. I will say that it must be all a mistake, as regards the late affair about you; rely on my affection, for I love you much. Rest assured, in spite of what has occurred, that you shall no more be looked on with an evil eye. I perceive that in reality we had no cause for behaving thus to you, as you were not to be blamed, since you could not help yourself. I shall speak in a proper manner to Miss Verland upon this subject. Good God!” continued she, looking at the dildo, “How malicious the devil is. God help me! I do think it is a… Ah! The hateful thing!”

As the Superior uttered these words, my mother entered. “What's this that I have heard?” said she to the Superior. And turning short round to me:-“And you, Miss, why are you here?”-An answer was necessary, but quite disconcerted, I blushed and looked down; and when the question was repeated, I began to stammer out some excuse. The Superior, however, spoke for me, and to the point. If she did not absolutely take my part in her account of the late disturbance, she was so favorable that I did not appear to have been much to blame. My fault was merely a want of prudence without any intention to do wrong; and the impudent fellow who had taken advantage of me, was not to come again to the convent. The chief blame was cast on Miss Verland, who, if not for the sake of her brother's reputation, at least for mine, ought not to have mentioned the circumstance. But the Superior said that she would take care I should not suffer any injury from the insult put on me. This was all I could desire, and thus got out of the adventure without a stain. My mother lamented my misfortune, and spoke to me in the most affecting language.

Souls zealous for the glory of God can make the best of everything. It was determined between my mother and the Superior, that, as I had unluckily given cause me to that course, they made a long sermon, which, as for scandal, I must reconcile myself to the Father of mercies by the sacrament of penance; and to persuade it was not very interesting, I shall not repeat here.

My mother's discourse had almost converted me. However, the reluctance I felt to acknowledge my faults might well have made me doubt the reality of my conversion, and Father Jerome, instead of receiving my confession of my own free will, was obliged to draw it from me by a multitude of questions. God knows how it pleased the old sinner! I had never said so much before, though I had not said all; for I do not think it a very great crime for a poor girl to relieve herself when in a strait.-She did not make herself; can it be her fault if she has sensual desires? Is it her fault that she has no husband to satisfy her? She only seeks to appease the desires that consume her like an internal fire; and she has recourse to the means nature has furnished her; what can be less criminal?

Notwithstanding the little secrets I had kept from Father Jerome, I was somewhat affected. Was it penitence? No. The real cause was that he had refused me absolution; and, fearing that it might give rise to further calumny, I could not refrain from tears. I dreaded to show myself to my enemies, lest my confusion should give them a new cause to triumph, so I went and placed myself at a desk before the altar; and my grief soon sent me to sleep. I fell into the most agreeable dream imaginable. I thought I was with Verland, who held me in his arms and pressed me with his thighs. I opened mine, and yielded to all his motions. With what transport he handled and kissed my bubbles! I wakened with the very excess of pleasure, and… I found myself actually in a man's arms. Still all occupied with my delightful dream, I thought my good fortune had changed the illusion into reality. I believed myself with my lover, but it was not he who held me so closely embraced from behind.

When I opened my eyes I was so overcome with pleasure that I had not strength enough to look round to see who held me; but I felt myself wetted with a warm liquor, and something hard and hot was every moment pushed against me, accompanied with sighs. I also sighed and felt a similar liquor escape from myself with inexpressible pleasure, till I fell motionless on the hassock. This pleasure, if durable, would be a thousand times more exquisite than that of heaven; but alas! It is soon over! I was seized with terror at the thought of being alone at night in the church with a person I did not know. I dared not ask his name, nor even stir, but trembled excessively. And my fright was increased when he took my hand and kissed it. I was too much alarmed to withdraw it, but was somewhat assured on hearing the words: “Don't be afraid; it is me.” As I had some recollection of having heard the voice before, I gradually recovered my self-possession, and asked, who it was without attempting to look.- “Oh it's Martin, Father Jerome's servant,” was the reply. When I heard this, all my apprehensions were removed, and I looked up and recognized him. Martin was a lively handsome young man, of rather a fair complexion, and not a little amorous. Trembling in his turn, he waited for my answer to decide whether he should kiss me again or leave me. I did not reply, but looked at him with a smiling countenance, my eyes still sparkling with the pleasure I had so recently experienced. Seeing very well that I was far from angry, he passionately threw himself into my arms; I received him in like manner, without once thinking that, if my absence was observed in the convent, somebody might come and find us thus together… Must I tell you? Love is an excuse for everything. Without respecting the altar, on the steps of which we then were, Martin made me lean backwards a little, lifted up my clothes, and felt all over me with his hand. I was not less backward than he, but immediately laid hold of his engine-the first time in my life I had the happiness of handling one. Oh! How pretty was his! Little, but long, just such as I required. What a flame, what a piquant voluptuousness instantly shot through my body! I could not speak, but I squeezed the dear tool in my hand; I looked at it, fondled it, put it against my bosom, then to my mouth; I sucked, and would fain have swallowed it. Martin had his finger in my slit, and moved it gently backwards and forwards, increasing my pleasure every moment. He kissed me all over, face, belly, and thighs, not forgetting the grand centre of attraction. I could no longer resist the attacks of passion; I fell gently backwards, drawing him after me with my right arm, with which I closely embraced him. I kissed his mouth, and, at the same time, holding the object of my heart's desire in my left hand, endeavored to introduce it into its proper place, so as to procure a more solid pleasure.-Equally transported, he lay down on me, and began to push.

“Stop,” said I to him, in a voice interrupted by sighs; “stop, my dear Martin, not so fast; wait a moment.” I then immediately slipped my legs from under him, and threw them over his back, holding him between my thighs. Thus we lay belly to belly, breast to breast, mouth to mouth, and mingled our sighs together. Oh! what a delightful situation! I thought of nothing in the world, not even of the pleasure I felt; it was quite enough to feel it without reflecting thereon. Impatience prevented me enjoying it longer; I moved, Martin did so too, and our happiness vanished, but before losing it, we felt how great it was; it seemed to have collected all its most exquisite charms to overwhelm us at once. We remained in a state of insensibility, only at intervals pressing each other closer-but it was all over with us for that time.

It is now time, my dear Susan, to inform you what the holy water was with which Father Jerome one day sprinkled your bosom.

My first action, after Martin left my arms, was to put my hand where I had received such a powerful attack. Inside and out. it was covered with that liquor, the emission of which had given us so great pleasure, but it was quite cold when I felt of it. It was spunk; for that is the name of the thick white matter which escapes from the organs of love when we spend. This discharge is the consequence of the voluptuous frictions which precede it.

“What!” said Susan to the Sister, “was that spunk that you discharged just now?”-“Yes, indeed it was,” said she; “and you, little slut that you are, gave me some also. Did not you feel your little cunny all wet?- that was the same. But, my darling, the enjoyment you experienced is incomparably less than what one has with a man; for that which he gives, mixing with ours, creates such delicious sensations-that I cannot describe them. So I will continue my story.”

I was finely crumpled, as you may imagine, after the amorous exercise I had just gone through; however, I arranged all my things as well as I could, and asked Martin what o'clock it was.-“Oh, 'tis not late,” said he, “I heard the supper bell a minute ago.”-“I can do very well without supper,” said I, “and will go to bed directly. But, before we part, tell me, dear Martin, by what chance you came here and how you dared to come.”

“Oh, I am not over timid, and care little for consequences; but the cause of my presence here was this-I came to dress out the church, (tomorrow, you know, is a holy day). I saw you; and said to myself: There's a good girl that says her prayers well. By jingo! She must be confoundedly devout to come to the church at this time of night while all the rest are eating! But when I saw that you stirred neither hand nor foot, I thought you must be asleep; and when I came nearer I found that you were so. I stood a minute or two looking at you, and my heart began to go tick-a-tick. The devil is wondrous cunning: 'Martin,' whispered he in my ear, 'don't you see that she is very pretty? What a glorious chance for you! If you neglect it, you'll never find such another: bethink yourself, Martin!'-I took his hint without waiting a moment. I lifted up your collar very gently, and saw two beautiful white bubbies, which I touched with my hands and, what is more, kissed them. Seeing then that you continued to sleep like a top, I had a good mind to do something else-and I boldly proceeded to turn up your petticoats behind, and began to push and-you know the rest.”

Although he told me all this in the coarse language of his village, I was delighted with his candor and simplicity.-“Very good, my dear friend.” said I; “and how have you enjoyed it?”-“Oh, by Jupiter, so much that I am ready to begin again, if you are willing.”-“No, not now,” said I; “perhaps we may be discovered; but as you have the key to the church, you can come again tomorrow night; leave the door open, and I will join you. Do you understand?”-“Yes, perfectly; and then we will amuse ourselves to our heart's content, without any fear of being interrupted at that hour.”-I assured him that I would be there. Reflection made me oppose my own inclination and the entreaties of Martin, who was very anxious to have another little go before were separated. My refusal would have sadly grieved him, had it not been for the hopes of the morrow. After we had embraced each other, I entered the convent, and succeeded in reaching my chamber without being perceived.

You will readily suppose that I was impatient to examine myself to see what effects the violent assaults of Martin had produced; as I felt a sharp pricking sensation, and could not walk without difficulty. I procured a light, and drew the curtains very carefully to prevent my being seen; then sitting down in a chair, I placed one foot on the bed and the other on the floor, and began my scrutiny. What was my surprise on discovering that the lips, which before were so firm and plump, had become soft and wrinkled. The hair which covered them, though not yet quite dry, was in a thousand little curls. The inside was of a bright red, inflamed, and excessively tender. It itched, but when I touched it with my finger, the pain compelled me to desist. I rubbed myself against the arms of my chair, and covered them with the proofs of Martin's vigor. Pleasure contested with fatigue, but my eyes became gradually heavier till I was obliged to undress and lie down; when I soon fell into a sound sleep accompanied with agreeable dreams, in which I retasted the pleasures of the evening.

The next day, no remark was made on my absence, which was thought to proceed from a remnant of resentment at the treatment of the previous day, and my bold air confirmed that opinion. I attended mass like the others, but did not communicate, though they did; for, to speak truth, I was above being ashamed of not following their example. Love had dispelled all my prejudices, and the presence of my lover, whom I could see lounging about the church, compensated for all. Many of my companions would have gladly quitted the spiritual food for a like alternative. My eyes threw more glances of love on my Martin than of devotion on the altar. In the eyes of a woman of the world, he would have appeared but a clown, in mine he was a very Cupid, with all his youth and graces. His secret worth made me pass lightly over the meanness of his outward appearance. I could perceive, however, that he had trimmed himself up that day, and assumed an air of greater importance. I was gratified by this change, which I attributed rather to a desire to please me than to honor the saint whose feast it was that day. I saw him look at the boarders with an endeavor to distinguish me; I did not wish him to succeed in so doing, so I took care to hide my face; but I should have been vexed if he had not made the attempt. I was now over head and ears in love, and awaited the night with the utmost impatience, in order to redeem the word I had pledged.

That night, so ardently desired, at last came. It struck twelve! Oh! In what agitation I was! I trembled as I passed along the corridor, and though everybody was asleep, I felt as if they were all looking at me. I had no other light to guide me than that of love; and, as I walked in the darkness, I thought that, if Martin failed in being at the rendezvous, I should expire with vexation. However he was there, as amorous and impatient as I was punctual. I had but few clothes on, for I found the evening before that petticoats, stays, collars, etc. were only so many hindrances to love. As soon as I found the door open, a transport of joy made me abruptly finish my reverie; and I called Martin in a low voice. He heard me, rushed into my arms, caressed, and kissed me. We were some time closely locked in a mutual embrace, but when the first joy of meeting was past, we set about finding another greater and more solid. I carried my hand to the source of my pleasures, and he did not delay putting his where I so very much wanted it. He was soon in a condition to satisfy me, and undressing himself, made a bed for me of his clothes, on which I laid down. Our pleasures succeeded each other for two hours with such rapidity and force, that it seemed almost as if we had not yet tasted them, or were enjoying them for the first time. In the heat of passion, we think little of husbanding our strength, and the ardor of my lover no longer equalled mine; so it became necessary to force ourselves from each other's arms and retire to our respective dormitories.

Our happiness lasted only a month, including the period that repose was absolutely necessary; during those three or four days, the thought of Martin supplied the place of his personal presence. How happily passed the nights when I was in his embrace! Alas, I have had many a long and disagreeable one since I lost him.

But I had reason to tremble at the consequence of our pleasures, for I perceived that my courses did not appear at the proper time. I was at first surprised at the circumstance, having often heard say that it was a sign of breeding. I often had pains in my stomach, and fits of weakness. “Oh!” cried I, “what an unhappy wretch I am-it is indeed true that I am pregnant!” And a torrent of tears followed my exclamation.

One night, after receiving from Martin the usual testimonial of his unabating love for me, he perceived that I sighed sorrowfully, and that the hand which he held trembled; for when my passion was satisfied, uneasiness took the place in my heart that love had before occupied. He asked me eagerly the cause of my agitation, and gently remonstrated with me for making a mystery of my troubles.-“Alas! Martin,” I said to him, “you have ruined me! Do not suppose that my love for you is not the same; I have within me a distressing proof of it-I am pregnant.”-This news was altogether unexpected by him. But his surprise was followed by a profound reverie, which I knew not what to make of. Martin was my only hope in this dreadful crisis, and as he seemed to hesitate, what could I think!-“Perhaps,” thought I, quite depressed by his silence, “perhaps he intends to run away, and abandon me to my despair.” My tears began to flow, and he perceived them. Kind and faithful, as I feared he might be unfeeling and perfidious, while I was supposing him occupied with the thought of deserting me, he was in reality devising means to dry up my tears by removing their cause. He embraced me, and said that he knew a way of relieving me from my embarrassment. I was less delighted to hear this than to ascertain that my suspicions of his love were groundless. His assurance of affording me assistance restored my spirits, and I was curious to know what must be done to deliver me of my burden.

He Said he would give me something to take which was in his master's closet, and of which mother Angelica had made experience before me. I wanted to know what particular connection Father Jerome had with her; as I hated her mortally, because she appeared the most violent against me in the affair with Verland. She was so exceedingly rigid in her external conduct, for the purpose of more securely veiling the vices and corruptions of her privacy, as she had a regular intrigue with Father Jerome. Martin told me all about it, and said that he had found among his master's papers a letter of hers, in which she communicated to him the fact of her being in precisely the same condition as myself; and from another he learned that the Father had sent her a bottle of the liquor I was to use, which had done wonders in removing the inconvenience under which she labored.-“My dear Martin,” said I, “pray bring me some of this liquor tomorrow, and you will save me a world of troubles.” And, looking still farther, I thought that by means of these letters, I might take vengeance on Mother Angelica; so I asked Martin to bring them. He, not knowing what such imprudence was to cost us, promised to bring them with the phial of medicine.

The next night he fulfilled his promise; and, though very eager to read the letters I postponed so doing till morning, that suspicion might not be excited by a light being seen in my room at that hour. When the morning dawned I began to peruse them. They were written in passionate language, and were but little in conformity with the apparently austere manners and life of the parties concerned. She there painted her amorous frenzy in expressions of which I had never thought her capable; in short, she wrote powerfully and without restraint, supposing that the Father would follow her advice in burning her letters as soon as he had read them.-He omitted this precaution, and thus ensured my triumph. I mused for a long time on what method I should adopt for ruining my enemy. To give them myself to the Superior would have been a dangerous step: as I must then have explained how they came into my possession, to have employed another person might possibly prove equally injurious to my honor. I chose therefore to leave them myself at the door of the Superior at the moment that I was sure she was going in. What a fool I was! I ought rather to have burned them and thus have saved myself all the misery consequent on losing my lover; and this reflexion, had it occurred to me, would certainly have extinguished my resentment. What gratification could revenge afford me to be compared with the loss of Martin? No; he was a thousand times more precious than what occupied me at that moment. I did not put off the execution of my project any longer than was requisite to get myself out of the danger now pressing me. I had asked Martin for a” truce of eight days, which had not yet expired. I executed the scheme as above detailed, and it had the effect I expected. The Superior found the letters, sent for Mother Angelica, and convicted her. It is possible that she might have obtained her pardon had not another and greater crime, which women never forgive, rendered her punishment “necessary for the repose of the Superior, whose rival she was with the fornicating old monk. The Superior, indeed, had an artificial succour to relieve the violence of her longings, but it is not easy to content oneself with such a paltry alternative when the real thing is to be had.

The Superior was in this case. A woman who has acquired some insight of the mysteries of love is wondrous sharp-sighted in all that concerns her passion. I had no doubt that the Father shared his spiritual consolations in secret between the two, and the prompt punishment of Mother Angelica confirmed my suspicions; and she expiated in a secluded chamber her offense against me as well as that of having rivalled her Superior in the heart of a lover to whom she was passionately attached.

I soon repented of my folly; I had always fancied that Angelica alone would be exposed to the storm, but it overwhelmed another beside. The monk, outraged at the loss of his mistress, suspected that Martin was the cause of it, and accordingly sacrificed him to his resentment by discharging him, so that I never saw him again.

Such, my dear Susan is my story; I need not advise you, the partner of my pleasures to keep it a secret.- Alas! I have had but few enjoyments since the loss of my lover.

“The recollections of Martin animated her, and her recital had produced the same effect on me. We found ourselves, without thinking of it, disposed not to await the next day to celebrate the loss of this dear lover. I reminded Agatha of the pleasures she had formerly tasted in his embrace.

“Deceived by my caresses, she appeared to forget that I was but a girl, and lavished on me the same names as she did with her lover.

“I was her angel, her God. I had not then the least idea of greater good that what I then enjoyed; to have Agatha in my arms seemed the very height of my desires. Imagination always exceeds the reality. Agatha remembered the pleasure that the rubbing of Martin's hair between her thighs had produced the night of her first meeting him in the church and promised to return the favor if I would procure her something like it. I consented. She lay on her back and I was to act; we so excited each other by tickling that we found ourselves, one with the head towards the bed's foot, the other exactly the reverse. In this situation we drew closer together. One of my thighs was on Agatha's belly the other under her buttocks. My belly and my buttocks were likewise between her thighs. With them closely stuck together, we squeezed and rubbed against each other, spending all the while. The sources of our pleasures, swelled with incessant spending, which had no other issue but to pass from one into the other, were like two reservoirs of delight, in which we were dying, drowned in the exquisiteness of our sensations; and were only resuscitated by the very excess of our raptures.-Exhaustion alone put a stop to our transports.-Enchanted with each other, we agreed to sleep together again the next night. We did so, and at this second occasion, I was further instructed by Agatha in this, to me, new science. These nights were only interrupted by my leaving the convent to come here.”

Beauregard de Farniente

The Adventures of Father Silas