Dave Barry. Homes And Other Black Holes Introduction: Why It Was Probably A Mistake To Buy This Book Chapter 1. Getting Ready To Get Real Depressed Deciding Which House To Buy Neighborhood Checklist Choosing A Real Estate Broker Chapter 2. How To Pretend To Look Knowledgeably At Houses How Many Houses Should You Look At? Home Inspection Checklist The Roof The Floors The Plumbing The Electrical System Heating and Cooling Insects Chapter 3. How To Get Very Deeply Into Debt How To Negotiate Like A Real Slimeball Standard Agreement Of Sale Are You Financially Fit? Money You Have Money You Need To Buy A House The Ritual Closing Ceremony Budget Meals For New Homeowners Chapter 4. Moving: A Common Mistake Professional Movers: How To Get Your Possessions Back Moving Yourself The Garage Sale Getting A Bunch Of Empty Liquor Boxes And Hurling Things Into Them At Random Helpful Packing Hints: How To Move A Pet How To Move Children A Smart Moving Idea For Two-Car Families Moving Your Possessions Into Your New Home Unpacking What Condition The Previous Owners Will Have Left Your New Home In Getting Your New Phone, Gas, Electricity, Appliances, Cable Television, And Water Hooked Up Chapter 5. Making New Enemies Finding Somebody To Fix Your Car Selecting A Supermarket Joining Local Clubs And Organizations Giving Money To The Local Police Association Selecting A School For Your Child Enrolling Your Children In Several Dozen After-School Activities Chapter 6. It’s Noon: Do You Know Where Your Contractor Is? The Basic Contracting Process Chapter 7.Redecorating For Under 650,000 Dollars Refinishing Furniture Interior Design Hints From Top “Pros” Chapter 8. Good Housekeeping, Or Learning To Live With Filth Useful Home-Cleaning Hints Chapter 9. Practical Home Weapons Systems The Electronic Burglar Alarm System A Large, Stupid Dog One Final Word About Home Security Crimestopper Tips Chapter 10. A Lawn Is A Terrible Thing To Waste The Very First Lawn The Future: Lawns In Space Lawn Care In America Proper Lawnmower Care Shrubs Gardening Chapter 11. Getting Some Fool To Buy Your House The Best Way To Sell A House Do You Need A Real Estate Broker? How Much Should You Ask For Your House? Getting Your House Ready To Show Horrible Relatives How You Will Feel After You Finally Sign The Agreement Of Sale Index About The Author About The Illustritor
Heating and Cooling Heating and cooling should be supplied by one or more large filthy objects squatting in a basement or closet. You should inspect these objects from a safe distance; you should also find out what the total annual heating and cooling costs will be, using the following formula:
1. Ask the person selling the house how much the total annual heating and cooling cost will be.
2. To determine the actual cost, multiply the amount this person gives you by the weight, in pounds, of the devices supplying the heating and cooling.