"My Darcy Mutates…" - читать интересную книгу автора (Wilson Enid)

Sexpert Challenge

“William, please? Please! Have I ever asked you for a favour?” Georgiana Darcy clung to her brother’s arm, shaking it and pleading with him.

“Georgie, you ask me for favours every day.” Darcy was busy reading a scientific report, and didn’t look up at her.

Georgiana grabbed hold of his report, thrust it aside and said, “But this is my first job! Lady C is so kind to have given me the job of Production Assistant. This is her new quiz show. Please! What will you lose by agreeing to compete?”

“What kind of quiz show is it again? And the name?”

“I don’t know the details yet. Lady C just asked me to find four celebrity participants who have a good general knowledge of life. She said they would be paired up with four ‘normal’ participants. The four pairs compete for half an hour for each of three episodes. The winners will get a prize. The losers will have a little bit of a joke played on them. It will be shown on Channel 12 next season at 9.30 pm on Tuesday nights. And the points you earn will be converted to cash and donated to the charity of your choice.”

“Your aunt has produced a lot of rubbish, through the years, and Channel 12 generally broadcasts stupid shows. Can you imagine what my fellow researchers would say if they saw me on a stupid quiz show?”

“But you’re helping charity – and your family! Lady C said she’s had a difficult year, and I’m new in the business. If I do a good show, I might be invited to work on something bigger and better, like 'When the Maiden Meets the Prince'.”

“I don’t know why you’re so obsessed with this show. You’re rich and elegant, and you can have any European prince you care to name.”

“But it’s like pairing Cinderella with Prince Charming. I’ll be the fairy godmother.”

“Why you would want to be a fairy godmother is beyond me!” He sighed. “Who have you persuaded, so far?”

“I got Charles and Richard. I just need you and one more.”

“Well, at least Charles and Richard will share in the embarrassment.”

She beamed. “Thank you! Here’s the contract. You can ask your lawyer to have a look, but once you sign it, no backing out, understood?”

“Just get out of my study now. I need to finish reading that report.”

Lydia Bennet was badgering her sisters in much the same way, on the phone.

“Come on, Jane and Lizzy, you have to help me. This is my big break in TV, my first PA job. What’s so difficult about being on a quiz show? You two are the intelligent ones.”

“9.30 pm on Channel 12 is the doggy bit, Lydia. You know their shows aren’t my kind of shows,” Elizabeth said.

“But Lady C is reputable for serious productions. She made The Strongest Link and Sale of the Decade. Do you really think she would do anything too stupid? And she said she needed someone with good general knowledge about life.”

“So?” Elizabeth was still uninterested.

“Jane, I heard from the other PA that Charles Bingley would be on the show.”

“Oh, then we’re lost!” Elizabeth exclaimed.

“Why did he agree to do it?” Jane asked. Jane had exchanged goo-goo eyes with Bingley throughout his stay at the Bennet Outback Resort in Boobie Hill, two months earlier.

Things had been heating up when Bingley was suddenly called back to Sydney on business. They still kept in touch via email and phone, but they hadn’t been able to see each other again since his departure.

“He is a family friend of Lady C, apparently. You don’t want to miss a chance to get cozy with him again,” Lydia said.

“How long will it be?” Jane asked.

“We’ll be filming on a small island in Fiji. That’s an additional incentive to compete. We’ll stay there for a week. Imagine! A week on a romantic island with Charles Bingley. And the winners and participants will be given prizes, too.”

“Does that mean that Darcy the Bighead will be there, too?” Elizabeth recalled her run-in with Darcy during his stay with Bingley. Darcy had met her at a party, where he had the audacity to say that she was ‘only tolerable, not pretty enough to dance with.’ For the remainder of his stay, Elizabeth had challenged his opinions at every opportunity, which was pretty often since Jane had liked to drag Elizabeth along when she first met up with Bingley.

Lydia replied, “Darcy? I don’t know. He is a boring scientist with such a high IQ that he’s sure to win if he competes. I don’t think Lady C would want him on her show.”

“Lizzy, please, do say you will go with me,” Jane pleaded. “You don’t know any of the other participants?”

Elizabeth asked.

Lydia crossed her fingers and said, “Not yet”. There’s no need to tell Lizzy I’ve asked cousin Collins, too. She’ll blow a gasket if she gets paired up with him.

When the eight participants met at the plane to Fiji, there were some happy and some not-so-happy reunions.

Jane and Charles were so delighted to see each other, they practically jumped into each other's arms. They stuck together, ignoring everyone else, most of the time.

Darcy was furious with Georgiana for not telling him that Caroline the Climbing Ivy would be there, too. On the other hand, he was ecstatic to see Elizabeth the Little Hottie again. He’d had the hots for her ever since he stayed with Bingley at her family resort.

Elizabeth had half-expected Mr. Bighead, so she was not very surprised at seeing him, but she was livid with Lydia for inviting Collins the Sticky Gum. She was sure the week would be a torture, because Collins always imagined himself to be in love with her, and stuck to her, every chance he had. Her only consolation was that Charlotte, her best friend, was also there. The only contestant she didn’t know was Richard Fitzwilliam. He seemed to be a friendly guy, so there might still be some joy left in the week.

They were each given a simple bungalow. For just three episodes of TV, the production company sure spent a great sum of money, Elizabeth thought.

After settling in, everyone gathered at the resort’s ballroom, which had been turned into a TV studio with a lot of props and many people working.

Lady C announced, “Thank you for joining our show. Just a word of warning – anything you say or do in the studio will be filmed. We will use some of the more interesting bits as bloopers, so think before you say or do anything stupid here. But, of course, we won’t be filming outside.

“Now, on to the details. You will be the first participants on our show. There will eventually be nine episodes, and you will compete in three of them. We will film here three times, with two different sets of participants after you folks.

“The format of our show is very simple. We pair you up into four groups, and then you answer some questions, play some games and do some role-playing. All of you will receive a small personal prize for participating, and your points will be converted into cash to be donated to a charity of your choice. The final winner of the third episode will win a prize of two nights at the next island. Before any of you say that you’re too busy for the prize, I have asked our PAs to clear your calendar for two more nights, in case you win. The losers, however, will receive a ‘torture’.”

“Torture!” all of the participants exclaimed.

“Lydia, you didn’t say anything about that!”

“Georgiana, I’m going to kill you!”

Lady C cleared her throat and said, when silence fell, “They didn’t know. The format of the show was a secret. Anyway, it's not a real torture, just a trick, like dumping cold water on you, that sort of thing.”

“Lady C, you never produced anything this stupid.”

“Darcy, shut up. This is not stupid. This is entertainment. As you may remember, we asked you to fill out a form of what you like and dislike. We'll be making you face your fear. You, for instance, hate spiders, so we may put a spider on you if you lose.”

People burst into laughter. No Spiderman, our Mr. Bighead, Elizabeth thought.

“Now, as to the pairings…”

Caroline waved her hand enthusiastically and said loudly, “I want to pair with Darcy!” Then Bill Collins moved near Elizabeth and yelled, “I’m here with my beautiful Lizzy.”

“Be quiet! The pairings and your costumes were decided when you selected your drinks just now. We have assistants watching here, so no exchange is allowed. As you see, all of the men have blue cocktail glasses and the women all have red ones. Now, if all of you will take the stirrer out and bite off the cherry, you will see a number there.”

“A penis-shaped stirrer! What sort of show are we on?”

“Shut up, Richard! Caroline Bingley, what is your number?”

“Four,” she replied reluctantly.

“All right, ‘four’ is for a costume from Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.”

“But, damn it, that’s ugly! I won’t dress in such ugly stuff.”

“William Darcy?”

“Three,” Darcy announced, and breathed a sigh of relief. At least, I won’t be paired up with the Climbing Ivy. It would be good to pair up with Little Hottie...

“‘Three’ is for Batman and Catwoman.”

“With the mask?”

“No, we want the audience to see your face. Jane Bennet, what is your number?”

“One.”

“‘One’ is for the Indian costume. Richard Fitzwilliam, what have you drawn?”

“Two.”

“‘Two’ is for ancient Greek costume.”

“Charlotte Lucas?”

“I’m with Richard, I have two.”

“Bill Collins?”

“Four. Can I change? I don’t want to be with this hyper lady here. I want my Lizzy.”

Good. Caroline and Bill deserve each other, Elizabeth thought. But that means I’m either with Charles or …

“Charles Bingley?”

“I’m with this angel! I got one.”

Yes! Darcy shouted in his mind, Little Hottie is with me!

“Show yours, Elizabeth Bennet!”

“I have three.” Elizabeth turned to look at Darcy. She hadn’t talked much with Mr. Bighead yet, but he had been staring at her during the whole trip to Fiji. I hope he’s as smart as he said. I don’t want any torture.

“I don’t like the pairing. I’ll quit if I’m not paired up with Darcy,” Caroline said petulantly.

“Miss Bingley, I warn you. You have signed the contract, agreeing to participate in the show. If you quit now, I can sue you. However, since I can’t allow any disruption to the filming, that is why I have security men and women here. For cases like this,” Lady C said. “Annesley, take Miss Bingley to the Number Four changing room and see that she changes into the required costume.”

“What are you doing? Let go of me!” Caroline was kicking and screaming. People couldn’t hide their laughter when they saw her carried over the shoulder of a strong, heavy-set security woman.

“Georgiana, you never said I would be handcuffed to Elizabeth and strapped to the seat!” Darcy said. His left hand was tied to Elizabeth’s right one.

“Lydia, why does this costume have so many seams? They seem to fall open at any time!”

“Quiet, everybody! Just be patient and all will be revealed. And now here’s our host, George Wickham.”

“Yuck! That slimy man.”

“Oh, I think he’s quite charming.”

“His charm is all fake.”

“Let’s begin the show. If you all calm down and answer the questions, you can get out of your handcuffs and costumes much faster.”

After a brief introduction, Wickham started the quiz.

“Name the location of one of the first two sperm banks in the world.”

Buzz!

“Richard and Charlotte?”

“Tokyo.”

“Correct. In which country did the oldest sex manual, Handbooks of Sex, originate?”

Buzz!

“Richard and Charlotte?”

“China.”

“Correct.”

“Hey Lady C, I thought this show was about general knowledge. Why are all of the questions about sex?”

“Cut! Darcy, you’re wasting everyone’s time. Isn’t sex a part of life?”

“Yes, but I’m a serious scientist. I refuse to participate in such a stupid show.”

“You can refuse to answer any question, but then you and your partner will lose and receive your torture in the end. It just shows your fellow scientists that you’re less knowledgeable than your playboy cousin.”

Richard groaned. “Now, Lady C, do you have to tell the world I’m a playboy? How can I chat up the pretty ladies here, if they know who I really am?” He flashed a grin.

“Shut up, Richard! Now that you know more about the show, we can tell you the name of it. Wickham!”

“Yes, my Lady. Welcome to Sexpert Challenge, a fun new show.”

“What? Sexpert Challenge!”

“How can I face my colleagues when it comes on air?”

“Damn!”

“Lydia, I’m going to kill you!”

“Georgie, you will be dead, too!”

“Let’s roll tape,” Lady C shouted.

Wickham resumed his questioning of the contestants. “Who was the author of Fanny Hill, Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure?”

Buzz!

“Darcy and Lizzy?”

“Henry Cleland.”

“Correct. According to The Sexual Anatomy of Woman by W. F. Benedict, a girl of fourteen has breasts weighing how many kilograms – 5, 7 or 10?”

Buzz!

“Charles and Jane?”

“7 kilograms.”

“Correct. Who was the actress who played Deep Throat?”

Buzz!

“Bill and Caroline?”

“Lindsey Lovelace.”

“Wrong. The correct answer is Linda Lovelace.”

“Fuck!”

“Cut! Caroline Bingley, mind your language. We can’t broadcast foul language.”

The quiz continued for several more minutes before Wickham announced, “We have now finished the first segment, ‘Foreplay’. Let’s recap. Richard and Charlotte are leading, at 70 points. Bill and Caroline are at the bottom with 50 points. Richard and Charlotte, you two get to choose the torture box for Bill and Caroline.”

“Fuck! Let me go! I don’t want to participate. I don’t want any torture.”

“Cut! Wickham just continue and ignore her. We will tape all her outbursts and show her worst moments later on the show.”

“Fuck! You can’t do that! I’ll get my lawyer to sue you if you show me in any bad way on TV.”

“My, my. I’m so afraid! Let’s roll the tape.”

Wickham cleared his throat. “Richard and Charlotte, which torture box would you like to inflict on them?”

“Charlotte, you choose.”

“Such a gentleman,” Wickham remarked.

“I hate Number 4, personally, So let’s inflict Number 4 on them.”

“Number 4? Let me see, it’s… Ah, yes. Let’s meet the cockroaches!”

The lighting in the room dimmed, and a spotlight shone on two cockroaches dangling down from the ceiling onto Bill and Caroline. Both of them screamed and tried to break away from their handcuffs or move off from their chairs.

But they were strapped securely in place, each with one hand cuffed to the partner. When the cockroaches were lowered onto their bodies, they both used their free hand to try to flick them away, but the strings attached to the cockroaches were very strong. The contestants’ screams were deafeningly loud.

Luckily, the torture lasted for less than a minute. The strings were withdrawn, and the cockroaches ascended quickly toward the ceiling.

“Didn’t either of you notice that those cockroaches were only plastic?” Wickham asked, flashing a devilish grin.

Everyone in the studio except for Bill and Caroline broke into chuckles.

“Fuck! That’s not funny at all.”

“And now for the second segment of our game, ‘Arousal’. We have fitted each of you with a lie detector, and we will now ask you a question. If you answer truthfully, the light on the console in front of you will turn green, and a chime will sound. If you lie, the light will turn red, and something…interesting will drop down. Each one of you will be asked only one question. It’s really very easy. And now for our first question... Richard, have you ever had sex in your parent's bed?”

“No way!”

A rat dropped down onto Richard’s head. He jumped and yelled loudly.

“Just a fake rat. But what a naughty boy! Testing out your parent’s bed,” Wickham said. “Now, Charlotte, it’s your turn. Have you ever looked at men's underwear in a catalogue just to ogle the models?”

Charlotte hesitated before answering, “Yes.”

Ding! The light turned green.

“Good girl! And with a healthy appetite! Now Bill, have you ever been to a strip club?”

“No, I’m a teacher. I have to uphold…”

A cup of cream was dumped onto him.

“Hey, the lie detector didn’t work! I’ve never been to a strip club.”

“Admit it, man! There is nothing wrong about going to a strip club. Now, Caroline, have you ever had a cosmetic surgery?”

“Of course not!”

A bag of honey was dumped onto her. She screamed and cursed about the mess.

“Famous model with fake body parts! I wonder which part you had done. How unfortunate that I can only ask one question! Now, Charles, have you ever taken part in a threesome?”

“No, that’s gross.”

Ding!

“What a straight guy! Now, Jane, have you ever gone to work wearing no panties?”

“No way. I’m not that kind of girl.”

Ding!

“What an angel! Now, Darcy, have you ever fantasised about having sex with any of the women in this room?”

Darcy blushed. Should I tell the truth? “Yes.”

Ding!

“Who’s the lucky one?” Wickham asked.

Darcy only glared at Wickham.

William only knows me here. So he fancies me mad! I’ll visit his bungalow tonight, Caroline thought with satisfaction.

“Now, Elizabeth, have you ever had sex on a plane?”

“A member of the ‘mile high’ club? No, I haven’t had the privilege of joining it yet.”

Ding!

“Let me tell you how to register as a member, after the show.” Wickham winked at her.

Elizabeth smiled calmly, but Darcy wanted to punch his dirty mouth.

Then next round of the quiz continued. At the end of the first day of shooting, Darcy and Lizzy discovered that they had won. Bill and Caroline lost again, and were treated to the latest torture, as two bags of cold water were dropped onto their heads. That sent them into squeals, while everyone else laughed.

“The winners of the first episode, Darcy and Lizzy, will be rewarded with a treat. Which lucky pouch would you like?”

“Elizabeth, you choose.”

“No, you answered most of the questions,” she said to Darcy. “You choose.”

“Hey now, Darcy and Lizzy, always so polite, how about I choose for you?” the flamboyant Richard offered, barging in.

Darcy glared at him and nudged Lizzy’s arm. “Number 3, please,” Lizzy said.

“Lucky Pouch 3. Let me see… Ah! A full body massage with Fiji’s miracle rocks.”

“Good, I can use a massage,” Elizabeth said.

The straps on the chairs were loosened for Darcy and Elizabeth, but they were still handcuffed to each other on one hand as they were led to their changing room.

“Hey, Lady C, why is the camera still rolling? I thought you said you wouldn’t be filming us outside of the studio. And why are we still handcuffed together?”

“The treat is part of the show. Of course we’ll be filming it. What is your problem? There is nothing objectionable about being filmed while you’re given a massage.”

Darcy glared at her, but she ignored him. The changing room was set up with a double bed behind a screen. Darcy and Elizabeth moved to sit on the bed.

“Annesley, help them take off the clothes,” Lady C instructed.

“Hey, I don’t need help. Just take off the handcuffs and I can do that myself,” Elizabeth said.

“Miss Bennet, the handcuffs won’t be taken off until we finish the day’s filming. That is why we fitted you with costumes that have so many seams. It is much easier to tear them off. We won’t film you naked, don’t worry. The crew will stay behind the screen until you settle face down on the bed with towels covering your bottoms.”

“Lady C, this is the dumbest thing you have ever done! How can you involve Georgiana and me in such a scheme? I don’t want this so-called treat! I just want to go back to my room and rest.”

“Shut up, Darcy. You have no choice. Annesley, move!”

The heavy woman came to tear off Darcy’s costume first. He tried to fend her off but she was strong. After the leather top and trousers were torn away, she placed her hands on the waistband of his jockey shorts.

“Hey, I can get a massage with my underpants on!”

Rip!

The underpants were torn off, as well. Darcy flopped immediately onto the bed, face down, to hide his manhood, pulling Elizabeth down at the same time.

Elizabeth, who had observed him being stripped, was highly amused at first, and quietly amazed that he sported such six packs on his broad torso. She hadn’t paid much attention to him after his arrogant remarks, but his thighs were strong and muscular. His whole body was a surprisingly healthy tan colour. She had expected him to be pale and sickly, as a nerdy scientist was supposed to be…but then, when she caught a glimpse of his manhood, she had swallowed hard. One way or the other, it looks as if I gave him a most appropriate nickname. What a really BIG head! And his butt, so tight!

She was concentrating too much on Darcy’s body to notice that Annesley had moved on to her. The big woman tore off Elizabeth’s leather top, exposing the red bikini bra underneath. To spare herself further embarrassment, Elizabeth laid face down beside Darcy and let Annesley remove the rest of her clothing from behind.

Darcy felt his arousal building when he saw her gorgeous breasts cupped in the red bikini top. Unfortunately, she laid face down when Annesley stripped her naked, so he didn’t get to see more of her lovely breasts. But he couldn’t keep himself from watching her taut creamy bottom. All too soon, their lower bodies were covered with towels. Then the camera crew and the Fijian masseurs came in.

Elizabeth and Darcy were treated with fragrant oil and experienced hands that kneaded and rubbed. Then several hot rocks were placed on their backs.

Unconsciously, they turned their faces toward each other, peeking through half closed eyes at each other’s naked flesh. Darcy’s gaze focused on her creamy peak shaking against the bed while Elizabeth’s eyes rested low on his body, taking in his tight butt under the towel. They each fantasized about what they wanted to do with the other’s bodies.

Elizabeth tried to be stern with herself. Remember, Mr. Bighead thought you were not pretty enough! What a pity! I wouldn’t mind testing his big equipment. Truly, it’s not a sin to lust after a condescending man…

Darcy, too, was giving himself a lecture. Remember, Little Hottie has a tacky family! What a pity! I wouldn’t mind shagging her for days. Truly, it’s not a crime to ache for an unsuitable woman…

“Cut!”

It was a relief for Darcy and Elizabeth when the camera crew and the masseurs left the changing room. The massage was relaxing but the presence of others and the sexual tension between them was stressing.

In her hurry, Annesley dumped the key of the handcuff and Darcy and Elizabeth’s normal clothes on the double bed, then left without releasing them.

When the door slammed shut, Darcy was the first to move. He moved to his knees on the bed, dislodging the small towel covering his butt.

Elizabeth eyes widened when she caught sight of his naked flesh again. When Annesley had removed his clothes earlier, she had already thought he was big, but he seemed to have grown even larger during the massage. How can he have an arousal just from lying there? Was it the massage that aroused him, or me?

She saw him searching among the clothes. Then she heard him moan and noticed that he had grabbed hold of her red lacy bra, instead of the key to the handcuff.

He dangled the intimate apparel in front of her eyes and said, “Very sexy!”

She turned to grab the bra from him, then realized that the move was a mistake, for she saw his eyes widen as his gaze zeroed in on her breasts and then moved lower to the dark triangle at the apex of her thighs.

Anxious to get away from his voracious gaze, Elizabeth tugged the bra harder, accidentally pulling Darcy off-balance and he tumbled down onto her half-turned body. She now had this big impressive man on top of her, with one of his hands linked to hers with a lacy bra and the other linked with a handcuff. His rigid arousal pressed against her hip, and his long legs tangled with hers.

The impact gave her an electric shock. She breathed deeply, trying to calm herself, but that made things even worse. The aroma of warm coconut oil and the musky scent from his body flooded her nostrils, and the expansion of her chest made her touch his more closely. His torso was smooth from the oil and the sweat. The pressure of the hard muscle instantly made her nipples peak.

They exchanged a hungry look, and then meshed their mouths together for a sizzling kiss. Their tongues duelled in rapid movements, and their hands hastily explored each other’s bodies. Darcy hadn’t let go of the lacy bra. He rubbed Elizabeth’s body through it, giving the caress an additional dimension of sensation for both of them. He was extremely fond of her breasts. He weighed the creamy globes and rubbed the nipples with his fingers fervently.

With one hand restricted by the handcuff, Elizabeth moved her other hand to explore his back and taut butt cheeks, squeezing and sizing every bit of his big body.

In the course of the exploration, she settled on her back, with him fully on top. His hard shaft found its way between her thighs and teased her secret lips. She moaned out loud and nearly came in that instant. Then a voice broke through her ecstasy, and she heard him asking, “Elizabeth, are you safe?”

“Safe?”

“Yes, are you on pill? I’ve no condom.”

“Damn! No!”

“Damn!”

They hugged each other tightly for a moment, and then broke away as if they had been scorched by fire.

Darcy rolled from her body and lay on his back.

Both of them took deep breaths.

After endless minutes, Elizabeth moved to find the key.

She removed the handcuff and rose to put her clothes on with her back to him.

When she turned back to look at him, his eyes were closed and he was still breathing hard. He had pulled his shorts over to cover his manhood.

“You’re okay?”

“Can we wait and talk after dinner?” He asked.

“I guess so.”

“You go first. I still need a few more minutes.”

With a last lingering look at him, she left the changing room.

When Elizabeth walked into the dining room, she felt awkward. It was one thing to lust after an arrogant man you didn’t like, but to nearly have sex with him while handcuffed together was another; and they hadn’t talked much since meeting again for the show.

I hope he won’t think of me now as a loose and easy woman who jumps into bed with just anyone. Will he ask me to spend the night with him? Should I or shouldn’t I?

With that troubling thought in mind, she put on her most serious and distant look when her gaze clashed with his across the dinner table. He was sitting there with a closed expression. Caroline was all over him on one side, and Richard on the other.

Elizabeth sat down in the only seat available, between Charlotte and Jane. They greeted her cheerfully and asked, “How was the massage? Did you enjoy it?”

She couldn’t help but blush and murmured, “So so.” She glanced at Darcy, not sure if he had heard their question.

Apparently so; she could see that he was blushing, too. To divert the group’s attention, she asked in turn, “Where’s Lydia? I want to chew her out royally for landing us all on this ridiculous show.”

“Both your sister and Georgie are hiding from us,” Richard said from across the table. “I was going to bite Georgie’s head off when I next saw her; but then I thought, if not for her, I wouldn’t have met all the lovely ladies from Boobie Hill.”

“I can’t imagine what sort of silly games they will have tomorrow. As a teacher, I feel that it’s highly improper for me to engage in stupid games. If it weren’t for my sweet Elizabeth, I wouldn’t ...” Collins said.

“At least it will be good for the business. They mentioned the Bennet Outback Resort several times when they introduced Jane and Lizzy,” Charlotte said, cutting off Collins when she saw that Elizabeth was embarrassed by his endearment.

“Darcy, you have to tell us – who’s the lucky lady you fancy?” Richard asked.

Caroline, who had one hand on Darcy’s shoulder and another on his arm, sat up straight. Seeing Darcy turned bright red, she came to his defence. “Mr. Playboy, it’s none of your business who Darcy fancies.”

“I see, Miss Ivy, that you don’t delude yourself into thinking that Darcy fantasises about you.”

“Miss Ivy? Delusion? What do you know about my relationship with William?”

“Isn’t your nickname Climbing Ivy? I thought Dar… Ouch!” Richard yelped in pain. “Who kicked me?”

“I didn’t know you were afraid of rats, Richard,” Bingley said, diverting the attention from his sister.

“My torture was nothing. Imagine mixing honey, cockroaches and fake breasts together! It will make for the most interesting gossip when the show airs.”

“Richard Fitzwilliam, if you say one more time that I have anything fake, I’ll sue you!” Caroline swore.

“Aren’t those fake eyelashes that you have there?” Everyone except Caroline broke out into chuckles. “Charles, can your sister sue me if what I said is true?”

“Leave her alone, Richard.”

“But she barged into my conversation with my cousin, not the other way around. Now Darcy, fess up, who’s the lady?”

Richard elbowed Darcy and then suddenly snapped his fingers and said, “I know! Is it Lady C? Did you have a Mrs. Robinson fantasy about her when you were young?”

On hearing that outrageous speculation, Darcy choked on his wine and started to cough, glaring at his cousin.

Elizabeth burst out laughing. “Richard, you really are too funny!”

“Funny? Miss, I think you have no taste at all. Mr. Playboy’s gross to imply that William might ever have such a thought.” Caroline said.

“Oh, Caroline, relax! Richard is our resident comic relief. Darcy and I are used to him.” Bingley said.

The banter and conversations continued, but no one was able to get a name from Darcy.

His plan to have a private conversation with Elizabeth was repeatedly foiled by Caroline, who kept close to his side all evening. When Elizabeth left to retire for the night, he thought about following her to her bungalow, but he still couldn’t shake Caroline off. In the end, he only managed to escape when he went to Richard’s room.

“How long will you be with Richard?” Caroline asked forlornly.

“A long time.”

“I brought you a present from Paris. I want to give it to you tonight.”

“Tomorrow’s fine.”

“What’s your room number? I can wait there for you. Maybe you can give me your key.”

Darcy shuddered and insisted, “Tomorrow.” He then escaped into Richard’s room and slammed the door shut.

Caroline was extremely vexed about the turn of events. She had thought she could force Darcy to reveal his fantasy tonight. She didn’t mind giving the man a taste of her fabulous body. This would be a small step towards her grand plan to become Mrs. Darcy.

Why did he have to retreat to that blasted playboy’s room? I wished I had paid more attention when they gave out room keys...

She was deep in her thoughts when she bumped into Annesley. “Hey, look where you’re going, big lady!”

“Sorry, Miss Matchstick!” Annesley retorted.

Caroline was ready to put Annesley in her place…but then she saw that she was carrying a clipboard of papers.

“Is that logistics? I need to talk to William Darcy about something urgent. Can you check his room number for me?”

“I’m not supposed to give out that sort of info.”

“Here’s $20. Just check!”

Such a nasty woman! “Keep your money, Miss. Luckily for you, I’m in a nice mood tonight. William Darcy? Let me check… Ah. Room 12.”

Caroline almost ran back to her room, forgetting the need to walk elegantly at all times. She decided to spend two hours to primp and perk her body up for the rendezvous with William. A facial, an orange-scented bath and a full-body oil treatment should do it. He was bound to be back to his room after two hours.

Knock or not? Better go through the balcony door. It’s so hot tonight, I’m sure he’ll have it open. And what a treat for him! Under the full moon, a perfectly toned body waiting to fulfill his every fantasy...

Caroline’s seduction plan was working out as well as she could possibly have wished. Under her sensual silk wrap, she wore only an orange see-through negligee. She wasn’t wearing a bra or panties. Why hide the perfect body when I had paid so much for it?

She was right on time, for once. And, to her immense satisfaction, she found the balcony door of Room 12 wide open. But before she could sneak in to present herself as a present to Darcy, she heard a woman moaning loudly.

“So, you fantasised about me all those times? Why didn’t you tell me earlier? No, don’t touch it like that. Do it like this. Yes! Thrust harder. I haven’t had an orgasm for decades…”

Caroline nearly fainted by the door! How could you, William! With that ancient witch, Lady C!

She crept on trembling legs off of the balcony, then ran back to her room as quickly as she could. After she slammed the door shut, she picked up the vase of flowers and threw it against the wall.

Her anger only subsided after she had smashed several other pieces of furniture in the room. Exhausted, she sat down on her bed. Can I ever forgive his transgression? I didn’t know he had a thing for old wrinkled woman.

The practical side of her responded, what’s the difference? He’s still loaded. You'll still have private jets, enormous yachts and all the designer clothes you want. The thought of all the beautiful designer clothing finally calmed her down. It’s worth it! She decided, then threw her tired body down on the soft mattress and went to sleep.

Outside the balcony of Room 12, a man sucked his cigarette hard, breathing in and out non-stop. It was his third consecutive one. He was unwilling to return to the bed. Such a demanding woman! Her skin was like sand paper! And her breasts sagged like hanging cucumbers! Such a lot of hard work, just for the position of a TV presenter! Damn!

Darcy was annoyed that he hadn’t been able to find a moment all morning to talk to Elizabeth again. Everyone was gathered in the studio, as the shooting would start soon.

“Dear boys and girls, new costumes for a new day,” Lady C said.

“What did she have for breakfast? She seems so cheerful this morning.” Richard whispered to Darcy. The latter shrugged, but Caroline, who was standing right next to them, heard their exchange and shuddered.

“Do we get to change partners?” Collins asked.

“Sorry, my dear, no such luck. You’re still stuck with Miss Supermodel. Now, all the gentlemen, please look under your coffee cups. There is a number written there. Richard, what number do you have?”

“Four.”

“That is the cowboy and cowgirl costume. Collins?”

“One.”

“That’s the lion and leopard costume.”

“Damn! Why do we always get the worst one,” Caroline pouted.

“Bingley?”

“Three.”

“That’s the Pirates of the Caribbean costume. And that means that Darcy got two. That’s the Regency costume. And now for our first game, ‘Practise The Shot!’”

Two temporary horizontal bars were set up in the studio, spaced 2 metres apart. The female contestants were behind one bar, the men behind the other, with each pair of contestants facing each other across the divide. Each person had both hands handcuffed to the bar but spread slightly apart, and they were tied with a string at their waist.

Another string soon dropped down from the front. On the men's side, a banana was tied at the end of this vertical string, touching the ground. On the women's side, a tube 8 cm (around 3 inches) in diameter with openings on both ends was hung from the string.

“The game’s really quite easy. Richard, Charles, Darcy and Bill, you just have to sway your body to swing the banana to hit the golf ball here into the tube of your partner. You’ll score 10 points when the shot goes through. Of course, the lovely ladies on the other side can help to receive the balls by moving slightly to position the tube better for your shot. We'll have an assistant put the golf ball in the mark right in front of the men, and another assistant on the women's side to keep the score. So let’s practise the shot!”

Elizabeth couldn’t help laughing at Darcy. Gone was the nerdy scientist look. Also gone was the hot batman look. Along with his pristine tight shirt, waistcoat, trousers and riding boots, there hung a funny-looking small banana. He swayed his hips left, right, forward and backward, in every possible angle, but the golf balls just wouldn’t cooperate. He sent some balls to Caroline’s side, some to Jane’s and one even as far as Charlotte’s.

“Look at Bill! Use your feet to help,” Elizabeth yelled to him.

“That’s cheating!”

“They didn’t say you couldn’t use your feet. Quick! Or we’ll lose.”

Darcy followed her instruction and used his feet to help kick the banana to hit the balls. Finally, he put some through the target, but they still lost the round to Bill and Caroline.

“Bill and Caroline, which torture box do you want to inflict on them?”

“No, no torture for my sweet Elizabeth!” Collins said.

“Yes, no torture for William,” Caroline added.

“Sorry, Bill and Caroline. We can’t break the rules. Darcy and Elizabeth, how about you two choose a number?”

“Three,” they said in unison, and looked at each other in surprise.

Wickham took out the note card from the torture box and said, “Oh, this is really no torture at all. Elizabeth, you just need to sit on Darcy’s shoulders while he jogs around the studio three times.”

“But I’m in Regency dress!” Elizabeth protested. “How can I sit on his shoulders?”

“Just hike it up. Do you want me to help?” Wickham asked, and winked.

“Let’s not waste time. Annesley, help her mount Darcy.” Lady C said, losing some of her cheerful countenance upon seeing Wickham’s flirty manner toward Elizabeth.

Elizabeth was hot and flustered. To hike up her dress indecently in front of millions of TV viewers was embarrassing enough. But, to top it off, Darcy was grasping her naked thighs too tightly. Despite that, she didn’t feel at all safe on her perch, because he was very tall. When he started to run, she felt as if she was sitting on top of a three-storey building, about to plunge to her death, so she bent her body lower and held tightly to his jaw, with her breasts practically resting on the top of his head.

In truth, Darcy had lost the game because he was so distracted by Elizabeth’s low neckline. Her gorgeous breasts almost spilled out of the dress every time she laughed or bowed down to receive his balls. Now he was hyperventilating from holding her creamy thighs steady on his shoulders and feeling her secret lips rubbing the back of his neck. To make things worse, she bounced her breasts against the top of his head at every stride and held his throat tightly. He felt like he was going to be suffocated. He just hoped that no one would notice his bulge in the tight trousers of his costume, or suspect the true reason why he ran so awkwardly. I may expire from the lack of oxygen, but my dead body will be fully aroused!

When the torture run was finally finished, he was eternally grateful for Annesley’s help in relieving him of Elizabeth, amid the chuckles of other people in the studio.

“Now for the second game: ‘Fill The Bottle.’ Blindfold the men, and then handcuff their hands behind their back!”

Once that was done, three special bottles were pinned onto various parts of the costume of each female contestant. The bottles were small and light, made of plastic so they didn’t weigh down the costume. The pin was moulded onto the waist of the bottle, leaving the top open and easily accessible.

“Ladies, here are some marshmallows. Place one between your partner’s teeth, then put your hands on top of your head and don’t drop them at any time. We will deduct 5 points if you do so. You can tell your partner where the bottles are and instruct them to push the marshmallows down the bottle. Each bottle must have at least one piece of marshmallow. Each one will earn 10 points. Any extras he can push in will earn him 5 additional points. If your partner drops the marshmallow, our assistant will give you another one to place between his teeth. That is the only time that you’re allowed to drop your hands from your head. Is that clear?”

“Bloody silly game!”

“So embarrassing!”

“I don’t want to play!”

“Shut up, every one! Now spin the men around and lead them near their partners!”

When Darcy was led near Elizabeth, she said, “Open your mouth! Here’s the marshmallow. I have one bottle near my right ni… chest, one near the… inside of my left thigh and one at the base of my spine. Which one do you want to try first?”

On hearing the locations of the bottles, Darcy eyes widened under the blindfold and he swallowed hard, accidentally gobbling the marshmallow down his throat.

“What did you gulp it down for? We’re losing precious time!”

“Sorry, give me another one quickly. Let’s start with your breast, uhm, chest.” He could feel blood cruising down his body. Sweat broke out on his forehead.

Elizabeth put another marshmallow between his teeth, then moved nearer. When his chest touched her body, he started crouching down a bit, as he was taller than her. First, his jaw touched her right shoulder. Then he went lower and traced his way farther down her body.

Soon, his jaw felt her nipple. So hard and firm! How I want to nibble on it! Don’t think of that. You will disgrace yourself in front of everyone. He was about to swallow again, but he remembered the marshmallow, so he stopped. Right underneath the nipple, he could feel the bottle.

To find the bottle opening, however, he had to lower his face onto her breast. He breathed in the scent of lavender; then, through the fabric, his nose grazed the hard tip of her nipple. He could feel his arousal cresting, and he froze.

“Drop it in!”

Elizabeth’s breathless words startled him from his sensual trance. He shuddered, mouth gaping slightly open, and dropped the marshmallow onto the floor.

“Not again!”

Without waiting for him to recover, Elizabeth grabbed another piece from the assistant and placed it between his teeth.

He still had his mouth near her nipple. “Quick! Push it into the bottle.”

Darcy obeyed, but the bottle opening had been specially made to be slightly smaller than the size of the marshmallow. He couldn’t just drop it in. Instead, he had to stick his tongue out and thrust the marshmallow into the opening.

As the bottle was dangling below her nipple, and her partner’s head was bowed there, Elizabeth couldn’t see whether he was successful. But she could feel the breath from his nose, blowing hot air onto her nipple. She then felt his mouth pushing down against the bottle, putting weight on her costume and stimulating her sensitive tip. She could also feel his tongue sticking out, grazing her peak as he thrust the marshmallow into the bottle. She could sense the heat gathering at her legs, making them trembled. She nearly dropped her hands from her head, because her whole body seemed to be on fire.

“Finally!” he said after pushing one in.

“Now, down to the bottle pinned on the inside of my left thigh,” Elizabeth said weakly and placed another marshmallow between his teeth.

Darcy crouched farther down. His nose and mouth traced from her right nipple diagonally down to her left thigh, leaving a hot path across her body.

The bottle was pinned to Elizabeth’s body in a most naughty way. Both the front and back panel of the dress were pinned together with the bottle, making the dress look like trousers. The bottle was hung about 10 cm underneath her womanhood, on the inside of her left thigh. She therefore had to stand with her legs wide open to allow Darcy’s head to move into position there. She could feel her panties growing wet as she sensed Darcy's nose and mouth near her sex.

Darcy was not doing much better. He breathed in her womanly scent, and he could feel the heat of her body rising through the fabric of her dress. The bottle was so close to her apex that he practically had to touch her there, in order to reach the opening of the bottle. After attempting several angles, he finally managed to stick the marshmallow into the opening.

Thrusting it down into the bottle itself posed more of a challenge. His tongue seemed to have developed a will of its own. It wanted to thrust upward toward her hot entrance, instead of down to the bottle. In the end, the tongue won over the mind, sliding over the fabric and across her secret entrance. He could imagine her lips separating under the relentless pressure of his tongue...

“What are you doing?” Elizabeth was shocked by his move and backed away, which sent him stumbling to sit on the ground. As if in slow motion, Elizabeth saw the marshmallow drop down from the opening of the bottle onto the ground.

“Damn! We’ll have to start all over again.”

Luckily, other contestants were not doing very well, either. At the end of the game, it was the team of Charles and Jane that lost the round, as Charles had been so distracted by Jane’s body that he’d dropped most of the marshmallows anywhere except inside the bottle. They were then treated to a torture: he had to do 20 push-ups with Jane riding on his back.

Another silly game was played, to conclude the second day of shooting. At the end of the day, Bill and Caroline won and were granted a mud spa. Charles and Jane lost and were treated to their final torture, with Charles jumping rope with Jane riding on his front – this time until they reached 50 jumps non-stop. Charles had no complaint, as he enjoyed shaking with Jane very much.

When Darcy entered the dining room, he was relieved to see that Caroline was not there. He gave Elizabeth a hot gaze. She was sitting with Jane and Charlotte again.

Richard greeted him. “Darcy, did you hear about Caroline?”

“What about her?”

“She had an accident in the mud spa, and the production company is taking her back to the mainland for emergency treatment.”

“I hope it’s not serious. Bingley, didn’t you want to go with her?”

“No, apparently she just needs the attentions of a plastic surgeon for a few hours.”

“A plastic surgeon?”

“Yes, it seems that one of her false body parts couldn’t stand the heat in the mud spa.” Richard winked and burst out laughing, “Sorry, Bingley. No offence to your sister, but I never knew fake breasts were so delicate. My medical knowledge seems to be seriously lacking. It’s just that I can imagine your response on seeing her with two different sizes.” With that, he turned aside to talk to Collins.

Most of the people around the table tried not to laugh, but they all had silly grins on their faces, even Bingley. The dinner atmosphere was much better without Caroline there, except for the constant fawning of Collins over Elizabeth.

When the dinner was finished, Darcy thought he might be doomed to another wasted day with no chance to talk to Elizabeth. Charlotte seemed to prefer talking to Collins more than Richard, tonight. She distracted Collins to the pool area but, unfortunately, Richard had Elizabeth’s attention. Darcy, however, was not going to give up so easily, so he followed them toward the beach.

He was jealous of the easy manner in which they joked, teased and chatted. Why is it that she does nothing but challenge me, when we were together? We never converse comfortably. Damn Richard! Always chatting up pretty girls and leaving them!  His mood became darker and darker as they progressed further down the beach.

When Richard playfully splashed some water on Elizabeth, dampening her sundress and making her squeal and retaliate, Darcy found that he had had enough. After several frustrating days, seeing Richard flirting with his Elizabeth was simply too much. He grunted a good night and stormed off to his bungalow, refusing to become a third wheel

He took another cold shower, to cool down all his violent thoughts about Elizabeth and Richard, but instead found himself recalling the scenes of the past two days, just Elizabeth and him alone, he with all the liberty in the world to kiss, bite, lick and fondle her naked body.

Not surprisingly, the cold shower didn’t do much to lessen his arousal. He stalked out of the bathroom in a foul temper, naked and erect, only to come face-to-face with Elizabeth, who was tapping on the open balcony door and already had one foot in his room.

Elizabeth’s eyes widened like saucers upon seeing his raging asset. She opened her mouth and stuttered, “You… You said… you… wanted to talk, but you ran… off so suddenly from Richard and me…and so I…I…”

On hearing Richard’s name, Darcy's violent emotions returned in full force. He pulled Elizabeth into the room, slammed the door shut, and pressed her against the glass with a scorching kiss. His tongue invaded her mouth, pushing in and out, imitating the action he longed to apply her other entrance.

Elizabeth was unprepared for his violent reaction, but her body welcomed his rough ministrations. She wrapped her arms around his neck and used her tongue to play aggressively with his.

His hands tore open her damp, front-opening sundress, sending buttons flying. He then flipped open her bra, the better to fondle her twin peaks. Matching the thrusting rhythm of his tongue, his hands squeezed both of her breasts, hard and then softly.

Darcy was on fire. Kneeling, he pushed down her panties impatiently and threw them over his shoulder. Then his hands moved to worship her sex, pleasuring and wetting her. After a few minutes of rubbing, he could feel that she was ready for him. He rose and pulled her legs up to wrap them around his waist; then he lodged his huge manhood against her entrance and flexed his hips.

Despite her highly aroused state, she was very tight. He could only thrust into her a short ways before he had to slow down his tempo. He moved his hands to rub her breasts and folds, hoping the fondling would relax her.

Elizabeth moved her hands to rest on his shoulders and raised her body higher. Her legs also moved higher on his waist. Thanks to this new position, or to his continuous ministrations, or both, Darcy was able to push his thick shaft into her further. Her muscles engulfed him, giving him the greatest of pleasure. With one further mighty thrust, he drove himself right to the hilt. He could see her eyes roll back, and she let out a loud moan. Her fingers dug into his shoulders, and her legs squeezed his waist.

He moved his hands to her creamy bottom. Urged on by her dreamy expression, he started to thrust in and out, faster and faster. The hard thumping sound against the glass balcony door matched their loud moans. After endless minutes of such frenzied mating, Elizabeth screamed out upon reaching her peak. Darcy thrust in and out a few more times before surrendering to the beguiling demands of her contracting inner muscles and spilling himself into her. The pulsing and orgasm lasted for a long, exquisite time.

When Darcy finally calmed down a bit, he moved away from the balcony door and collapsed onto the bed, carrying Elizabeth with him still. He then arranged her on top on him. She bent at her slender waist, pressing her breasts to his chest as he caressed her hair and back.

“Was I too rough?” he whispered to her ears.

“Wow! That was absolutely out of this world.”

“Yes, for me too. I have never had such a great climax in my whole life.”

The rough coupling and the sexual tension of the past two days had exhausted them both, and they soon drifted off to sleep.

Several times during the night, they awoke and pushed each other to more orgasms, more slowly and sweetly.

Near dawn, after they had savored another satisfying session of love making, Darcy said, “We didn’t used a condom the first time. I’ve never done that in my life. I’ve never slept with a woman without protection.”

“You were like an animal that had been starved for too long. And I haven’t chewed you out royally, yet, for licking me during the marshmallow game. What if they caught you on camera?”

“I couldn’t help it. They put on such naughty games, and I've had the hots for you for some time.” He shook his head in wonder. “Tonight is a record for me – six trips to heaven.”

“You’re lucky it was me. I don't think Caroline's fake body parts could withstand your continuous heat and pressure,” she said, and winked.

Darcy laughed out loud.

Elizabeth beamed. “You should laugh more often. You have dimples, and they make you look absolutely adorable.”

“Seriously, though...is it a likely time of the month for you to get pregnant?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never been that good at keeping track of such things. I want you to know that you’re quite the exception; I have never slept with a guy I wasn’t in a relationship with. In fact, you’re only the third chap I’ve ever slept with.”

“I know you don’t sleep around. You’re not the type. And you’re so wonderfully tight. I was the irresponsible one here, making love with you without protection. I've been on fire for you ever since I stayed at your family resort, two months ago.”

Elizabeth raised her head in surprise. “But you said I was only tolerable, and not pretty enough to dance with!”

Darcy groaned and apologized. “I was being pigheaded then, because I didn’t want to go to Boobie Hill. I was very busy at that time, but all my friends and family said I had buried myself in my research for far too long, and they kicked me off to take the holiday with Bingley. I hadn’t even looked at you clearly when I made that snide remark. Not long after that, I found you amazingly attractive, smart, caring, funny…”

“Hey, no need for all the flowery words. You’ve already gotten into my pants.”

“So, would you move to Sydney with me, after we finish shooting here?”

“Move to Sydney! You’re moving way too fast. I found you condescending, only a few days ago…”

“What? How could you sleep with me if you didn’t even like me? I thought…”

“I told you that you were an exception. I guess I started lusted after you when I saw your big…asset during the massage. I couldn't help myself, even if you had looked down on all of us when you were at our Resort.”

“Your mother was money-grabbing. She pushed Jane and Lydia shamelessly at Bingley and me. And your three younger sisters were trashy. Of course, you and Jane are totally different. To be honest about it, I never wanted to be associated with a tacky family…but I would be, for you.”

Elizabeth stared at him, furious. Then she left the bed and pulled her clothes on quickly. Legs apart, hands on hips, she snapped, “You’re the most arrogant and conceited man I have ever had the misfortune to meet and sleep with. No one can choose their family. I know my mother and sisters are loud and trashy, but I love them just the same. Do you mean to forbid me from seeing my family if I move to Sydney with you? Do you think all the money in the world could induce me to abandon them? Dream on! If you don’t like my tacky family, you had better pray that you didn’t make me pregnant. Otherwise, young Master High-and-Mighty Darcy Junior will have tacky origins, too.”

“Elizabeth, you mistook me. I’m not good at words…”

Darcy sprang up from the bed and tried to detain her, but she shook him off and stormed out of his room with a loud bang on the balcony door.

He sank down onto the bed, held his head in his hands, and groaned. Stupid man! Why did you have to put your foot in your mouth? Admit that you will willingly house 10 of her trashy family members if you can have her as your girlfriend. Clearly, neither your money nor your bedside manner move her. She only bedded you because she wanted to test your equipment. No love lost there. She loves her family with a passion, and you just trampled them into the ground. And she may be carrying your little junior. Damn. Damn!

Caroline was gone for a day. Luckily, the shooting could afford to stop for a day, as the production team needed to work on the props for Episode 3.

She came back in the foulest mood. Her quick trip to the mainland to salvage the right implant had only been marginally successful. Now her breasts were slightly unbalanced, to her critical eye.

She also came back to find Darcy in a terrible mood. He wouldn’t talk with anyone, except to growl or frown. And, of course, she couldn’t put her seduction plan into action that night, as the new breast might not survive another puncture.

By the time the next morning came, she was numbered among the people who were in a dreadful mood.

Darcy and Elizabeth’s tempers were shocking. He desperately wanted to explain his affection to her and plead with her again to come live with him. She was severe with herself for sleeping with Mr. Bighead without protection and then enjoying his lovemaking again and again throughout the night.

Her frame of mind darkened when she was shoveled into a big hotel suite with Darcy and a few assistants. She was then helped into a sexy French maid outfit while he donned a normal business suit with a waistcoat. She knew the role-play would be ghastly! She needed to get her hands on Lydia so that she could kill her.

The costume featured a flame-red corseted short skirt and a deep v-neck, black lace accents along the hem, trim and detailed side-lacing, garters, back zipper, ruffled lace panties, black ruffled lace sleeve bands with a red bow accent, black thigh-high fishnet stockings, white lace cap and white apron, a black feather duster and a pair of 4-inch high heels.

The assistant told them that the day’s challenge would be shot individually, inside several suites. An hour before their session, the assistants would come back to set up the lighting and explained the rules to them. For the time being, however, they would leave, locking them into the suite to relax.

Elizabeth rolled her eyes. How can I relax in this sexy Frenchmaid gear, with a big bed and Mr. Bighead within arm’s reach?

Once the assistants were gone, Darcy took Elizabeth’s hands, knelt in front of her and said, “Elizabeth, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have spoken about your family like that. I’m …awkward with strangers and I’m… socially inept. That’s why Georgiana, Richard and Bingley always push me into big social functions, in the hope it will smooth out my rough edges. I I…like you a lot. I want to spend more time with you. I’ll try my best to get to know your family. Will you give me another chance? I can take a few days off, after the shooting. May I come and stay with you? Then we could get to know each other a bit better.”

Elizabeth wanted to shake him off, at first. But since he was apologizing, she let him continue. He did look sincere in his apology, and the fact that he was willing to come back to stay with her family again won him a huge brownie point. Is he worth the time?  She looked him in the eye, and saw his anxiety and eagerness. Of course, he is smart and handsome. He’s nice to his friends and family. He just didn’t smile and didn’t talk with other people enough. And he’s so damn hot in bed!

“All right,” she conceded, “you may consider yourself to be on parole here. But one wrong move and I’ll send you packing.”

Darcy was so happy that he hugged her tightly and gave her the silliest grin. “And if I behave well, you will think about moving to Sydney with me soon? I’ll never forbid your family coming or you visiting them.”

“It’s way too early to think about that. Let’s see how we go for a few months before we talk about moving in together.”

Her reply put a dent in his happiness, but he reasoned that it was still a big step better than the day before.

He tried not to look at her, as she was so damn sexy in the French maid costume. They held hands and chatted comfortably for about an hour, until the production crew came in again.

“All right, we’re ready for you now. This is a role-play where we won’t give you any script. You two will walk into this set and we’ll have an actor here to play along with you. Denny here has a script about a scenario and he will prompt you on, but we won’t tell you what the scenario is until you walk in. If you find the role-play too silly and don’t say a word, you will lose the game and end up with a torture. The wittier and cheekier your role-play, the more points you will earn. We won’t ask you to do anything indecent. After all, we’re bound for free-to-air TV. We will show everyone’s role-play tomorrow. You can vote for your favourite one then. We have also invited some other people to judge the role-plays. All the scores will be added together to decide the winner. In the event of a tie, another role-play will be shot.

“Ok, ready? Let’s roll the camera for episode 3 with Darcy and Elizabeth.”

When Darcy and Elizabeth walked onto the set, Denny came forward, shook their hands and said, “Good that you’re here, Darcy and Elizabeth!”

“Thanks,” they replied.

“Okay, you two sit on the bed. Let me look at your CVs.”

Denny then sat on one of the chairs, a bit farther from the bed, “Husband and wife porn stars! How many porn movies have you two made together?”

Both Darcy and Elizabeth were speechless. They looked at each other. What kind of role-play was this?

Elizabeth recovered first and said, “Umh…Six. We’ve made six movies together.”

“Great! Tell me your six favourite positions then. I mean privately, not in the movies. You still shag each other privately, I suppose?” Denny winked.

Darcy was still speechless, so Elizabeth replied, “Oh, the other …night we had the …traditional missionary position, doggie style …woman on top …standing up, on the side and 69 position.” She turned bright red, thinking back to what they had done, the other night.

“Wow, you two sure know how to practise. So, Darcy, which parts of Elizabeth’s body do you like most?” Denny was scripted to get responses from both participants, and so he directed the question to him.

“Umh…the chest. Definitely her chest,” Darcy said, glancing sideways at Elizabeth’s barely contained breasts in the corset.

“What do you like about her breasts?”

“Umh…very firm…and soft to sq…touch.”

“Are they good to suckle?”

Darcy turned bright red and wanted to explode. Silly game! I’m going to kill Georgie! “Yeah,” he replied in a barely heard voice.

“Sorry, I couldn’t hear you. Do you like to suckle Elizabeth’s breasts?”

“Yes!”

“And what do they taste like?”

Darcy wanted to smash Denny’s head. He replied reluctantly, “Strawberry.”

“I can see a good glimpse of her breasts here, but not the strawberries. What a pity!” Denny joked and received a glare from Darcy.

“So, this is a production about a French aristocrat taking advantage of his maid. Darcy, you stated on your CV that you speak French. Use the formal tense, as you’re the master. Can you give me a few dirty lines?”

“Umh…Ouvrez vos pattes.”

“Open your legs!” Denny translated. He must have been selected to host the role-play because he could speak French. “Good. A few more?”

“Repliez sur la table.”

“Bend over the table! Excellent! How about ‘You have big tits’?”

“Il y a du monde au balcon.”

“Cool. Now, Elizabeth, it says here that you don’t speak French, right?’

“Correct.”

“Pas de probl#232;me. No problem. Here is the script for the screen test.”

“Cut! Okay, we’ll give you 10 minutes to read the script. You don’t need to memorize it as actors are allowed to hold scripts when they do a screen test. When you’re supposed to carry out an action – for instance, if there is kissing involved – you don’t actually need to kiss if you don’t want to, I suppose, but for a real-life screen test, of course, a real kiss would be needed. We know you’re just participants on this game show, so you may not be comfortable with all of the acts written there,” the producer said.

As Darcy and Elizabeth read the script, their faces grew redder and redder.

The next day, Darcy was sitting next to Elizabeth, holding her hand under the table. They had spent another steamy night together after their role-play. Now they were gathered with the others at the resort’s ballroom to look at and vote for the clips from the role-plays. Besides the eight participants, some TV crew members had also been asked to be part of the judging panel.

Lady C said, “As you’ll recall, those participants who didn’t have a script for their segments were prompted by our hosts. Even when we gave the participants scripts, some didn’t follow them. There is a score sheet in front of you. Please rate their performances according to how witty, sexy, funny, and entertaining you find the role-plays. First up are Caroline and Collins. Their role-play is entitled ‘Collins Collins Pumpkin Eater.’”

When the film rolled, the audience could see Caroline, wearing a sexy orange bikini, kicking and screaming as she was placed inside a large, semi-transparent orange pumpkin shell. Collins stood to one side, wearing a farmer’s costume. The host for the segment was Wickham.

“Farmer Collins, I’m Reporter Wickham from Agricultural Australia Monthly. I see you have grown a special pumpkin for this year’s Agricultural Show. Indeed, you appear to have made your wife into a pumpkin. Why did you do that?”

“She likes to wander… . She shags with Richard there all the time,” Collins said stiffly.

“What? Why would he mention me there?” Richard protested. “Is he reciting from a script?”

The film rolled on. “What sort of fertilizer do you use to make her grow?” Wickham asked Collins.

“Well…mmm…dog shit, cow manure, mmh…food scraps… You know. The normal sorts of fertilizer,” Collins continued.

“How does she react to such rich fertilizer?”

“She loves it. She has to have it twice a day, every day of the week.”

“No wonder she has grown to such a size. We have some cow manure here. Can you show us how to apply it?”

Wickham handed Collins some dark-looking stuff, which the latter splashed and dumped onto Caroline.

“Stop it! Stop it! This is gross!” Caroline screamed. She was definitely not following a script. Her head and face were marred with the dark-hued shit.

“Miss Pumpkin Caroline, what’s so gross about it?” Wickham asked.

“Get this yucky stuff off of me! Why do I have to partner up with this toad? Why can’t I have a nicer outfit? I’ll sue your pants off, bloody Lady C!”

Lady C interrupted the film and said to the group, “Don’t worry about that last bit. It will be cut out.”

“Interesting! Farmer Collins, your pumpkin can talk back. She called you a toad. Should you do something about her?”

“Yes. This pumpkin is…very annoying. It doesn’t know how to stop talking. Let me try rolling and spinning her around.”

Collins proceeded to rotate the pumpkin with Caroline trapped inside.

“Stop, you toad! I’m going to throw up!” she screamed.

“Farmer Collins, I have heard that, despite your constant arguments with Miss Pumpkin Caroline, you’re in fact very fond of her. Some neighbours tell me that you love your unfaithful wife very much. They saw you pampering her. Can you show us how you do that?”

Wickham handed Collins a broom, which Collins used to brush Caroline from head to toe, mashing the fake manure all over her face. Then a bucket of water and a toilet brush were handed to him. He proceeded to pour the water all over her and brush her down.

“I’m going to kill you…” she threatened shrilly.

Their role-play continued for a few more minutes. At the end, Collins peeled off Caroline’s bulky pumpkin shell to reveal her sexy orange bikini once again. He attempted to give her a few kisses and fondle her a bit, to make the whole role-play sexy, but Caroline was furious. She grabbed the broom and toilet brush and chased Collins around, smashing his head with them.

Nearly all of the people in the studio watching the clip were laughing their heads off. Caroline and Collins were neither looking at nor talking to each other.

Lady C cleared her throat. “Now Charles and Jane, as Wild Tarzan and Jane. The host for this segment is Denny.”

The couple were both in sexy animal costumes. Against a jungle backdrop, Jane appeared to be unconscious. Denny, in an ape costume, pointed to Jane’s body and asked, “Tarzan/Charles, what do we have here?”

“An angel…? No, something like me,” Charles replied.

“Not very alike.”

“How so?”

“This one has two balls here and you don’t.” The ‘ape’ pointed from Jane’s breasts to Charles’s chest and said, “Squeeze them and tell me what they are like.”

Charles’s eyes widened. “Squeeze her breasts in front of …?”

“Why do you call them ‘breasts’?”

“I… heard some other apes say it,” Charles improvised.

“Squeeze!” the ape said, and elbowed Charles.

Charles knelt down near Jane and cupped her breasts lightly, making her moan.

“Oh, it moves. How did the round balls feel? Are they as hard as coconuts?” the ape asked.

“Of course not. They are firm but soft to touch.”

“It seemed to have trouble breathing. You should give it some air.” He elbowed Charles again.

“How?”

Ape/Denny grabbed Charles, kissed him on the mouth, and said, “Like that. Or do you want me to give her air?”

Charles pushed the ape away and bent over Jane to give her a soft kiss on the mouth. She gasped and her eyes opened.

“Well done, Tarzan/Charles.” The ape poked Jane’s shoulder. “What’s your name?”

“Jane.”

“How did you find Tarzan’s mouth?”

“He’s …soft. Quite nice.”

“And how did you feel when he squeezed your breasts?”

“Mmm…nice.”

“Tarzan/Charles, look under her animal-skin skirt and see if she is different below, too,” the ape suggested.

“What? No way!” Charles and Jane protested.

“I’ll look, then, if you don’t.” The ape moved, but Charles stepped protectively between the ape and Jane.

“Oh, you two are so boring!” The ape threw a tantrum. “Entertain me!”

“Why should we? I’m Tarzan. I should be the one commanding in the jungle.”

“So you want me to entertain you with Jane here?” Ape pretended to chase Jane. She squealed.

Charles turned, picked her up and ran. Jane wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist.

The role-play neared a close with the ape chasing them into the jungle, through slippery foam. After a few slips and falls, both Tarzan and Jane, soaking wet, looked very sexy. Their performance also made many people in the studio laugh out loud.

“Next we have Richard and Charlotte as Crazy Cop and Innocent Housewife. Their host is Wickham.”

“Officer Richard, who have you got there?” Wickham asked Richard. They were in a holding-cell setting.

“A housewife named Charlotte. A neighbour complained that a ring was missing, and she was caught lurking in the vicinity.”

“Okay, Charlotte, hands on the wall, legs apart. Officer Richard, search her.”

Richard obeyed and patting his way quickly down Charlotte’s body, touching her only in inoffensive places.

“Hey, what did they teach you at the Academy? Search the lady thoroughly – or do you want me to take over? What do you say, lady? Which one of us do you want?”

“Not you. Officer Richard, please!”

“Move your butt, Officer.”

Richard moved closer and ran his hands first over her arms, then moved towards her breasts.

“It’s a ring we’re talking about, Officer. You need to conduct this search slowly and thoroughly!” Wickham barked.

Richard slowed his tempo and moved his hands to cover her breasts. Both Richard and Charlotte were clearly flustered.

“Anything, Officer?”

“No, nothing.”

“What? She doesn’t have any breasts?”

“Sir, she doesn’t have any ring hidden there.”

“Okay then, move down to her other hiding space, Officer Richard.”

Richard’s breathing became quick and shallow. He moved his hands down her belly and then to the triangle at the apex of her legs.

“Found anything?”

“Nothing.”

“Turn her around and tie her to the bars, wrists and ankles apart.”

“What are you doing? Are you crazy?” Charlotte yelped.

“Now, you tell Officer Richard where you hid the ring or he’ll have to use his top-grade interrogation technique.”

“I want a lawyer! You can’t do this to me!” Charlotte screamed.

Wickham handed Richard a gun, “Housewife Charlotte, this is a water gun. Fess up. Where is the ring?”

Charlotte yelled and called Wickham all sorts of names.

“Aim at her mouth to shut her up.”

Richard did as was told.

“Damn, Richard, do you have to be so obedient?” Charlotte was blazingly angry now.

Richard grinned. “Sorry, he’s the boss.”

“Now, let’s see what you learned about shooting at the Academy. As you can see, her white sundress has three red circles. Use them as your targets.”

The audience’s attention was drawn to Charlotte’s white costume, which sported three red spots, each roughly 5 cm in diameter, placed 5 cm above her three most important areas.

Richard aimed and shot at the first circle above Charlotte’s right breast. As the water touched the fabric, the material started to dissolve.

“Damn! They’re made of rice paper!” Charlotte said.

His on-target shot left a 5-cm hole above her right nipple, allowing the audience to catch a glimpse of the flesh there.

“You’re crazy! Who thought of such a thing?” Charlotte yelled.

“Officer Richard, the suspect accuses you of being crazy. Show her your crazy water gun.”

Richard seemed to enjoy Charlotte’s outburst. For the past few days of their pairing, he hadn’t seen her lose her calm once. Privately, he thought that she looked rather magnificent when she was angry.

With a devilish grin, he proceeded to shoot water at the circles above her left breast and above the apex of her thighs, exposing two more erotic holes, revealing tantalizing glimpses of Charlotte’s body for the audience to see.

The role-play ended when Richard was ordered to kiss and fondle his captive into submission. Their role-play earned a lot of applause and whistles from the audience. Charlotte blushed red, while Richard’s face wore a silly grin.

“And now for Darcy and Elizabeth, our Husband and Wife Porn Stars Team. Denny’s the host.”

The film rolled to show the initial interview of Darcy and Elizabeth, applying for roles in a porn movie.

“This porn is about a French aristocrat taking advantage of his maid. Now action!” Denny continued.

Elizabeth, in her sexy French maid’s gear, carried a tray of hot chocolate into the bedroom setting, prepared to serve her master, who had just come back from a business meeting.

“Monsieur, your hot chocolate,” Elizabeth said.

“Put it on the bedside table.”

“Darcy, you need to put some French accent in your line,” Denny added.

“Put it on the bedside table.” Darcy repeated with a heavy French accent.

When Elizabeth bent to place the drink down there, her ruffled lace panties were visible under the short skirt. Darcy moved behind her to trap her near the bedside table.

“Monsieur!”

He took the mug and drank a mouthful.

Denny came to stand beside them. Taking Darcy’s hand, he placed it on Elizabeth’s right butt cheek. “Pinch and continue.”

Darcy pinched her bottom slightly.

“Monsieur, what are you doing?” Elizabeth whirled to face Darcy.

“The chocolate is not hot enough. I … want something… hotter.”

“What do you mean, Sir?”

“The next action sequence is Darcy pushing you onto the bed. He parts your legs, smells your chatte – that’s your pussy, in French – uses the feather duster to play with you, and then mounts you. Both of you must act to give me the best fake climax you can. This is a screen test. If you two want the roles in our production, you have to give me the loudest moans you can manage. Now action!”

When Darcy appeared reluctant, Denny elbowed him, urging him to move.

Darcy leaned toward Elizabeth, making her topple onto the bed. The action made her body bounce on the mattress, her breasts shaking enticingly under the corset. He bent down and parted her legs slightly, but he still seemed reluctant to bend down and smell her womanhood in front of the camera.

“Hey, man, do you know how to act? If not, move aside and I can show you!” Denny came forward and put a hand on Elizabeth’s leg.

That alarmed Darcy. He exclaimed, “Don’t touch her,” then bent down and smelled her womanhood through the lace panties. It was a heavenly smell. He wanted to lick her there again. He could feel his arousal coming on.

“Continue.” Denny said.

“Votre chatte est brulante. I love your …hot chocolate! It has a …rich aroma.”

“No, master,” Elizabeth protested and tried to kick and shake him away as the script instructed.

Darcy held her legs and then took the feather duster from her hand. He traced the duster over her creamy flesh where it was exposed by the corset, then moved slowly down the front of her body and past her apex to the insides of her thighs.

The slow ministration made Elizabeth moan aloud and abandon her struggle.

“Now you’re all clean for your master,” Darcy said, and moved up over her as if to mount her body.

“Il y a du monde au balcon, wench. Don’t pretend. I saw you… peeking at me when I took my bath, last night.” Darcy said.

“I couldn’t help myself. You have the sexiest body,” she murmured.

“Call me Master.” Darcy then smacked her hip lightly.

“Master, you have the sexiest body.”

“So you admit to wanting me, wench?”

“Oui, monsieur.”

Darcy then imitated the thrusting actions, burying his face against the deep V of her bodice.

“Hey are you two professional porn stars? How come the moaning and screaming were so boring? Move over Darcy, let me demonstrate!” Denny said.

His words prompted Darcy and Elizabeth to moan and scream loudly, exhibiting more passion as the fake thrusting actions began to excite them both. Luckily for them, only a few minutes passed before Denny called “Cut!”, signaling the finish of the role-play.

Watching, Darcy and Elizabeth recalled how, at the end of the filming, they had breathed a sigh of relief, collected their normal clothes, uttered a hurried goodbye and scrambled out of the suite.

When they reached Darcy’s room, he slammed the door shut and said, “Repliez sur la table.”

Elizabeth eyes widened, “You want to continue the roleplay?”

“Bend over the table, wench, or you will be up for punishment. Do as I say!”

“Non, monsieur,” Elizabeth winked and protested. Darcy turned her around and bent her over.

“Ouvrez vos pattes!”

“Non, monsieur!” She was determined to defy his order.

Darcy smacked her bottom and said, “Open your legs, wench!”

“Ouch! That hurts!” Elizabeth continued to protest, still refusing to obey.

“Then you will be punished for the entire night for disobeying your master. ”

He used his knee to nudge her legs apart. His hands squeezed and cupped her breasts through the corset. He then freed his arousal, pushed her lace panties aside and thrust into her hot, wet womanhood from behind. Their coupling was intense and loud. And again they forgot protection.

They didn’t come out for dinner that night. The French maid costume and feather duster proved very useful. Darcy said a few times “Votre chatte est brulante”, or your pussy is hot in French, throughout the night. He liked to drink her hot chocolate, and he dusted her down with the feather duster even more thoroughly…

Darcy and Elizabeth were roused from their reverie about the steamy night they’d spent by admiring whistles from the audience in the studio. It seemed the clip of their role-play had ended and the audience had liked it quite well.

So, who won the Challenge and two days of relaxation on another deserted island?

Richard and Charlotte. They earned many points from the judges, who thought the water-gun shooting sequence was hilarious.

And who lost?

Surprisingly, not Collins and Caroline. It was Charles and Jane. It seemed that their role-play was neither hot enough nor funny enough, as compared to others. They were treated to the final torture of a painful full-body waxing (with their swimming costumes on).

But what happened to our favourite couples?

Georgiana made her way back into Darcy’s good books by arranging for Elizabeth and him to go off to Fiji without Collins and Caroline.

From there, they traveled back to Boobie Hill, where Darcy stayed on his ‘parole’ for a week. Then after three months of long distance romance, Elizabeth moved to Sydney. She rented a small apartment and worked in a travel agent. Their romance continued.

Darcy finally managed to persuade her to move in with him, five months later. Then six more months passed before she said yes to his marriage proposal. The High and Mighty Darcy Junior didn’t make an appearance for yet another year, But the happy couple then had three more children. Not surprisingly, the nerdy scientist was extremely diligent in his research, planning and implementing an endless array of sexy games and role-plays to spice up their matrimonial love lives.

Bingley and Jane flew to Sydney after Fiji, where she

stayed there for three months before tying the knot. They had two children together.

Richard and Charlotte carried on a hot affair for about three months before they drifted apart.

As for Collins and Caroline, they eventually each found other targets to stalk, after four years.

Why so long?

It’s because Sexpert Challenge was a huge success for Lady C Productions. The show remained the top-rated program for Channel 12 over seven seasons. The saucy format and the successful romances of Bingley and Jane, as well as Darcy and Elizabeth, all contributed to the success of the show.

As for Collins and Caroline, they both gave up their old jobs and became an ‘odd couple’ who were invited to many comedy shows and events. They were so busy with their appointments that they didn’t have time to stalk.

One thing that continued to make Elizabeth and Darcy uncomfortable, however, was that every time they encountered Caroline, she would hint that Darcy had strange tastes in women, at which point she would attempt to console Elizabeth privately.

And what about our famous TV-industry couple? Lady C was very satisfied with Wickham’s performance, both on- and off-screen. She kept him with her for many years. But as she grew older, she became increasingly interested in Samp;M. Wickham tried to leave her several times, but his spending habits and sexual proclivities had become so dependent on her that he had to return, each time, after a few months of straying. In the end, he became the most infamous ‘boy toy’ in the industry.