"Anal Secretaries" - читать интересную книгу автора (Long Richard B.)

Chapter 02 Freddie F.

“How does a fellow get to be gay? I might not know all of the ways or the proper explanations, but I know of one way that’ll turn anybody gay and that’s to be married to a chick like Ellen. Yeah, Ellen, that’s the bitch’s name. I ought to know, because I was married to her for almost three years, and a hell of a marriage it was. Maybe I wouldn’t have made the mistake if I’d known more about women at the time that I married her, but I didn’t. Hell, she was the only woman I’d ever been to bed with more than once. I’d balled about four cunts before I met up with her but they were all one-night stands. Ellen, she seemed a little different and I guess I fell for her act.

“You know, people believe a lot of stuff about artists, about how we all don’t do much except slap paint on canvas and ball every babe in sight. Maybe that’s true for some artists, but I never knew one that it fitted. For me, anyway, after I’d been standing in front of an easel for five or six hours in a row, sweating my balls off and trying to figure out some way of getting what was in my head down onto canvas, I wasn’t ready for anything but a long time in the sack. And I do mean alone! I thought painting was damned hard work and I’ve never known a painter who didn’t agree with me on that, if on nothing else.

“I used to be a painter, you know. Maybe that’s what got Ellen interested in me in the first place. There were times when I suspected her of being in love with the idea of being married to a painter. I’d just had a show when I met her for the first time, and it turned out to be the last one I’d ever have. Nobody knew that at the time, though, least of all Ellen, and, while I got some pretty favorable comments after that first show, I couldn’t ever get it all back together again. I’m fairly well convinced that it was at least partly her fault. The way she nagged and prodded! Sure, I wanted to be a success as a painter, but, you know something? I think she wanted it even more! I’m certain that she’d have driven me into an insane asylum if I’d only have permitted her to do it. So long as it would have made her the wife of a prominent painter.

“The first time I ever saw her, at that first showing, she came on like a house afire. I’d never really had a girl come at me quite as strong as she did. She just broadsided me. Even if I’d wanted to get away from her, I doubt if I could have made it. Yeah, we wound up in bed together that night and did she ever lead me through the paces! All the girls I’d ever known, they were sort of shy and backward, especially when we got around to sex, and they’d act as though they weren’t quite sure whether they really wanted to go ahead with it or not.

“That wasn’t Ellen’s way at all! She virtually invited herself back to my studio after the show and, once we were inside, she just let down all the barriers. I’d barely even gotten the door closed and she was up against me, rubbing her knockers into my chest and feeling of my fly, trying to get her hand inside and on my cock. Naturally I didn’t resist very much and, almost before I knew what was happening, she had my cock out and was going down on me like I was the last man in the world! “That just about blew my mind, her eating me that way! I’d always been really wild about the idea of blow jobs, ever since I’d first heard about them, but I’d never before had a girl eat my dick. I’d stayed away from the gay side of things. I knew, of course, that there were guys around who’d go down on you but, at that time, I was all hung up on the idea of making it with girls. I just didn’t realize how good it can be, how natural and free it can be, with guys, you see. A lot of the time, when I was jerking off, I used to imagine that some really solid chick was kneeling there in front of me, just holding her mouth open and waiting while I jerked off and shot a big load of come into her mouth.

“I’ll have to give her credit. Ellen really knew how to eat dick! I haven’t seen many guys on the gay side who were any better at sticking a cock than that babe. But, I doubt if she did it because she liked it. I think she’d already figured out that there were some guys who could be handled if you sucked them off good, and she was always ready to do whatever had to be done to get her way. Of all the people I’ve ever known, I’d say that she was the most shameless about it. I used to argue with her about the cold, ruthless way she used people, but, after a while, I gave it up. I just couldn’t make her see that it was wrong. She really believed you know that everybody else was just there for her convenience.

‘Well, anyway, she sucked me off and did a damned good job of it that first time. After I’d popped my nuts and filled her mouth full of come, she was just getting warmed up. She swallowed it all, every drop of it, but she was just beginning. After she’d sucked me off that first time she got up and started undressing, slow and sexy, giving me this big buildup about how she’d wanted me for so long.

‘‘Yes, we’ll get undressed and then I’ll finally get my fill of cock,” she said. “I’ve never had my fill, not all I wanted, and I never saw a man with a prick like yours, Freddie. I’ve got a strong suspicion that you’re the man who’ll be able to fuck me until I can’t take it any more!”

“I couldn’t say a word. I just pulled my clothes off and leaped onto her right there on the floor of the studio, I’d never had a girl say things like, that to me before, and hearing them from her was like a breath of fresh air. I just crawled on and we really went to town.

“So hard, so big and strong,” she purred as she aimed my dick into the mouth of her cunt. “Just the sort of thing I’ve been looking for! Oh, Freddie, darling, you’re tearing my cunt apart!”

“After a minute it sort of bothered me, the way she kept saying the most outlandish things. I don’t have anything against profanity, of course, but it bothered me, even then, hearing her say things like that. She had a vocabulary like a truck driver when she wanted to use it, and she had this idea that a lot of vulgar language made sex a lot better. I’m not built that way. For some curious reason, I don’t mind talk like that at all when I’m with guys, but from girls? It doesn’t quite seem to fit.

“But I didn’t have time to think about that, not then. As soon as she got my prick inside her, she started screaming and heaving about. I wasn’t sure but what I was hurting her or something. It wasn’t anything like that. It was just her way of trying to convince me that I was really a masterful, overpoweringly successful lover. Ellen could certainly give a convincing demonstration of a passionate woman working her way to an orgasm, though I didn’t really realize that she was faking until almost a year after we were married. That first time, she really went out of her way and put on an outstanding performance. By the time I got off her I was convinced that I was the greatest lover in the world, even though I hadn’t had all that much experience at it.

“Given the intensity of her attack, you might not be surprised to learn that it succeeded. It’s laughable, now that I can look back on it, to consider how mismatched we were. I had virtually no experience ‘with women and didn’t know the first thing about how devious and selfish they can be. I was twenty-one, the same age as Ellen, but she was about four hundred years ahead of me when it came to experience and knowledge of the world. I never did find out how many men she’d had before me. Once she said it was twenty-nine and other time she said it was thirty-four. But, by that time, I knew enough about her that I didn’t put any stock in anything she said.

“She got herself a painter for a husband, all right. Her old man was giving her plenty- probably so she’d stay away from him, if I know the old boy very well.

Also, she had a trust fund of her own besides that we had a great time of it on the honeymoon, Acapulco, Puerto Vallarta-all the places up and down Mexico’s Pacific coast. We spent a lot of time in bed, naturally, and it was then ‘that I began to get an inkling of what kind of evil was inside her.

“There were times, you see, when Ellen would really let go inside and she’d come on as something that was pretty close to her ‘natural self.’ I say “pretty close’ to it because I think she’d been deceiving herself and everybody else for so long that she’d forgotten what she really was, deep down inside. “But these times, when she forgot about keeping up her front, she could be just frightening in her intense concern for herself. That self seemed to come out most clearly in her sex life, which is perhaps one reason she didn’t really like sex. It threatened to get the best of her and it was something she wasn’t always able to ‘control to her own satisfaction. I don’t mean to say that there were ever times when Ellen was bursting with compassion for other people. There was never any danger of that. She was concerned only for herself. But at times the depth of that concern was simply frightening. Let me give you an example.

“When she came closest to losing control, she could be overwhelmingly domineering. You might recall that D. H. Lawrence has one of his characters speak of a certain type of woman, the type who ‘claws’ or ‘digs’ at a man, like an eagle tearing flesh out of an animal he’s just killed? I never understood the meaning of that phrase until one afternoon in Acapulco. It was about a week after the wedding, I suppose, and I’d dropped off to sleep after lunch. I woke up to find Ellen kneeling over me. She had my cock in her mouth and she was trying to suck me up to an erection. She succeeded in that, naturally, and as soon as I was hard enough for her purposes she rolled over onto her back and told me to get on her.

“Come on, hurry up and get that cock into me!” she snapped, just as if she were talking to one of the hotel’s servants. “I saw you lying there asleep and I decided that I had to have it again!”

“I couldn’t say anything I was so overpowered by her lust. She was like a wild animal, panting and staring until I began to wonder if perhaps she might be ill. She wouldn’t have anything but my prick, however, and I couldn’t do anything but give it to her. She’d already gotten me pretty well in the mood for another round. But when I got on her and had my prick in place, it was a lot different from what it had ever been before.

“Ellen had this peculiar habit when she was fucking. She didn’t like to hold a fellow with her feet. You know how most girls will hook their heels into your legs or lock them together around your back? She would never do that. She just hel4 me with her knees. She had a tremendous amount of power in her thighs, especially when you consider that she never did anything in the way of exercise, and she could clamp a grip on you that just about paralyzed you.

“This time she clamped her knees together and started working her hips up and down. Somehow she’d gotten hold of me different and her pubic hair was rubbing into the base of my belly. Between that hair and her pubic bones she was really digging into me, up and’ down in a steady beat. After a little while it got to be painful, she was rubbing so hard, and there wasn’t a thing I could do about it-I was pinned there between her knees and just locked into place.

“You might think it absurd that a grown man like myself-and I’m not exactly a weakling either!-couldn’t begin to move out of her grasp but it’s a fact. At first I didn’t want to move but later, when it got tube so tiresome and painful, I couldn’t get away from her for anything! And’ she kept rubbing, scratching, digging at me with that voracious cunt of hers! That’s when I understood what Lawrence meant. It flashed into my mind that she was devouring my prick with that cunt of hers and just almost eating my flesh. More and more, that image came to be in my mind, until I couldn’t look at her without thinking about a vulture, or a hawk, or an eagle tearing great hunks of flesh out of its prey…

“Ellen helped with that realization, I firmly believe. As soon as we got back from the honey moon and I’d settled back down to trying to paint, she immediately leaped into a social whirl of art life, and my own life became a living hell. I’ve never been especially fond of parties and gadding about from this townhouse to that penthouse, the way some people do, though for a few weeks it was an amusing change of pace. It didn’t take long, however, for me to see that most of these people were not interested in art. They were only interested in being seen in company with each other. They didn’t care about each other, only in being seen with each other. That’s an important distinction, I believe.

“I remember one evening, as we were dressing to go out to some place where Ellen had wangled us an invitation I became very tired and disillusioned with the whole business. I was tying my tie and suddenly I just stopped and looked at her in the mirror.

“What’s the point of all this?” I asked. “Why must we go out tonight and meet these people?” "Darling, it’s necessary if you’re to become a famous artist,” she told me.

“Some of the people there are very important in the art world and we must cultivate them.’ “I happened to know that the people we were going to meet that night were the same people we’d been seeing almost constantly. I also knew that none of them knew anything about painting, except what they told each other and that was only a half-understood mishmash of something they’d read in a newspaper. I said as much and Ellen just blew up! She ranted and raved, accused me of trying to short change her, of trying to disrupt her life and upset all her plans. She was really ticked off in a way that I’d never seen her before, never even suspected her of being capable of. That gave me something to think about, and I began doing some heavy thinking from that night onward.

“You know, Ellen, really believed that she could do it. I mean, that she could make me into a famous painter just by hanging around that kind of people, going along with them and catering to them. I tried to suggest to her a few ‘times that it might help if I were to be left alone long enough to do some painting, but she wouldn’t hear of that.

“‘Look at -,” she’d say. “He’s the talk of the town and does he matter? Does he know anything about color or space?”

“She had me there. The guy she named, along with three or four others were indeed famous- well, talked about a lot-and none of them knew very much about what they were doing. Of course they weren’t talked about by people who knew anything about painting but, when I pointed this out to Ellen, she just got madder.

“Him? He’s nothing but ‘a broken-down old faggot,” she said, when I mentioned one man who wasn’t at all impressed by her new idols. “Who pays any attention to him?”

“I could have told her that just about every body that cared or knew very much about painting paid a lot of attention to him, but she wasn’t interested, as I soon discovered. Ellen wanted herself a front-page painter, somebody who would help make her famous too. It took me several months to realize this and the truth only penetrated gradually. By that time we were really pretty far into this new social scene, and were finding that there was a lot of between4he-sheets activity going on all the time. You can’t imagine some of the grubby, filthy scenes taking place at some of the parties we attended! People grabbing at one another, tumbling into bed with the first person they could find. It was really vulgar and simpleminded.

“Ellen loved it, even down to the orgy-type affairs. I suppose it gave her a boost, thinking that she was living as artists lived; though precious few real artists ever lived like that! It wasn’t quite so surprising to me, finding that we were getting into that scene, because I’d already discovered that Ellen had all the moral fiber of, a common alley cat! She came in several times after a day out on the town, and was quite open about what she’d been doing. I mean, when your own wife opens up her purse and has to take her panties out to find her cigarettes; you begin to suspect that she hasn’t been out trying on hats!

Her adventures didn’t do anything to stultify her appetite for me, however, and more than once she made love to me when her pussy was still wet with another man’s come! “I confronted her with the fact, to be sure. She never even bothered denying it. Her explanation was that everybody else was doing it, so why shouldn’t she?

Furthermore, she would have me know, she believed that by being ‘nice’ to some of these people she would be able to build up my name and make me more of a well-known painter! As if fucking had anything to do with color and space and line! She really believed it, though, and there was simply nothing I could do to disabuse her of the silly idea.

“It was at one of these sex parties that I made my big break and first discovered that there was something to life besides lying between Ellen’s merciless thighs and having her claw at me with that vicious ‘little snatch of hers. Not that I was all that interested in making it with any of her women acquaintances-they were all at least as self-centered and callous as she.

Hardly any of them were even as physically attractive as Ellen. “She had a way of concealing her essential hardness under a soft covering so that it wasn’t apparent immediately. Mostly, at these affairs, I would screw Ellen and then sit back and drink while the others went at each other. Occasionally a woman would come by and suck me. A few of them, rather liked kneeling between my legs and eating my cock as I sipped at a Scotch and water.

“On this particular occasion, Ellen and I had been in a bedroom, stark naked and going through our usual routine. By this stage of our ‘marriage, I was frankly rather bored with her, the marriage, and the entire crowd. I showed it by just lying on her and allowing her to do whatever she would. It was rather a nice way of getting back at her, holding off on my orgasm, and she didn’t like it a bit. Probably because it told her that she wasn’t totally in control of my physical responses! “She fucked away at me until she got tired and then made me get off. Just as I rolled off her, another fellow ‘wandered into the room and began stroking his prick as he watched us. I was lying beside Ellen, about half-erect, and she was fuming with rage. She watched this fellow jerk off for a minute or two-he was exceptionally well hung, perhaps eight or nine inches and very thick-and then she conceived this desire to have him.

“‘Why don’t you let me do that for you?” she muttered, licking her lips and devouring him with her eyes. “Let me work my cunt’ around you -I’ll bring you off!”

“He got on her and they went at it for a minute or two, but then he decided he wanted her on top. Ellen agreed and they rolled over. I was sitting in a position that allowed me to see his cock going into her cunt and I watched with a great deal of interest. That big thing, so hard and round, exerted a strange power on me and I began wondering what it would be like to bold it in my hand.

Ellen kept grinding herself against him in an effort to bring him off, but she couldn’t. Twice in a row she had failed to convert a man into a gushing tool for her own use! She got off him after a while and stamped out of the room, leaving us there.

“I was glad that she had left and I said as much. The fellow agreed with me. I couldn’t take my eyes off his cock-it was positively hypnotic. Even though it was covered with that slimy, fishy oil a woman generates, I couldn’t help but think about sucking him,” or perhaps working him off with my hand. He saw my interest and smiled. “

“Why don’t you suck it?” he asked. “1 was really more interested in you anyway.

That bitch, she only uses men!”

“I couldn’t resist and so I did. I’d never done it to a man before but Ellen had sucked me often enough that I knew exactly how to make it good. I leaned over him and took his cock into my mouth. I wrapped my tongue around his prick and began lapping up and down the thick, hot shaft. Even though I detested the taste of cunt, I didn’t mind it so much that time because of.the way his cock felt. So warm, so filling! I began working my head up and down until I was actually flicking him with my mouth.

“He seized my head in his hands’ and began working his cock in and out. I kept on sucking and before very long, became a long, gushing, powerful shoot that overwhelmed me with joy. I felt my own cock leaping out of control and I came too. I never knew such pleasure as I felt at that moment. From that day on, I became more and more interested in men.”

An old saying has it that “some men are born queer and others become that way.”

The case of Freddie F. would appear to be an example of that aphorism being made real. Freddie, a tall and rough-hewn man in his middle thirties, was an artist, but also the personal secretary of a man who owned and managed one of the cities most prominent and successful art galleries. His employer had dealt in paintings all his adult life and had built up a reputation for knowledge and judgment that made his name a powerful force in the world of ‘art. Clearly, Freddie’s employer was not one of those celebrity-struck art buffs whom his wife adored.

In attempting to account for Freddie’s decision to confine his sexual activities to men, a decision which he took after that first experience at fellating a man, we must recognize that we are treading on dangerous ground. As one authority in the field has remarked, “There is no single theory that completely explains the cause of this aberration, what causes one person to become a homosexual may not hold’ true of another. Whether or not a child develops homosexual tendencies is dependent upon a number of contributory factors-parental influence, experiences of a sexual nature during childhood or early adolescence, feelings of inferiority associated with specific handicaps, personal reactions to home environment as well as susceptibility to influences within the community.” (Caprio, Variations in Sexual Behavior, p. 91.) Two of these factors, the second and third listed, are of special interest in further understanding Freddie’s behavior.

When asked to ‘describe his earliest sexual experiences, Freddie admitted that ‘he had learned to masturbate from a childhood friend. Neither of them had masturbated the other, though this is not necessary in order for the act to qualify as a homosexual experience in the strictest definition of the term.

Freddie and his friend quickly enlarged their circle of acquaintances and it was common for as many as half a dozen of the boys to be masturbating in unison. This is not unusual-behavior. The “circle jerk,” as childhood vernacular terms it, will be familiar to many of our readers.

The unusual aspect of Freddie’s experience is that he came to associate the sight of penises with sexual arousal. The sight of an erect phallus, preferably large, always affected him strongly and, often, he stimulated himself while masturbating by concentrating upon images of the male sexual organ. He specifically mentioned that he preferred remembering penises which were unusually large. An investigator familiar with homosexuals and their thought processes remarks that “This concern about the size of the penis is common to most of them. They are either self-conscious because of their small penis (penis-inferiority), or they possess a large penis and feel proud that it is larger than that of someone else. They use the penis as a symbol of masculinity (compensation for effeminacy.)” (Caprio, Variations in Sexual Behavior, p.125.)

The same writer goes on to observe that many homosexuals lack confidence in their relations with the opposite sex. “His fear that he might not be able to satisfy a woman sexually accounts for some of his inhibitions. Obsessed with the idea that he was regarded as a ‘sissy,' becomes obsessed with the idea that he would probably disappoint a girl sexually. To avoid any acute frustration in this regard he protects himself by trying not to think of ‘nice’ girls in a sexual way… (Ibid., p. 126.) Everything about Freddie suggests that he felt distinctly inferior toward women. He pointed out that he had had relatively little sexual experience at the time he met the woman he married. This revelation suggests a disinclination to get involved with the opposite sex, perhaps due to doubts of his ability to satisfy their sexual desires. As a child, his interest in art-notoriously an “unmanly” interest in our society-would have operated to further this sense of inferiority and unmanliness. Once he discovered that his wife was interested in him less for his own sake than for what she could make out of him, this old feeling of weakness would have been strongly reinforced.

Thus our subject’s early experiences with mutual masturbation and his unsatisfactory relations with the opposite sex would seem to explain his readiness to convert to the homosexual way of life. His wife’s scornful attitude toward homosexuals, as expressed in her contemptuous dismissal as an “old faggot” of the man Freddie held up as an example of a truly knowledgeable art critic, would have aided him in his decision. By becoming something she detested, a homosexual, he would in a way be striking back at her. – As we shall see later, Freddie soon lost his interest in fellating other men and became exclusively anal centered. He had no interest at all in sodomizing other men; his desire was to be sodomized. Ordinarily this desire suggests a subconscious wish, or a conscious one, to be a woman rather than a man. By offering himself as a receptacle for the lover’s phallus, the passive sodomite can play the woman’s role in sexual intercourse and thus feed his own fantasies. In many cases, such desires also express themselves in transvestitism, or the wearing of the clothes appropriate to the opposite sex.

Freddie displayed none of this characteristic. In appearance and conversation be gave the impression of solid masculinity, though this appearance was quite deceiving. This is not surprising, since “a certain number of men who appear muscular, athletic, and manly in every respect are actually enthusiastic homosexuals. Some of those over muscled young men whose pictures adorn the physical culture magazines are only interested in the endowments -of other young men. Obviously they have enough male sex hormones.” (Reuben, Everything You At ways Wanted To Know About Sex, p. 130.) Thus there is no correlation between the way a male homosexual looks and the way he prefers to have his sexual pleasure.

“Herb, the guy I'd sucked off at that party, didn’t waste much time in getting me tied into the gay world. We met at a couple more of those sex parties. He wasn’t one hundred percent gay. He’d ball girls just enough so that nobody accused him of being overly gay. At each of these parties I went down on him again. Really, it was far more satisfying to suck him than it had ever been to fuck a girl, especially Ellen. I was completely soured on her by this time and I knew that everything in our marriage had simply been a gigantic hoax. She cared nothing about me whatever and I’d be surprised to find out I ever so much so much as gave her even a flicker of pleasure in all the time we spend in bed together.

“It was quite different with men. When a man comes, you know it! You can’t help but see or feel or taste the flow of his come. I quickly found that this ability of mine, to deliver sexual pleasure, was very satisfying to me. Before I’d never been really sure whether I was making the woman feel good or not. Now there was no doubt whatever about it. I could tell right away that making it with guys was completely in another realm as far as real, lasting satisfaction was concerned.

“As soon as I discovered hew great it was to make it with a guy, I just dried up altogether as far as Ellen was concerned. That really burned her up, finding out that I didn’t need her or want her any more. In a way, that was one of the greatest satisfactions about switching over to the gay side of things. Giving that selfish bitch her comeuppance was one of the most enjoyable things I ever did. You could tell it in my painting, even, that I was feeling better inside.

A lot of the tensions that had marred the work I’d been doing, they all began working themselves out and for a time there I was really painting pretty well.

Not like I had just before that first show, unfortunately. But for a time I thought I was going to be able to put something new together and really make a go of it.

“I peaked out at just about that time, though, and after working with canvas for a month or so I finally had to give up and admit the truth-I’d painted myself out, totally and completely, and I’d gotten to the point where I didn’t even care any more about trying to put it alt down on canvas. That’s the ultimate dead end for a painter, when you don’t care any more, and I could see the handwriting on the wall.

“Fortunately I’d met Gerald by that time. He could see that I was through as a painter and when I finally got around to admitting it to myself he took me on as his secretary. I haven’t lost my feeling for painting, you understand. I’ve only lost my desire to paint. I can still appreciate the work that others are doing, however. That’s one thing that makes me valuable to Gerald. I’m pretty sure that he would keep me on as his secretary even if we stopped being lovers, so long as it wasn’t one of those tempestuous, melodramatic breaks where people screech and throw things at each other and say dreadful things. Not that there’s much likelihood of that! “Gerald must have heard through the grapevine that I was coming on strong as far as the gay scene was concerned. We’d known each other for several years and, yes, I was perfectly aware of his preference for men as lovers. We’d always been friends, though I’m not quite sure why. My painting was never good enough to excite his admiration; even the best work I ever did. There are times when I believe that he saw, even that far ago, that he and I had a great future together.

“You’ll have to understand that, at the time that Gerald and I first became lovers, I still didn’t have much experience at this sort of thing. As far as I was concerned, sucking was the absolute ultimate in sex and I’d have been perfectly content to have left it at that. And especially when it’s a question of Gerald-he’s monumentally hung, you know, and has a cock that’s simply the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. It’s every bit of ten inches long and has this magnificently sculpted head that’s perfectly immense: It’s simply a gorgeous prick.

“We were up in his studio the first time that we balled. I’d come there to meet him for an appointment. Gerald was showering when I arrived. I know that that’s a very outdated way of getting the message across but it worked with me and that’s what matters, isn’t it? I came into the Studio and he called me into the bedroom. When he came out of the bathroom he was naked, obviously, and I couldn’t help staring at his meat. It was so huge, so attractive, that I was overwhelmed. I’d never seen one so large, especially when it wasn’t hard, and the sight was intoxicatingly erotic. "It’s only a prick,” he said, throwing the towel aside when he’d finished with it. “Every man has one!”

“But how many men have one like that?” I asked. “It’s beautiful!”

“Would you like to make it get hard?” he asked. “So it stands up proud and stiff? Would you like that, Freddie?”

“‘God yes!” I exclaimed. “It’s so beautiful!”

“I must have sounded like a silly teenager, repeating myself like that, but I simply couldn’t control myself. I’ve been excited before but that afternoon with Gerald, I was excited beyond anything I’d ever felt before in my entire life. I’d had some experiences with a couple of other fellows in addition to Herb, by that time, and I knew pretty well what was expected of me. But when I got a glimpse of Gerald’s cock I simply dissolved into a quivering mass with no self-control at all! “Suck it up for me,” Gerald whispered, moving closer to me and standing directly before me. “Use your tips and make it firm and stiff! Pull the skin back with your lips so you can use your tongue to make me ready!”

“He wasn’t circumcised and I had the unique joy of skinning a fellow back with my mouth. Mmm, what a joy, to feel the naked head swelling out into your, mouth as you force the Skin back! I almost shot off then, as I was exciting him, but I managed to hold it back. He was coming around, slowly but definitely, and it wasn’t too long before I had raised a tremendous hard for him. Gerald is about ten years older than I, so it takes him a little while to get completely ready, but, once he’s hard, he’s just a whole lot of man! “Why don’t you lie back here so I can go down on you properly?” I suggested.

“Or would you rather go at it together?”

“Let’s not play around with childish games,” he replied, standing back to admire the change I had brought about. “Why don’t you undress and let’s act like adults?”

“What do you’ mean?” I asked, not’ knowing what he was talking about.

“‘I mean that I’d like to fuck you in the ass,” he said, looking at me in surprise. “Surely you like it that way, don’t you?”

“I don’t know,” I confessed. “I’ve never tried ‘it like that.’ “He was absolutely dumbfounded when I said that I’d never been fucked in the asshole. At first he wouldn’t believe it, but I suppose my surprise and innocence showed through well enough for him to see that I really didn’t know anything about it. He couldn’t get over the fact that I was a virgin-anal, to be sure, but then that’s the only kind that matters in our world -and that I was his for the taking.

“I’ve been fucking guys for twenty-five years,” he exclaimed, ‘and I’ve never yet had a cherry! At last, and it had to be with you! Oh, Freddie, I’m going to do things to you that’ll make you ache all over with pleasure! I’m going to fuck that tight little asshole of yours until you come from head to foot!

You’ll shoot come so far into the air we’ll both have a sperm shower! Oh, baby, are you ever going to remember this!”

“He started undressing me and I helped as best I could, which wasn’t too much, since he was so eager to get at me. When he got my trousers and shorts off, he raved ecstatically about my gear. He was especially taken with my balls and he swore that he’d drain them over and over until I couldn’t come for a week! He’s the sort, you know, who loves a great, huge, voluptuous discharge in his lovers and if I do say it, I’ve never seen anyone-not even Gerald, as well-hung as he is-with a pair of balls the size of mine.

“Of course I was a little uncertain about letting him get that big cock of his up my ass. My concern showed, but he promised me that it would be the greatest thing in the world and that, once I’d tried it, I would never go back to sucking or any other kind of sexual activity. I’d never even tried fingering myself in the ass. To be perfectly frank about it, I’d never so much as considered the whole as a possibility so far as sex is concerned! Somehow, though, I had a lot of confidence in Gerald and I felt that if it was at all possible, he would do it to me just as he said.

“The first thing,” he said to me as he went over to a little stand beside his bed, is to get some lubricant. This is the one place where girls have it over us-they’re self-lubricating! But this little tube of surgical jelly is the stuff. It’ll make everything possible and enjoyable. You just sit there, you dear boy, and I’ll get us ready for some of the intense pleasure you ever experienced in your life!”

“Gerald squirted out a big glob of the stuff into his hand and rubbed it all over his cock, greasing the tool from tip to base. Then he used his finger to grease my whole. As soon as he put his finger in that tight little opening, I sensed that I was in for a really momentous experience. Even his finger was extremely delightful and I could see that he was right about it being so marvelous.

‘Yes, you’re made for butt fucking,” be said, noticing the way I’d reacted*hen he put his finger up my ass. “You’ve got a tender little one there and it’ll go mad with pleasure when I spread it wide open with my cock! Freddie, this is the greatest day in my life, the absolutely greatest!”

“Once he’d gotten us both greased up properly, he had me lie on my back. He explained that sometimes guys liked it better doing it doggie style but he wanted to see the expression on my face when I felt his cock going in and when I felt him start to come. He had me prop my legs up on his shoulders. I’d seen some women getting fucked that way at the parties Ellen and I had attended. The idea of getting it just the way they did was very appealing to me. Then he started shoving the cock to me. At first I didn’t feel anything but then, all of a sudden, there was a blinding pain radiating out from my ass. It felt exactly as though someone were cutting me open! “You’ve got to relax,” he told me. “Concentrate on relaxing your muscles, Freddie. It’s going in perfectly. If you’ll just not fight against me, I’ll have it in all the way in a moment and then we can get down to some serious fucking!”

“I reached down between us and felt, just to see how it was going. You can imagine my surprise when I found that he already had three or four inches of dick up my ass already! I did just as he said and after a moment or two I found that I could make it a lot easier on myself by relaxing all the muscles in my rump. It took a little while before I could really get the hang of it but, once I’d caught onto the secret, it went a lot easier. You know, I’ve read some case histories and personal experiences of people, mostly women, telling about their introduction to butt fucking and just about all of them agree that the first moment or two is the worst, at least until you get used to it.

“It was certainly that way for me. Perhaps it was due to Gerald’s experience, I don’t know, but the painful part didn’t last very tong at all. I imagine it was partly the shock of being had in that way, together with the newness of it, that made the first experience so painful for me. I know that the second and third times he did it to me weren’t nearly so bad and now, of course, he slides into me as easy as can be.

“God, you’re tight!” he told me, panting very hard, and beginning to get extremely excited. “Your ass is gripping me like a vise!”

“That’s another thing about Gerald that I like a great deal. Some of the gay guys, you know, come on in a very refined, delicate sort of way, sometimes even effeminately. I especially despise that kind of man-I like a man who’s not ashamed of being a man, who’s strong and virile and utterly masculine. And while I don’t especially like to use profanity in polite conversation, I certainly relish hearing strong talk when I’m making love. Gerald’s exactly the same way-ordinarily he’ll go for days without letting so much as a ‘damn’ slip out, but when he’s in bed with me he really lets out all the stops!”

“Puck it to me!” I muttered, holding onto him tightly and trying to get my ass to working around his cock… “Shove it deep and I’ll fuck your balls off! I’ll drain you with my asshole!”

“‘You’ve got the sweetest fucking action I’ve ever seen,” he said, drawing in a deep breath and really beginning to drive his cock home. “I’m going to fill you so full of prick and* come you’ll wonder what’s happened to you! I’ll make you come forever!”

“Just then he reached in with one hand and started jacking me off. That was a completely new revelation to me. I’d never even thought about my cock. All I could think of was his wonderful cock and the way he was driving it deeper and deeper into my asshole. When he started jerking me off, I simply went into orbit, the sensations were so deliciously strong. I could feel every inch of his big prick boring deep into my ass. He’d stretched me to the limit, naturally, and I was tight as a drum. And then his fist, gripping my prick and sliding up and down! His hand was still wet with the surgical jelly and it slipped easily up and down the shaft of my cock. I simply turned into a semen-fountain and, the next thing I knew, I was shooting come all over us both.

“That was only the beginning, however. Gerald’s the type who gets most excited when his partner begins to come and, once he saw the stuff I was producing, he simply went wild. Oh, the way he fucked my ass! The way he whipped his cock in and out of my rear! I thought he’d tear a new hole down there, honest. Then, that last bull-like lunge when he tried to sink it all into me! He held himself there, as deep as he could get it, and then the come started jetting out of his cock! Oh, he shot, and shot, and shot, until I was certain I’d drained him completely. But then he seemed to get a second wind and he was shooting some more of that heavenly stuff into my ass! It went on forever, it seemed, and all the while he was grunting and sobbing and carrying on. You’d have thought he was undergoing the Chinese water torture! ‘I’d,have been concerned about him except that I could feel his cock leaping about and spurting out hot, come and I knew that he was feeling pleasure, not pain.

“‘I’ve never, had an ass as good as that!” he cried out when at last he’d finished coming and he’d pulled his cock from my ass. “I’ve laid some sweet men in my time, but that was the greatest ever!”

“Let me tell you, I never heard anything from Ellen which was a tenth as welcome as those words I heard from Gerald the first time he fucked me in the ass. And I never felt anything in my entire life that was nearly as exciting and satisfying; all at the same time, as when I felt his big stud-horse prick begin shooting come up my ass. Feeling him come, listening to him, having him in me, was simply the best thing that bad ever happened to me. At last, I felt from the bottom of my heart that I’d really given sexual pleasure to someone else. I felt this pleasure and satisfaction so strongly that it was almost incidental when I began to get my own come.

“Yes, Gerald was still jacking me off as fast as he could and my prick was responding with a tremendous climax. The sperm shot up between us, squirting up onto his chest and shooting all over mine until we were both bathed in the stuff. I’d never before been really fond of feeling the hot, sticky stuff on my own body but now, once he was doing, it to me and I was enclosing all his tremendous, lovely cock in my ass, I hadn’t mind it a bit. I just laid there and shot off all over both of us.

‘Lovely come! Beautiful, hot, sticky, thick come!” he breathed, looking down to see what he had brought about. “What a shoot! Freddie, when I get off you I’m going to lick every drop of that delicious come off your chest and belly.’ “Fortunately Gerald isn’t one of those guys that detests the sight and feel of sperm. There are some men that way, you know.-They’re just really hot to have you suck them off, or maybe to fuck you in the ass, but as soon as they pop their nuts they’re through with you. It’s almost as if they were ashamed of having gone so far. You couldn’t get one of those fellows to suck you or to let you fuck them in the ass for anything in the world. Gerald’s different. He’s simply a total sexual being and he’s ready for just about anything that’s sexual, when he’s ‘in the mood. Anything I can suggest, he’s ready for it.

“I’ve tried fucking him in the ass a couple of times. It’s all right, I suppose, but I only did it because he insisted that I try it. For me, the supreme pleasure is having him inside me. I suppose I’ve got an essentially feminine point of view. Certainly I’d much rather play the woman’s part when we get down to sex play. Sometimes Gerald’s in the mood for a blow job and of course I’m always only too happy to honor his wishes in that respect! Mostly, though, we just keep on with what has already worked so well for us-him packing’ my ass with his mammoth cock. That’s still the best solution I’ve found for handling the sexual drive and it’s one that I’ll always love.

“There’s only one drawback to anal sexuality, as far as I can tell, and that’s the soreness. Yes, even now, after he’s been up my butt for who knows how many times, I’m still pretty sore the morning after. That isn’t such a great problem, fortunately, because the soreness is almost always gone by the next evening. And since Gerald’s sex drive has diminished somewhat, he very rarely wants me in the morning, after we’ve’ made love the night before. If he’s exceptionally horny I usually give him a blow job and he’s satisfied with that.

I’d gladly lie there and let him wallop the prick to me again in the ass, but he knows how sore I am, so he never suggests doing it that way. He’s so considerate and thoughtful! “Mostly we do it the way he did it to me that first time around-you know, with me on my back and him lying over me. That’s the most satisfying way that I know of, since it allows us to see’ each other, to catch all the fleeting expressions of love and joy as they pulse through our bodies. Occasionally he’ll have me kneel and he’ll come into me from the rear, reaching around so he can jack me off. That’s not bad but most of the time I like it better when we’re face to face.

“I think one of the reasons we get along so well is that neither of us is really dedicated to the ideal of faithfulness. I mean, if Gerald sees a likely piece of ass, he’ll take it if he’s in the mood and it’s the same with me. We mainly keep it for each other but we’re not dominated by the idea, you understand. Occasionally we’ll get together with another friend or two and things will get a little more complex.

“Just last week, for example, we had this very nice young man in for dinner and we had a little party afterwards, just the three of us. He was only twenty or so and extremely virile. I sucked him off a couple of times while Gerald watched. He’s something of a voyeur, Gerald is! Once we’d performed enough to get Gerald’s cock as stiff as it could ‘be, he mounted me from the rear. Teddy, the other fellow, lay on his back with me over him so that we could eat each other as Gerald fucked his big tool ‘into my asshole. It turned out that Teddy had a sensitive ass too and so I finger-fucked his ass while I was going down on him. He ate me at the same time and we were all creaming together after a while. That was an incredibly erotic evening for all of us. I must have come three times at least and Gerald was simply incredible. He stayed in my ass for I don’t know how long, just fucking away like a mad boar, and after he’d shot me full of come, Teddy persuaded him to have another round. That time he got on Teddy and shoved it up his ass! I was so exhausted and weak from the climaxes I’d already had that I couldn’t move at all, so I just lay there and watched them go at it. Altogether it was a very satisfying evening’ and it’s one that I’ll remember for a long time.”

Homosexual marriages, whether formal or informal, are not noted for their longevity. As Dr. David Reuben remarks, male homosexuals who stay together for extended periods “are mighty rare birds among the homosexual flock… Live together? Yes. Happily? Hardly. The other part of these ‘marriages’ that doesn’t fit in with happiness is that the principals never stop cruising. They may set up housekeeping together, but the parade of penises usually continues unabated. Only this time, jealousy, threats, tantrums, and mutual betrayal are thrown in for good measure. Mercifully for both of them, the life expectancy of their relationship together is brief.” (Reuben, Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex, p. 143.) Freddie’s relationship with Gerald would appear to have a slightly better chance for lasting happiness than the average homosexual liaison. The main reason for offering this judgment is the readiness with which both of them gratify their wayward impulses and display no overt jealousy toward the other partner’s “cruising practices.” This willingness to accept occasional infidelity in the partner suggests a slightly higher level of maturity on their part and thus indicates a somewhat better chance for a continued sexual relationship.