"Mark Twain. The Awful German Language (англ.)" - читать интересную книгу автора

as much trouble as if they did. For instance, there is the word VERMIETHEN
(to let, to lease, to hire); and the word VERHEIRATHEN (another way of
saying to marry). I heard of an Englishman who knocked at a man's door in
Heidelberg and proposed, in the best German he could command, to
"verheirathen" that house. Then there are some words which mean one thing
when you emphasize the first syllable, but mean something very different if
you throw the emphasis on the last syllable. For instance, there is a word
which means a runaway, or the act of glancing through a book, according to
the placing of the emphasis; and another word which signifies to ASSOCIATE
with a man, or to AVOID him, according to where you put the emphasis -- and
you can generally depend on putting it in the wrong place and getting into
trouble.
There are some exceedingly useful words in this language. SCHLAG, for
example; and ZUG. There are three-quarters of a column of SCHLAGS in the
dictonary, and a column and a half of ZUGS. The word SCHLAG means Blow,
Stroke, Dash, Hit, Shock, Clap, Slap, Time, Bar, Coin, Stamp, Kind, Sort,
Manner, Way, Apoplexy, Wood-cutting, Enclosure, Field, Forest-clearing. This
is its simple and EXACT meaning -- that is to say, its restricted, its
fettered meaning; but there are ways by which you can set it free, so that
it can soar away, as on the wings of the morning, and never be at rest. You
can hang any word you please to its tail, and make it mean anything you want
to. You can begin with SCHLAG-ADER, which means artery, and you can hang on
the whole dictionary, word by word, clear through the alphabet to
SCHLAG-WASSER, which means bilge-water -- and including SCHLAG-MUTTER, which
means mother-in-law.
Just the same with ZUG. Strictly speaking, ZUG means Pull, Tug,
Draught, Procession, March, Progress, Flight, Direction, Expedition, Train,
Caravan, Passage, Stroke, Touch, Line, Flourish, Trait of Character,
Feature, Lineament, Chess-move, Organ-stop, Team, Whiff, Bias, Drawer,
Propensity, Inhalation, Disposition: but that thing which it does NOT mean
-- when all its legitimate pennants have been hung on, has not been
discovered yet.
One cannot overestimate the usefulness of SCHLAG and ZUG. Armed just
with these two, and the word ALSO, what cannot the foreigner on German soil
accomplish? The German word ALSO is the equivalent of the English phrase
"You know," and does not mean anything at all -- in TALK, though it
sometimes does in print. Every time a German opens his mouth an ALSO falls
out; and every time he shuts it he bites one in two that was trying to GET
out.
Now, the foreigner, equipped with these three noble words, is master of
the situation. Let him talk right along, fearlessly; let him pour his
indifferent German forth, and when he lacks for a word, let him heave a
SCHLAG into the vacuum; all the chances are that it fits it like a plug, but
if it doesn't let him promptly heave a ZUG after it; the two together can
hardly fail to bung the hole; but if, by a miracle, they SHOULD fail, let
him simply say ALSO! and this will give him a moment's chance to think of
the needful word. In Germany, when you load your conversational gun it is
always best to throw in a SCHLAG or two and a ZUG or two, because it doesn't
make any difference how much the rest of the charge may scatter, you are
bound to bag something with THEM. Then you blandly say ALSO, and load up