"Джек Керуак. Big Sur (engl)" - читать интересную книгу автора

is gone. Saturday all day he was fine and seemed to pick up strength, but
late at night I was watching TV a late movie. Just about 1: 30 A. M. when he
started belching and throwing up. I went to him and tried to fix him up but
to no availe. He was shivering like he was cold so I rapped him up in a
Blanket then he started to throw up all over me. And that was the last of
him. Needless to say how I feel and what I went through. I stayed up till
"day Break" and did all I could to revive him but it was useless. I realized
at 4 A. M. he was gone so at six I wrapped him up good in a clean blanket -
and at 7 A. M. went out to dig his grave. I never did anything in my whole
life so heart breaking as to bury my beloved little Tyke who was as human as
you and I. I buried him under the Honeysuckle vines, the corner, of the
fence. I just cant sleep or eat. I keep looking and hoping to see him come
through the cellar door calling Ma Wow. I'm just plain sick and the weirdest
thing happened when I buried Tyke, all the black Birds I fed all Winter
seemed to have known what was going on. Honest Son this is no lies. There
was lots and lots of em flying over my head and chirping, and settling on
the fence, for a whole hour after Tyke was laid to rest - that's something
I'll never forget - I wish I had a camera at the time but God and Me knows
it and saw it. Now Honey I know this is going to hurt you but I had to tell
you somehow... I'm so sick not physically but heart sick... I just cant
believe or realize that my Beautiful little Tyke is no more - and that I
wont be seeing him come through his little "Shanty" or Walking through the
green grass
... PS. I've got to dismantle Tyke's shanty, I just cant go out there
and see it empty - as is. Well Honey, write soon again and be kind to
yourself. Pray the real "God" - Your old Mom XXXXXX. "

So when Monsanto told me the news and I was sitting there smiling with
happiness the way all people feel when they come out of a long solitude
either in the woods or in a hospital bed, bang, my heart sank, it sank in
fact with the same strange idiotic helplessness as when I took the
unfortunate deep breath on the seashore - All the premonitions tying in
together.
Monsanto sees that I'm terribly sad, he sees my little smile (the smile
that came over me in Monterey just so glad to be back in the world after the
solitudes and I'd walked around the streets just bemusedly Mona Lisa'ing at
the sight of everything) - He sees now how that smile has slowly melted
away into a mawk of chagrin - Of course he cant know since I didn't tell
him and hardly wanta tell it now, that my relationship with my cat and the
other previous cats has always been a little dotty: some kind of
psychological identification of the cats with my dead brother Gerard who'd
taught me to love cats when I was 3 and 4 and we used to lie on the floor on
our bellies and watch them lap up milk - The death of "little brother" Tyke
indeed - Monsanto seeing me so downcast says "Maybe you oughta go back to
the cabin for a few more weeks - or are you just gonna get drunk again" -
"I'm gonna get drunk yes" - Because anyway there are so many things
brewing, everybody's waiting, I've been daydreaming a thousand wild parties
in the woods - In fact it's fortunate I've heard of the death of Tyke in my
favorite exciting city of San Francisco, if I had been home when he died I
might have gone mad in a different way but tho I now ran out to get drunk