"Джек Керуак. Big Sur (engl)" - читать интересную книгу автора

success - And it's finally only in the woods you get that nostalgia for
"cities" at last, you dream of long gray journeys to cities where soft
evenings'll unfold like Paris but never seeing how sickening it will be
because of the primordial innocence of health and stillness in the wilds
... So I tell myself "Be Wise. "

6

Though there are faults to Monsanto's cabin like no screened windows to
keep the flies out in the daytime just big board windows, so that also on
foggy days when it's damp if you leave them open it's too cold, if you leave
them closed you cant see anything and have to light the lamp at noon - And
but for that no other faults - It's all marvelous - And at first it's so
amazing to be able to enjoy dreamy afternoon meadows of heather up the other
end of the canyon and just by walking less than a half mile you can suddenly
also enjoy wild gloomy sea coast, or if you're sick of either of these just
sit by the creek in a gladey spot and dream over snags - So easy in the
woods to daydream and pray to the local spirits and say "Allow me to stay
here, I only want peace" and those foggy peaks answer back mutely Yes... And
to say to yourself (if you're like me with theological preoccupations) (at
least at that time, before I went mad I still had such preoccupations) "God
who is everything possesses the eye of awakening, like dreaming a long dream
of an impossible task and you wake up in a flash, oops, No Task, it's done
and gone'... And in the flush of the first few days of joy I confidently
tell myself (not expecting what I'll do in three weeks only) "no more
dissipation, it's time for me to quietly watch the world and even enjoy it,
first in woods like these, then just calmly walk and talk among people of
the world, no booze, no drugs, no binges, no bouts with beatniks and drunks
and junkies and everybody, no more I ask myself the question O why is God
torturing me, that's it, be a loner, travel, talk to waiters only, in fact,
in Milan, Paris, just talk to waiters, walk around, no more self-imposed
agony... it's time to think and watch and keep concentrated on the fact that
after all this whole surface of the world as we know it now will be covered
with the silt of a billion years in time.. . Yay, for this, more aloneness"
- "Go back to childhood, just eat apples and read your Cathechism - sit on
curbstones, the hell with the hot lights of Hollywood" (remembering that
awful time only a year earlier when I had to rehearse my reading of prose a
third time under the hot lights of the Steve Alien Show in the Burbank
studio, one hundred technicians waiting for me to start reading, Steve Alien
watching me expectant as he plunks the piano, I sit there on the dunce's
stool and refuse to read a word or open my mouth, "I dont have to R E H E A
R S E for God's sake Steve! " - "But go ahead, we just wanta get the tone
of your voice, just this last time, I'll let you off the dress rehearsal"
and I sit there sweating not saying a word for a whole minute as everybody
watches, finally I say, "No I cant do it, " and I go across the street to
get drunk) (but surprising everybody the night of the show by doing my job
of reading just fine, which surprises the producers and so they take me out
with a Hollywood starlet who turns out to be a big bore trying to read me
her poetry and wont talk love because in Hollywood man love is for sale)...
So even that marvelous, long remembrances of life all the time in the world