"Ilf and Petrov. The Twelve Chairs" - читать интересную книгу автора

Father Theodore even had to strike the table with his fist, although he
was normally a mild person in his treatment of his near ones. He did so
cautiously, since he had never done it before, and, greatly alarmed, his
wife threw a kerchief around her head and ran to fetch the civilian clothing
from her brother.
Left alone, Father Theodore thought for a moment, muttered, "It's no
joke for women, either," and pulled out a small tin trunk from under the
bed. This type of trunk is mostly found among Red Army soldiers. It is
usually lined with striped paper, on top of which is a picture of Budyonny,
or the lid of a Bathing Beach cigarette box depicting three lovelies on the
pebbly shore at Batumi. The Vostrikovs' trunk was also lined with
photographs, but, to Father Theodore's annoyance, they were not of Budyonny
or Batumi beauties. His wife had covered the inside of the trunk with
photographs cut out of the magazine Chronicle of the 1914 War. They included
"The Capture of Peremyshl", "The Distribution of Comforts to Other Ranks in
the Trenches", and all sorts of other things.
Removing the books that were lying at the top (a set of the Russian
Pilgrim for 1913; a fat tome, History of the Schism, and a brochure entitled
A Russian in Italy, the cover of which showed a smoking Vesuvius), Father
Theodore reached down into the very bottom of the trunk and drew out an old
shabby hat belonging to his wife. Wincing at the smell of moth-balls which
suddenly assailed him from the trunk, he tore apart the lace and trimmings
and took from the hat a heavy sausage-shaped object wrapped in linen. The
sausage-shaped object contained twenty ten-rouble gold coins, all that was
left of Father Theodore's business ventures.
With a habitual movement of the hand, he lifted his cassock and stuffed
the sausage into the pocket of his striped trousers. He then went over to
the chest of drawers and took twenty roubles in three- and five-rouble notes
from a sweet-box. There were twenty roubles left in the box. "That will do
for the housekeeping," he decided.


CHAPTER FOUR


THE MUSE OF TRAVEL


An hour before the evening mail-train was due in, Father Theodore,
dressed in a short coat which came just below the knee, and carrying a
wicker basket, stood in line in front of the booking-office and kept looking
apprehensively at the station entrance. He was afraid that in spite of his
insistence, his wife might come to see him off, and then Prusis, the
stall-owner, who was sitting in the buffet treating the income-tax collector
to a glass of beer, would immediately recognize him. Father Theodore stared
with shame and surprise at his striped trousers, now exposed to the view of
the entire laity.
The process of boarding a train without reserved seats took its normal
and scandalous course. Staggering under the weight of enormous sacks,
passengers ran from the front of the train to the back, and then to the