"Ilf and Petrov. The Twelve Chairs" - читать интересную книгу автора

unanimity, refused to buy Vostrikov's rabbits. Then Father Theodore had a
talk with his wife and decided to enhance his diet with the rabbit meat that
was supposed to be tastier than chicken. The rabbits were roasted whole,
turned into rissoles and cutlets, made into soup, served cold for supper and
baked in pies. But to no avail. Father Theodore worked it out that even if
they switched exclusively to a diet of rabbit, the family could not consume
more than forty of the creatures a month, while the monthly increment was
ninety, with the number increasing in a geometrical progression.
The Vostrikovs then decided to sell home-cooked meals. Father Theodore
spent a whole evening writing out an advertisement in indelible pencil on
neatly cut sheets of graph paper, announcing the sale of tasty home-cooked
meals prepared in pure butter. The advertisement began "Cheap and Good!" His
wife filled an enamel dish with flour-and-water paste, and late one evening
the holy father went around sticking the advertisements on all the telegraph
poles, and also in the vicinity of state-owned institutions.
The new idea was a great success. Seven people appeared the first day,
among them Bendin, the military-commissariat clerk, by whose endeavour the
town's oldest monument-a triumphal arch, dating from the time of the Empress
Elizabeth-had been pulled down shortly before on the ground that it
interfered with the traffic. The dinners were very popular. The next day
there were fourteen customers. There was hardly enough time to skin the
rabbits. For a whole week things went swimmingly and Father Theodore even
considered starting up a small fur-trading business, without a car, when
something quite unforeseen took place.
The Hammer and Plough co-operative, which had been shut for three weeks
for stock-taking, reopened, and some of the counter hands, panting with the
effort, rolled a barrel of rotten cabbage into the yard shared by Father
Theodore, and dumped the contents into the cesspool. Attracted by the
piquant smell, the rabbits hastened to the cesspool, and the next morning an
epidemic broke out among the gentle rodents. It only raged for three hours,
but during that time it finished off two hundred and forty adult rabbits and
an uncountable number of offspring.
The shocked priest had been depressed for two whole months, and it was
only now, returning from Vorobyaninov's house and to his wife's surprise,
locking himself in the bedroom, that he regained his spirits. There was
every indication that Father Theodore had been captivated by some new idea.
Catherine knocked on the bedroom door with her knuckle. There was no
reply, but the chanting grew louder. A moment later the door opened slightly
and through the crack appeared Father Theodore's face, brightened by a
maidenly flush.
"Let me have a pair of scissors quickly, Mother," snapped Father
Theodore.
"But what about your supper? "
"Yes, later on."
Father Theodore grabbed the scissors, locked the door again, and went
over to a mirror hanging on the wall in a black scratched frame.
Beside the mirror was an ancient folk-painting, entitled "The Parable
of the Sinner", made from a copperplate and neatly hand-painted. The parable
had been a great consolation to Vostrikov after the misfortune with the
rabbits. The picture clearly showed the transient nature of earthly things.