"Чарльз Буковски. Дневник последних лет жизни (engl)" - читать интересную книгу автора

Easy day. Got in the spa like a big timer. The sun was out and the
water bubbled and whirled, hot. I soothed out. Why not? Get an edge. Try to
feel better. The whole world is a sack of shit ripping open. I can't save
it. But I've gotten many letters from people who claim that my writing has
saved their asses. But I didn't write it for that, I wrote it to save my own
ass. I was always outside, never fit. I found that out in the schoolyards.
And another thing I learned was that I learned very slowly. The other guys
knew everything, I didn't know a fucking thing. Everything was bathed in a
white and dizzying light. I was a fool. And yet, even when I was a fool I
knew that I wasn't a complete fool. I had some little corner of me that I
was protecting , there was something there. No matter. Here I was in a spa
and my life was closing down. I didn't mind, I had seen the circus. Still,
there are always more things to write until they throw me into the darkness
or into whatever it is. That's the good thing about the word, it just keeps
trotting on, looking for things, forming sentences, having a ball. I was
full of words and they still came out in a good form. I was lucky. In the
spa. Bad throat, pain in head, I was luck. Old writer in spa, musing. Nice,
nice. But hell is always there, waiting to unfurl.
My old yellow cat came up and looked at me in the water. We looked at
each other. We each knew everything and nothing. Then he walked off.
The day went on. Linda and I had lunch somewhere, don't remember where.
Food not so good, packed with Saturday people. They were alive but they
weren't alive. Sitting at the tables and booths, eating and talking. Wait,
Jesus, that reminds me. Had lunch the other day before going to the track.
Sat at the counter, it was completely empty. I had gotten my order and was
eating. Man walked in and took the seat RIGHT NEXT TO MINE. Threre were 20
or 25 other seats. He took the one next to me. I'm just not that fond of
people. The further I am from them the better I feel. And he put in his
order and started talking into the waitress. About professional football. I
watch it sometimes myself, but to talk about it in a cafe? They went on and
on, dribbles about this and that. On and on. Favorite player. Who should
win, etc. Then somebody at a booth joined in. I suppose I wouldn't have
minded it all so much if I hadn't been rubbing elbows with that bastard next
to me. A good sort, sure. He liked football. Safe. American. Sitting next to
me. Forget it.
So yes, we had lunch, Linda and I, got back and it went restfully
toward the night, then just after dark Linda noticed something. She was good
at that sort of thing. I saw her coming back through the yard and she said,
"Old Charley fell, the fire department is there."
Old Charley is the 96-year-old guy who lives in the big house next door
to us. His wife died last week. They were married 46 years.
I walked out front and there was the fire truck. There was a fellow
standing there. "I'm Charley's neighbor. Is the alive?"
"Yes," he said.
It was evident that they were waiting for the ambulance. The fire truck
had gotten there first. Linda and I waited. The ambulance came. It was odd.
Two little guys got out, they seemed quite small. They stood side by side.
Three fire engine guys surrounded them. One of them started talking to the
little guys. They stood there and nodded. Then that was over. They walked
around and got the stretcher. They carried it up the long stairway to the