they were eaten alive in their bedroom by a giant Mexico Walking Fish.
An event he had surveyed with anguish, horror and just a twinge of
revenge: for all those psychology experiments he had been put through as
a baby. The magistrate presiding at the inquest, came to the rather
startling conclusion, that Erwin's parents would probably have survived
if,
a) Erwin hadn't hidden the Mexico walking fish in his bedroom for
six months before the tragedy: feeding it a diet solely of steroids and
dead cattle;
b) Erwin's parents had not been locked in their room, tied to their
bed and chloroformed;
and
c) Erwin had not misdirected the 'Police Armed Tactical Response'
unit; by telling them, his parents were an obscure religious cult practising
'primeval screaming' to celebrate the summer solstice.
In all other respects Erwin had grown up to be a perfectly normal
sane person. Who would have gone on through life, crawling from the
bottom of the ladder to the very top, walking over everybody in between
and a few not, until this morning. When he had finally been cornered in
his walk-in wardrobe: by a rather small and unremarkable I cat.
Erwin, upon finding he was surrounded on three sides by concrete
and on the fourth by a vicious cat, wondered if calling for help might
work. This seemed unlikely as he lived in the penthouse of one of his own
multistory buildings and being a weekend there was nothing but empty
air, steel and concrete for quarter of a mile between himself and the next
human on the canal below. However, upon reflecting that there was
nothing else to do-except start up another conversation with his shoes-he
let forth a thin, plaintive,wavering cry.
"Heeellppp."
"Miiiaoowww," the cat, immediately miaowed back.
This immediately brought back those dark, sinister memories of
childhood tortures and badly run psychology experiments to Erwin, and
sent a shiver of fear down his back: he huddled himself down in the
corner of the wardrobe and pretended to be a shoebox.
After a while, he decided that being a shoebox wasn't such a bad
thing after all, and wondered if he could make a profession out of it.
Outside the door, the Cat paused in amazement at the fact, that the
human wasn't going to feed it after all or even ramble on in some
mindless inane voice, saying brilliantly intelligent things such as," Whose
