soil the bedclothes or give birth to multiple kittens. So, Erwin being one of
those unfortunate beings who had managed to make it past birth, was left
with no alternative. He leapt out of bed, bounced across the room and hid
in the wardrobe. Hoping the cat would do some cat like things like run
away, go climb a tree or most hopefully - get eaten by a dog.
After Erwin had been in the wardrobe for over an hour, having
started up a terribly animated conversation with one of his shoes, he
came to the conclusion that while his runners had a lot more in common
with himself than he had previously believed, he couldn't spend the rest
of his life stuck in his wardrobe talking to them. He decided to risk
poking his head out to see if the cat had gone away.
It hadn't.
To Erwin's dismay, the cat was still there and what was worse, was
watching him in a decidedly interested fashion, with its head cocked to
side and two feline eyes staring up at him in a manner that was
distressingly un-feline. He slammed the door closed and tried tunneling
into the room next door.
You see, Erwin had this thing about cats: he hated them.
Now, Erwin had never intended to wake up this morning and be
besieged by a cat in his wardrobe. In fact, Erwin had never wanted to
wake up any mornings at all; in this life or any other for that matter. It
was just that his parents had never let him have any say in the matter,
while they were conceiving him, being far too busy at the time, deciding
on the most appropriate position for coitus in the back seat of a
Volkswagen.
Indeed, it was not so much Erwin minded waking up or actually
being conscious, rather he considered being asleep a far more interesting
way of getting through life than being awake. In fact, Erwin was amazed
that people were ever actually 'up' before eleven o'clock in the morning;
indeed he had always considered the possibility as somebodies idea of a
sick joke.
Nevertheless, having gotten thus far into the world, he concluded
that he wanted nothing more than to be a ruthless architect making
millions of dollars, own villas in the south of France and be world leader.
Not much really, to ask in recompense for being dragged out of the total
oblivion, which he previously existed in, as a pure non-existent meta-
physical impossibility.
Unfortunately, the universe didn't see it this way and it had a habit
of barging into his world, or in this case his bedroom, and doing horrible
things to him such as having pigeons land on him or kittens run up his
leg. Indeed, any animal, that was in any way at all, cute and cuddly Erwin
found terrifying to an extreme. Although strangely enough, huge horrible
