"Bud Webster - The Lordly Loofah" - читать интересную книгу автора (Webster Bud)

"They sure are making a lot of noise, though," I remarked.
Bob clapped me on the shoulder. "That's why we call it 'sounding', Bud!" he laughed.

Greg took us through the whole process of exploration, from the original geosurveys ("We look for
taconite. They're frequently found together," Greg revealed), to the core samples brought up from
hundreds of feet beneath the surface, to the actual quarrying and refining of the loofite.

(A word about this: contrary to popular belief, loofite is not mined, but quarried from open pits. In the
past, these unsightly pits would take years to recover, but with the continued greening of American
industry, most loofah processors have adopted various kinds of recovery programs; for instance, the
Stanko Loofah Works plants mullet groves and nematode beds in played-out loofah pits, which not only
make Piltdown a nicer place to live, but are a healthy tax write-off as well.)

From the first, the struggle between the quarrymen and the loofite has resembled that between miners and
coal; there's danger in the pits, and if too much dynamite is used to bring down a wall of loofite,
quarrymen can be buried under dozens of pounds of loofite for hours. How often have we seen shocking
news footage of loofite workers (or "loofers", as they're called in the industry) pulled from the rubble of a
cave-in, skin pink from their ordeal and suffering from intense boredom?

Thanks to modern technology, this tragic scene is repeated less and less. Today, loofers wear special
OSHA-approved worksuits and hard-hats which not only prevent the annoyance of being scrubbed raw
each day (they refer to this as "the pinks"), but include powerful radio receivers so that, if the worst does
happen, they have a choice of five radio stations to keep them company while awaiting rescue.

The last step of the process is refining the long cylinders of loofite into what we know as loofahs. Here, in
a clean room equaling NASA's, the rough ore is subjected to high temperatures and pressures in a huge,
rotating stainless steel tank called a render. The loofite is spun to dislodge any loose fibers and insects,
then soaked in a combination of brine, boron bi-sulfate, and sodium salicilate to purify the resulting
spongy mass. This "soup", as the workers call it, is slightly radioactive, but well within government
regulations. The actual proportions are a closely guarded secret. Greg Stanko says: "This formula was
developed over decades of experimentation by my grandfather, Jedediah R. Stanko. A lot of loofah
manufacturers have tried to copy it, and a few have tried to steal it, but there's only three people who
know everything that goes into it, and they all work different shifts."

Finally, the finished loofahs are dried, cut to length, and glued to sticks, blocks of wood, or what have
you before being packaged in brightly colored boxes for shipment to department stores and shopping
malls all over the world.

After the tour, I was treated to an elegant brunch of squash, turbot, and spongecake – courtesy of the
Stanko Loofah Works kitchens – and asked to sign their guestbook (I noticed that the earlier pages held
the names of such illuminaries as Lord Gordon-Gordon, van Meergeren, and P. T. Barnum). After
returning the key to the middle-management washroom, I shook hands all around and climbed back in
my Yugo.

And so, the mysteries of the loofah stand revealed, and we say a grateful "thank you" to Bob and Greg
for their time and hospitality. Then, back to Doris and Milo's for an evening of local baseball on the color
television in the lobby (Piltdown Men 37, Cardiff Giants 35), and a long, luxurious bath – complete with
loofah – before returning home.