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Erowid Psychoactive Vaults : "Perception and Knowledge" by Frances Vaughan
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PERCEPTION AND KNOWLEDGE
FRANCIS VAUGHAN
from: Psychedelic Reflections
Little controlled research has been done with psychedelics. But my
own experience, coupled with my observation of hundreds of clients,
students, and acquaintances who have used LSD in both controlled and
uncontrolled settings, has convinced me that we have much to learn from
appropriate investigation of this powerful mind-altering chemical. The
dearth of research has not lessened the impact of psychedelic experiences
on people's lives and on the culture at large. Psychology in general has
failed to keep pace with personal explorations in altered states of
consciousness, many of them induced by LSD or similar psychedelic
substances.
In the past decade, transpersonal psychology has emerged as that branch
of psychology specifically concerned with the study of human
consciousness. It attempts to expand the field of psychological inquiry to
include such human experiences as those induced by psychedelics, as well
as similar states attained through the practice of meditation or other
disciplines. As a transpersonal psychologist, I have been particularly
interested in the study of consciousness as it pertains to psychological
health and wellbeing. My clinical practice is devoted to facilitating
human growth and development, often on the border between psychological
and spiritual domains .
My personal introduction to LSD occurred under optimum conditions. In
his book, LSD Psychotherapy,(1) Dr. Stanislav Grof observes that
normal people benefit most when participating in a supervised psychedelic
program, and that the experience can move them in the direction of
selfactualization. My own experience supports this view. As a subject in
early LSD research, I was thoroughly screened and well prepared. I had
also had an opportunity to talk with other subjects who felt they had
benefited. My first session was a profound and overwhelming mystical
experience. Subsequent sessions seemed less important, but served as
reminders of insights gained in the initial one.
A most striking feature of my psychedelic experience was the noetic
quality of consciousness as it expanded from its usual perceptual range to
a vast contextual awareness that recognized the relativity of all
perception in space/time. I find the term re-cognize particularly
appropriate, since the knowledge that was suddenly revealed to me under
LSD seemed to be remembered rather than learned. I was awed by the vast
range of consciousness, yet felt that I was simply uncovering what I had
always known, i.e. the truth which had previously been hidden behind a
veil of relative unconsciousness. As the illusory, changeable nature of
ordinary reality became increasingly clear, I also realized how a normally
constricted perceptual framework permits one to see only a fraction of
reality, inevitably distorted to suit personal projections and
presuppositions.
During the experience, I felt I understood what mystics throughout the
ages have claimed to be the universal truth of existence. I had an
academic background in philosophy and comparative religion, but I realized
that mystical teachings had now taken on an added dimension. My perception
seemed to have shifted from a flat, two-dimensional intellectual
understanding of the literature, to a three-dimensional sense of immersion
in the mystical reality.
The perennial philosophy and the esoteric teachings of all time
suddenly made sense. I understood why spiritual seekers were instructed to
look within, and the unconscious was revealed to be not just a useful
concept, but an infinite reservoir of creative potential. I felt I had
been afforded a glimpse into the nature of reality and the human potential
within that reality, together with a direct experience of being myself,
free of illusory identifications and constrictions of consciousness. My
understanding of mystical teachings, both Eastern and Western, Hindu,
Buddhist, Christian, and Sufi alike, took a quantum leap. I became aware
of the transcendental unity at the core of all the great religions, and
understood for the first time the meaning of ecstatic states.
I now felt I had had some direct experience of the ineffable realms of
union with God, and I discovered that my dissatisfaction with conventional
religion was not due to the death of God, as some theologians proclaimed,
but rather to the impoverished concepts of God currently in vogue. Whether
one spoke of God, the Void, or the Self, Being, Bliss, or Consciousness,
did not matter, for the words were so far removed from the experience that
they were only fingers pointing to the moon; they bore little resemblance
to the depth of realization that became available when I let go of my
preconceptions about the nature of the universe. As far as I knew, such
insights into the nature of consciousness had only been attained by rare
individuals, many of them advanced practitioners of spiritual disciplines
.
The world view that made most sense of this experience was clearly a
mystical one. Neither the subjective nor the objective pole of experience
could encompass the totality. The possibility of transcending boundaries
between self and other, the illusory nature of ego, the interdependence of
opposites, the relative nature of dualism and the resolution of paradox in
transcendence became clear. All mental content was simply the play or the
dance of life, and what could be known about consciousness became the
focus of my attention. Psychodynamic material that came into awareness
seemed irrelevant. My own personal drama was no more significant than
light playing on a movie screen. Even feelings of joy, ecstasy, and
liberation in letting go of attachments were less important than the
insight and sense of knowing, or remembering, inexpressible truth. "Know
the truth, and the truth shall make you free" were the words that seemed
best to capture the nature of my experience. I felt free to be exactly who
I was, free of fear and social constraints, and filled with love and
compassion for all beings.
Although many of the insights that flooded my awareness were forgotten,
many remained to influence my life. I felt I could see how much human
suffering is self-imposed, how our beliefs shape our reality, and what it
means to awaken to the realization that life is a dream of our own making.
The dreamlike quality of existence, the unreality of past memories and
future fantasies, and the acceptance of the interrelatedness of all things
were insights subsequently confirmed as I learned more of the perennial
teachings of both Eastern and Western contemplative traditions.
I also gained a new appreciation for the Christian teaching of
forgiveness. I saw how our own condemnation injures us, and how our
difficulty in forgiving ourselves for imagined imperfections contributes
to neurotic guilt and anxiety. Not only did I feel forgiven for being just
as I was, I saw that in reality there was nothing to forgive. This seemed
to remove the obstacles to the experience of love and I felt an extension
of love and forgiveness to all beings everywhere.
The subjective nature of time also became starkly apparent. My
Newtonian world view was sufficiently shaken to make it relatively easy
for me to accept some of the more apparently nonsensical propositions of
the new subatomic physics, when they later came to my attention. Likewise,
parapsychological phenomena no longer seemed incomprehensible. The fact
that we could not explain part of our human experience in the existing
paradigm seemed to indicate that the paradigm needed re-examination rather
than to justify dismissal of the evidence.
For the first time, I understood the meaning of "ineffable." There
seemed to be no possibility of conveying in words the subjective truth of
my experience. A veil had been lifted from my inner vision, and I felt
able to see, not just images or forms, but the nature of truth itself. The
doors of perception were so cleansed, they seemed to vanish altogether,
and there was only infinite being. Krishnamurti's characterization of
truth as a pathless land seemed an appropriate description of this domain.
I felt that I had now experienced the grace of God. Truly I had been
given a gift of infinite worth. I could understand why human beings
throughout history have relentlessly pursued truth and sought
enlightenment. I knew now why some felt impelled to sit in caves for years
trying to become enlightened, why some were willing to die for ideals, and
why suffering was endured. If asceticism was perceived as a means of
attaining this state of oneness, I could understand why a person might
choose it. I understood that the essence of my being was identical with
the timeless essence of every living thing, that formlessness was the
essence of form, that the whole universe was reflected in every psyche,
and that my separateness was only an illusion, a dream from which I had,
in this moment, fully awakened.
As I faced old fears and watched the tricks of my mind, I became
increasingly aware of my ability to choose my subjective state.
Consciousness seemed infinitely plastic. I could choose to focus the lens
of attention on anything. Barriers and resistances had dissolved, and
fears had disappeared along with them. In that moment I knew that I had
nothing to fear. Only the creations of my own mind and my own thoughtforms
could threaten me, and I could see them as if in a lucid dream, parading
through the field of awareness. I was free to either attend to them or let
them pass, choosing instead to experience more fully the bliss of pure
being, just being present to my experience of the moment, with no added
fantasy or distraction.
The affective tone of my experience was pure love. After the barriers
dissolved, I could feel the depth of my love for life itself, and for my
husband and children. They seemed perfect just as they were, yet I did not
need them and therefore felt no fear or possessiveness. Life itself was
enough. I too, was complete and acceptable just as I was. Old feelings of
inadequacy and uncertainty had vanished.
My aesthetic sensibilities were profoundly enhanced, not only during
the few hours of the session, but afterwards as well. This effect has
lasted over a period of 15 years. My appreciation of music, art, nature,
and human beings has continued to grow since that time. I remember being
particularly struck by the joy of hearing music as I never had heard it
before. I could laugh at my old self-image, which included "not being
musical. " I was deeply moved by each piece of music that was played. As I
listened without distraction, each one evoked a different aspect of my
psyche, and at the center of each was the perfect still point of pure
being where one could experience union with God.
I gained a new appreciation of my own capacity for choice and the role
of consciousness in creating experience. For the first time I saw the
possibility of taking responsibility for my own experience. I also felt I
was truly participating fully in the universal human condition. All of my
experience, including the experience of separateness and aloneness, was
something I had in common with all human beings. Although my personal
history and the events of my life were unique, the underlying unity of
life became starkly evident. The forms of expression and experience were
diverse, but the underlying qualities of being were universal.
I also felt a reduction in nonspecific anxiety, and a greatly
diminished fear of death. As the illusory nature of many of my worries and
fears became apparent, I became more trusting and accepting of myself, and
more willing to enter into unfamiliar situations and take risks in
exploring new creative endeavors. As I was released from feelings of
neurotic guilt and inadequacy, my increased ability to relax also
contributed to enhanced sexual enjoyment. My appreciation of life itself
and of the simple tasks of everyday living was also profoundly enhanced. I
found myself more open in my intimate relationships, and better able to
give and receive love without fear.
I also became aware of a desire to be of service in the world, to make
some contribution to humanity through my work. At the same time I felt
more able to tolerate paradox and ambiguity. The recognition of the
interdependence of opposites has since become a useful therapeutic tool in
my practice; I often think of psychological growth as a balance and
synthesis of opposites. In working with others to heal internal splits and
conflicts, enabling them to take increasing responsibility for their own
lives and wellbeing, I have had many opportunities to appreciate the
importance of this capacity.
The effects of this experience seemed to me equivalent to what I might
have expected from several years of insight therapy. I had been able to
see through and let go of many constricting patterns of thought and
behavior that previously seemed automatic and beyond conscious control.
Some of the far-reaching effects appeared immediately in my personal life.
For several months after this experience I remained in a semi-euphoric
state in which I experienced being in love all the time. Everything in my
life seemed to be exactly as it was supposed to be. Everything was all
right. None of the small things I used to get upset about seemed to matter
any more. I was experiencing a state of inner peace and serenity that
allowed me to cope more effectively with everything I needed to do, while
I felt in touch with a sense of divinity within.
This period of my life coincided with what seemed to be a time of new
hope for humankind. The flower children in San Francisco were happily
rebelling against the old order, and a better future seemed within reach.
A sense of euphoria was in the air; the more sordid side of psychedelia
became apparent only as time went by. My interest in understanding the
experience led me to graduate school to study psychology, but I soon found
that Western psychological models could not accommodate it. Yet I knew I
was not unique. Many other people were reporting similar experiences.
Eastern consciousness disciplines seemed to offer the best maps of this
inner world, and they also offered instruction for attaining such states
without the use of chemicals. Now I could hear, as if for the first time,
the depth of the wisdom in their teachings and in the mystical doctrines
of all ages and all cultures. As I sought for words to express my own
ineffable experience I gained a new appreciation for those individuals who
had attempted to communicate their own insights in writing or art. I also
became interested in understanding intuitive ways of knowing; many years
later I wrote a book about the development of intuition, entitled
Awakening Intuition.(2)
My intellect was eager to incorporate what I had learned into working
psychological models. I saw a need to formulate new psychological theories
that could encompass such experiences. Among Western psychologists, only
Carl Jung had addressed transpersonal experiences. He wrote, " . . . The
fact is that the approach to the numinous is the real therapy and inasmuch
as you attain to the numinous experience you are released from the curse
of pathology."(3) That was apparently true of my experience, but it later
became clear that a psychedelic experience in and of itself was not
necessarily therapeutic. The popularity of psychedelics increased greatly,
but few of their users achieved the therapeutic benefits I had
experienced.
In his extensive research on LSD psychotherapy, Stanislav Grof noted
that transpersonal experiences occur only rarely in early sessions of
psychedelic therapy, but are quite common in advanced sessions. (1,4) Grof
has provided a detailed map of the death/rebirth experience which he found
to be therapeutic for many of his subjects. The experience of ego-death
may be liberating and ecstatic, as it was for me, but it may also be
terrifying to a person who is unprepared. However, under appropriate,
carefully controlled conditions, a subject may be enabled to surmount the
difficulties encountered in letting go of limiting self-identifications.
Phenomenologically, personal accounts of drug-induced mystical
experiences may be indistinguishable from spontaneously occurring mystical
experiences. In either case, the effects may or may not last. The glimpse
of a larger reality that such experience affords may change a person's
life if he or she chooses to integrate it. If, however, the experience is
repressed, denied, or invalidated, it may only contribute to exacerbating
existential guilt and anxiety. When a person is not able to stabilize such
glimpses into transcendent reality and incorporate them into existing
belief systems, they can certainly disrupt the ordinary adjustment of
everyday life.
Transpersonal psychology (5,6,7) has attempted to formulate a
conceptual framework for such experiences, since they obviously are not
going to go away. Although psychedelics have been restricted, the public
continues to experiment, and research continues to lag far behind.
Moreover, the striking parallels between such experiences and those
described by mystics raise many questions for mental health professionals.
In the transpersonal domain, where psychological and spiritual growth are
one, psychedelics appear to be powerful tools for the investigation of
consciousness; they could enable us to expand our understanding of the
human mind and the nature of creative consciousness. A willingness to
question our assumptions and to keep an open mind with respect to
potential benefits and potential hazards is essential.
For the past 10 years I have been practicing transpersonal
psychotherapy and training therapists to work in this area. The lack of
serious study in the field of psychedelic drugs has unfortunately
restricted their use to uncontrolled personal experimentation. The dearth
of research is clearly a drawback when therapists are so often called upon
to handle situations where clients have been involved in uncontrolled
experimentation. Although many people in our culture have taken
psychedelics, few therapists are capable of assessing, evaluating, and
integrating psychedelic experiences in a useful way. Psychedelics, like
any powerful tool, may be used skillfully for the benefit of humanity, or
unskillfully to the detriment of those whose ignorance leads to abuse.
As we search for ways of understanding the possibly infinite resources
of human consciousness, I suggest that the potential of psychedelics as
tools for learning should not be ignored. Today, when the survival of our
planet is at stake, there is an urgent need to work responsibly in every
facet of human endeavor. By refusing to tread where fools rushed in, we
may be turning away from significant learning about human experience and
how the mind works. People of differing views and persuasions must join
together in exploration of the universals of psychological health and
wellbeing and work to find ways of facilitating experiences that foster
growth toward wholeness for everyone.
REFERENCES
1. Grof, S. LSD Psychotherapy. Pomona, CA: Hunter House, 1980.
2. Vaughan, F. Awakening Intuition. New York: Doubleday, 1979.
3. Jung, C.G. G. Adler (Ed.). Letters. Princeton, NJ: Princeton
University Press, 1973.
4. Grof, S. Realms of the Human Unconscious. New York: Viking,
1975.
5. Walsh, R., & Vaughan, F. (Eds.). Beyond Ego: Transpenonal
Dimensions in Psychology. Los Angeles: J.P. Tarcher, 1980.
6. Wilber, K. Spectrum of Consciousness. Wheaton, IL:
Theosophical Publishing House, 1977.
7. Wilber, K. The Atman Project. A Transpersonal View of Human
Development. Wheaton, IL: Theosophical Publishing House, 1980.
| Last Modified - Sun, Oct
29, 2000 |
Used by
Erowid without permission of author |
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