"Mary Stewart - Airs Above The Ground" - читать интересную книгу автора (Stewart Mary)

a thing, Vanessa? Would you?"

I hesitated, then said more gently: "I'm sorry, but it seems quite natural to me. After all, Timothy hasn't
quarrelled with his father, and it seems a pity to keep them apart. I mean, they're bound to want to see
each other now and again, and you mustn't think you mean any the less to him because he sometimes
feels the need of his father. I-it's none of my business, Carmel, and I'm sorry if I sound a bit pompous,
but you did ask me."
"But not to tell me! So underhand! That he should have secrets from me, his mother . . ." Her voice
throbbed. "I feel it, Vanessa, I feel it here." She groped for where her heart presumably lay, somewhere
behind the ample curve of her left breast, failed to locate it, and, abandoning the gesture, poured herself
another cup of tea. "You know what it says in the Bible about a thankless child? 'Sharper than a
something's paw it is,' or something like that? Well, I can tell you as a mother, that's exactly how it feels!
Sharper than the whatever-it-is. . . . But of course, I can't expect you to understand!"

The more than conscious drama which was creeping into Carmel's conversation had dispelled any pity
which I might have been feeling for her and centered it firmly on Timothy. And I was wondering more
than ever just where I came in. She had surely not telephoned me so urgently just because she needed an
audience; she had her own devoted bridge set, with whom, doubtless, all this had already been gone
over; moreover, she had managed to make it clear already that she didn't expect either sympathy or
understanding from anyone of my generation.

"I'm sorry, I'm not being unsympathetic, I am trying to understand; but I can't help seeing Timothy's side
of it too. He's probably just wild to get a holiday abroad, and this is a marvellous chance. Most boys of
his age would grab at any chance to go to Austria. Lord, if I'd had a relative abroad when I was that age
I'd have been plaguing the life out of them to invite me away! If his father really does want to see him-"

"Graham's even sent him the money, and without a word to me. You see? As if it wasn't hard enough to
hold them, without him encouraging them to leave the nest."

I managed not to wince at the phrase. "Well, why not just be sweet about it and let him go? They always
say that's the way to bring them back, don't they? I know how you feel, I do really; but Mummy used to
say if you hang onto them too hard they'll only stay away, once they've managed to get free."

As soon as the words were out I regretted them; I had been thinking only of Timothy, and of somehow
persuading Carmel to do what would in the end hurt herself and her son the least; but now I remembered
what my mother had been speaking about, and was afraid I had cut rather near the bone. But I need not
have worried. People like Carmel are impervious to criticism simply because they can never admit a fault
in themselves. She could see no reference to her own triple domestic tragedy, because nothing would
ever persuade her to believe that any part of it was her fault; any more than those people who complain
of being unloved and unwanted ever pause to ask if they are in fact lovable.

She said: "You haven't any children, of course. Doesn't Lewis want them?"

"Have a heart. We've not been married all that long."

"Two years? Plenty of time to start one. Of course," said Carmel, "he's not at home much, is he?"

"What have my affairs and Lewis's got to do with this?" I asked, so sharply that she abandoned whatever
tack she had been starting on.