"Mike Resnick - Mrs. Hood Unloads" - читать интересную книгу автора (Resnick Mike)

MRS. HOOD UNLOADS


by Mike Resnick









Yes, Mrs. Grobnik, it's a new set of tiles. My son the Most
Wanted Felon gave them to me. Probably they used to belong to the
rabbi's wife.
He just gave them to me last week. He'd been keeping them for
me for three months. Two nights a week he can sneak into the
castle and annoy the King, but can he come by for dinner with his
mother more than once in three months?
You think you've got _tsouris_? Well, God may ignore you from
time to time, but He _hates_ me.
I don't mean to complain...but what did I ever do to deserve
such a _schmendrik_ for a son? I think they must have switched
babies at the hospital, I really do. 26 hours I spent in labor,
and for what? You work and you slave, you try to give your son a
sense of values, and then even when he stops by he gulps his food
and can never stay for dessert because the army is after him.
So at least you can write and tell me how you're doing, Mr.
Big Shot, I tell him. And do you know what he says to that? He
says he can't write because he's illiterate. Me, I say he's just
using that as an excuse.
You break the wall, Mrs. Noodleman. Can I bring anyone some
tea?
Well, of course he robs from the rich, Mrs. Grobnik. I mean,
what's the sense of robbing from the poor? But why does he have
to rob at all? Why couldn't he have been a doctor? But he says no,
he's got this calling, that God told him he has to rob from the
rich and give to the poor. When I was fourteen, God told me that I
was a fairy princess, but you didn't see me going out and kissing
any frogs. Anyway, I tell him that maybe he's misinterpreting,
that maybe God is telling him to be a banker or a real estate
broker, but he says no, his holy mission is to rob the rich and
give to the poor. So I ask him why he can't at least charge the
poor a ten percent handling fee, and he gives me that look, the
same one I used to smack his _tuchis_ for when he was a boy.
_Pong!_ Very good, Mrs. Katz.
No, we're happy to have you here, Mrs. Katz. I just couldn't
take any more of that Mrs. Nottingham. She's so hoity-toity and
walks around with her nose in the air, and acts like her boy is a