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The Stupidest Angel


A HEARTWARMING TALE OF CHRISTMAS TERROR



by
Christopher Moore
This book is a work of fiction. The characters, incidents, and
dialogue are drawn from the author's imagination and are not to be
construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events or persons,
living or dead, is entirely coincidental.


Copyright © 2004 by Christopher Moore.
This book is dedicated to MIKE SPRADLIN who said: "You know,
you oughtta write a Christmas book."
To which I replied: "What kind of Christmas book?"
To which he replied: "I don't know. Maybe Christmas in Pine Cove
or something."
To which I replied: " 'Kay."
 Acknowledgments


The author wishes to acknowledge those who helped: as always,
Nicholas Ellison, my intrepid agent; Jennifer Brehl, my brilliant
editor; Lisa Gallagher and Michael Morrison for continued
confidence in my ability to tell stories; Jack Womack and Leslie
Cohen for getting me in front of my readers and the press; the
Huffmans, for preparing a landing pad and a warm welcome;
Charlee Rodgers, for the careful reads, thoughtful comments, and
just putting up with the process; and finally, Taco Bob, from whom I
joyfully (and with permission, which almost ruins it) swiped the idea
for chapter 16.
 Author's Warning


If you're buying this book as a gift for your grandma or a kid, you
should be aware that it contains cusswords as well as tasteful
depictions of cannibalism and people in their forties having sex.
Don't blame me. I told you.
 Chapter 1


CHRISTMAS CREEPS


Christmas crept into Pine Cove like a creeping Christmas thing:
dragging garland, ribbon, and sleigh bells, oozing eggnog, reeking of