"Barry N. Malzberg - Le Croix" - читать интересную книгу автора (Malzberg Barry N)

I inherited neither genetic nor socially-derived interest in sex for its own
non-procreative sake.
Religion interested me more than fanaticism for a permanent program, but
fanaticism was not without its temptations. “Religion after all imposes a
certain rigor,” I was instructed. “There is some kind of a rationalizing
force
and also the need to assimilate text. Then too there is the reliance upon
another, higher power. One cannot fulfill ultimately narcissistic tendencies.
On
the other hand—fanaticism dwells wholly within the poles of self. You can
destroy the systems, find immortality, lead a crushing revolt, discover
immortality within the crevices. It is not to be neglected; it is also
purgative
and satisfying and removes much of that indecision and social alienation of
which you have complained. No fanatic is truly lonely or at least he has
learned
to cherish his loneliness.”
“I think I'd rather have the religious program,” I said after due
consideration.
“The lives of the prophets, the question of the validity of the text, the
matters of the passion attract me.”
“You will find,” they pointed out, “that much of the religious experience is
misrepresented. It leads only to an increasing doubt for many, and most of
the
major religious figures were severely maladjusted. You would be surprised at
how
many were psychotics whose madness was retrospectively falsified by others
for
their own purpose.”
“Still,” I said, “there are levels of feeling worth investigating.”
“That, of course, is your decision,” they said, relenting. They were nothing
if
not cooperative; under the promulgated and revised acts of 2202, severely
liberalizing board procedures, there have been many improvements of this
illusory sort. “If you wish to pursue religion we will do nothing to stop
you.
It is your inheritance and our decree. We can only warn you that there is apt
to
be disappointment.”
“Disappointment!” I said, allowing some affect for the first time to bloom
perilously forth. “I am not interested in disappointment. This is of no
concern
to me whatsoever; what I am interested in is the truth. After all, and was it
not said that it is the truth which will make ye—”
“Never in this lifetime,” they cut me off, sadly, sadly, and sent me on my
way
with a proper program, a schedule of appointments with the technicians, the
necessary literature to explain the effects that all of this would have upon
my
personal landscape, inevitable changes, the rules of dysfunction, little