"Stanislaw Lem - The Offer Of King Krool" - читать интересную книгу автора (Lem Stanislaw)

disintegrated into a fine powder. The Chancellor could scarcely believe his eyes, but quickly
recognized the King's signet impressed there on the purple sealing wax; he opened the letter
and read that His Majesty was forced to negotiate with the enemy, for the constructors had
employed means algorithmic and algebraic to make him captive, and now they would list their
demands, all of which the Great Chancellor had better meet, if he wished ever to get his
Mighty Sovereign back in one piece. Signed: “Krool herewith affixes his hand and seal, held
prisoner in a cave of unknown location by one pseudoconstabulary beast in three uniforms
personified.”
There then arose a great clamor, everyone shouting and asking what it all meant and what
were the demands, to which Trurl said only, “Our chains, if you please.”
A blacksmith was summoned to unfetter them, after which Trurl said:
“We are hungry and dirty, we need a bath, a shave, massage, refreshment, nothing but the
best, plenty of pomp and a water ballet with fireworks for dessert!”
The court, of course, was hopping mad, but had to comply in every particular. Only at
dawn did the constructors return from their villa, each elegantly pomaded, arrayed and
reclining in a sedan chair borne by footmen (their former informers); they then, deigning to
grant an audience, sat down and presented their demands—not off the top of their heads,
mind you, but from a little notebook they had prepared for the occasion and hidden behind a
curtain in their room. The following articles were read:
First, A ship of the finest make and model available shall be furnished to carry the
constructors home.
2nd, The said ship shall be laden with various cargo as here specified: diamonds—four
bushels, gold coin—forty bushels, platinum, palladium and whatever other ready valuables they
happen to think of, eight bushels of each, also whatever mementos and tokens from the Royal
Apartments the signatories of this instrument may deem appropriate.
3rd, Until such time as the said ship shall be in readiness for takeoff, every nut and bolt in
place, fully loaded and delivered up to the constructors complete with red carpet, an
eighty-piece send-off band and children's chorus, an abundance of honors, decorations and
awards, and a wildly cheering crowd—until then, no King.
4th, That a formal expression of undying gratitude shall be stamped upon a gold medallion
and addressed to Their Most Sublime and Radiant Constructors Trurl and Klapaucius, Delight
and Terror of the Universe, and moreover it shall contain a full account of their victory and be
duly signed and notarized by every high and low official in the land, then set in the richly
embellished barrel of the King's favorite cannon, which Lord Protozor, Master of the Royal
Hunt, shall himself and wholly unaided carry on board—no other Protozor but the one who
lured Their Most Sublime and Radiant Constructors to this planet, thinking to work their painful
and ignominious death thereby.
5th, That the aforesaid Protozor shall accompany them on their return journey as insurance
against any sort of double dealing, pursuit, and the like. On board he shall occupy a cage
three by three by four feet and shall receive a daily allowance of humble pie with a filling made
of that very same sawdust which Their Most Sublime and Radiant Constructors saw fit to
order in the process of indulging the King's foolishness and which was subsequently taken to
police headquarters by unmarked balloon.
6th and lastly, The King need not crave forgiveness of Their Most Sublime and Radiant
Constructors on bended knee, since he is much too beneath them to deserve notice.
In Witness Whereof, the parties have hereunto set their hands and seals this day and year,
etc. and so on. By: Trurl and Klapaucius, Constructors, and the Great Chancellor, the Great
Chamberlain, the Great Chief of Secret Police, the Seneschal, Squadron Leader and Royal
Balloonmaster.