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A Trip To Planet S.
© 1999 Marion Kelt

How unusual!
Instead of the usual high-pitched screaming of the retro-thrusters there was only a muffled thump. The surface of this planet must be vegetated or perhaps covered in a dry sandy topsoil.
Captain Alan Tomney of the Galactic Expeditionary Force rearranged himself in the pilot's chair of the one-person SpaceMap craft and reached for the exterior viewer controls.
He began the preliminary scan on visual mode, then cursed softly under his breath and hit the console a mighty wallop. The display on screen in front of him wobbled a bit, but became no clearer.
All it showed was a fuzzy view of a rolling landscape of blue-grey hillocks. Sighing to himself, he switched on the AudioCapture facility in his suit. He was glad that he had remembered to keep it switched off during landing and his first sight of this new territory.
Especially after the embarrassing stubbed toe incident in which his whole vocabulary of colourful space curses had somehow got played back to the entire corps. Alan grinned ruefully - at least some of the younger troopers had found it educational.
'Preliminary visual scan shows indistinct uneven planetary surface of blue-grey colour. The edges of the surface appear fuzzy, as if the surface is covered by some type of dry loose matter'
The capture button clicked off. The scanner flipped on to DepthProbe in order to examine the composition of the planetary crust. Waiting for it to complete the analysis, he pondered on this obsessive human need to map out every galactic nook and cranny.
It was as if recording and analysing each unknown place made it less frightening and somehow 'ours'. That was all very well, but try telling that to the poor space grunts who had to carry out the routine and often deadly boring job.
With a sigh, Alan started the long process of unfastening the complex webbing of his safety harness and finally heaved himself to his feet. He grunted and started to rub some life back into his numbed legs.
The human race had mapped out the best part of the galaxy but still couldn't build a compact craft which didn't give you a numb bum if you were above galactic standard height. A discreet ping signalled that the latest scan was complete.
Mostly an organic fibrous material, nothing unusual in its composition. This was noted on the AudioCapture. Another straightforward job then, Alan thought as he activated the vacuum seals on the suit, set the ship to AutoWait and opened the hatch.
The planet's unsteady surface slowed down his pace as he stepped out towards the nearest hillock. Alan was keen to get this job over and done with as it was his last stop before heading back to Earth for some long overdue R&R;.
Perhaps this was why he jabbed the sharp PlanetProbe into the surface with more than usual force when he finally got the regulation distance from the ship. Whatever the reason, the effect of his action was drastic.
A large vaguely tubular form rose up from the ground and threw him through the atmosphere with almost lethal force. 'Mayday! Mayday!' he bellowed into the suit's comm. mic and activated all the emergency functions.
The AudioCapture, SOS beacon and Video unit whirred into life. GEF training kicked in and banished any panic. 'Large tubular lifeform, shaggy surface coating. Almost transparent in parts.
Releasing noxious odour and slimy trail. Camouflaged by uneven surface of the planet and undetectable by our scanners. Oh no - there's more than one, a whole herd of them heading in this direction!'
The commentary faded out to be replaced by vigorous huffing and puffing as the burly captain galloped back to his craft, hampered by the shifting planetary surface and his heavy suit. He activated the hatch by remote control and threw himself into the pilot's chair.
Alan lay gasping for air and reached for the controls of the external viewer. Groaning he watched as his view of the outside world was obscured by layer upon layer of the grey-blue wriggling beings. 'Bloody typical! Just when I was on my way home too!'
Quickly scanning the Bioforms database, he searched for a clue on how to combat this new unknown menace. No luck there. The captain was beginning to feel a bit worried. The standard SpaceMap craft was small, and though it fairly bristled with state of the art scanning and mapping equipment, it was a tad short on offensive weaponry.
He tried activating the outer skin of the craft with a gentle electrical charge. This sometimes worked with large primitive lifeforms, driving them away with no permanent damage. No luck. He fired the outer lighting at flare level, again no luck.
Likewise with the sonic cannons at full blast. Now the captain was really beginning to lose his cool. Out of online contact with his supervisors back on Earth, all messages were relayed by the network of galactic comms beacons. Cursing furiously he worked his way along every combination of command buttons on the console.
This was no longer even faintly amusing. The solar batteries were getting low and a certain level of power was needed to blast back into orbit. He was not ready to die unsung on a two bit piece of rock inhabited by some damnable space slugs!
He was a Captain of the Galactic Expeditionary Force and he was not to be stopped from R&R; leave..... Alan scanned the console desperately.
Wait a minute, what was that wee green button with strange round markings on it? It had remained unnoticed as it was located slightly beneath the main panel. With a muttered prayer he pressed it.
Suddenly a cloud of billowing white foam blocked everything from view. What off Earth was going on now? With nothing better to do but wait, he finally found the pilot's manual under the seat where it lay among the traditional debris of snack wrappers and dust-devils. 'Super Foamy Clene?! - Never heard of it!' It seemed that he had found the utility button used by the techies after the major tour of duty lubrication service.
'Fat lot of good that will do!' However, once the foam had died down a bit, he could see that it had achieved what all his other manoeuvres had failed to do. The alien life forms lay sad and dormant round the feet of his craft.
Seizing the opportunity, Alan buckled himself in and blasted off as fast as he could. Back on Earth, the supervisors were puzzled as they scanned Captain Tomney's report of his narrow escape. Were they dealing with some new intergalactic menace? Should they start forward planning?
They decided not to do anything drastic in the short term. Perhaps they could consult his wife and see if he had ever mentioned a similar encounter in his previous travels. Mrs Tomney was duly summoned.
The young tech operative was most reassuring, 'Remember that your husband is in no danger, he is safely on his way home. However, we would like you to view his AudioVisual report on his experiences on this planet.' The lights dimmed and the AV relay equipment started.
Towards the end of the tape, the tech looked over and saw that Mrs Tomney's shoulders were shaking violently. 'There, there' he said, reaching out a hand to her 'He really is safe and well you know'
He raised the lights and was surprised to see that the woman was laughing so hard that the tears were running down her face. 'What is it? Can you identify the lifeform?' She gasped for breath, and finally managed to get the words out. 'Its well seen that you are all institutionalised here - I always told the big pillock that he wouldn't recognise a dirty sock if it jumped up and bit him!'

FINI
Marion Kelt is a Site Librarian for Glasgow Caledonian University, based at the Southbrae Campus Library. Galloway born (a countrified part of Scotland that is very near to the border with England) but moved to Glasgow when 17 to go to University where she did a degree in Librarianship and Philosophy at Strathclyde University. Married to Pete, another librarian who collects records. Likes yoga and real ale! Ambition is to win the lottery, buy a dog and retire!
****************************
First published in Great Britain in 1998 by Crowsnest Publishing. For further information see our web site at http://www.sfcrowsnest.com or http://www.computercrowsnest.com/greennebula/bkindex.htm - e-mail us at [email protected]
Copyright © Marion Kelt 1999
The Rights of Marion Kelt to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
 

A Trip To Planet S.
© 1999 Marion Kelt

How unusual!
Instead of the usual high-pitched screaming of the retro-thrusters there was only a muffled thump. The surface of this planet must be vegetated or perhaps covered in a dry sandy topsoil.
Captain Alan Tomney of the Galactic Expeditionary Force rearranged himself in the pilot's chair of the one-person SpaceMap craft and reached for the exterior viewer controls.
He began the preliminary scan on visual mode, then cursed softly under his breath and hit the console a mighty wallop. The display on screen in front of him wobbled a bit, but became no clearer.
All it showed was a fuzzy view of a rolling landscape of blue-grey hillocks. Sighing to himself, he switched on the AudioCapture facility in his suit. He was glad that he had remembered to keep it switched off during landing and his first sight of this new territory.
Especially after the embarrassing stubbed toe incident in which his whole vocabulary of colourful space curses had somehow got played back to the entire corps. Alan grinned ruefully - at least some of the younger troopers had found it educational.
'Preliminary visual scan shows indistinct uneven planetary surface of blue-grey colour. The edges of the surface appear fuzzy, as if the surface is covered by some type of dry loose matter'
The capture button clicked off. The scanner flipped on to DepthProbe in order to examine the composition of the planetary crust. Waiting for it to complete the analysis, he pondered on this obsessive human need to map out every galactic nook and cranny.
It was as if recording and analysing each unknown place made it less frightening and somehow 'ours'. That was all very well, but try telling that to the poor space grunts who had to carry out the routine and often deadly boring job.
With a sigh, Alan started the long process of unfastening the complex webbing of his safety harness and finally heaved himself to his feet. He grunted and started to rub some life back into his numbed legs.
The human race had mapped out the best part of the galaxy but still couldn't build a compact craft which didn't give you a numb bum if you were above galactic standard height. A discreet ping signalled that the latest scan was complete.
Mostly an organic fibrous material, nothing unusual in its composition. This was noted on the AudioCapture. Another straightforward job then, Alan thought as he activated the vacuum seals on the suit, set the ship to AutoWait and opened the hatch.
The planet's unsteady surface slowed down his pace as he stepped out towards the nearest hillock. Alan was keen to get this job over and done with as it was his last stop before heading back to Earth for some long overdue R&R;.
Perhaps this was why he jabbed the sharp PlanetProbe into the surface with more than usual force when he finally got the regulation distance from the ship. Whatever the reason, the effect of his action was drastic.
A large vaguely tubular form rose up from the ground and threw him through the atmosphere with almost lethal force. 'Mayday! Mayday!' he bellowed into the suit's comm. mic and activated all the emergency functions.
The AudioCapture, SOS beacon and Video unit whirred into life. GEF training kicked in and banished any panic. 'Large tubular lifeform, shaggy surface coating. Almost transparent in parts.
Releasing noxious odour and slimy trail. Camouflaged by uneven surface of the planet and undetectable by our scanners. Oh no - there's more than one, a whole herd of them heading in this direction!'
The commentary faded out to be replaced by vigorous huffing and puffing as the burly captain galloped back to his craft, hampered by the shifting planetary surface and his heavy suit. He activated the hatch by remote control and threw himself into the pilot's chair.
Alan lay gasping for air and reached for the controls of the external viewer. Groaning he watched as his view of the outside world was obscured by layer upon layer of the grey-blue wriggling beings. 'Bloody typical! Just when I was on my way home too!'
Quickly scanning the Bioforms database, he searched for a clue on how to combat this new unknown menace. No luck there. The captain was beginning to feel a bit worried. The standard SpaceMap craft was small, and though it fairly bristled with state of the art scanning and mapping equipment, it was a tad short on offensive weaponry.
He tried activating the outer skin of the craft with a gentle electrical charge. This sometimes worked with large primitive lifeforms, driving them away with no permanent damage. No luck. He fired the outer lighting at flare level, again no luck.
Likewise with the sonic cannons at full blast. Now the captain was really beginning to lose his cool. Out of online contact with his supervisors back on Earth, all messages were relayed by the network of galactic comms beacons. Cursing furiously he worked his way along every combination of command buttons on the console.
This was no longer even faintly amusing. The solar batteries were getting low and a certain level of power was needed to blast back into orbit. He was not ready to die unsung on a two bit piece of rock inhabited by some damnable space slugs!
He was a Captain of the Galactic Expeditionary Force and he was not to be stopped from R&R; leave..... Alan scanned the console desperately.
Wait a minute, what was that wee green button with strange round markings on it? It had remained unnoticed as it was located slightly beneath the main panel. With a muttered prayer he pressed it.
Suddenly a cloud of billowing white foam blocked everything from view. What off Earth was going on now? With nothing better to do but wait, he finally found the pilot's manual under the seat where it lay among the traditional debris of snack wrappers and dust-devils. 'Super Foamy Clene?! - Never heard of it!' It seemed that he had found the utility button used by the techies after the major tour of duty lubrication service.
'Fat lot of good that will do!' However, once the foam had died down a bit, he could see that it had achieved what all his other manoeuvres had failed to do. The alien life forms lay sad and dormant round the feet of his craft.
Seizing the opportunity, Alan buckled himself in and blasted off as fast as he could. Back on Earth, the supervisors were puzzled as they scanned Captain Tomney's report of his narrow escape. Were they dealing with some new intergalactic menace? Should they start forward planning?
They decided not to do anything drastic in the short term. Perhaps they could consult his wife and see if he had ever mentioned a similar encounter in his previous travels. Mrs Tomney was duly summoned.
The young tech operative was most reassuring, 'Remember that your husband is in no danger, he is safely on his way home. However, we would like you to view his AudioVisual report on his experiences on this planet.' The lights dimmed and the AV relay equipment started.
Towards the end of the tape, the tech looked over and saw that Mrs Tomney's shoulders were shaking violently. 'There, there' he said, reaching out a hand to her 'He really is safe and well you know'
He raised the lights and was surprised to see that the woman was laughing so hard that the tears were running down her face. 'What is it? Can you identify the lifeform?' She gasped for breath, and finally managed to get the words out. 'Its well seen that you are all institutionalised here - I always told the big pillock that he wouldn't recognise a dirty sock if it jumped up and bit him!'

FINI
Marion Kelt is a Site Librarian for Glasgow Caledonian University, based at the Southbrae Campus Library. Galloway born (a countrified part of Scotland that is very near to the border with England) but moved to Glasgow when 17 to go to University where she did a degree in Librarianship and Philosophy at Strathclyde University. Married to Pete, another librarian who collects records. Likes yoga and real ale! Ambition is to win the lottery, buy a dog and retire!
****************************
First published in Great Britain in 1998 by Crowsnest Publishing. For further information see our web site at http://www.sfcrowsnest.com or http://www.computercrowsnest.com/greennebula/bkindex.htm - e-mail us at [email protected]
Copyright © Marion Kelt 1999
The Rights of Marion Kelt to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.