"Robert A. Heinlein - To Sail Beyond the Sunset" - читать интересную книгу автора (Heinlein Robert A)

the manager will take an axe to your rusty gizzard and install a Burroughs-
Libby analogue brain in your place. Who shaved the barber? What do your
case studies say about that? Moron.’
This time I got a female voice. ‚Manager’s office. How may I help you?’
‚You can take this dead man out of my bed!’
Short pause. ‚Housekeeping, Hester speaking. How may we help you?’
‚There’s a dead man in my bed. I don’t like it. Untidy:
Another pause. ‚Caesar Augustus Escort Service, serving all tastes. Do I
understand that one of our gentleman companions died in your bed?’
‚I don’t know who he is; I just know that he’s dead. Who takes care of such
things? Room service? Garbage removal? House physician? And I want the
sheets changed, too.’
This time they gave me background music while I waited... and waited -
through the first two operas of the Ring Cyde and well into the third.
‚Accounting and bookkeeping, our Mister Munster speaking. That room was
not rented for double occupancy. There will be an additional -‚
‚Look, buster, it’s a corpse. I don’t think a corpse counts toward „double
occupancy“. Blood is dripping off the bed and on to your rug. If you don’t get
somebody up here right away, that rug will be ruined.’
‚There will be a charge for damage to the rug. That is more than normal wear
and tear.’
‚Grrr!’
‚I beg your pardon?’
‚I am about to set fire to the drapes?
‚You’re wasting your time; those drapes are fireproof. But your threat has
been recorded. Under the Rooming House Act, section seven dee -‚
‚Get this dead man out of here!’
‚Please hold. I’ll connect you with the head porter.’
‚You do and I’ll shoot him as he comes through the door. I bite. I scratch. I’m
foaming at the mouth. I haven’t had my shots.’
‚Madam, please contain yourself. We pride ourselves on -‚
‚And then I’ll come down to your office and find you, Mister monster Munster,
and pull you out of your chair and sit down in it myself and turn you over my
knee and take your pants down and... Did I mention that I am from Hercules
Gamma? Two and a half gravities surface acceleration; we eat your sort for
lunch. So stay where you are; don’t make me have to hunt for you.’
‚Madam, I regret that I must tell you that you cannot sit in my chair.’
‚Want to bet?’
‚I do not Nave a chair; I am securely bolted to the floor. And now I must bid
you good day and turn you over to our security force. You will find the
additional charges on your statement of account. Enjoy your stay with us.’
They showed up too quickly; I was still eyeing those fireproof drapes,
wondering if I could do as well with them as Scarlet O’Hara had with the
drapes at Tara, or could I arrange a simple toga, like Eunice in The Last
Days of Pompeii (or was she in Quo Vadis?), when they arrived: a house
doc, a house dick, and a house ape, the last with a cart. Several more
oddments crowded in after them, until we had enough to choose sides.
I need not have worried about being naked; no one seemed to notice... which
irked me. Gentlemen should at least leer. And a wolf whistle or other
applause would not be out of place. Anything less makes a woman feel