"Joe Haldeman - Guardian" - читать интересную книгу автора (Haldeman Joe)

He was a funny man; he blushed and turned his eyes away from me when he
spoke—and thought—about my riding a horse or bicycle. I suppose I might have blushed
in return, though I had never as an adult straddled a horse. I rode, but had an old-
fashioned sidesaddle. I supposed that would be mirth-provoking in Kansas.
Both of us were intrigued by the pictures, and I resolved to order one once I was
established in a job, providing that whatever passed for roads in Dodge City would
accommodate such a machine. The salesman claimed he could deliver a bicycle
anywhere in the country—so long as it had a rail stop—within two weeks. It was
exciting, mainly for Daniel, but I also liked the idea of being independent of horses and
carriages. Some of the pictures in the brochure showed women gaily riding along, though
I wasn't sure how one could mount the machine without exposing a certain amount of
ankle, or worse.
I slept that night better than I had in years, free of Edward and rocked by the
motion of the train. Daniel hardly slept at all, thanks to the small electric light over his
bunk. It was probably as much the novelty of being allowed to stay up and read as it was
the drama of the stories he was reading.
The train stopped several times during the night, but I didn't wake until dawn,
when we began laboring up the final hills through the "Black Country," around Latrobe,
to Pittsburgh. I suppose Daniel fell asleep about then; he was too groggy to go to the
dining car for breakfast. I brought him back toast and tea, but they went to waste.
The blast furnaces were darkening the sky again, after the strikes and depression,
and Pittsburgh seemed both modern and monstrous. I was glad we were only to spend a
few hours there. The porter helped us unload and I left Daniel to "guard" our trunks, by
sleeping on them. In the coffee shop I wrote a short letter to Edward, and copied it into
my diary:

June 25th, 1894

Edward:
God may one day forgive you for what you did to our son, but I never
will. I have taken him away from your vileness forever.
Don't try to contact us or find us. I will take you straight to court and
expose you for the monster you are. It is only for Daniel's sake that I didn't do
so in the process of divorce.
If Daniel wants to go to you after he is an adult, I cannot stop him.
Until then, I will keep him safe from you, and pray that God remove you from
this Earth.

It was difficult for me to write the word divorce, and I was not sure that I was
sincere in the threat. It seems odd to me now, and weak, but to me the marriage vow was
absolute, a life sentence.
I was not young then, but naive, in spite of education. It's quite clear to me now
that instead of running off to Kansas, I should have walked into the law offices of the
proper Victorian gentlemen who conducted Edward's affairs, told them what had
happened, and found out what the price would be for divorce in return for silence. I
suspect Daniel and I would have had our independence easily, relocating with a
comfortable sum or income. Instead of the strange journey.
Perhaps God ordains these things. The world would be much different now, if I
had acted more rationally. Millions of people now living would be dead, or unborn.
We are "derailed."