"Gurdjieff, G I - Beelzebubs Tales To His Grandson" - читать интересную книгу автора (Gurdjieff G I)

During the days following this event, nothing particular happened in my general state, unless there might
be connected with it the fact that during these days, I walked more often than usual with my feet in the
air, that is to say, on my hands.
My first act, obviously in discordance with the manifestations of others, though truly without the
participation not only of my consciousness but also of my subconsciousness, occurred on exactly the
fortieth day after the death of my grandmother, when all our family, our relatives and all those by whom
my dear grandmother, who was loved by everybody, had been held in esteem, gathered in the cemetery
according to custom, to perform over her mortal remains, reposing in the grave, what is called the
"requiem service", when suddenly without any rhyme or reason, instead of observing what was
conventional among people of all degrees of tangible and intangible morality and of all material
positions, that is to say, instead of standing quietly as if overwhelmed, with an expression of grief on
one's face and even if possible with tears in one's eyes, I started skipping round the grave as if dancing
and sang:
"Let her with the saints repose,
Now that she's turned up her toes,
Oi! oi! oi!
Let her with the saints repose,
Now that she's turned up her toes."
… and so on and so forth.
And just from this it began, that in my entirety a "something" arose which in respect of any kind of so to
say "aping", that is to say, imitating the ordinary automatized manifestations of those around me, always
and in everything engendered what I should now call an "irresistible urge" to do things not as others do
them.
At that age I committed acts such as the following.
If for example when learning to catch a ball with the right hand, my brother, sisters and neighbors'
children who came to play with us, threw the ball in the air, I, with the same aim in view, would first
bounce the ball hard on the ground, and only when it rebounded would I, first doing a somersault, catch
it, and then only with the thumb and middle finger of the left hand; or if all the other children slid down
the hill head first, I tried to do it, and moreover each time better and better, as the children then called it,
"backside-first"; or if we children were given various kinds of what are called "Abaranian pastries", then
all the other children, before putting them in their mouths, would first of all lick them, evidently to try
their taste and to protract the pleasure, but … I would first sniff one on all sides and perhaps even put it
to my ear and listen intently, and then though only almost unconsciously, yet nevertheless seriously,
muttering to myself "so and so and so you must, do not eat until you bust", and rhythmically humming
correspondingly, I would only take one bite and without savoring it, would swallow it—and so on and so
forth.
The first event during which there arose in me one of the two mentioned data which became the
"vivifying sources" for the feeding and perfecting of the injunction of my deceased grandmother,
occurred just at that age when I changed from a chubby mite into what is called a "young rascal" and had
already begun to be, as is sometimes said, a "candidate for a young man of pleasing appearance and
dubious content."
And this event occurred under the following circumstances which were perhaps even specially combined
by Fate itself.
With a number of young rascals like myself, I was once laying snares for pigeons on the roof of a
neighbor's house, when suddenly, one of the boys who was standing over me and watching me closely,
said:
"I think the noose of the horsehair ought to be so arranged that the pigeon's big toe never gets caught in
it, because, as our zoology teacher recently explained to us, during movement it is just in that toe that the
pigeon's reserve strength is concentrated, and therefore if this big toe gets caught in the noose, the pigeon
might of course easily break it."