"Ron Goulart - Conversations with My Knees" - читать интересную книгу автора (Goulart Ron)

“Pardon me,” I put in, reaching toward the blond coffee table for my
cell phone. “I’d best call the Slesinger to report these hallucinations.”

“Relax, dimbulb,” advised my right knee. “You ain’t goofy. What they
implanted, unbeknownst to you, chum, are some very state-of-the-art
artificial knees. Or rather not they but Dr. Wallace Dowling.”

“Dowling?” I frowned, putting the phone down. “He’s not my
physician.”

“Were you awake during the operation, pal?”

“Well, no, but—”

“Dowling took over after you shuffled off to dreamland.”

“Dr. Dowling is a very nice man,” said my left knee. “We’re starting to
get very worried about—”

“Button your yap, sister. We’ll get to that in—”

“Wait now,” I said, frowning. “They mentioned Dowling on Wake Up,
Marin this morning, didn’t they?” It hadn’t taken me long to get used to my
unusual knees. Here I was having a conversation with them already.

“That they did, kiddo. The doc vanished last night, did a bunk,
vamoosed.”

“Come now, the poor man was obviously abducted.”

I cleared my throat. “It’s too bad about Dr. Dowling,” I admitted.
“However, I’m much more interested in why my replacement knees can talk.
There sure as hell wasn’t anything about that in the brochure they—”

“All in good time,” my motherly knee told me. “First, young man, let us
tell you about the favor we want you to do for us.”
 “He ain’t a young man,” corrected my other knee. “Sixty-one puts him
in the old fart category. All you got to do is take a gander at his puss to
realize—”

“How can you look at me?” I wanted to know. “Knees don’t have the
power of vision.”

“We’re using your eyes, dopey. When you looked in the bathroom
mirror this morning, we took a gander,” explained my knee. “Got a look at
your missus, too. Jeez, is she going to seed. Only forty-nine, too. She’s
going to be a real blimp by the time she’s your age.”

“Now, now, Mavis is still a very attractive woman. And she has a truly