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Plumage From Pegasus: Survival of the Fannish
by Paul Di Filippo

“In case you needed proof that books can save lives—Michael Auberry, the
12-year-old who disappeared from his Boy Scout troop on Saturday in
North Carolina, was found alive Tuesday morning in a remote mountain
area, and a children’s book may have helped him survive. A few years ago
Auberry read Gary Paulsen’s Newbery Honor novel Hatchet, about a boy
who is deserted on an island after a plane crash and learns to live off the
land, and some of its survival lessons may have sunk in. ‘I think he’s got
some of that book on his mind,’ his father told CNN.”

—”Gary Paulsen, Lifesaver?”, Publishers Weekly, 3/20/2007.

****

“—and here to answer all your questions is Patrolman Ordway
Dollarhide. As you know, Patrolman Dollarhide, along with his K-9 partner,
Peanuts, was the brave and resourceful rescuer who discovered our lost
camper, Michael Valentine Atreides, after a five-day campaign involving
hundreds of searchers. We had hoped to have little Michael Valentine
himself present, but the boy is just too debilitated from his ordeal to attend.

“Now, please welcome Patrolman Dollarhide.”

“Thank you, Mayor Galliard. I appreciate the flattering introduction. But
I was just doing my job. And to continue doing my job now, I find I have to
take polite but firm exception to some of your characterizations of the
case.”

“Why, I—”

“No, please, let me continue, Mayor. There’s no point in glossing over
any of the details of this incident. It’s the sorriest mess I ever took part in,
and if we hope to prevent anything like it from occurring in the future, it’s
best to lay all the facts out straight.”

“Well, go ahead then, Patrolman....”

“First off, Michael Valentine Atreides is not no little boy. He’s thirteen
and weighs more than me. I figure him at around two hundred and thirty
pounds, give or take a Twinkie or two. Now, there’s plenty of sources of
drinking water in the Yollabolly Middle Eel Wilderness Area, and the
temperature never fell below sixty degrees, even at night. So he could’ve
lived off that fat of his for about another month. His life was never in no real
danger then.”

“Still—”

“I know, I know, it’s no fun for a youngster to be lost all alone, even