"Wadholm, Richard - From Here You Can See The Sunquists" - читать интересную книгу автора (Dholm Richard) From
Here You Can See
the Sunquists Originally published
in Isaac Asimov's Science
Fiction Magazine Part One All that summer
the Sunquists debated a trip to La Jetйe. Mr. Sunquist said
that summer was the time to go. The tourists would be off to Kleege's
Beach, where the hotels were new and no one worried about slipping
back and forth in time as they walked down the beach. The Sunquists
would have La Jetйe to themselves. Mrs. Sunquist
was plainly uneasy about La Jetйe. She would not say why. The Sunquists
were travelers, after all. Cosmopolitans. They savored a difficult
aesthetic experience. She spoke only
of their neighbors, the Dales, who had spent a month in Nepal.
"They seemed so happy," she said. "They had their
own sherpas. They rode in a cart up to Annapurna, pulled by a team
of yetis." Mr. Sunquist wondered
at her reluctance. Was she worried for the baby? He knew she was
nervous. Mrs. Sunquist had the sort of nerves that only a mid-life
pregnancy can bring on. But women had babies in La Jetйe all the
time. Some women spent their entire pregnancies there. Mr. Sunquist
proposed nothing more than a week—a farewell to the city of their
youth. What could that hurt? He plied his wife
with nostalgia. He reminded her of their first meeting, in the
galleries along Gull Street. Mr. Sunquist had purchased mangoes
at Sonny's Seafood Chowder Bar and shown her how to eat them with
salt and cayenne pepper. He smiled as Mrs.
Sunquist twisted her lips to taste the sweetness of the fruit,
the heat of the red pepper. This was one of their quiet and indelible
memories together. Mr. Sunquist knew it. "We can go
back and see it, just exactly as it was," he told her. "Nothing is
ever exactly as it was," she said. "In La Jetйe
it is," he said. This was not an article of faith on his part.
In La Jetйe it was a simple fact. "What about
us? Will we be the same?" "We will be
what we've always been," he promised her. "You'll see." * * * It was in the
nature of the world that their last journey to La Jetйe should begin
sweetly. Just as the hours of canyon roads had become unendurable,
something shimmered in the air, a change of light or air pressure.
The road took a turn and they found themselves at the bottom of
the cliff road, looking out at the city of their youth. Mrs. Sunquist
had been quiet these last two hours. Now, she could not help smiling.
"It's still the most beautiful place we ever lived," she
said. La Jetйe glowed
under the slanted light of evening, as vivid as a fever dream.
Every little outbuilding and cafй—a rich, ridiculous red. Every
boat-repair a bitter aqua, a harsh viridian. Melancholy limned
the moment. The Sunquists had agreed that this would be their last
trip to La Jetйe. The baby was coming. They both had experienced
things in La Jetйe that no one needed to grow up with, Mr. Sunquist
had said so himself. That had been an easy decision in their kitchen.
As he drank in his last vista of La Jetйe, Mr. Sunquist would have
taken it back. "Do you remember
that time at Lola's Bookstore," Mr. Sunquist asked his wife,
"when Piecziznski, the chess master, challenged nineteen of
his own iterations to speed tournaments?" "And he beat
twelve of them?" She laughed at the image. "And played
the other seven to draws..." "—And then
he killed himself, because twelve of the nineteen were older versions
of himself, and he could see how his powers would decline!"
The Sunquists shook their heads; this was a favorite memory of theirs.
Something they had always planned to get back to see again. "Do you think
we can find that?" she asked. Mr. Sunquist nodded
down the road. The La Jetйe of last summer had passed into the
expanding time signatures of the Present City. He thought he recognized
it, floating against the horizon, spectral and over bright. Or
maybe he saw some other iteration, realized by other Sunquists
on other summer jaunts. "He's there,"
Mr. Sunquist said. "I know that. We need a Feynman diagram
to orient ourselves, that's all." He knew a kiosk in the hotel
district, they could get one there. Just off the frontage
road, they passed the skeleton of a new luxury hotel, half-built
and abandoned. It rose from behind its screen of construction siding
like the rusted gantries of some failed cosmodrome. A faded sign
promised completion in the spring. It did not mention the year. Mr. Sunquist winced
a little as they drove by. So many friends had gone in with him
on this investment. They should have known, he told himself. Vacation
real estate can be so risky. But Mr. Sunquist
had no time to indulge regret. His mind was on the row of orchid
houses that had been dug under in the hotel's wake. Where was that
paella kitchen where he had taught Mrs. Sunquist how to eat mangoes?
Or the hotel where they had hidden themselves away from the heat
on those breathless August days when the sky was blue-black with
unspent rain? A less romantic man would have surrendered these
places to the iterations of memory. Mr. Sunquist surrendered nothing.
Twenty-five years
up the highway would be the Hotel Mozambique, just as it had been
at the height of its renown. During the hot weekends of August,
the Sunquists had allowed themselves little vacations from their
basement apartment on Four o'Clock Street. The Hotel Mozambique
had been their destination. Mr. Sunquist remembered the room they
had asked for. Number 219 looked out on the black-bottom pool and
the ocean across the road. Here also would
be Sonny's Bar, and the night he had proposed marriage to Melanie
Everett. This was one of Mrs. Sunquist's favorite moments. They would get
their room at the Mozambique, he decided. From there, they would
find the night of their proposal. But something about their Feynman
was corrupted. Or maybe Mrs. Sunquist wasn't reading it properly.
Whatever, the Sunquists found themselves retracing a patch of highway
twenty-five years up the road. Just as their navigating turned
quarrelsome, Mrs. Sunquist sighted a blue-and-white beachcomber
bicycle racked up alongside the Ciriquito Street pier. She pointed into
the haze of decoherence that muffled the world beyond the road.
In that instant, a moment coalesced before them. Mr. Sunquist found
himself in a narrow parking strip looking down on a gentrified
waterfront. Sailboats in slips, cafйs with sun decks. Temporal observatories
offered "Views of Parallel Worlds!" and, "The Chance
to See the Life You Might Have Led!" All for two dollars. Sonny's Bar nestled
into the crook where the Ciriquito Street Pier met the beach. Like
every other building on the beach, Sonny's Bar showed its backside
to the landlubbers' world. A sign had been painted above the dumpsters,
reminding all the old neighborhood that Sonny had been serving
them in this same location "Since most of you were underage." "I don't see
my truck," Mr. Sunquist said. "Are you sure this is the
night?" "You called
me from your office and said to meet you here," Mrs. Sunquist
said. "I do not make a habit of bicycling to bars. This is
the night you proposed." "Maybe we
pulled off the highway a few minutes early." Mr. Sunquist offered.
He suggested they wait for him inside the bar, just to be sure. The interior was
designed in one of those inverted situations from the turn of some
century. The patrons clambered together on a large round cushion
the color and texture of boxing gloves. Three bartenders hovered
over a counter that encircled them. TV monitors were
placed to catch the eye at every angle. In this age, Sonny's fancied
itself a sports bar. But Sonny himself? He liked novellas, Mexican
soap operas. Two different ones were playing simultaneously as
the Sunquists walked in. A regular was complaining that the World
Cup was on, Brazil versus Russia. Sonny was laughing and nodding,
paying the man no particular mind. His eyes were neither on the
man nor on the screens. Like everyone
else in the room, Sonny watched the girl in the sundress and sandals.
She sat on the quiet side of a circular cushion, away from most
of the television screens. She read Justine (the one by Lawrence
Durrell, not Marquis de Sade), and nudged a glass of chardonnay
around by the stem. Maybe it was something about seeing across
twenty-five years in the space of a single room, but Mr. Sunquist
imagined the girl in a singular light. Maybe it was simply that
everyone else seemed to dim by comparison. The Sunquists
found chairs in an alcove beneath one of the television screens.
They had a view of the bar from here, and the television to distract
anyone who looked their way. A waiter asked
what they were having. Mrs. Sunquist asked for iced tea. ("Ice
tea," she snickered. "This kills me.") Mr. Sunquist liked
a scotch-and-soda, but not here. As he looked across the bar, he
recognized iterations of himself and his wife from other summers,
all drinking scotch-and-sodas. He did not wish to be known by the
sort of drink he ordered. He ordered a glass of merlot. Mrs. Sunquist
put a hand on his arm. "You know I was furious at you for leaving
me alone in a bar," she said. A phone call had kept Mr. Sunquist
from leaving, some warehouse on Gull Street wanting to be an artists'
loft. Mrs. Sunquist
did not seem furious; she was smiling at her younger reflection.
The girl on the couch didn't look furious. She looked like a stranded
angel, patiently waiting on gravity's demise. "Right about
now, I was giving you five more minutes to walk through the door." "You were
very tolerant with me, Mrs. S." But it wasn't
tolerance that had kept her in her seat for an hour. He wore a suit
and tie, but badly. They were not what he was used to. He was not
yet thirty, yet his scalp already showed through the down at the
top of his head. A last bit of baby fat lent his eyes a squint
when he smiled. Mr. and Mrs. Sunquist
hushed each other as the little man asked to sit. "He was
very polite," Mrs. Sunquist recalled. "He was scared
of you," Mr. Sunquist chuckled. "Look how bald he's become
in just a few years." Mr. Sunquist remembered the little man
from their old neighborhood. He didn't remember the name. But the
young man had existed at the periphery of Bobby Shelbourne's crew,
Mr. Sunquist remembered that. The Sunquists
stifled giggles; Melanie let him buy her a glass of wine, though
a glass stood half full at her elbow. She smiled at him as he fumbled
at his introduction: Roger J. Swann, from a local desk of one of
the international banks in Kleege's Beach. He never mentioned the
old bungalows they had all shared on the beach, or the parties
at Sonny's and at Bobby Shelbourne's apartment. He seemed happy
in his role as stranger. In the presence of Melanie Everett, he
might have been happy with anything. The story as the
Sunquists retold it to each other over the years had this desperate
little man crawling into Melanie's lap. In fact, Swann never looked
down at her open dйcolletage. His eyes were glued to her face.
Every smile she made brought one in return. Her jokes made him
laugh, and cover his mouth with his palm. Melanie Everett
asked him about himself. (Surely, she was being wicked!) Roger
Swann was awed by her consideration. He grew flustered. He might
have gone. Melanie had this
thing she did, this nervous laugh, as if she were the one, needed
reassurance. Swann happily reassured her. He told her about
his work. Roger Swann was a programmer for the bank. "More
like a game warden," he confided. "The programs do their
own programming anymore. I just make sure they remember who they're
working for." Melanie laughed
and put her hand up to her mouth. Roger Swann did the same. His
eyes squinted down to little black points of happiness and moist
shine. Mr. Sunquist remembered
Roger Swann. What a perfect foil he had been. He had missed his
chance with Melanie at her twentieth birthday party. Look at him
now—Mr. Sunquist could see the romantic fantasies fill his mind.
"Enjoy it while you can," he chuckled. One of the bartenders
swung up the counter to let someone through. It was Bill Sunquist.
He looked sheepish at first. He saw the clock above the bar and
lowered his head and sighed. Then he saw the fervent little banker
paying for Melanie's wine. This wicked leer kinked up the corner
of his mouth. Roger Swann never
looked up, but Melanie did. Melanie said not a word as Bill Sunquist
pushed by the two of them to take a seat on her left. Roger Swann
was explaining the intricacies of Darwinian programming strategies.
She seemed perfectly content to listen. Mr. Sunquist remembered
looking across at Melanie as Swann continued on about his work—
Are you looking for a job? What? That's when he saw the amusement
in her eyes. What a hoot this would be! Bill Sunquist
had a low boredom tolerance. There was only so much arbitrage trading
and Darwinian software business to put up with before the joke
ran out. Just for fun, he leaned across Roger's lap to argue with
the waiter over the provenance of a gram of hashish. "A spicy aroma
of ginger," he read off the thumb-sized packet. "Redolent
with earth musk and cardamom." Bill Sunquist opened it up
for the maitre d' to smell. "Would you describe that as 'redolent
with earth musk and cardamom'?" The waiter looked
at him long, a patronizing half-smile at the corner of his mouth.
"We have a fine roan from Lebanon, with the elusive sweetness
of late-harvest Riesling. Would you care to try that?" "For my friend
here." Mr. Sunquist remembered smiling down on Roger Swann.
"For my friend." He remembered Roger Swann smiling back,
confused and helpful and friendly as a pup. Bill Sunquist nodded
across at Melanie. "Are you ready, Mi Amor? To Grandmother's
house we go." A priceless moment—Roger
Swann turns his hopeful gaze back to Melanie. But Melanie is already
moving past Bill for the open side of the bar. Looking on from
the darkness of their alcove, Mr. Sunquist could not help an ornery
cackle. Ohh, he was terrible in those days! They shook hands
like gentlemen, give them that. Such was his commitment to sportsmanship
that Roger Swann would have shaken Melanie's hand as well, but
something made her turn away at the last moment. She stumbled into
Bill, pushed past him blindly for the door. Mr. Sunquist had
to bite his fist to keep from laughing at the ridiculous tableau—Roger
Swann, staring after them with three half-empty wine glasses on
the bar and a look in his eyes like crushed violets. Mrs. Sunquist
squeezed his arm the way she always did when she was trying to make
him behave. Oh, but her eyes shone. Even before she said it, he
knew she must be exulting in their perversity. He might have
skipped the proposal at this point. He had no need to fight the
crush of other Sunquists, all hurrying out to see the same thing.
He had seen what he wanted. Only courtesy made him remind his wife
why they had come here in the first place. "Right out
there on the porch," he told her, "I'm proposing marriage
to you." Mrs. Sunquist
had her eyes on Roger Swann. He had to nudge her for attention.
"You still want to see this, don't you?" She laughed then,
like she always did. She assured him that she was all right, as
if he had asked. They had managed
to snag a prime parking spot from the clutches of their own grasping
iterations. From here, the Sunquists looked on as Bill Sunquist
dug in his coat pocket and came up with something small, wrapped
in velvet and chintz. Even now, Mr.
Sunquist remembered the moment. He remembered the way Melanie drew
her hands to her face, and looked from his hands to his face as
if to catch him in a lie. He remembered the feel of her fingers
in his palm as she took the box, the little breath as she opened
it and turned the ring toward the light. Mr. Sunquist tried
to remember what was going through the mind of the young man on
the porch. Maddeningly, all he could think of was Roger Swann.
People like that, you humiliate them and they think they can win
you over. Any minute, he had expected the door to open and a myopic
smile to appear beneath the wall sconce. The realization
made him anxious for something to say. "We look like we're
very much in love." In truth, Mr. Sunquist had no idea what
people in love were supposed to look like. "I hate to
tell you what I was really thinking." Mrs. Sunquist gave a
glance over her shoulder. There was another couple in a car just
a few spaces down. She leaned forward so they would not hear what
she had to say. "I had just downed a glass-and-a-half of cheap
white wine and all I could think about was finding someplace to
pee." "And, of course,
you couldn't go back in the bar—" "Roger Swann
was in there." Mr. Sunquist found
himself roaring. Mrs. Sunquist hushed him; she was a shy person
by nature, and people might be listening. That made him laugh even
harder. The couple in
the next car turned to see what was funny, but he didn't care. He
knew these people well enough, he had nothing to prove to them. They would be
a couple in their thirties. They would be having a conversation
very much like this one. A little breathless, the woman hints to
her husband how these past fifteen years are as much a product
of bladder control as love. Perhaps she intends
a joke. Perhaps an insult. Things are not so good between the man
and the woman at this point in their marriage. The woman realizes
this too late, and starts to back up and stammer. To himself, the
man thinks... "Romance is
one of those things that doesn't really work as a first-hand experience.
Why we come back here every year, I imagine." "What?"
Mrs. Sunquist looked up at him. "You must have heard that somewhere." It was not an
especially generous thought, Mr. Sunquist realized. He was a little
surprised he had said it out loud. More surprised how much he believed
it to be true. "We should
move on," he said. "Let these kids have their privacy." She put a hand
to his wrist as he reached for the touch pad. "One more minute,"
she whispered. "They're almost done." She stared so intently
that Mr. Sunquist wondered what she was looking at. Her head tilted
to her right, and her mouth gaped in little-girl awe. "I was a beauty
in my day, wasn't I?" She smiled a little, as if to make a
joke, but she could not hide the shine on her eyes. It must be the
baby, he thought. The baby makes her sentimental. A half-dozen
things came to mind. All had the antiseptic cheer of a get-well
card. He squeezed her hand. "Steady-on, old girl. Let's not
break the mood here." Mrs. Sunquist
nodded. Of course, of course. Suddenly she was laughing again. She
waved all his worried looks aside. Perhaps she had been having
him on after all. * * * Part
Two A few minutes further
up the road awaited the Hotel Mozambique they had known as youngsters.
White stucco bungalows crowded protectively around a medium-sized
black-bottom pool. The pool looked out the open end of the courtyard
toward the sea. Mr. Sunquist got
them the room they always asked for, looking out through the top
of a date palm toward Mer Noire. Mrs. Sunquist
pushed open the window. A blood-warm breeze came in off the bay,
sour with brine, pungent with road tar from the asphalt bike paths
just beyond the courtyard. "What was
the name of that soap opera they filmed down the beach?" Mrs.
Sunquist eased herself into the corner of the sill, hugging herself
in the dreamy light that spilled through the palms just beyond.
"Indigo Something,"
Mr. Sunquist recalled. "Shades of Indigo, I think." "They filmed
right outside my window for six months when I lived with Bobby
Shelbourne. The next year, the production company followed their
expanding time signature up the beach and filmed the actors playing
opposite their own earlier iterations. You remember that?" Mr. Sunquist said
he did. This was a lie—Mr. Sunquist had no money for television
when he was young—but all lies are sweet in La Jetйe in August.
Mrs. Sunquist
smiled at him, knowing and unconcerned. She led him by the hand
to the bed. They made love in the cool shade of the whitewashed
room—sweetly, awkwardly, stopping to see if everything was all
right with the baby. Later, as the
heat of the day enveloped them, Mr. Sunquist pressed his arm around
Mrs. Sunquist's shoulders and drew her close. They had not slept
this way since they were newlyweds. Her hair had the soapy smell
of newborn babies. The scent of it followed him into his dreams. Here was Melanie
Everett, the girl that would be his wife. He remembered her all
golden under the sun, bashful but hardly uncertain. She had perfected
this fascination that goes with being the second-prettiest girl
at every party. Boys became aware of her in stages, the way they
became aware of the first hit pop tune of the summer. Forthright kids
like Bob Shelbourne were always going to get around to Melanie
Everett, right after they investigated the fulsome charms of Jenn
LeMel, or the Maynard sisters. Shy kids always thought of her beauty
as their secret. Being shy, they assumed their secret safe. Lying beside her
now, Mr. Sunquist dreamed not of his wife, but of his friends—the
things they would tell each other. What did they think when they
heard Melanie Everett had gone home with him? His had been an epic
battle, as pure as a fairy tale. A rival had been vanquished. A
maiden won. Being a man living at a certain moment in history,
he had learned to savor these stories. Nothing is more vivid than
a moment re-lived, he would say. Not even the moment itself. * * * The heat of the
day had broken when Mr. Sunquist shook off the last of his dreams.
The breeze had shifted around to come in from the south, from the
future side of the bay. Mrs. Sunquist said
she could lie beneath the billowing curtains all night long. Perhaps
Mrs. Sunquist still had doubts. If so, Mr. Sunquist hardly heard.
He was planning their road trip. He asked Mrs.
Sunquist if she remembered the first time they made love. "Of course
I do." As indignant as she could manage. "We had to
take a blanket out to Mourning Shoals because your boyfriend was
setting up your apartment for a surprise birthday party. You remember?
And the fog rolled in so we almost couldn't find the truck, and
then we got back an hour and a half after the party started?" Mrs. Sunquist
laughed, embarrassed. She remembered. "You know,"
Mr. Sunquist said, "that's one place you and I have never gone
back to." "Oh, William.
No!" "It's a birthday
party. It would be easy to slip in. And we had such a time that
night." Mrs. Sunquist
touched his cheek. "You remember everything so perfectly,"
she said. Something in her
tone struck Mr. Sunquist odd, so that he smiled and frowned at
the same time. Perhaps his wife had not enjoyed the scene in the
bar as he expected. Time for something frivolous, he decided. Piecziznski,
the chess master, perhaps. Or maybe they could see Shades of Indigo
filming up at the old Harbinger Hotel. He didn't tell
her what he planned. He thought to surprise her. He expected that
she might even mention these places herself, but the scene in the
bar had left Mrs. Sunquist in some reverie of her own. Seven miles up
the highway, and as many years further back, Mr. Sunquist found
a neighborhood he recognized. Lola's Bookstore was just up the
street in a bus barn it shared with an equity waiver theater. If
someone could give them the local date and time, they would pin
down the moment of their arrival. The Sunquists
discovered a young couple hiding among the shadows of Ciriquito
Street. Mr. Sunquist called to them. The boy glanced back at him—
what? The girl turned around to see what he was looking at. The
Sunquists realized they were looking at themselves. Mr. Sunquist knew
immediately where they were. Somehow, they had stumbled onto Melanie
Everett's twentieth birthday party. This was the night she had
ended her relationship with her boyfriend. The night she had gone
home with him. Bill Sunquist
and Melanie Everett stood in the shadow of a large real-estate sign.
The sign showed an artist's rendering of tennis courts, a condominium,
a hotel complex. The Ciriquito
Street pier, where fishing boats still headed into the sun each
morning, that was to be subsumed into a two-hundred-slip marina.
Bill Sunquist noticed none of this. The sign was nothing to him
but cover. He had Melanie under his left arm and they were studying
the beachfront apartment she shared with Bobby Shelbourne, the
man who promised to love her, "no matter how much she disappointed
him." They were talking.
The Sunquists were too far away to hear the words. No matter, the
Sunquists had remembered this story to each other till they could
mouth the words. Bill Sunquist and Melanie Everett had parked along
Kleege's Beach and spent the afternoon under the tarp in the back
of Bill Sunquist's two-ton army surplus lorry. Now she was late
to her own birthday party. Late, and sunburned and sweaty and very
guilty. Mr. Sunquist thought
of Piecziznski, the chess master. Well, they were here now. Whatever
he had intended could wait until after. Mrs. Sunquist smiled, though
she plainly was embarrassed. "William, I don't know about
this." "What are
you worried about? You know how it turns out." "I don't want
to see this." "You were
asking if you were beautiful." He nodded toward their younger
reflections. "Look at how young we are in this place." "It's a world
of ghosts," Mrs. Sunquist said to the car window. "I
don't care how young they are." Mr. Sunquist did
not blame his wife for being negative. He ascribed her unease to
Bobby Shelbourne's oppressive aura. Understandable, certainly.
Bobby Shelbourne was a vegetarian and pathological spoilsport, one
of those people who savored his slights. No wonder Mrs. Sunquist
quailed at the memory of this night. He studied the girl standing
under the real-estate sign. Look at how frantic she is to make
her story, he thought. "The only
way out is through," he told Mrs. Sunquist. And then: "Don't
be scared." It was the sort of patronizing admonishment a
six-year-old uses on a younger sibling. Mrs. Sunquist
pursed her lips with a moment's thought; then she nodded at an open
curb down the block. They pulled up
in front of a shaded courtyard between two bungalows. Bill and
Melanie had disappeared. Mr. Sunquist heard whispers and laughter
though a screen of rust-colored bougainvillea. Up ahead was the
ocean, and a small yard inside a rusted fence that separated the
apartment from the beach. He heard flapping above his head. A banner
cut from bed sheets stretched between a pair of upstairs windows.
It read: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MELANIE. I LOVE YOU. Mrs. Sunquist
paused when she saw the painted bed sheet. "Really," she
said. "Let's not do this." Just for a moment, she glanced
back the way they had come. She might have been gauging her chances
of making the street. "Don't tell
me you feel guilty." Mr. Sunquist hooted. "Guilty for
Bobby Shelbourne! Oh, wouldn't he love that." "There's not
enough people for us to slip in. Someone will recognize us. They'll
know we came from down the beach." Indeed, a young
man with mild blue eyes had been stationed at the top of the stair
to guard against crashers. For one moment,
Mr. Sunquist cringed as Roger Swann nodded down at them. He thought
of the humiliation Roger had suffered in Sonny's—wondered if he
might have to answer for it. But no, that bar scene was seven years
in Roger Swann's future. Swann gave them only a look of rueful
curiosity. He nodded toward the next bungalow over, where he imagined
they had come from. He asked if they were here to complain about
the noise. Mr. Sunquist was
thinking up a suitable lie when Melanie Everett stepped out onto
the landing. She had this nervous
laugh as a kid, which was odd. Watching her, Mr. Sunquist suddenly
realized that Melanie herself was not nervous at all. The laugh
was for the benefit of whomever she spoke to. It worked to spectacular
effect. Suddenly, Roger
Swann was over his terror of pretty girls. He leaned forward to
hear her as she asked him something under the music. Smiling, he
answered. Mrs. Sunquist
took her husband by the wrist. "You know what he's telling
me?" Even now the boy's words affected her. "He's telling
me how Bobby's been waiting for me since 4:00, and then he tells
me he himself has been waiting for me all his life." "Aww."
Mr. Sunquist gave her a look of arch sentimentality. Together, they
went, "Aww," loud enough to attract the gaze of the kids
on the stair. He thought that Melanie regarded them with some look
of secret humor. Who knew what she was really thinking. Mr. Sunquist
imagined pretty girls used this look when they could think of nothing
to say. Roger got a peck
on the cheek for his sweetness. Melanie disappeared into the party
without a backward glance, but that was enough for Roger Swann.
The Sunquists were forgotten. He slicked the thinning wedge of
hair back from his forehead. He followed after her; the Sunquists
trailed a short distance behind. One thing Mr.
Sunquist remembered about Bobby Shelbourne's apartment, it was dangerous
to show too much interest in any bit of ornament. Bobby Shelbourne
lived in a museum of Melmac ice cream dishes, mismatched kitchen
chairs, and determinedly outdated electronic entertainment gear.
Every one with a little story on where it had been found, and how
much it was really worth to some mythical dealer in garage sale
lamps, or kitchen formica, or digital video downloaders. A whir-sound passed
by overhead. A scale model of the Hindenburg was making stately
passage from the living room to the kitchen. Normally, Bobby would
be following it around, pointing out the hand-painted swastika
on the tail rudder. But the mood had gone out of him today. He saw Melanie
and his pale blue eyes went all weepy and proud. His pouty lip
grew heavier than it was already. If Bobby had promised to forgive
Melanie no matter what, he had not promised to make it easy. He
would not even acknowledge Melanie till she took his arm and made
him face her. Someone put on
music, too loud to hear her speak. No matter, Mr. Sunquist could
tell by her rueful demeanor that she was making her story. What was it he
and Melanie had decided? Yes, he remembered now—Melanie had gone
down the T-Line Highway to visit the iterations of her own childhood.
The Feynman diagram in her glove compartment contained too many
streets between there and here that had yet to be built. She'd
gotten confused coming back. Mr. Sunquist spotted
himself over by the kitchen door, watching. Melanie had asked Bill
to stay away while she tried to explain things to her boyfriend.
Of course there was no way Bill Sunquist would do that—let her
explain things to her boyfriend? So they might smooth things out?
Melanie had been naive to think he would. It hardly mattered;
Bobby Shelbourne saw him over Melanie's head. Shelbourne smiled.
"It's you,
isn't it." His eyes were luminous with anger. Bill made no attempt
to deny it. He smiled his most irritating smirk, motioned to Shelbourne
in that silent gesture every young man knows—back of the hands
up, fingers cupping palms in ironic invitation: Come on then. Come
get some. Melanie pulled
him back by the arm, and for one moment Bobby Shelbourne let her.
The pause was so brief that Billy Sunquist had barely noticed.
Twenty-five years older, Mr. Sunquist grinned: Look how he glances
around for a way out! "You were
never no street brawler, Bobby." Slipping into a voice he had
not spoken in since he was a vain young man. "You were never
nothing like what I was." Even now, Mr. Sunquist lived for
these moments. Anymore, the stakes would be infinitely higher than
a broken nose. But that desperate calculation remained eternal:
Pride? Or survival? Melanie saw her
chance to wedge between them. The two boys clenched each other
tight against her. Mr. Sunquist remembered the collision between
his belly and her skinny rib cage. He remembered the sound she
made as the breath went out of her. Billy Sunquist
might have reached for her. He always told himself that he would
have, if only Bobby had not started in the way he did. "Look at her,"
Bobby hissed. "Now you've done it. Now you've hurt her."
Nobody put Billy Sunquist on the defensive. Bill Sunquist
took a hunk of genuine 100% Rayon bowling shirt and laughed in Bobby
Shelbourne's face. Nice try. All these years away, Mr. Sunquist
still felt Bobby Shelbourne's cheekbones beneath his knuckles.
The two of them waltzed around till they fell back against the
formica tabletop, slamming the blender and liquor and ice onto
the floor. Melanie wasn't
really so damaged. Mr. Sunquist found her, easing herself back
against the refrigerator. Her shirt was soaked watery green from
a half-bottle of Midori, but she seemed all right. Roger Swann had
come over to help her up, but she had more than pity on her mind.
She took his elbow and pointed toward the mess in the kitchen.
Like any young
man of experience, he knew the risks of stepping into someone else's
fight. He thumbed the side of his mouth in an expression of unease.
But Melanie had this unassailable sense of mission when the chips
were down. It animated her. It swept up everyone around her. Roger
found his resolve; together, they waded in. Each grabbed an elbow,
or a shoulder, and yanked backward. Bill Sunquist
had Bobby Shelbourne's face against the refrigerator. Mr. Sunquist
dimly remembered the conversation between them, something about
eating the refrigerator's door handle. Oh well. The next moments
came vivid, but in flashes, like snapshots: A hand on his arm.
A face coming in at him. He remembered placating words, but his
blood was up. He swung back his left hand and connected solidly
with hard bone, right at somebody's hairline. The face went away. Bill Sunquist
turned back for Bobby Shelbourne only to find that Melanie had got
between them. The fight was over. He called to her.
He nodded toward the door, Let's go. But Melanie was angry, she
ignored him. Shelbourne fixed
his eyes on her. Even as his friends moved him off to the far side
of the kitchen, he spoke to her. Bobby asked if she'd been hurt,
was there anything he could do? "You know
I always took care of you," Bobby Shelbourne called to her.
"I may not be exciting, but I'm always there." Oh, he was good.
Anyone else would have blasphemed and threatened. Melanie looked
big-eyed and stricken. This was the moment she had chewed her knuckles
over all the way from Kleege's Beach. Bill Sunquist, too. By the
look on his face, he might have swallowed an ice tray. He was a
street kid, after all. Smooth talk was not where he excelled. Melanie wavered.
She started to raise her hands the way she did when she was miserable
and all out of words. But here was Roger
Swann, leaning forward with his hand to his forehead. Blood was
seeping through his fingers and plopping in the wet muck. He wobbled
on his knees and Melanie took him. Bobby's appeals to her conscience
would have to wait. Bobby smiled,
sure. "You're doing the right thing," he told her. "Take
care of Roger. We'll talk later. When you have a minute." Mr. Sunquist had
not seen this side of Melanie since they were married. She could
be magnificent, couldn't she? He marveled: Bobby Shelbourne is
two months from buying up this whole block of apartments for his
daddy's marina project, look at how he stammers before her. His wife felt
the weight of his consideration. For one moment she was the girl
she had been. Self-possessed and certain. Perhaps she knew what
he was thinking. She would have said something to him, but Melanie
Everett came this way. Roger Swann bumped along in her wake. Mr.
and Mrs. Sunquist stood up to make room for him on the couch. She was saying
something under her breath, half to Roger, half to herself: "Limo."
It was Bill Sunquist's street name. "Limo, Limo, Limo,"
she said—eventually winding up with, "Damn him." Melanie
tipped Roger's head back. She squinted against the bad party light.
The blood was starting to roll down his nose. She dipped a kitchen
towel in the punch bowl and dabbed it off. "It was just
a wild punch." Roger's hand came up, a gesture of indifference.
"He hit me left-handed anyway. Probably doesn't even know he
did it." "Him and those
stupid rings he wears. He's been dying to use them on someone." Roger was silent
for a few dabs. Mr. Sunquist could see him working his way up to
something. "You really have to go with him?" For one moment,
Melanie looked up at the Sunquists with this exasperated grimace—
you explain it for him. Mr. Sunquist felt his wife's fingers clutch
his, stricken. But it was an illusion. Melanie's look was intended
for anyone within earshot—anyone who knew what it was to be the
second-prettiest girl at every party. For one night, she had her
pick between princes. How could she explain to the nicest kid in
the room what this meant? "I'm going
home with Limo." She squeezed Roger's blood into the punch
bowl. "I really am." Roger Swann shook
his head, whatever. "We'll see each other again," he
said. Mr. Sunquist nudged
Mrs. Sunquist. He raised his chin at the boy. "Sonny's Bar,"
he whispered in her ear. "This is what he was thinking when
he saw you alone in Sonny's Bar." He laughed so
loud that both the people on the couch turned back in curiosity.
He didn't care. He waved them back to their conversation. "This
is too good," he hissed. Mrs. Sunquist
was supposed to laugh along at times like this. She bit her lip
and looked down at her shoes. "How do you do it?" She
sounded breathless; she might have been amazed. "I see the
time passing and it makes me so weary. And you just keep getting
angrier. Don't you ever feel any pity? Or regret?" He put out his
hands; he smiled. He figured there had to be a joke in here somewhere.
"We are what we've always been. Isn't that enough?" It
was the only explanation he could think of. "Poor Roger,"
she said. To himself, he
thought, Somebody has to lose. Did she know what
he was thinking? Suddenly, she had this look on her face, still
and deliberate and calm. It was the face he recognized from the
taxi drivers who came to pick him up from bars. Whatever she saw
in his eyes only made her sigh. "Time for
us to go," Mrs. Sunquist said. "We haven't
seen the end yet. Remember? I sweep out of the crowd and pick you
up, and Bobby Shelbourne—" "You know
what happens. You take me home with you. We spend the next twenty-five
years coming back to see it all again. I have something I want
to remember." Here was a phrase
Mr. Sunquist would think back on: I have something I want to remember. In all the years
he had come back to La Jetйe, Mr. Sunquist had never felt the need
to remember anything. Memories were for people who didn't come
to La Jetйe. Memories were for the ones Mr. Sunquist imagined in
his audience. Part
Three Evening was coming
on as they pulled onto Ciriquito Street. The shutters on all the
beach bungalows and flower kiosks had opened to the first breath
of an evening breeze. The air was dense with the musk of orchids. This was five
years earlier; La Jetйe was a strip of bungalows, caught between
the highway and the beach. Mr. Sunquist remembered thin times.
The tourists had bypassed La Jetйe for the more developed resorts
down the beach. The only money in the town came from the nurseries
across the highway, and service jobs in the hotels south of Kleege's
Beach. Every evening the streetcars would be full of people in
half-undone housecleaning uniforms. Head waiters from the lesser
restaurants would hang from the doors, swigging pilfered wine bottles
and calling out insults as they passed each other. And everyone ended
up in the tiny patio at Sonny's. Here was the Sonny's
that the Sunquists never tired of. Sonny's Seafood Chowder Bar
was an open courtyard, an old banyan tree, gnarled as knuckles,
a cast-concrete bar patterned with ridiculous wood grain. Sonny
Himself was whip-thin these days. With ashy skin and freckles and
a wide grin that seemed somehow more charming for its insincerity.
He was not charming
tonight. He was eating Spanish peanuts out of the bar dishes, which
is what he did when he was nervous. His eyes were like black ice
and he kept checking his watch. A door behind
the bar led out into an alley that ran from the street to the beach.
People passed in and out carrying guitars and tambales and a set
of wide-mouthed clay jugs, each one painted with "Jug Breakers"
on the side—Bobby Shelbourne's band. Sonny glared at
every kid who passed through that door. He pointed to his watch.
They scuttled off to the stage like roaches caught in a kitchen
light. Bobby Shelbourne
had played here every Thursday night for most of the summer, but
anyone could see the blow-up that was coming. Sonny Scorzy was
a congenial host, but he was hell as an employer. He hated lateness,
even when he was paying no money. Bobby Shelbourne had a star's
concept of time, even though he made no money. Sonny Scorzy hated
that. On this night,
only one person was exempt from Sonny's evil eye. Even now, Mr.
Sunquist lost his breath at the sight of her. That golden hair.
Those exotic eyes. Sonny had saved her his own chair, right at
the end of his beloved bar. She took it with this air of modest
expectancy—she was gracious and patient as Sonny wiped off the
peanut skins and beer. But it never occurred to her to sit elsewhere. Mr. Sunquist still
loved the way she said things and then covered her mouth with her
hand, as if surprised by her own sense of humor. He loved the careful,
prim way she crossed her ankles. He loved her dubious smile as
young Billy Lee Sunquist slid in next to her. Mr. Sunquist wondered
how much it would take to impress a girl like Melanie Everett now.
How much had he spent on that account rep from Loach & Widell?
Not including lunch at that expensive bistro she had recommended?
Billy Lee Sunquist had held his knowledge cheaply when he'd lived
in La Jetйe, and given it away for the asking. "Here,"
Billy Lee said to the young woman struggling with the fruit that
Sonny had put out for her. "You wanna know how to eat a mango,
I'll show you how to eat a mango." "I'm with
someone," she said, and nodded toward a little door into the
alley, where Bobby Shelbourne and his Jug Breakers were tuning
up. Billy Lee Sunquist
laughed at the caution on her face. He held up his hands. "I'm
just showing you how to eat a mango." He took the fruit from
her hand, salted it, dusted it with cayenne pepper, and slipped
it down his throat. He licked his fingers one by one and gave her
a lascivious grin. Mrs. Sunquist
gave her husband a secret smile. "You remember what you said
to me?" Mr. Sunquist claimed
he did not. Mrs. Sunquist said she did not believe he didn't remember.
Out on the patio, Billy Lee Sunquist whispered in Melanie Everett's
ear. She grew big-eyed and aghast. She gave Billy Lee a slap on
the shoulder, and then said something under her breath that made
him laugh and made her cover her mouth with her hand. Mr. Sunquist gripped
his wife's hand. This trip was already working changes on her.
That sturdy quiet she had acquired over the lean years of their
middle age, that had melted to the shyness he remembered so well.
He would have shared this moment with the world. Bobby came out
with his nickel-topped Dobro guitar. Roger Swann hunkered down
next to him with some squat Caribbean drum between his knees. They
were a team in those days, Bobby and Roger. If Bobby played guitar,
Roger would be there with the drums. There was this
trombone player that neither of the Sunquists remembered. He nudged
Bobby Shelbourne. He motioned toward his girl and the young man
sitting next to her. Perhaps he had
a look of mischief. If so, he would be disappointed. Bobby Shelbourne
saw Bill Sunquist leaning close to Melanie. He grinned and shook
his finger, school-marm style. Billy laughed. Melanie gave him
a girl-slug and nodded toward her boyfriend on the stage— See?
I told you. Everybody knew
each other at Sonny's. Everything was easy. The music started.
Jug-band blues, simple and irresistible. Everybody on the patio
pushed forward under the gnarled banyan tree. They sang along to
the songs they knew. They shoulder-danced to the songs they didn't
know. They ate mangoes and papayas and drank fermented sidra from
terra-cotta jugs. Then it came time
for this walking blues, "Limousine Blues." Billy Lee
Sunquist liked this song. He wasn't sure yet, but he was thinking
about incorporating it as his personal theme. He threw back
his head at the first note. His face split into a wide grin. "My
song!" he cried. "Bobby remembered my song!" Melanie was still
wiping mango pulp from her fingers as he took her hand. "Ohh
no," she was saying as he led her out in front of the band.
"Ohh no." There, in front
of God and her boyfriend and everybody they knew, Billy Lee Sunquist
and Melanie Everett danced some imaginary swing that they knew
only from watching Tex Avery cartoons. Mr. Sunquist felt
his wife draw near. She asked him if he knew why they were here.
He put his arm around her; he knew. "This is a cute moment
together. Look at us there." He laughed at his younger iteration.
Billy Lee Sunquist was barely more than a slouch and a lazy smile.
"We were so poor," he said. "You might
have been a billionaire for the way you acted. I was so impressed
with you." She looked so long and hard at the young couple
she might have been trying to imprint this scene forever in her
mind. "This is the moment I fell in love," she said.
Mr. Sunquist tried
to remember the moment, what he was thinking. He couldn't. Maybe
he too had been in love. Mr. Sunquist laughed as he realized it. ### As they walked
out to the car, he offered to take her to see Piecziznski, the
chess master. But something had gone out of the mood. Perhaps this
last moment had been a miscalculation? Mr. Sunquist decided they'd
seen enough for their first day of vacation. He turned the car
back up the highway for their hotel. Mrs. Sunquist
asked him about Roger Swann—back in that first iteration of Sonny's,
he should have recognized them. It had been just a few years since
they'd all seen each other, had they changed so much? They fell into
a foolish argument about Roger Swann, and why hadn't he recognized
them? Mr. Sunquist wanted to laugh, except that underneath it all,
the argument wasn't foolish. And somehow it wasn't really about
Roger Swann. Arguing, they
missed the Hotel Mozambique. They drove south, beyond even the present
iteration of La Jetйe. Mr. Sunquist looked around to realize they
had gone down the road, on to South Beach—into the future. They
became quiet as they realized that nothing around them looked familiar. No one ever came
out to this end of the T-Line highway. Like one of those weighty
popular art novels, South Beach was a place on every tongue, but
rarely experienced in person. Everybody knew someone who had risked
all to catch some glimpse of themselves in a new and unimagined
place in their own lives. Always some friend, some relative. Never
the person telling the story. Always the tale had some ghastly,
amusing outcome. They were well
and truly lost when they reached the first town south of the Present
Iteration. Mrs. Sunquist hesitated, but they were running low on
power, and she had to use the bathroom again. "Let's do
it," cried Mr. Sunquist, his middle-aged timbre catching some
of that old devilish sway. "Let's take a chance and see what
we run into down here in The Future." Mrs. Sunquist
looked uneasy. But she would not be outdone by her husband. Laughing
together, they swung off the T-Line to get directions from the
future back to the present. ### Another building
cycle was coming to La Jetйe. All of the old orchid stands that
had been on Noon Street and then replanted on Meridian Street were
being uprooted again for a tract of old-style bungalow rows. The
artist's conception reminded Mr. Sunquist of places he had lived.
He wondered if this would be one of his investments. No mention of
the temporal anomaly. Was that no longer considered a draw? The
only connection to the town they had left back in the gloom of
fog and quantum wave functions was a tag at the bottom of the sign: SERIOUS ONLY ENQUIRE WITH MR.
ROBERT SHELBOURNE. LA JETЙE "Look at this,"
Mrs. Sunquist said. "They're even tearing down the buildings
I hated to make way for new." Mr. Sunquist knew
he should be irate. Bobby Shelbourne hustled his phony nostalgia
in the one place where nostalgia was useless. Somehow, he could
do nothing but envy the man's gall. They found an
open-air market down the street. Palm fronds covered the porch,
implying some sort of tropical oeuvre. Nearer the road were the
hydrogen pumps, and electrical-charge outlets, and gasoline for
the hybrids. As Mr. Sunquist started into the hydrogen lane, his
wife grabbed his wrist and pointed across the street. Their own car
was parked at the curb, as if the occupants had gone for a walk
over the chalk-white dunes to the ocean. The Sunquists
stared in astonishment. It was indeed their car, only the paint
had faded to a dried-out coral. The seats had been left to the
salt air and the sun till they had rotted open. Someone had half-pulled
an old beach blanket across the over-ripened seat cushions. An
insignia on the blanket commemorated the Mer Noire regatta, fourteen
years hence. The blanket looked as if it had been in the sun a
couple of years even beyond that. Mr. Sunquist thought
for a moment. He realized what it had to mean. "It's our car
all right, but we've passed it on to our child. This is just the
sort of thing we would do." Mrs. Sunquist
looked doubtful. "Sixteen years from now? We'll have this car
sixteen years from now?" "It surely
wouldn't be us." Mr. Sunquist cast a melodramatic stare toward
Mrs. Sunquist. "Are we down on the beach somewhere? Should
we go look?" Mrs. Sunquist
had given over the need to match her husband dare-for-dare. "Let's
just get some power and go," she said. Mr. Sunquist wanted
to egg her on a little. "Are you sure? We might be out there.
On the beach. Living." "This isn't
funny," she said. "Let's just get the power and go." Mr. Sunquist might
have pushed a little harder but for the baby. "You're lucky,"
he told her. He went up to pay for the fuel. She followed along
to find a bathroom. Around the corner
from the pump island was a fruit stand and a cashier. As they approached,
they heard a gravelly voice. "You know what you put on those?
No, not sugar." Chesty laughter. "Thing's already sweet.
Why would you put sugar on it? No, you know what they do in Mexico?
They put salt on their mangos. A little cayenne pepper. Here." Mr. and Mrs. Sunquist
traded looks. An afternoon of chasing the ghosts of memory had
left them unprepared for their role as someone else's ghost. They
asked each other in that wordless language of married couples if
they should go, but neither of them moved. Mr. Sunquist felt
his throat dry up. He thought for a moment. Was he sure he wanted
to see himself like this? He grew impatient with his own timidity.
What would happen, anyway? Would they blow up? Some sort of mutual
annihilation, as if they were both opposing nuclear particles? They stepped into
the back of the cashier's line as casually as they could manage. He was with a
young girl. She had caramel-colored hair, like Mrs. Sunquist's had
been when she had been a student. That same lithe waist. Those
legs. This is my daughter,
Mr. Sunquist realized. The lust in him should have shamed him,
but it merely made him furtive. The store clerk
flipped a light on so the old man could see what he was doing with
that mango. A reflection appeared in the counter glass. Mr. Sunquist
stared in fascination at the face of a tired satyr. ### "We were such
scoundrels when we were your age." "Who's that?"
the young woman frowned at the yellow fruit coming apart in her
fingers. Her mind was a million years down the T-Line Highway. "Here. Let
me show you something. Over here to the northwest." He was
so casual about the way he put his arm around the girl's waist.
He aimed her toward a dark smudge along the knife-edge of the horizon,
it was the most natural thing in the world. "Who were
you such scoundrels with, Billy?" "If you look
over this way," the old man said, "you can see the actual
heat death of the universe." He was trying hard to instill
his voice with a sense of wonder that life had not held for him
in a very long time. The young woman followed his arm. Mr. Sunquist was
shocked at the resemblance she had to his wife. The dark, sloe
eyes, the long, caramel-blond hair, the mobile mouth. "It looks
more like fog," she observed with adolescent irony. "Can't see
it with the naked eye. Somebody set a radio telescope pointing
that way. Came back with dead air. Nothing." The girl nodded.
She understood: The cosmic background radiation. It was supposed
to be evenly distributed throughout the universe. "Gee, that's
interesting." She slurped mango slices. The old man leaned
close as if he wanted to steal a kiss. The girl smiled back at
him, What? The soft light of her trust set him back. He looked
away down the beach, as if uncertain what to do. She asked him
what he was thinking. He ran his hand up and down her arm, elbow
to shoulder as he considered his answer. "I was thinking
of a moment from my life a long time ago," he answered. "I
was on a patio, dancing with a girl who looked very much like you.
We were both a little drunk, and her boyfriend was playing for
us, and everyone was friends, you know? Just. Friends. And right
now, I was thinking that may have been the sweetest moment of my
life." "It must be
nice," the girl offered, "having a lifetime of memories
like that. I wish I had one moment I could look back on." The old Sunquist
laughed, shook his head. "No, it's terrible," he said.
"You spend the rest of your life trying to find that moment
again, and it's never where you thought." He paused, as if
he'd only just heard his own words. "It's amazing what a person
will do to recapture one moment of peace. Amazing and terrible." Something in his
tone made the girl back away. But somehow she was still in his
arms, and in turning, she had presented her face to him. He kissed her
hard on the mouth. The girl pushed him back. For a moment, her chin
bunched up and her cheeks reddened as if she might cry, or pummel
the old man to the ground. "Dammit,"
she said. "Damn it." Her hands went up in exasperation.
An impulse took hold of her. She ran up and slugged him in the
arm, dared him to respond. The old Sunquist
could do nothing but stare at her in stupid love. A moment of silence;
then she stalked away down the beach. He squeezed his lips between
his fingers. He squinted in anguish. He paced around in a little
circle of perplexity, so that Mr. Sunquist could not help feeling
sorry for him. He called after
the girl, laughing heartily as if it had all been a joke; she made
an obscene gesture over her shoulder. The present-tense
Mr. Sunquist became aware of a profound silence directly behind
him. He waited as long as he could before turning around. Mrs. Sunquist—Melanie—was
gone. He put his fingers
to his nose the way he did whenever he had to steady his vision
after too much bourbon. He thought, this is ridiculous. How can
I be blamed for something that hasn't even happened yet? Our child
isn't even born. I don't even know for certain it will be a girl. But in his heart,
he knew it was not ridiculous. He knew himself well enough to know
it was entirely likely. He simply couldn't believe Mrs. Sunquist
would not forgive him. He had been forgiven all his life, hadn't
he? He pushed himself
up to the top of the sand dune and searched the beach. He saw the
girl stalking away along a concrete sea wall, making angry little
skips with her palm against the rough stone blocks. He couldn't find
Mrs. Sunquist anywhere. He realized the
old man was beside him. He wondered what he should do. He had heard
of people meeting themselves, of course. One always heard stories.
He just couldn't remember how any of those stories turned out. When he could
stand it no longer, he turned to the old man: "You know what
you've done?" he asked. The man looked
shocked, like a theater patron suddenly addressed from the stage. "You're not
supposed to—" "You couldn't
keep your hands off your own daughter? Damn it." In truth, he was
not very angry. Mr. Sunquist was more overcome with weariness.
In his weariness, he saw his older persona in a cool and distant
light, the way one sees one's parents after while. He wasn't addressing
himself anymore. He was addressing a sad old man who had lost track
of things somehow. He crouched down
to take the old man's hand. It was bloated, the skin shiny and
taut. "I'm sorry," he said, "It's just—" He
paused. How to put this? "That's our daughter. Do you understand?
There are some things I just can't do. If I do these things, there
will be no limits for me at all." He looked into the cracked
old face for some sign he was getting through. "Daughter?
What do you take me for? That's not our daughter." The old
man laughed. There was a certain malicious strain in the reedy
voice. Even now, he wasn't so different. "We don't have a
daughter. We have a son, Jeremy, but I haven't seen him in five
years. You don't know this yet, do you? Sorry. Shouldn't have opened
my mouth, I guess." Mr. Sunquist sighed;
of course, this man would know how Mr. Sunquist longed for a son.
He would use that knowledge to win sympathy, emotional leverage.
Mr. Sunquist wondered if this was the man he truly was destined
to become. What a pathetic and self-serving old liar. "Come on,
now," he said as gently as possible. "I recognized her
eyes. I know her cheekbones. The resemblance is too strong. You
can't tell me this was just some kid you picked up." The old satyr
leaned close. Mr. Sunquist held his breath at the tang of stale
bourbon. "Of course it looks like Melanie," he hissed
through his gaping teeth. "It is Melanie." Mr. Sunquist felt
something clammy and soft in the pit of his stomach. "You're
not supposed to..." "I was lonely,"
he said. "Mrs. Sunquist left me a couple years ago—left us,
I should say. Left us. I got my car, I took a ride down the T-Line
Highway." The rheumy eyes squinted defiantly. "Look at
you, you're so self-righteous. What are you doing here? Huh? What
are you doing here?" "You're lying."
Mr. Sunquist backed away. Melanie had to be somewhere on this beach;
she had been right behind him a moment ago. He called out for her,
but his words were caught up in a sudden gust of wind and scattered
across the beach like sea birds. "Lying? To
you? Why would I lie to you of all people?" Way down by the
waterline, Mr. Sunquist saw the young girl his wife had been. She
looked back at the sound of her name. Was that recognition in her
eyes? Mr. Sunquist entertained the notion of following after her.
But she was not his wife and he was not really Billy Lee Sunquist.
Not her Billy Lee Sunquist. She turned away up the beach even as
he debated his next move, and then she was gone. "I would know
if you'd messed about in my past. Mrs. Sunquist—Melanie—would have
said something." "Times change.
Have you talked to Melanie recently?" "You can't
just drive down the road and change my life. You can't do that." "Screw your
life. I was lonely." "You can't
do that," he repeated fervently, hopefully. He left the old
man on the top of the dune and started back for his car. He found
it sitting quietly in its refueling lane. The passenger-side door
remained slightly ajar, just as his wife had left it. He walked out
in the street and called for her. He had to be wrong. She was here
somewhere. She was confused; maybe she hated him a little bit.
But she was still his wife. He couldn't have changed time. One
didn't do such things in La Jetйe. It just wasn't done. He ran down the
street, backward in time, calling for her as he went. Among the
empty cliffs where beach hotels and seafood restaurants and temporal
observatories had once been, gulls cocked their heads to peer down
at him. He pulled up,
gasping at the highway on-ramp. All right, he told himself. Something
terrible had happened. But it wasn't too late to fix things. Melanie
was still there for him. She was a little ways down the T-Line
Highway, that was all. He would find
her as she had been. He would protect her from that sad old ghost.
And she would love him more than ever. He would see to it. He would
be good to her, and listen to what she said. He would love the
woman she was now. And the memories of the people they had been?
He would let them remain beautiful memories, nothing more. Headlights rolled
across his shoulders. He turned and stumbled. The car rolled right
up to his knees. He thought he was dead. The driver was
a woman with shoulder-length caramel-colored hair and exotically
slanted eyes. The passenger was a sad-eyed little man. He stepped
out to help Mr. Sunquist off the pavement. "Are you all
right? We didn't even see you. We got lost coming up the T-Line
Highway and missed our city. We're just trying to find our way
out of here. Trying, you know, not to see more than we should..." Mr. Sunquist looked
at his wife. Her face was clouded with the blank concern for a
stranger she had almost killed. He raised his
hands to plead with her through the windshield. He started to ask
her, Have I changed so much? "Roger,"
she said to her husband, "ask him if he needs to go to the
doctor. He looks like he's in shock." She started to slip
out from behind the wheel. Her husband waved her back in the car. "Don't do
that, Honey. Just stay there." Mr. Sunquist saw
by the way she moved that she was extremely pregnant. "Here."
Roger Swann peeled a twenty-five-dollar bill off his money clip
and stuffed it in Mr. Sunquist's hand. "Go on now, fella."
He glanced back at his wife in a meaningful way. "She's having
a baby," Roger Swann confided. "I just want to keep her
happy." Mr. Sunquist looked
down at the bill wadded up in his palm. When he looked back, the
Swanns were already driving away. He wanted to say
something, but he couldn't think what. He watched them pull around,
back onto the T-Line Highway going south. He ran back to
the car. He used the twenty-five-dollar bill to pay for his charge.
The truth, he realized, was back in one of those cities along the
beach. All he had to do was find where his life had diverged from
its path—find that moment of clarity. Wasn't that what he'd always
come back to La Jetйe to do? He would make it right. Fifteen minutes
up the highway, the towers of La Jetйe, like a city sculpted from
thoroughly burned ash, rose in the heat of a morning Mr. Sunquist
couldn't remember seeing. He pulled off
the highway and wept. From
Here You Can See
the Sunquists Originally published
in Isaac Asimov's Science
Fiction Magazine Part One All that summer
the Sunquists debated a trip to La Jetйe. Mr. Sunquist said
that summer was the time to go. The tourists would be off to Kleege's
Beach, where the hotels were new and no one worried about slipping
back and forth in time as they walked down the beach. The Sunquists
would have La Jetйe to themselves. Mrs. Sunquist
was plainly uneasy about La Jetйe. She would not say why. The Sunquists
were travelers, after all. Cosmopolitans. They savored a difficult
aesthetic experience. She spoke only
of their neighbors, the Dales, who had spent a month in Nepal.
"They seemed so happy," she said. "They had their
own sherpas. They rode in a cart up to Annapurna, pulled by a team
of yetis." Mr. Sunquist wondered
at her reluctance. Was she worried for the baby? He knew she was
nervous. Mrs. Sunquist had the sort of nerves that only a mid-life
pregnancy can bring on. But women had babies in La Jetйe all the
time. Some women spent their entire pregnancies there. Mr. Sunquist
proposed nothing more than a week—a farewell to the city of their
youth. What could that hurt? He plied his wife
with nostalgia. He reminded her of their first meeting, in the
galleries along Gull Street. Mr. Sunquist had purchased mangoes
at Sonny's Seafood Chowder Bar and shown her how to eat them with
salt and cayenne pepper. He smiled as Mrs.
Sunquist twisted her lips to taste the sweetness of the fruit,
the heat of the red pepper. This was one of their quiet and indelible
memories together. Mr. Sunquist knew it. "We can go
back and see it, just exactly as it was," he told her. "Nothing is
ever exactly as it was," she said. "In La Jetйe
it is," he said. This was not an article of faith on his part.
In La Jetйe it was a simple fact. "What about
us? Will we be the same?" "We will be
what we've always been," he promised her. "You'll see." * * * It was in the
nature of the world that their last journey to La Jetйe should begin
sweetly. Just as the hours of canyon roads had become unendurable,
something shimmered in the air, a change of light or air pressure.
The road took a turn and they found themselves at the bottom of
the cliff road, looking out at the city of their youth. Mrs. Sunquist
had been quiet these last two hours. Now, she could not help smiling.
"It's still the most beautiful place we ever lived," she
said. La Jetйe glowed
under the slanted light of evening, as vivid as a fever dream.
Every little outbuilding and cafй—a rich, ridiculous red. Every
boat-repair a bitter aqua, a harsh viridian. Melancholy limned
the moment. The Sunquists had agreed that this would be their last
trip to La Jetйe. The baby was coming. They both had experienced
things in La Jetйe that no one needed to grow up with, Mr. Sunquist
had said so himself. That had been an easy decision in their kitchen.
As he drank in his last vista of La Jetйe, Mr. Sunquist would have
taken it back. "Do you remember
that time at Lola's Bookstore," Mr. Sunquist asked his wife,
"when Piecziznski, the chess master, challenged nineteen of
his own iterations to speed tournaments?" "And he beat
twelve of them?" She laughed at the image. "And played
the other seven to draws..." "—And then
he killed himself, because twelve of the nineteen were older versions
of himself, and he could see how his powers would decline!"
The Sunquists shook their heads; this was a favorite memory of theirs.
Something they had always planned to get back to see again. "Do you think
we can find that?" she asked. Mr. Sunquist nodded
down the road. The La Jetйe of last summer had passed into the
expanding time signatures of the Present City. He thought he recognized
it, floating against the horizon, spectral and over bright. Or
maybe he saw some other iteration, realized by other Sunquists
on other summer jaunts. "He's there,"
Mr. Sunquist said. "I know that. We need a Feynman diagram
to orient ourselves, that's all." He knew a kiosk in the hotel
district, they could get one there. Just off the frontage
road, they passed the skeleton of a new luxury hotel, half-built
and abandoned. It rose from behind its screen of construction siding
like the rusted gantries of some failed cosmodrome. A faded sign
promised completion in the spring. It did not mention the year. Mr. Sunquist winced
a little as they drove by. So many friends had gone in with him
on this investment. They should have known, he told himself. Vacation
real estate can be so risky. But Mr. Sunquist
had no time to indulge regret. His mind was on the row of orchid
houses that had been dug under in the hotel's wake. Where was that
paella kitchen where he had taught Mrs. Sunquist how to eat mangoes?
Or the hotel where they had hidden themselves away from the heat
on those breathless August days when the sky was blue-black with
unspent rain? A less romantic man would have surrendered these
places to the iterations of memory. Mr. Sunquist surrendered nothing.
Twenty-five years
up the highway would be the Hotel Mozambique, just as it had been
at the height of its renown. During the hot weekends of August,
the Sunquists had allowed themselves little vacations from their
basement apartment on Four o'Clock Street. The Hotel Mozambique
had been their destination. Mr. Sunquist remembered the room they
had asked for. Number 219 looked out on the black-bottom pool and
the ocean across the road. Here also would
be Sonny's Bar, and the night he had proposed marriage to Melanie
Everett. This was one of Mrs. Sunquist's favorite moments. They would get
their room at the Mozambique, he decided. From there, they would
find the night of their proposal. But something about their Feynman
was corrupted. Or maybe Mrs. Sunquist wasn't reading it properly.
Whatever, the Sunquists found themselves retracing a patch of highway
twenty-five years up the road. Just as their navigating turned
quarrelsome, Mrs. Sunquist sighted a blue-and-white beachcomber
bicycle racked up alongside the Ciriquito Street pier. She pointed into
the haze of decoherence that muffled the world beyond the road.
In that instant, a moment coalesced before them. Mr. Sunquist found
himself in a narrow parking strip looking down on a gentrified
waterfront. Sailboats in slips, cafйs with sun decks. Temporal observatories
offered "Views of Parallel Worlds!" and, "The Chance
to See the Life You Might Have Led!" All for two dollars. Sonny's Bar nestled
into the crook where the Ciriquito Street Pier met the beach. Like
every other building on the beach, Sonny's Bar showed its backside
to the landlubbers' world. A sign had been painted above the dumpsters,
reminding all the old neighborhood that Sonny had been serving
them in this same location "Since most of you were underage." "I don't see
my truck," Mr. Sunquist said. "Are you sure this is the
night?" "You called
me from your office and said to meet you here," Mrs. Sunquist
said. "I do not make a habit of bicycling to bars. This is
the night you proposed." "Maybe we
pulled off the highway a few minutes early." Mr. Sunquist offered.
He suggested they wait for him inside the bar, just to be sure. The interior was
designed in one of those inverted situations from the turn of some
century. The patrons clambered together on a large round cushion
the color and texture of boxing gloves. Three bartenders hovered
over a counter that encircled them. TV monitors were
placed to catch the eye at every angle. In this age, Sonny's fancied
itself a sports bar. But Sonny himself? He liked novellas, Mexican
soap operas. Two different ones were playing simultaneously as
the Sunquists walked in. A regular was complaining that the World
Cup was on, Brazil versus Russia. Sonny was laughing and nodding,
paying the man no particular mind. His eyes were neither on the
man nor on the screens. Like everyone
else in the room, Sonny watched the girl in the sundress and sandals.
She sat on the quiet side of a circular cushion, away from most
of the television screens. She read Justine (the one by Lawrence
Durrell, not Marquis de Sade), and nudged a glass of chardonnay
around by the stem. Maybe it was something about seeing across
twenty-five years in the space of a single room, but Mr. Sunquist
imagined the girl in a singular light. Maybe it was simply that
everyone else seemed to dim by comparison. The Sunquists
found chairs in an alcove beneath one of the television screens.
They had a view of the bar from here, and the television to distract
anyone who looked their way. A waiter asked
what they were having. Mrs. Sunquist asked for iced tea. ("Ice
tea," she snickered. "This kills me.") Mr. Sunquist liked
a scotch-and-soda, but not here. As he looked across the bar, he
recognized iterations of himself and his wife from other summers,
all drinking scotch-and-sodas. He did not wish to be known by the
sort of drink he ordered. He ordered a glass of merlot. Mrs. Sunquist
put a hand on his arm. "You know I was furious at you for leaving
me alone in a bar," she said. A phone call had kept Mr. Sunquist
from leaving, some warehouse on Gull Street wanting to be an artists'
loft. Mrs. Sunquist
did not seem furious; she was smiling at her younger reflection.
The girl on the couch didn't look furious. She looked like a stranded
angel, patiently waiting on gravity's demise. "Right about
now, I was giving you five more minutes to walk through the door." "You were
very tolerant with me, Mrs. S." But it wasn't
tolerance that had kept her in her seat for an hour. He wore a suit
and tie, but badly. They were not what he was used to. He was not
yet thirty, yet his scalp already showed through the down at the
top of his head. A last bit of baby fat lent his eyes a squint
when he smiled. Mr. and Mrs. Sunquist
hushed each other as the little man asked to sit. "He was
very polite," Mrs. Sunquist recalled. "He was scared
of you," Mr. Sunquist chuckled. "Look how bald he's become
in just a few years." Mr. Sunquist remembered the little man
from their old neighborhood. He didn't remember the name. But the
young man had existed at the periphery of Bobby Shelbourne's crew,
Mr. Sunquist remembered that. The Sunquists
stifled giggles; Melanie let him buy her a glass of wine, though
a glass stood half full at her elbow. She smiled at him as he fumbled
at his introduction: Roger J. Swann, from a local desk of one of
the international banks in Kleege's Beach. He never mentioned the
old bungalows they had all shared on the beach, or the parties
at Sonny's and at Bobby Shelbourne's apartment. He seemed happy
in his role as stranger. In the presence of Melanie Everett, he
might have been happy with anything. The story as the
Sunquists retold it to each other over the years had this desperate
little man crawling into Melanie's lap. In fact, Swann never looked
down at her open dйcolletage. His eyes were glued to her face.
Every smile she made brought one in return. Her jokes made him
laugh, and cover his mouth with his palm. Melanie Everett
asked him about himself. (Surely, she was being wicked!) Roger
Swann was awed by her consideration. He grew flustered. He might
have gone. Melanie had this
thing she did, this nervous laugh, as if she were the one, needed
reassurance. Swann happily reassured her. He told her about
his work. Roger Swann was a programmer for the bank. "More
like a game warden," he confided. "The programs do their
own programming anymore. I just make sure they remember who they're
working for." Melanie laughed
and put her hand up to her mouth. Roger Swann did the same. His
eyes squinted down to little black points of happiness and moist
shine. Mr. Sunquist remembered
Roger Swann. What a perfect foil he had been. He had missed his
chance with Melanie at her twentieth birthday party. Look at him
now—Mr. Sunquist could see the romantic fantasies fill his mind.
"Enjoy it while you can," he chuckled. One of the bartenders
swung up the counter to let someone through. It was Bill Sunquist.
He looked sheepish at first. He saw the clock above the bar and
lowered his head and sighed. Then he saw the fervent little banker
paying for Melanie's wine. This wicked leer kinked up the corner
of his mouth. Roger Swann never
looked up, but Melanie did. Melanie said not a word as Bill Sunquist
pushed by the two of them to take a seat on her left. Roger Swann
was explaining the intricacies of Darwinian programming strategies.
She seemed perfectly content to listen. Mr. Sunquist remembered
looking across at Melanie as Swann continued on about his work—
Are you looking for a job? What? That's when he saw the amusement
in her eyes. What a hoot this would be! Bill Sunquist
had a low boredom tolerance. There was only so much arbitrage trading
and Darwinian software business to put up with before the joke
ran out. Just for fun, he leaned across Roger's lap to argue with
the waiter over the provenance of a gram of hashish. "A spicy aroma
of ginger," he read off the thumb-sized packet. "Redolent
with earth musk and cardamom." Bill Sunquist opened it up
for the maitre d' to smell. "Would you describe that as 'redolent
with earth musk and cardamom'?" The waiter looked
at him long, a patronizing half-smile at the corner of his mouth.
"We have a fine roan from Lebanon, with the elusive sweetness
of late-harvest Riesling. Would you care to try that?" "For my friend
here." Mr. Sunquist remembered smiling down on Roger Swann.
"For my friend." He remembered Roger Swann smiling back,
confused and helpful and friendly as a pup. Bill Sunquist nodded
across at Melanie. "Are you ready, Mi Amor? To Grandmother's
house we go." A priceless moment—Roger
Swann turns his hopeful gaze back to Melanie. But Melanie is already
moving past Bill for the open side of the bar. Looking on from
the darkness of their alcove, Mr. Sunquist could not help an ornery
cackle. Ohh, he was terrible in those days! They shook hands
like gentlemen, give them that. Such was his commitment to sportsmanship
that Roger Swann would have shaken Melanie's hand as well, but
something made her turn away at the last moment. She stumbled into
Bill, pushed past him blindly for the door. Mr. Sunquist had
to bite his fist to keep from laughing at the ridiculous tableau—Roger
Swann, staring after them with three half-empty wine glasses on
the bar and a look in his eyes like crushed violets. Mrs. Sunquist
squeezed his arm the way she always did when she was trying to make
him behave. Oh, but her eyes shone. Even before she said it, he
knew she must be exulting in their perversity. He might have
skipped the proposal at this point. He had no need to fight the
crush of other Sunquists, all hurrying out to see the same thing.
He had seen what he wanted. Only courtesy made him remind his wife
why they had come here in the first place. "Right out
there on the porch," he told her, "I'm proposing marriage
to you." Mrs. Sunquist
had her eyes on Roger Swann. He had to nudge her for attention.
"You still want to see this, don't you?" She laughed then,
like she always did. She assured him that she was all right, as
if he had asked. They had managed
to snag a prime parking spot from the clutches of their own grasping
iterations. From here, the Sunquists looked on as Bill Sunquist
dug in his coat pocket and came up with something small, wrapped
in velvet and chintz. Even now, Mr.
Sunquist remembered the moment. He remembered the way Melanie drew
her hands to her face, and looked from his hands to his face as
if to catch him in a lie. He remembered the feel of her fingers
in his palm as she took the box, the little breath as she opened
it and turned the ring toward the light. Mr. Sunquist tried
to remember what was going through the mind of the young man on
the porch. Maddeningly, all he could think of was Roger Swann.
People like that, you humiliate them and they think they can win
you over. Any minute, he had expected the door to open and a myopic
smile to appear beneath the wall sconce. The realization
made him anxious for something to say. "We look like we're
very much in love." In truth, Mr. Sunquist had no idea what
people in love were supposed to look like. "I hate to
tell you what I was really thinking." Mrs. Sunquist gave a
glance over her shoulder. There was another couple in a car just
a few spaces down. She leaned forward so they would not hear what
she had to say. "I had just downed a glass-and-a-half of cheap
white wine and all I could think about was finding someplace to
pee." "And, of course,
you couldn't go back in the bar—" "Roger Swann
was in there." Mr. Sunquist found
himself roaring. Mrs. Sunquist hushed him; she was a shy person
by nature, and people might be listening. That made him laugh even
harder. The couple in
the next car turned to see what was funny, but he didn't care. He
knew these people well enough, he had nothing to prove to them. They would be
a couple in their thirties. They would be having a conversation
very much like this one. A little breathless, the woman hints to
her husband how these past fifteen years are as much a product
of bladder control as love. Perhaps she intends
a joke. Perhaps an insult. Things are not so good between the man
and the woman at this point in their marriage. The woman realizes
this too late, and starts to back up and stammer. To himself, the
man thinks... "Romance is
one of those things that doesn't really work as a first-hand experience.
Why we come back here every year, I imagine." "What?"
Mrs. Sunquist looked up at him. "You must have heard that somewhere." It was not an
especially generous thought, Mr. Sunquist realized. He was a little
surprised he had said it out loud. More surprised how much he believed
it to be true. "We should
move on," he said. "Let these kids have their privacy." She put a hand
to his wrist as he reached for the touch pad. "One more minute,"
she whispered. "They're almost done." She stared so intently
that Mr. Sunquist wondered what she was looking at. Her head tilted
to her right, and her mouth gaped in little-girl awe. "I was a beauty
in my day, wasn't I?" She smiled a little, as if to make a
joke, but she could not hide the shine on her eyes. It must be the
baby, he thought. The baby makes her sentimental. A half-dozen
things came to mind. All had the antiseptic cheer of a get-well
card. He squeezed her hand. "Steady-on, old girl. Let's not
break the mood here." Mrs. Sunquist
nodded. Of course, of course. Suddenly she was laughing again. She
waved all his worried looks aside. Perhaps she had been having
him on after all. * * * Part
Two A few minutes further
up the road awaited the Hotel Mozambique they had known as youngsters.
White stucco bungalows crowded protectively around a medium-sized
black-bottom pool. The pool looked out the open end of the courtyard
toward the sea. Mr. Sunquist got
them the room they always asked for, looking out through the top
of a date palm toward Mer Noire. Mrs. Sunquist
pushed open the window. A blood-warm breeze came in off the bay,
sour with brine, pungent with road tar from the asphalt bike paths
just beyond the courtyard. "What was
the name of that soap opera they filmed down the beach?" Mrs.
Sunquist eased herself into the corner of the sill, hugging herself
in the dreamy light that spilled through the palms just beyond.
"Indigo Something,"
Mr. Sunquist recalled. "Shades of Indigo, I think." "They filmed
right outside my window for six months when I lived with Bobby
Shelbourne. The next year, the production company followed their
expanding time signature up the beach and filmed the actors playing
opposite their own earlier iterations. You remember that?" Mr. Sunquist said
he did. This was a lie—Mr. Sunquist had no money for television
when he was young—but all lies are sweet in La Jetйe in August.
Mrs. Sunquist
smiled at him, knowing and unconcerned. She led him by the hand
to the bed. They made love in the cool shade of the whitewashed
room—sweetly, awkwardly, stopping to see if everything was all
right with the baby. Later, as the
heat of the day enveloped them, Mr. Sunquist pressed his arm around
Mrs. Sunquist's shoulders and drew her close. They had not slept
this way since they were newlyweds. Her hair had the soapy smell
of newborn babies. The scent of it followed him into his dreams. Here was Melanie
Everett, the girl that would be his wife. He remembered her all
golden under the sun, bashful but hardly uncertain. She had perfected
this fascination that goes with being the second-prettiest girl
at every party. Boys became aware of her in stages, the way they
became aware of the first hit pop tune of the summer. Forthright kids
like Bob Shelbourne were always going to get around to Melanie
Everett, right after they investigated the fulsome charms of Jenn
LeMel, or the Maynard sisters. Shy kids always thought of her beauty
as their secret. Being shy, they assumed their secret safe. Lying beside her
now, Mr. Sunquist dreamed not of his wife, but of his friends—the
things they would tell each other. What did they think when they
heard Melanie Everett had gone home with him? His had been an epic
battle, as pure as a fairy tale. A rival had been vanquished. A
maiden won. Being a man living at a certain moment in history,
he had learned to savor these stories. Nothing is more vivid than
a moment re-lived, he would say. Not even the moment itself. * * * The heat of the
day had broken when Mr. Sunquist shook off the last of his dreams.
The breeze had shifted around to come in from the south, from the
future side of the bay. Mrs. Sunquist said
she could lie beneath the billowing curtains all night long. Perhaps
Mrs. Sunquist still had doubts. If so, Mr. Sunquist hardly heard.
He was planning their road trip. He asked Mrs.
Sunquist if she remembered the first time they made love. "Of course
I do." As indignant as she could manage. "We had to
take a blanket out to Mourning Shoals because your boyfriend was
setting up your apartment for a surprise birthday party. You remember?
And the fog rolled in so we almost couldn't find the truck, and
then we got back an hour and a half after the party started?" Mrs. Sunquist
laughed, embarrassed. She remembered. "You know,"
Mr. Sunquist said, "that's one place you and I have never gone
back to." "Oh, William.
No!" "It's a birthday
party. It would be easy to slip in. And we had such a time that
night." Mrs. Sunquist
touched his cheek. "You remember everything so perfectly,"
she said. Something in her
tone struck Mr. Sunquist odd, so that he smiled and frowned at
the same time. Perhaps his wife had not enjoyed the scene in the
bar as he expected. Time for something frivolous, he decided. Piecziznski,
the chess master, perhaps. Or maybe they could see Shades of Indigo
filming up at the old Harbinger Hotel. He didn't tell
her what he planned. He thought to surprise her. He expected that
she might even mention these places herself, but the scene in the
bar had left Mrs. Sunquist in some reverie of her own. Seven miles up
the highway, and as many years further back, Mr. Sunquist found
a neighborhood he recognized. Lola's Bookstore was just up the
street in a bus barn it shared with an equity waiver theater. If
someone could give them the local date and time, they would pin
down the moment of their arrival. The Sunquists
discovered a young couple hiding among the shadows of Ciriquito
Street. Mr. Sunquist called to them. The boy glanced back at him—
what? The girl turned around to see what he was looking at. The
Sunquists realized they were looking at themselves. Mr. Sunquist knew
immediately where they were. Somehow, they had stumbled onto Melanie
Everett's twentieth birthday party. This was the night she had
ended her relationship with her boyfriend. The night she had gone
home with him. Bill Sunquist
and Melanie Everett stood in the shadow of a large real-estate sign.
The sign showed an artist's rendering of tennis courts, a condominium,
a hotel complex. The Ciriquito
Street pier, where fishing boats still headed into the sun each
morning, that was to be subsumed into a two-hundred-slip marina.
Bill Sunquist noticed none of this. The sign was nothing to him
but cover. He had Melanie under his left arm and they were studying
the beachfront apartment she shared with Bobby Shelbourne, the
man who promised to love her, "no matter how much she disappointed
him." They were talking.
The Sunquists were too far away to hear the words. No matter, the
Sunquists had remembered this story to each other till they could
mouth the words. Bill Sunquist and Melanie Everett had parked along
Kleege's Beach and spent the afternoon under the tarp in the back
of Bill Sunquist's two-ton army surplus lorry. Now she was late
to her own birthday party. Late, and sunburned and sweaty and very
guilty. Mr. Sunquist thought
of Piecziznski, the chess master. Well, they were here now. Whatever
he had intended could wait until after. Mrs. Sunquist smiled, though
she plainly was embarrassed. "William, I don't know about
this." "What are
you worried about? You know how it turns out." "I don't want
to see this." "You were
asking if you were beautiful." He nodded toward their younger
reflections. "Look at how young we are in this place." "It's a world
of ghosts," Mrs. Sunquist said to the car window. "I
don't care how young they are." Mr. Sunquist did
not blame his wife for being negative. He ascribed her unease to
Bobby Shelbourne's oppressive aura. Understandable, certainly.
Bobby Shelbourne was a vegetarian and pathological spoilsport, one
of those people who savored his slights. No wonder Mrs. Sunquist
quailed at the memory of this night. He studied the girl standing
under the real-estate sign. Look at how frantic she is to make
her story, he thought. "The only
way out is through," he told Mrs. Sunquist. And then: "Don't
be scared." It was the sort of patronizing admonishment a
six-year-old uses on a younger sibling. Mrs. Sunquist
pursed her lips with a moment's thought; then she nodded at an open
curb down the block. They pulled up
in front of a shaded courtyard between two bungalows. Bill and
Melanie had disappeared. Mr. Sunquist heard whispers and laughter
though a screen of rust-colored bougainvillea. Up ahead was the
ocean, and a small yard inside a rusted fence that separated the
apartment from the beach. He heard flapping above his head. A banner
cut from bed sheets stretched between a pair of upstairs windows.
It read: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MELANIE. I LOVE YOU. Mrs. Sunquist
paused when she saw the painted bed sheet. "Really," she
said. "Let's not do this." Just for a moment, she glanced
back the way they had come. She might have been gauging her chances
of making the street. "Don't tell
me you feel guilty." Mr. Sunquist hooted. "Guilty for
Bobby Shelbourne! Oh, wouldn't he love that." "There's not
enough people for us to slip in. Someone will recognize us. They'll
know we came from down the beach." Indeed, a young
man with mild blue eyes had been stationed at the top of the stair
to guard against crashers. For one moment,
Mr. Sunquist cringed as Roger Swann nodded down at them. He thought
of the humiliation Roger had suffered in Sonny's—wondered if he
might have to answer for it. But no, that bar scene was seven years
in Roger Swann's future. Swann gave them only a look of rueful
curiosity. He nodded toward the next bungalow over, where he imagined
they had come from. He asked if they were here to complain about
the noise. Mr. Sunquist was
thinking up a suitable lie when Melanie Everett stepped out onto
the landing. She had this nervous
laugh as a kid, which was odd. Watching her, Mr. Sunquist suddenly
realized that Melanie herself was not nervous at all. The laugh
was for the benefit of whomever she spoke to. It worked to spectacular
effect. Suddenly, Roger
Swann was over his terror of pretty girls. He leaned forward to
hear her as she asked him something under the music. Smiling, he
answered. Mrs. Sunquist
took her husband by the wrist. "You know what he's telling
me?" Even now the boy's words affected her. "He's telling
me how Bobby's been waiting for me since 4:00, and then he tells
me he himself has been waiting for me all his life." "Aww."
Mr. Sunquist gave her a look of arch sentimentality. Together, they
went, "Aww," loud enough to attract the gaze of the kids
on the stair. He thought that Melanie regarded them with some look
of secret humor. Who knew what she was really thinking. Mr. Sunquist
imagined pretty girls used this look when they could think of nothing
to say. Roger got a peck
on the cheek for his sweetness. Melanie disappeared into the party
without a backward glance, but that was enough for Roger Swann.
The Sunquists were forgotten. He slicked the thinning wedge of
hair back from his forehead. He followed after her; the Sunquists
trailed a short distance behind. One thing Mr.
Sunquist remembered about Bobby Shelbourne's apartment, it was dangerous
to show too much interest in any bit of ornament. Bobby Shelbourne
lived in a museum of Melmac ice cream dishes, mismatched kitchen
chairs, and determinedly outdated electronic entertainment gear.
Every one with a little story on where it had been found, and how
much it was really worth to some mythical dealer in garage sale
lamps, or kitchen formica, or digital video downloaders. A whir-sound passed
by overhead. A scale model of the Hindenburg was making stately
passage from the living room to the kitchen. Normally, Bobby would
be following it around, pointing out the hand-painted swastika
on the tail rudder. But the mood had gone out of him today. He saw Melanie
and his pale blue eyes went all weepy and proud. His pouty lip
grew heavier than it was already. If Bobby had promised to forgive
Melanie no matter what, he had not promised to make it easy. He
would not even acknowledge Melanie till she took his arm and made
him face her. Someone put on
music, too loud to hear her speak. No matter, Mr. Sunquist could
tell by her rueful demeanor that she was making her story. What was it he
and Melanie had decided? Yes, he remembered now—Melanie had gone
down the T-Line Highway to visit the iterations of her own childhood.
The Feynman diagram in her glove compartment contained too many
streets between there and here that had yet to be built. She'd
gotten confused coming back. Mr. Sunquist spotted
himself over by the kitchen door, watching. Melanie had asked Bill
to stay away while she tried to explain things to her boyfriend.
Of course there was no way Bill Sunquist would do that—let her
explain things to her boyfriend? So they might smooth things out?
Melanie had been naive to think he would. It hardly mattered;
Bobby Shelbourne saw him over Melanie's head. Shelbourne smiled.
"It's you,
isn't it." His eyes were luminous with anger. Bill made no attempt
to deny it. He smiled his most irritating smirk, motioned to Shelbourne
in that silent gesture every young man knows—back of the hands
up, fingers cupping palms in ironic invitation: Come on then. Come
get some. Melanie pulled
him back by the arm, and for one moment Bobby Shelbourne let her.
The pause was so brief that Billy Sunquist had barely noticed.
Twenty-five years older, Mr. Sunquist grinned: Look how he glances
around for a way out! "You were
never no street brawler, Bobby." Slipping into a voice he had
not spoken in since he was a vain young man. "You were never
nothing like what I was." Even now, Mr. Sunquist lived for
these moments. Anymore, the stakes would be infinitely higher than
a broken nose. But that desperate calculation remained eternal:
Pride? Or survival? Melanie saw her
chance to wedge between them. The two boys clenched each other
tight against her. Mr. Sunquist remembered the collision between
his belly and her skinny rib cage. He remembered the sound she
made as the breath went out of her. Billy Sunquist
might have reached for her. He always told himself that he would
have, if only Bobby had not started in the way he did. "Look at her,"
Bobby hissed. "Now you've done it. Now you've hurt her."
Nobody put Billy Sunquist on the defensive. Bill Sunquist
took a hunk of genuine 100% Rayon bowling shirt and laughed in Bobby
Shelbourne's face. Nice try. All these years away, Mr. Sunquist
still felt Bobby Shelbourne's cheekbones beneath his knuckles.
The two of them waltzed around till they fell back against the
formica tabletop, slamming the blender and liquor and ice onto
the floor. Melanie wasn't
really so damaged. Mr. Sunquist found her, easing herself back
against the refrigerator. Her shirt was soaked watery green from
a half-bottle of Midori, but she seemed all right. Roger Swann had
come over to help her up, but she had more than pity on her mind.
She took his elbow and pointed toward the mess in the kitchen.
Like any young
man of experience, he knew the risks of stepping into someone else's
fight. He thumbed the side of his mouth in an expression of unease.
But Melanie had this unassailable sense of mission when the chips
were down. It animated her. It swept up everyone around her. Roger
found his resolve; together, they waded in. Each grabbed an elbow,
or a shoulder, and yanked backward. Bill Sunquist
had Bobby Shelbourne's face against the refrigerator. Mr. Sunquist
dimly remembered the conversation between them, something about
eating the refrigerator's door handle. Oh well. The next moments
came vivid, but in flashes, like snapshots: A hand on his arm.
A face coming in at him. He remembered placating words, but his
blood was up. He swung back his left hand and connected solidly
with hard bone, right at somebody's hairline. The face went away. Bill Sunquist
turned back for Bobby Shelbourne only to find that Melanie had got
between them. The fight was over. He called to her.
He nodded toward the door, Let's go. But Melanie was angry, she
ignored him. Shelbourne fixed
his eyes on her. Even as his friends moved him off to the far side
of the kitchen, he spoke to her. Bobby asked if she'd been hurt,
was there anything he could do? "You know
I always took care of you," Bobby Shelbourne called to her.
"I may not be exciting, but I'm always there." Oh, he was good.
Anyone else would have blasphemed and threatened. Melanie looked
big-eyed and stricken. This was the moment she had chewed her knuckles
over all the way from Kleege's Beach. Bill Sunquist, too. By the
look on his face, he might have swallowed an ice tray. He was a
street kid, after all. Smooth talk was not where he excelled. Melanie wavered.
She started to raise her hands the way she did when she was miserable
and all out of words. But here was Roger
Swann, leaning forward with his hand to his forehead. Blood was
seeping through his fingers and plopping in the wet muck. He wobbled
on his knees and Melanie took him. Bobby's appeals to her conscience
would have to wait. Bobby smiled,
sure. "You're doing the right thing," he told her. "Take
care of Roger. We'll talk later. When you have a minute." Mr. Sunquist had
not seen this side of Melanie since they were married. She could
be magnificent, couldn't she? He marveled: Bobby Shelbourne is
two months from buying up this whole block of apartments for his
daddy's marina project, look at how he stammers before her. His wife felt
the weight of his consideration. For one moment she was the girl
she had been. Self-possessed and certain. Perhaps she knew what
he was thinking. She would have said something to him, but Melanie
Everett came this way. Roger Swann bumped along in her wake. Mr.
and Mrs. Sunquist stood up to make room for him on the couch. She was saying
something under her breath, half to Roger, half to herself: "Limo."
It was Bill Sunquist's street name. "Limo, Limo, Limo,"
she said—eventually winding up with, "Damn him." Melanie
tipped Roger's head back. She squinted against the bad party light.
The blood was starting to roll down his nose. She dipped a kitchen
towel in the punch bowl and dabbed it off. "It was just
a wild punch." Roger's hand came up, a gesture of indifference.
"He hit me left-handed anyway. Probably doesn't even know he
did it." "Him and those
stupid rings he wears. He's been dying to use them on someone." Roger was silent
for a few dabs. Mr. Sunquist could see him working his way up to
something. "You really have to go with him?" For one moment,
Melanie looked up at the Sunquists with this exasperated grimace—
you explain it for him. Mr. Sunquist felt his wife's fingers clutch
his, stricken. But it was an illusion. Melanie's look was intended
for anyone within earshot—anyone who knew what it was to be the
second-prettiest girl at every party. For one night, she had her
pick between princes. How could she explain to the nicest kid in
the room what this meant? "I'm going
home with Limo." She squeezed Roger's blood into the punch
bowl. "I really am." Roger Swann shook
his head, whatever. "We'll see each other again," he
said. Mr. Sunquist nudged
Mrs. Sunquist. He raised his chin at the boy. "Sonny's Bar,"
he whispered in her ear. "This is what he was thinking when
he saw you alone in Sonny's Bar." He laughed so
loud that both the people on the couch turned back in curiosity.
He didn't care. He waved them back to their conversation. "This
is too good," he hissed. Mrs. Sunquist
was supposed to laugh along at times like this. She bit her lip
and looked down at her shoes. "How do you do it?" She
sounded breathless; she might have been amazed. "I see the
time passing and it makes me so weary. And you just keep getting
angrier. Don't you ever feel any pity? Or regret?" He put out his
hands; he smiled. He figured there had to be a joke in here somewhere.
"We are what we've always been. Isn't that enough?" It
was the only explanation he could think of. "Poor Roger,"
she said. To himself, he
thought, Somebody has to lose. Did she know what
he was thinking? Suddenly, she had this look on her face, still
and deliberate and calm. It was the face he recognized from the
taxi drivers who came to pick him up from bars. Whatever she saw
in his eyes only made her sigh. "Time for
us to go," Mrs. Sunquist said. "We haven't
seen the end yet. Remember? I sweep out of the crowd and pick you
up, and Bobby Shelbourne—" "You know
what happens. You take me home with you. We spend the next twenty-five
years coming back to see it all again. I have something I want
to remember." Here was a phrase
Mr. Sunquist would think back on: I have something I want to remember. In all the years
he had come back to La Jetйe, Mr. Sunquist had never felt the need
to remember anything. Memories were for people who didn't come
to La Jetйe. Memories were for the ones Mr. Sunquist imagined in
his audience. Part
Three Evening was coming
on as they pulled onto Ciriquito Street. The shutters on all the
beach bungalows and flower kiosks had opened to the first breath
of an evening breeze. The air was dense with the musk of orchids. This was five
years earlier; La Jetйe was a strip of bungalows, caught between
the highway and the beach. Mr. Sunquist remembered thin times.
The tourists had bypassed La Jetйe for the more developed resorts
down the beach. The only money in the town came from the nurseries
across the highway, and service jobs in the hotels south of Kleege's
Beach. Every evening the streetcars would be full of people in
half-undone housecleaning uniforms. Head waiters from the lesser
restaurants would hang from the doors, swigging pilfered wine bottles
and calling out insults as they passed each other. And everyone ended
up in the tiny patio at Sonny's. Here was the Sonny's
that the Sunquists never tired of. Sonny's Seafood Chowder Bar
was an open courtyard, an old banyan tree, gnarled as knuckles,
a cast-concrete bar patterned with ridiculous wood grain. Sonny
Himself was whip-thin these days. With ashy skin and freckles and
a wide grin that seemed somehow more charming for its insincerity.
He was not charming
tonight. He was eating Spanish peanuts out of the bar dishes, which
is what he did when he was nervous. His eyes were like black ice
and he kept checking his watch. A door behind
the bar led out into an alley that ran from the street to the beach.
People passed in and out carrying guitars and tambales and a set
of wide-mouthed clay jugs, each one painted with "Jug Breakers"
on the side—Bobby Shelbourne's band. Sonny glared at
every kid who passed through that door. He pointed to his watch.
They scuttled off to the stage like roaches caught in a kitchen
light. Bobby Shelbourne
had played here every Thursday night for most of the summer, but
anyone could see the blow-up that was coming. Sonny Scorzy was
a congenial host, but he was hell as an employer. He hated lateness,
even when he was paying no money. Bobby Shelbourne had a star's
concept of time, even though he made no money. Sonny Scorzy hated
that. On this night,
only one person was exempt from Sonny's evil eye. Even now, Mr.
Sunquist lost his breath at the sight of her. That golden hair.
Those exotic eyes. Sonny had saved her his own chair, right at
the end of his beloved bar. She took it with this air of modest
expectancy—she was gracious and patient as Sonny wiped off the
peanut skins and beer. But it never occurred to her to sit elsewhere. Mr. Sunquist still
loved the way she said things and then covered her mouth with her
hand, as if surprised by her own sense of humor. He loved the careful,
prim way she crossed her ankles. He loved her dubious smile as
young Billy Lee Sunquist slid in next to her. Mr. Sunquist wondered
how much it would take to impress a girl like Melanie Everett now.
How much had he spent on that account rep from Loach & Widell?
Not including lunch at that expensive bistro she had recommended?
Billy Lee Sunquist had held his knowledge cheaply when he'd lived
in La Jetйe, and given it away for the asking. "Here,"
Billy Lee said to the young woman struggling with the fruit that
Sonny had put out for her. "You wanna know how to eat a mango,
I'll show you how to eat a mango." "I'm with
someone," she said, and nodded toward a little door into the
alley, where Bobby Shelbourne and his Jug Breakers were tuning
up. Billy Lee Sunquist
laughed at the caution on her face. He held up his hands. "I'm
just showing you how to eat a mango." He took the fruit from
her hand, salted it, dusted it with cayenne pepper, and slipped
it down his throat. He licked his fingers one by one and gave her
a lascivious grin. Mrs. Sunquist
gave her husband a secret smile. "You remember what you said
to me?" Mr. Sunquist claimed
he did not. Mrs. Sunquist said she did not believe he didn't remember.
Out on the patio, Billy Lee Sunquist whispered in Melanie Everett's
ear. She grew big-eyed and aghast. She gave Billy Lee a slap on
the shoulder, and then said something under her breath that made
him laugh and made her cover her mouth with her hand. Mr. Sunquist gripped
his wife's hand. This trip was already working changes on her.
That sturdy quiet she had acquired over the lean years of their
middle age, that had melted to the shyness he remembered so well.
He would have shared this moment with the world. Bobby came out
with his nickel-topped Dobro guitar. Roger Swann hunkered down
next to him with some squat Caribbean drum between his knees. They
were a team in those days, Bobby and Roger. If Bobby played guitar,
Roger would be there with the drums. There was this
trombone player that neither of the Sunquists remembered. He nudged
Bobby Shelbourne. He motioned toward his girl and the young man
sitting next to her. Perhaps he had
a look of mischief. If so, he would be disappointed. Bobby Shelbourne
saw Bill Sunquist leaning close to Melanie. He grinned and shook
his finger, school-marm style. Billy laughed. Melanie gave him
a girl-slug and nodded toward her boyfriend on the stage— See?
I told you. Everybody knew
each other at Sonny's. Everything was easy. The music started.
Jug-band blues, simple and irresistible. Everybody on the patio
pushed forward under the gnarled banyan tree. They sang along to
the songs they knew. They shoulder-danced to the songs they didn't
know. They ate mangoes and papayas and drank fermented sidra from
terra-cotta jugs. Then it came time
for this walking blues, "Limousine Blues." Billy Lee
Sunquist liked this song. He wasn't sure yet, but he was thinking
about incorporating it as his personal theme. He threw back
his head at the first note. His face split into a wide grin. "My
song!" he cried. "Bobby remembered my song!" Melanie was still
wiping mango pulp from her fingers as he took her hand. "Ohh
no," she was saying as he led her out in front of the band.
"Ohh no." There, in front
of God and her boyfriend and everybody they knew, Billy Lee Sunquist
and Melanie Everett danced some imaginary swing that they knew
only from watching Tex Avery cartoons. Mr. Sunquist felt
his wife draw near. She asked him if he knew why they were here.
He put his arm around her; he knew. "This is a cute moment
together. Look at us there." He laughed at his younger iteration.
Billy Lee Sunquist was barely more than a slouch and a lazy smile.
"We were so poor," he said. "You might
have been a billionaire for the way you acted. I was so impressed
with you." She looked so long and hard at the young couple
she might have been trying to imprint this scene forever in her
mind. "This is the moment I fell in love," she said.
Mr. Sunquist tried
to remember the moment, what he was thinking. He couldn't. Maybe
he too had been in love. Mr. Sunquist laughed as he realized it. ### As they walked
out to the car, he offered to take her to see Piecziznski, the
chess master. But something had gone out of the mood. Perhaps this
last moment had been a miscalculation? Mr. Sunquist decided they'd
seen enough for their first day of vacation. He turned the car
back up the highway for their hotel. Mrs. Sunquist
asked him about Roger Swann—back in that first iteration of Sonny's,
he should have recognized them. It had been just a few years since
they'd all seen each other, had they changed so much? They fell into
a foolish argument about Roger Swann, and why hadn't he recognized
them? Mr. Sunquist wanted to laugh, except that underneath it all,
the argument wasn't foolish. And somehow it wasn't really about
Roger Swann. Arguing, they
missed the Hotel Mozambique. They drove south, beyond even the present
iteration of La Jetйe. Mr. Sunquist looked around to realize they
had gone down the road, on to South Beach—into the future. They
became quiet as they realized that nothing around them looked familiar. No one ever came
out to this end of the T-Line highway. Like one of those weighty
popular art novels, South Beach was a place on every tongue, but
rarely experienced in person. Everybody knew someone who had risked
all to catch some glimpse of themselves in a new and unimagined
place in their own lives. Always some friend, some relative. Never
the person telling the story. Always the tale had some ghastly,
amusing outcome. They were well
and truly lost when they reached the first town south of the Present
Iteration. Mrs. Sunquist hesitated, but they were running low on
power, and she had to use the bathroom again. "Let's do
it," cried Mr. Sunquist, his middle-aged timbre catching some
of that old devilish sway. "Let's take a chance and see what
we run into down here in The Future." Mrs. Sunquist
looked uneasy. But she would not be outdone by her husband. Laughing
together, they swung off the T-Line to get directions from the
future back to the present. ### Another building
cycle was coming to La Jetйe. All of the old orchid stands that
had been on Noon Street and then replanted on Meridian Street were
being uprooted again for a tract of old-style bungalow rows. The
artist's conception reminded Mr. Sunquist of places he had lived.
He wondered if this would be one of his investments. No mention of
the temporal anomaly. Was that no longer considered a draw? The
only connection to the town they had left back in the gloom of
fog and quantum wave functions was a tag at the bottom of the sign: SERIOUS ONLY ENQUIRE WITH MR.
ROBERT SHELBOURNE. LA JETЙE "Look at this,"
Mrs. Sunquist said. "They're even tearing down the buildings
I hated to make way for new." Mr. Sunquist knew
he should be irate. Bobby Shelbourne hustled his phony nostalgia
in the one place where nostalgia was useless. Somehow, he could
do nothing but envy the man's gall. They found an
open-air market down the street. Palm fronds covered the porch,
implying some sort of tropical oeuvre. Nearer the road were the
hydrogen pumps, and electrical-charge outlets, and gasoline for
the hybrids. As Mr. Sunquist started into the hydrogen lane, his
wife grabbed his wrist and pointed across the street. Their own car
was parked at the curb, as if the occupants had gone for a walk
over the chalk-white dunes to the ocean. The Sunquists
stared in astonishment. It was indeed their car, only the paint
had faded to a dried-out coral. The seats had been left to the
salt air and the sun till they had rotted open. Someone had half-pulled
an old beach blanket across the over-ripened seat cushions. An
insignia on the blanket commemorated the Mer Noire regatta, fourteen
years hence. The blanket looked as if it had been in the sun a
couple of years even beyond that. Mr. Sunquist thought
for a moment. He realized what it had to mean. "It's our car
all right, but we've passed it on to our child. This is just the
sort of thing we would do." Mrs. Sunquist
looked doubtful. "Sixteen years from now? We'll have this car
sixteen years from now?" "It surely
wouldn't be us." Mr. Sunquist cast a melodramatic stare toward
Mrs. Sunquist. "Are we down on the beach somewhere? Should
we go look?" Mrs. Sunquist
had given over the need to match her husband dare-for-dare. "Let's
just get some power and go," she said. Mr. Sunquist wanted
to egg her on a little. "Are you sure? We might be out there.
On the beach. Living." "This isn't
funny," she said. "Let's just get the power and go." Mr. Sunquist might
have pushed a little harder but for the baby. "You're lucky,"
he told her. He went up to pay for the fuel. She followed along
to find a bathroom. Around the corner
from the pump island was a fruit stand and a cashier. As they approached,
they heard a gravelly voice. "You know what you put on those?
No, not sugar." Chesty laughter. "Thing's already sweet.
Why would you put sugar on it? No, you know what they do in Mexico?
They put salt on their mangos. A little cayenne pepper. Here." Mr. and Mrs. Sunquist
traded looks. An afternoon of chasing the ghosts of memory had
left them unprepared for their role as someone else's ghost. They
asked each other in that wordless language of married couples if
they should go, but neither of them moved. Mr. Sunquist felt
his throat dry up. He thought for a moment. Was he sure he wanted
to see himself like this? He grew impatient with his own timidity.
What would happen, anyway? Would they blow up? Some sort of mutual
annihilation, as if they were both opposing nuclear particles? They stepped into
the back of the cashier's line as casually as they could manage. He was with a
young girl. She had caramel-colored hair, like Mrs. Sunquist's had
been when she had been a student. That same lithe waist. Those
legs. This is my daughter,
Mr. Sunquist realized. The lust in him should have shamed him,
but it merely made him furtive. The store clerk
flipped a light on so the old man could see what he was doing with
that mango. A reflection appeared in the counter glass. Mr. Sunquist
stared in fascination at the face of a tired satyr. ### "We were such
scoundrels when we were your age." "Who's that?"
the young woman frowned at the yellow fruit coming apart in her
fingers. Her mind was a million years down the T-Line Highway. "Here. Let
me show you something. Over here to the northwest." He was
so casual about the way he put his arm around the girl's waist.
He aimed her toward a dark smudge along the knife-edge of the horizon,
it was the most natural thing in the world. "Who were
you such scoundrels with, Billy?" "If you look
over this way," the old man said, "you can see the actual
heat death of the universe." He was trying hard to instill
his voice with a sense of wonder that life had not held for him
in a very long time. The young woman followed his arm. Mr. Sunquist was
shocked at the resemblance she had to his wife. The dark, sloe
eyes, the long, caramel-blond hair, the mobile mouth. "It looks
more like fog," she observed with adolescent irony. "Can't see
it with the naked eye. Somebody set a radio telescope pointing
that way. Came back with dead air. Nothing." The girl nodded.
She understood: The cosmic background radiation. It was supposed
to be evenly distributed throughout the universe. "Gee, that's
interesting." She slurped mango slices. The old man leaned
close as if he wanted to steal a kiss. The girl smiled back at
him, What? The soft light of her trust set him back. He looked
away down the beach, as if uncertain what to do. She asked him
what he was thinking. He ran his hand up and down her arm, elbow
to shoulder as he considered his answer. "I was thinking
of a moment from my life a long time ago," he answered. "I
was on a patio, dancing with a girl who looked very much like you.
We were both a little drunk, and her boyfriend was playing for
us, and everyone was friends, you know? Just. Friends. And right
now, I was thinking that may have been the sweetest moment of my
life." "It must be
nice," the girl offered, "having a lifetime of memories
like that. I wish I had one moment I could look back on." The old Sunquist
laughed, shook his head. "No, it's terrible," he said.
"You spend the rest of your life trying to find that moment
again, and it's never where you thought." He paused, as if
he'd only just heard his own words. "It's amazing what a person
will do to recapture one moment of peace. Amazing and terrible." Something in his
tone made the girl back away. But somehow she was still in his
arms, and in turning, she had presented her face to him. He kissed her
hard on the mouth. The girl pushed him back. For a moment, her chin
bunched up and her cheeks reddened as if she might cry, or pummel
the old man to the ground. "Dammit,"
she said. "Damn it." Her hands went up in exasperation.
An impulse took hold of her. She ran up and slugged him in the
arm, dared him to respond. The old Sunquist
could do nothing but stare at her in stupid love. A moment of silence;
then she stalked away down the beach. He squeezed his lips between
his fingers. He squinted in anguish. He paced around in a little
circle of perplexity, so that Mr. Sunquist could not help feeling
sorry for him. He called after
the girl, laughing heartily as if it had all been a joke; she made
an obscene gesture over her shoulder. The present-tense
Mr. Sunquist became aware of a profound silence directly behind
him. He waited as long as he could before turning around. Mrs. Sunquist—Melanie—was
gone. He put his fingers
to his nose the way he did whenever he had to steady his vision
after too much bourbon. He thought, this is ridiculous. How can
I be blamed for something that hasn't even happened yet? Our child
isn't even born. I don't even know for certain it will be a girl. But in his heart,
he knew it was not ridiculous. He knew himself well enough to know
it was entirely likely. He simply couldn't believe Mrs. Sunquist
would not forgive him. He had been forgiven all his life, hadn't
he? He pushed himself
up to the top of the sand dune and searched the beach. He saw the
girl stalking away along a concrete sea wall, making angry little
skips with her palm against the rough stone blocks. He couldn't find
Mrs. Sunquist anywhere. He realized the
old man was beside him. He wondered what he should do. He had heard
of people meeting themselves, of course. One always heard stories.
He just couldn't remember how any of those stories turned out. When he could
stand it no longer, he turned to the old man: "You know what
you've done?" he asked. The man looked
shocked, like a theater patron suddenly addressed from the stage. "You're not
supposed to—" "You couldn't
keep your hands off your own daughter? Damn it." In truth, he was
not very angry. Mr. Sunquist was more overcome with weariness.
In his weariness, he saw his older persona in a cool and distant
light, the way one sees one's parents after while. He wasn't addressing
himself anymore. He was addressing a sad old man who had lost track
of things somehow. He crouched down
to take the old man's hand. It was bloated, the skin shiny and
taut. "I'm sorry," he said, "It's just—" He
paused. How to put this? "That's our daughter. Do you understand?
There are some things I just can't do. If I do these things, there
will be no limits for me at all." He looked into the cracked
old face for some sign he was getting through. "Daughter?
What do you take me for? That's not our daughter." The old
man laughed. There was a certain malicious strain in the reedy
voice. Even now, he wasn't so different. "We don't have a
daughter. We have a son, Jeremy, but I haven't seen him in five
years. You don't know this yet, do you? Sorry. Shouldn't have opened
my mouth, I guess." Mr. Sunquist sighed;
of course, this man would know how Mr. Sunquist longed for a son.
He would use that knowledge to win sympathy, emotional leverage.
Mr. Sunquist wondered if this was the man he truly was destined
to become. What a pathetic and self-serving old liar. "Come on,
now," he said as gently as possible. "I recognized her
eyes. I know her cheekbones. The resemblance is too strong. You
can't tell me this was just some kid you picked up." The old satyr
leaned close. Mr. Sunquist held his breath at the tang of stale
bourbon. "Of course it looks like Melanie," he hissed
through his gaping teeth. "It is Melanie." Mr. Sunquist felt
something clammy and soft in the pit of his stomach. "You're
not supposed to..." "I was lonely,"
he said. "Mrs. Sunquist left me a couple years ago—left us,
I should say. Left us. I got my car, I took a ride down the T-Line
Highway." The rheumy eyes squinted defiantly. "Look at
you, you're so self-righteous. What are you doing here? Huh? What
are you doing here?" "You're lying."
Mr. Sunquist backed away. Melanie had to be somewhere on this beach;
she had been right behind him a moment ago. He called out for her,
but his words were caught up in a sudden gust of wind and scattered
across the beach like sea birds. "Lying? To
you? Why would I lie to you of all people?" Way down by the
waterline, Mr. Sunquist saw the young girl his wife had been. She
looked back at the sound of her name. Was that recognition in her
eyes? Mr. Sunquist entertained the notion of following after her.
But she was not his wife and he was not really Billy Lee Sunquist.
Not her Billy Lee Sunquist. She turned away up the beach even as
he debated his next move, and then she was gone. "I would know
if you'd messed about in my past. Mrs. Sunquist—Melanie—would have
said something." "Times change.
Have you talked to Melanie recently?" "You can't
just drive down the road and change my life. You can't do that." "Screw your
life. I was lonely." "You can't
do that," he repeated fervently, hopefully. He left the old
man on the top of the dune and started back for his car. He found
it sitting quietly in its refueling lane. The passenger-side door
remained slightly ajar, just as his wife had left it. He walked out
in the street and called for her. He had to be wrong. She was here
somewhere. She was confused; maybe she hated him a little bit.
But she was still his wife. He couldn't have changed time. One
didn't do such things in La Jetйe. It just wasn't done. He ran down the
street, backward in time, calling for her as he went. Among the
empty cliffs where beach hotels and seafood restaurants and temporal
observatories had once been, gulls cocked their heads to peer down
at him. He pulled up,
gasping at the highway on-ramp. All right, he told himself. Something
terrible had happened. But it wasn't too late to fix things. Melanie
was still there for him. She was a little ways down the T-Line
Highway, that was all. He would find
her as she had been. He would protect her from that sad old ghost.
And she would love him more than ever. He would see to it. He would
be good to her, and listen to what she said. He would love the
woman she was now. And the memories of the people they had been?
He would let them remain beautiful memories, nothing more. Headlights rolled
across his shoulders. He turned and stumbled. The car rolled right
up to his knees. He thought he was dead. The driver was
a woman with shoulder-length caramel-colored hair and exotically
slanted eyes. The passenger was a sad-eyed little man. He stepped
out to help Mr. Sunquist off the pavement. "Are you all
right? We didn't even see you. We got lost coming up the T-Line
Highway and missed our city. We're just trying to find our way
out of here. Trying, you know, not to see more than we should..." Mr. Sunquist looked
at his wife. Her face was clouded with the blank concern for a
stranger she had almost killed. He raised his
hands to plead with her through the windshield. He started to ask
her, Have I changed so much? "Roger,"
she said to her husband, "ask him if he needs to go to the
doctor. He looks like he's in shock." She started to slip
out from behind the wheel. Her husband waved her back in the car. "Don't do
that, Honey. Just stay there." Mr. Sunquist saw
by the way she moved that she was extremely pregnant. "Here."
Roger Swann peeled a twenty-five-dollar bill off his money clip
and stuffed it in Mr. Sunquist's hand. "Go on now, fella."
He glanced back at his wife in a meaningful way. "She's having
a baby," Roger Swann confided. "I just want to keep her
happy." Mr. Sunquist looked
down at the bill wadded up in his palm. When he looked back, the
Swanns were already driving away. He wanted to say
something, but he couldn't think what. He watched them pull around,
back onto the T-Line Highway going south. He ran back to
the car. He used the twenty-five-dollar bill to pay for his charge.
The truth, he realized, was back in one of those cities along the
beach. All he had to do was find where his life had diverged from
its path—find that moment of clarity. Wasn't that what he'd always
come back to La Jetйe to do? He would make it right. Fifteen minutes
up the highway, the towers of La Jetйe, like a city sculpted from
thoroughly burned ash, rose in the heat of a morning Mr. Sunquist
couldn't remember seeing. He pulled off
the highway and wept. |
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