"Terry Carr - Egoboo" - читать интересную книгу автора (Carr Terry)
Egoboo For Algernon by Terry Carr
Egoboo For Algernon by Terry Carr
UKSFA Home
progris riport -- martch 5 1962
Dr. Strauss sais I shud rite down what I think and evrey thing that happins
from now on account of it may be importent. i dont know why but he sais he has
to file a riport to the head of his comitty. Hes from the NFFF. I sed thanks
alot of times but he just shruged and said just another NFFF benifit. Miss
Kinnian sais maybe they can make me smart they do alot with new fans. I sure
hope so. My name is Charlie Gordon and I'm 37 years and 2 months old. Ive been
in fandom five years.
progris riport 2 -- martch 6
They gave me a quiz today but I couldn't figure it out. It wasnt aboute Hugo
Gernsback or Henery Kuttners pen names like most quizes though. What happind is
Dr. Strauss showed me some white cards with ink spilled on them or something. He
sed Charlie what do you see on this card. I was very scared and I told him it
was an inkblot but I hadnt dun it. He looked sad and said that wasnt the rite
idea he said he wantid me to say what it reminded me of. So I looked at it some
more and sed it reminded me of the reproduktion I get on my mimeo. But he sed
that wasnt the rite answer eether so I guess I faled the quiz. But that was
reely what it reminded me of.
progris riport3 -- martch 7
Dr. Strauss sais its okay about the ink they know I didn't do it. He sais
theyl try to help me. Miss Kinnian told that whenever we had a quiz at our xxx
klub I aways tryed hardest and they liked that. Dr. Strauss sed you noe if we
make you smart it might only be tempirery. I said I noe. But Ive never been sart
like the other gys in the klub and just onse Id like to be able to answer those
quizes. I dont care if its onley tempirery.
Then they gave me sum more tests. One was sort of a game with this mouse.
His nameis Algernon. Algernon was in a box with alot of twists and turns like
all kinds of walls and they gave me a pensil and a paper with lines and lots of
boxes. They sed it was arace could I get through the maze befor Algernon
could. We raced ten times and it made me mad cause Algernon beat me all ten
times. I got mad because I thought they mite laugh at me but they didnt. But I
was mad a little bit anyway so I outsmarted them I picked up the peece of paper
and looked at it for a long time and then sed Nice paper and dropped it on the
table. Then I leffed. I red about saying that once and its a smart thing to do.
Maybe I'm getting smarter all ready.
progris riport 4 -- martch 8
I asked Dr. Strauss if Ill beat Algernon in the race afer the operation and
he said maybe. I sed could I answer the quizes then and lern all the big words
like they use in DISCORD and all. He sed I could probly rite a column for
DISCORD if the operashun works. But I dont noe. Some people say Im a fugghead
now. Miss Kinnian sais that isnt rite that isnt what it means. She sais it
doesnt matter if your eye cue is 68 that doesnt make you a fugghead. But when I
start riting a column for DISCORD I bet nobody will call me a fugghead anyway. I
wonder what Ill call it. Their giving me the operashun tomorrow.
Progress Report 5 -- Mar 15
The operashun didnt hurt. He did it while I was slepping. They took the
bandijis from my eyes and head today so I can make a PROGRESS REPORT. Dr.
Strauss looked at some of my other ones and he told me how to spell Progress and
REPORT rite. I got to try to remember now.
Dr. Strauss sais I should tell what I feel and what I think. I didnt noe
what to think but I tryed. All the time when the bandijis were on I tryed to
think. Nothing happened. I dont noe what to think about. I sed when I get the
bandijis off I could read a discussion fanzine and it would tell me what to
think but Dr. Strauss and Miss Kinnian both sed they dont help you to think at
all reely. But when I got the bandijis off I did read Ted Paulses fanzine
anyway. It didnt help me think so they were rite. Besides there were too many
big words. I couldnt read it good. I guess to read those fanzines you just got
to noe big words. I said that to Miss Kinnian and she smiled. She sed I could
think without reading those kind of fanzines but I dont noe.
Porgress Report 6 -- Mar 19
Nothing is happining. I had lots of tests and races with Algernon but he
still beats me. Dr. Strauss sed I could go back to the club agen if I want. I'm
glad because I miss all my frends there and all the fun we have. Miss Kinnian is
glad too, she sais not to worry Dr. Strauss is a smart man and has been in the
NFFF longer than Ralph Holland and he noes what hes doing. She sais it might
take a while befor I get smart but I should keep trying. She sed maybe I should
get on a NFFF round robin letter and it would make me think. But I stll dont
noe.
Dr.Strauss told me he operated on Algernon thats why he all ways beats me. I
took a long time with Algernon but he got three times smarter. If I was three
times smarter I bet I could rite that column for DISCORD. I bet I could. On a
typewriter even. I bet I could learn to type if I was three times smarter.
So far Algernon looks like he mite be smart perminent.
Mar. 25
Its fun to be back at the club again. They dont noe Im going to be smarter
because I cant tell them. Dr. Strauss said its top secret in the NFFF because if
I dont get smarter everybody will say its just another NFFF project that didnt
get done.
We have a lot of fun at the club. Joe Carp said when I came in Hey heres
Charlie where have you been. I didnt want to answer but it was okay because he
didnt wait for me to. He said We didnt know what to do without you Charlie. Weve
been tellng everbody for years that your the only reel slan in the world and
your in our fanclub and then you didnt come around for a long time. Then
everybody laughed but I dont know why because he was talking about a story by
Van Vogt and Ive never been able to read Van Vogts stories eether. But Frank
Reily says thats okay he cant understand Van Vogt and he has a cosmic mind. I
dont know what a cosmic mind is but Ill bet its something smart. Maybe Algernon
has a cosmic mind. If he doesnt I guess Ill have one too sometime bcause I had
an operashun like him. Ill bet Frank Reilly will be surprised when he finds out
I have a cosmic mind.
April 2
Last nite at the club I told everybody that I was going to publish a fanzine
some day. They laughed and slapped me on the back like they always do when they
like me. They said it was a good idea and theyd show me how. Then Joe Carp got a
fanzine fro the clubs collection and said Can you publish something as good as
this. It was called THE HAPPY SAP and it looked like those inkblots Dr. Strauss
showed me only better. It had a story called The Battle Of The Gods but it didnt
have an ending. Joe Carp said why didnt I finish it. Then everybody laughed
again including me. Joe sure is funny.
But anyhow I borrowed the fanzine and brought it home. I didnt want to tell
them I couldnt type. But Im going to buy a typewriter soon as I can. Im going to
learn to type.
April 9
Everybody at the club is so nice these days. It must be because they know Im
getting smarter. I sort of told them. Anyhow I said I was learning to type. They
were all glad and said to bring my typewriter to the club-room and thed help me
practice. Frank Reilly said hed loan me all of his TYPOGRAPHICAL ERRORS. (Thats
how you spell them.)
I did take my typewriter to the clubroom and I practiced there. Frank Reilly
and the others watched and we had a good time. I asked him where the
TYPOGRAPHICAL ERRORS were but he said hed forgotten them. He said I could make
some myself if I was smart enough.
Then Joe Carp gave me a lesson. He types with all his fingers which I cant
do but he makes mistakes anyway. I could tell. But everybody said not too worry
and pretty soon Id be able to type like him. They said its better to make
mistakes with all your fingers than just one. I dont know though.
Miss Kinnian says Im really getting smarter all right. I dont feel any
smarter though. I told her the guys at the club are helping me to type but she
frowned. She doesnt like the club because shes in the N3F. At least thats what
the guys say. Im all mixed up about it. It doesnt make any sense. In fact I keep
wondering about all sorts of things these days. Joe Carp says if Im really
getting smarter I should be confused all the time because thats how things are.
April 11
I beat Algernon! I beat him eight times in a row today. Dr. Strauss said he
wasnt surprised and this would sure show everybody that the NFFF could get
things done no matter what they said. But Miss Kinnian looked at him kind of
funny and said that she somehow didn't think theyd be impressed if we told them
that the NFFF helped me to beat a mouse in a maze game.
Algernon sure is smart, though, and Im proud that I beat him. They let me
hold him for a while, hes not so bad. Hes soft like a ball of cotton, and warm.
April 20
I brought my typewriter home from the clubroom last night. I was there
practicing typing with all my fingers. Several of the fans came in and gathered
around me like they always do.
"What are you writing?" said Joe Carp.
I said I was just writing The quick brown fox jumps over the laxy dog.
"That's pretty good, but I think I've read it before," said Joe.
"I didn't make it up," I said. "I read it in a book."
Everybody laughed and Joe frowned. I think they were laughing at him, that's why
he frowned.
"Do you read books now?" he said. I said, yes, and went on
practicing typing. But Joe was kind of mad, I guess, and he wouldn't let me
alone. "Aren't fanzines good enough for you anymore?" he said, "we
loaned you THE HAPPY SAP just a little while ago, why don't you read that?"
I told him I couldn't read it, because the reporduction was so bad. I always
thought it was because I couldn't read real good, but I don't think even Joe
Carp could read it.
"It's too bad, I was looking forward to reading the end of The Battle
Of The Gods," Joe said,"I figure you're the best person I know to
finish it. But why don't you go ahead and write something else, anyway, I've got
an issue of my fanzine coming up pretty soon and I have a page to fill. They
said if you take fifthy million monkeys and leave them at typewriters long
enough they'll write The Enchanted Duplicator eventually. Maybe you could write
something for me."
"I'm not fifty million monkeys," I said. "You'll have to fill
that empty page yourself."
I hadn't meant anything by that, but Joe got mad and said all sorts of
things. He shouted a lot of words at me that I didn't know and when I asked him
how to spell some of them, because I'm keeping a notebook on spelling now, he
threw up his hands and walked out of the room. So I brought my typewriter home.
I don't think I'll go back to the club for awhile anyway.
April 28
I saw Miss Kinnian again today. She told me I'm making great steps, but I
still make mistakes. Like with my punctuation sometimes. She said I committed
37X, and I was horrified, because last night I was reading a book on sociology
and I thought 37X might be something like sodomy or pederasty. But she said it
wasn't, and explained that it was running two sentences together with only a
comma between them. Somebody had called that 37X. I won't make xxxx mistakes
like that again.
Then I went by the clubroom again. There was nobody there, so when I borrowd
a bunch of fanzines from the library I left a note. I borrowed issues of QUANDRY
and SKY HOOK and PSYCHOTIC and HYPHEN and DISCORD and a lot of others. I
borrowed a copy of "Slan," too. I'm going to read them tonight. I can
read fast now.
May 15
I'll try to review all the things that have been #xhappening in the past
several weeks. I first read all of the fanzines that I had borrowed from the
club, then borrowed more from Miss Kinnian. She has a large collection. I was
especially interested in some of the discussions of changing trends in science
fiction, and I read back files of various of the magazines. In particular, I
wanted to analyze the sense of wonder; I did experience something like it when
reading a few of the stories, but on the whole the concept was a puzzling one.
One fanwriter, for instance, claimed to achieve a sense of wonder while reading
the works of Leigh Brackett. I'm afraid I felt no such thing, though Hal Clement
is quite fascinating in places. Perhaps the sense of wonder is not strictly an
intellectual-level reaction/? I can certainly remember that in the earlier
periods of this experiment I achieved a strong sense of wodner simply reading
the comic section of OUT OF THIS WORLD ADVENTURES, and a little later, from the
letter column of PLANET STORIES. The evidence seems fairly certain that whatever
the experiment has done for me it has not sharpened my sense of wonder.
I have continued to read the older fanzines, of course. I was quite
surprised when I mentioned to Dr. Strauss a clever satire on Jack Darrow in THE
FORTEEN LEAFLET and not only had he never read THE FOURTEEN LEAFLET, he did not
even know who Darrow was! Perhaps Dr. Strauss is not so well-read as I had
thought.
But, again, how can this be? Engaged in serious research in fandom as Dr.
Strauss is, surely he must have familiarized himself with the history of the
fannish movement. There are levels of it which seem beyond him.
May 18
I am very disturbed. I saw Miss Kinnian last night for the first time in
over a week. I returned some fanzines and books to her and made a few comments
on them; she simply stared blankly at me. I was shocked. Surely she must have
speculated beyond the superficial level about the implications of Tolstoy's
theories of history on such fannish milestones as Bob Tucker and Claude Degler;
the works of all three are in her own collection. And when I tried to refer her
to "The Immortal Storm' in reference to a point I completely lost her by a
mild side-observation on the psychological aspects of the book. Had she read it
only as fannish history? If so, she has missed a fascinating psychological
study!
May 23
It happened today. Algernon bit me. I visited Dr. Strauss to see him as I do
occasionally, and when I took him out of his cage, he snapped and bit my hand.
Dr. Strauss tells me that Algernon is changing. He is less cooperative, and eats
less. Everyone is upset about what this may mean.
May 31
I have embarked on a project of my own. It is the result of a week's steady
reading of every fanzine I could find, good or bad -- and a week's reading for
me is a considerable amount. I have discovered, by the way, that I can now read
THE HAPPY SAP. It is an effect of the experiment I hadn't anticipated, but the
increase in intelligence has made it possible for me to read through the
typographical errors and bad duplication, to sort through the syntax of of the
fanzine. If Miss Kinnian thought it a strange sort of victory when I first
managed to beat Algernon at the maze game, imagine what her reaction would be if
I should tell her that one of the most significant effects of the experiment has
been my newfound ability to read THE HAPPY SAP!
In my readings of fanzines and prozines and books I have uncovered a wealth
of material for speculation and research. It's surprising that no one has worked
on the many fascinating and sociological implications of fandom before. I will
make it my work. Leave the lighter aspects of fandom to those whose talent is
for humor; I shall make my contribution in a sercon maner. (The word sercon
itself opens vast vistas for analysis!)
June 10
Algernon died two days ago. Dissection shows that our fears were justified:
his brain had decreased in weight and there was a general smoothing out of
cerebral convolutions as well as a deepening and broadening of brain fissures.
The effects of the operation were not permanent for him, and so they will not be
for me, perhaps.
I am already becoming absent-minded. I guess its starting already. But I am
determined to finish my study of fandom before the regression becomes too marked
to overcome.
June 18
I am becoming irritable. I guess it may be the deterioration, but maybe not.
I'm having trouble finding references for the points in my research. I had them
in my mind, but I should have written them down. It's very irritating to have to
concentrate so deeply simply to remember.
June 20
I asked Dr. Strauss and Miss Kinnian to leave me alone. Im having alot of
trouble with my article. Not only cant I find where I read something, I dont
even agree with what alot of my notes say, what I can read of them. Yesterday I
read a Captain Future novel and found the sense of wonder as good as its ever
been. It doesnt fit what I wrote, can I be that far gone?
July 2 I havent been writing to much because Ive been busy. Every
thing is so hard now. I keep wanting to get done with that thing I been writing
but I hardly know what Im doing. I keep thinking of Algernon instead, I keep
thinking he has some thing to do with the article. But the articles about
fandom, not mice. What does a mouse, have to do with fandom, even a smart mouse.
But they say fans are smart, maybe thats it. I hope I'm still smart, cause I'm
still a fan. I dont feel any dumber, I just have more trouble is all.
Maybe I should have writen that colum for DISCORD. Everthings so hard now
maybe I wont do it.
July 16
I went back to the club today. It shure was good to see Joe Carp and all of
them. They acted funny at first but they still like me I guess. I told them I
was smart now. I forgot I wasn't suppose to. They said they always knew I was a
slan. Thats someone whos very smart.
I guess I mite not rite that article or anything. Everythings so hard. The
smarter I get the harder it is to remember. The only thing I remember good is
Algernon. He was reelly nice. I wish hed been smart enuf to understand cause I
would have like to tell him I thot he was nice. Everybody needs some egoboo even
a mouse. Thats why I like it when Joe Carp and them make jokes like they use to.
You got to have frends even when your smart I think. I sure need frends and Im
smart because of that operashun. But everythings so hard.
I have a cosmic mind. What do I do now.
Copyright © Terry Carr, 1962. Original appearance in
Ragnorok 6. Copyright retained by the estate of Terry Carr. Rekeyed and
posted in instalments to Usenet rec.arts.sf.fandom by Gary Farber,
February-March 1997.
Any sf fan can see that "Egoboo for Algernon" pastiches Daniel
Keyes's famous Flowers for Algernon, tranplanting Charlie Gordon into
the context of fandom and fanzines. There are a few specific digs that may need
annotation -- against the National Fantasy Fan Federation (NFFF or N3F) and its
supposed benefits and bureaucracy, and against named fanzines (these usually
deducible from context). By and large, it stands up without further commentary. UKSFA Home
Egoboo For Algernon by Terry Carr
Egoboo For Algernon by Terry Carr
UKSFA Home
progris riport -- martch 5 1962
Dr. Strauss sais I shud rite down what I think and evrey thing that happins
from now on account of it may be importent. i dont know why but he sais he has
to file a riport to the head of his comitty. Hes from the NFFF. I sed thanks
alot of times but he just shruged and said just another NFFF benifit. Miss
Kinnian sais maybe they can make me smart they do alot with new fans. I sure
hope so. My name is Charlie Gordon and I'm 37 years and 2 months old. Ive been
in fandom five years.
progris riport 2 -- martch 6
They gave me a quiz today but I couldn't figure it out. It wasnt aboute Hugo
Gernsback or Henery Kuttners pen names like most quizes though. What happind is
Dr. Strauss showed me some white cards with ink spilled on them or something. He
sed Charlie what do you see on this card. I was very scared and I told him it
was an inkblot but I hadnt dun it. He looked sad and said that wasnt the rite
idea he said he wantid me to say what it reminded me of. So I looked at it some
more and sed it reminded me of the reproduktion I get on my mimeo. But he sed
that wasnt the rite answer eether so I guess I faled the quiz. But that was
reely what it reminded me of.
progris riport3 -- martch 7
Dr. Strauss sais its okay about the ink they know I didn't do it. He sais
theyl try to help me. Miss Kinnian told that whenever we had a quiz at our xxx
klub I aways tryed hardest and they liked that. Dr. Strauss sed you noe if we
make you smart it might only be tempirery. I said I noe. But Ive never been sart
like the other gys in the klub and just onse Id like to be able to answer those
quizes. I dont care if its onley tempirery.
Then they gave me sum more tests. One was sort of a game with this mouse.
His nameis Algernon. Algernon was in a box with alot of twists and turns like
all kinds of walls and they gave me a pensil and a paper with lines and lots of
boxes. They sed it was arace could I get through the maze befor Algernon
could. We raced ten times and it made me mad cause Algernon beat me all ten
times. I got mad because I thought they mite laugh at me but they didnt. But I
was mad a little bit anyway so I outsmarted them I picked up the peece of paper
and looked at it for a long time and then sed Nice paper and dropped it on the
table. Then I leffed. I red about saying that once and its a smart thing to do.
Maybe I'm getting smarter all ready.
progris riport 4 -- martch 8
I asked Dr. Strauss if Ill beat Algernon in the race afer the operation and
he said maybe. I sed could I answer the quizes then and lern all the big words
like they use in DISCORD and all. He sed I could probly rite a column for
DISCORD if the operashun works. But I dont noe. Some people say Im a fugghead
now. Miss Kinnian sais that isnt rite that isnt what it means. She sais it
doesnt matter if your eye cue is 68 that doesnt make you a fugghead. But when I
start riting a column for DISCORD I bet nobody will call me a fugghead anyway. I
wonder what Ill call it. Their giving me the operashun tomorrow.
Progress Report 5 -- Mar 15
The operashun didnt hurt. He did it while I was slepping. They took the
bandijis from my eyes and head today so I can make a PROGRESS REPORT. Dr.
Strauss looked at some of my other ones and he told me how to spell Progress and
REPORT rite. I got to try to remember now.
Dr. Strauss sais I should tell what I feel and what I think. I didnt noe
what to think but I tryed. All the time when the bandijis were on I tryed to
think. Nothing happened. I dont noe what to think about. I sed when I get the
bandijis off I could read a discussion fanzine and it would tell me what to
think but Dr. Strauss and Miss Kinnian both sed they dont help you to think at
all reely. But when I got the bandijis off I did read Ted Paulses fanzine
anyway. It didnt help me think so they were rite. Besides there were too many
big words. I couldnt read it good. I guess to read those fanzines you just got
to noe big words. I said that to Miss Kinnian and she smiled. She sed I could
think without reading those kind of fanzines but I dont noe.
Porgress Report 6 -- Mar 19
Nothing is happining. I had lots of tests and races with Algernon but he
still beats me. Dr. Strauss sed I could go back to the club agen if I want. I'm
glad because I miss all my frends there and all the fun we have. Miss Kinnian is
glad too, she sais not to worry Dr. Strauss is a smart man and has been in the
NFFF longer than Ralph Holland and he noes what hes doing. She sais it might
take a while befor I get smart but I should keep trying. She sed maybe I should
get on a NFFF round robin letter and it would make me think. But I stll dont
noe.
Dr.Strauss told me he operated on Algernon thats why he all ways beats me. I
took a long time with Algernon but he got three times smarter. If I was three
times smarter I bet I could rite that column for DISCORD. I bet I could. On a
typewriter even. I bet I could learn to type if I was three times smarter.
So far Algernon looks like he mite be smart perminent.
Mar. 25
Its fun to be back at the club again. They dont noe Im going to be smarter
because I cant tell them. Dr. Strauss said its top secret in the NFFF because if
I dont get smarter everybody will say its just another NFFF project that didnt
get done.
We have a lot of fun at the club. Joe Carp said when I came in Hey heres
Charlie where have you been. I didnt want to answer but it was okay because he
didnt wait for me to. He said We didnt know what to do without you Charlie. Weve
been tellng everbody for years that your the only reel slan in the world and
your in our fanclub and then you didnt come around for a long time. Then
everybody laughed but I dont know why because he was talking about a story by
Van Vogt and Ive never been able to read Van Vogts stories eether. But Frank
Reily says thats okay he cant understand Van Vogt and he has a cosmic mind. I
dont know what a cosmic mind is but Ill bet its something smart. Maybe Algernon
has a cosmic mind. If he doesnt I guess Ill have one too sometime bcause I had
an operashun like him. Ill bet Frank Reilly will be surprised when he finds out
I have a cosmic mind.
April 2
Last nite at the club I told everybody that I was going to publish a fanzine
some day. They laughed and slapped me on the back like they always do when they
like me. They said it was a good idea and theyd show me how. Then Joe Carp got a
fanzine fro the clubs collection and said Can you publish something as good as
this. It was called THE HAPPY SAP and it looked like those inkblots Dr. Strauss
showed me only better. It had a story called The Battle Of The Gods but it didnt
have an ending. Joe Carp said why didnt I finish it. Then everybody laughed
again including me. Joe sure is funny.
But anyhow I borrowed the fanzine and brought it home. I didnt want to tell
them I couldnt type. But Im going to buy a typewriter soon as I can. Im going to
learn to type.
April 9
Everybody at the club is so nice these days. It must be because they know Im
getting smarter. I sort of told them. Anyhow I said I was learning to type. They
were all glad and said to bring my typewriter to the club-room and thed help me
practice. Frank Reilly said hed loan me all of his TYPOGRAPHICAL ERRORS. (Thats
how you spell them.)
I did take my typewriter to the clubroom and I practiced there. Frank Reilly
and the others watched and we had a good time. I asked him where the
TYPOGRAPHICAL ERRORS were but he said hed forgotten them. He said I could make
some myself if I was smart enough.
Then Joe Carp gave me a lesson. He types with all his fingers which I cant
do but he makes mistakes anyway. I could tell. But everybody said not too worry
and pretty soon Id be able to type like him. They said its better to make
mistakes with all your fingers than just one. I dont know though.
Miss Kinnian says Im really getting smarter all right. I dont feel any
smarter though. I told her the guys at the club are helping me to type but she
frowned. She doesnt like the club because shes in the N3F. At least thats what
the guys say. Im all mixed up about it. It doesnt make any sense. In fact I keep
wondering about all sorts of things these days. Joe Carp says if Im really
getting smarter I should be confused all the time because thats how things are.
April 11
I beat Algernon! I beat him eight times in a row today. Dr. Strauss said he
wasnt surprised and this would sure show everybody that the NFFF could get
things done no matter what they said. But Miss Kinnian looked at him kind of
funny and said that she somehow didn't think theyd be impressed if we told them
that the NFFF helped me to beat a mouse in a maze game.
Algernon sure is smart, though, and Im proud that I beat him. They let me
hold him for a while, hes not so bad. Hes soft like a ball of cotton, and warm.
April 20
I brought my typewriter home from the clubroom last night. I was there
practicing typing with all my fingers. Several of the fans came in and gathered
around me like they always do.
"What are you writing?" said Joe Carp.
I said I was just writing The quick brown fox jumps over the laxy dog.
"That's pretty good, but I think I've read it before," said Joe.
"I didn't make it up," I said. "I read it in a book."
Everybody laughed and Joe frowned. I think they were laughing at him, that's why
he frowned.
"Do you read books now?" he said. I said, yes, and went on
practicing typing. But Joe was kind of mad, I guess, and he wouldn't let me
alone. "Aren't fanzines good enough for you anymore?" he said, "we
loaned you THE HAPPY SAP just a little while ago, why don't you read that?"
I told him I couldn't read it, because the reporduction was so bad. I always
thought it was because I couldn't read real good, but I don't think even Joe
Carp could read it.
"It's too bad, I was looking forward to reading the end of The Battle
Of The Gods," Joe said,"I figure you're the best person I know to
finish it. But why don't you go ahead and write something else, anyway, I've got
an issue of my fanzine coming up pretty soon and I have a page to fill. They
said if you take fifthy million monkeys and leave them at typewriters long
enough they'll write The Enchanted Duplicator eventually. Maybe you could write
something for me."
"I'm not fifty million monkeys," I said. "You'll have to fill
that empty page yourself."
I hadn't meant anything by that, but Joe got mad and said all sorts of
things. He shouted a lot of words at me that I didn't know and when I asked him
how to spell some of them, because I'm keeping a notebook on spelling now, he
threw up his hands and walked out of the room. So I brought my typewriter home.
I don't think I'll go back to the club for awhile anyway.
April 28
I saw Miss Kinnian again today. She told me I'm making great steps, but I
still make mistakes. Like with my punctuation sometimes. She said I committed
37X, and I was horrified, because last night I was reading a book on sociology
and I thought 37X might be something like sodomy or pederasty. But she said it
wasn't, and explained that it was running two sentences together with only a
comma between them. Somebody had called that 37X. I won't make xxxx mistakes
like that again.
Then I went by the clubroom again. There was nobody there, so when I borrowd
a bunch of fanzines from the library I left a note. I borrowed issues of QUANDRY
and SKY HOOK and PSYCHOTIC and HYPHEN and DISCORD and a lot of others. I
borrowed a copy of "Slan," too. I'm going to read them tonight. I can
read fast now.
May 15
I'll try to review all the things that have been #xhappening in the past
several weeks. I first read all of the fanzines that I had borrowed from the
club, then borrowed more from Miss Kinnian. She has a large collection. I was
especially interested in some of the discussions of changing trends in science
fiction, and I read back files of various of the magazines. In particular, I
wanted to analyze the sense of wonder; I did experience something like it when
reading a few of the stories, but on the whole the concept was a puzzling one.
One fanwriter, for instance, claimed to achieve a sense of wonder while reading
the works of Leigh Brackett. I'm afraid I felt no such thing, though Hal Clement
is quite fascinating in places. Perhaps the sense of wonder is not strictly an
intellectual-level reaction/? I can certainly remember that in the earlier
periods of this experiment I achieved a strong sense of wodner simply reading
the comic section of OUT OF THIS WORLD ADVENTURES, and a little later, from the
letter column of PLANET STORIES. The evidence seems fairly certain that whatever
the experiment has done for me it has not sharpened my sense of wonder.
I have continued to read the older fanzines, of course. I was quite
surprised when I mentioned to Dr. Strauss a clever satire on Jack Darrow in THE
FORTEEN LEAFLET and not only had he never read THE FOURTEEN LEAFLET, he did not
even know who Darrow was! Perhaps Dr. Strauss is not so well-read as I had
thought.
But, again, how can this be? Engaged in serious research in fandom as Dr.
Strauss is, surely he must have familiarized himself with the history of the
fannish movement. There are levels of it which seem beyond him.
May 18
I am very disturbed. I saw Miss Kinnian last night for the first time in
over a week. I returned some fanzines and books to her and made a few comments
on them; she simply stared blankly at me. I was shocked. Surely she must have
speculated beyond the superficial level about the implications of Tolstoy's
theories of history on such fannish milestones as Bob Tucker and Claude Degler;
the works of all three are in her own collection. And when I tried to refer her
to "The Immortal Storm' in reference to a point I completely lost her by a
mild side-observation on the psychological aspects of the book. Had she read it
only as fannish history? If so, she has missed a fascinating psychological
study!
May 23
It happened today. Algernon bit me. I visited Dr. Strauss to see him as I do
occasionally, and when I took him out of his cage, he snapped and bit my hand.
Dr. Strauss tells me that Algernon is changing. He is less cooperative, and eats
less. Everyone is upset about what this may mean.
May 31
I have embarked on a project of my own. It is the result of a week's steady
reading of every fanzine I could find, good or bad -- and a week's reading for
me is a considerable amount. I have discovered, by the way, that I can now read
THE HAPPY SAP. It is an effect of the experiment I hadn't anticipated, but the
increase in intelligence has made it possible for me to read through the
typographical errors and bad duplication, to sort through the syntax of of the
fanzine. If Miss Kinnian thought it a strange sort of victory when I first
managed to beat Algernon at the maze game, imagine what her reaction would be if
I should tell her that one of the most significant effects of the experiment has
been my newfound ability to read THE HAPPY SAP!
In my readings of fanzines and prozines and books I have uncovered a wealth
of material for speculation and research. It's surprising that no one has worked
on the many fascinating and sociological implications of fandom before. I will
make it my work. Leave the lighter aspects of fandom to those whose talent is
for humor; I shall make my contribution in a sercon maner. (The word sercon
itself opens vast vistas for analysis!)
June 10
Algernon died two days ago. Dissection shows that our fears were justified:
his brain had decreased in weight and there was a general smoothing out of
cerebral convolutions as well as a deepening and broadening of brain fissures.
The effects of the operation were not permanent for him, and so they will not be
for me, perhaps.
I am already becoming absent-minded. I guess its starting already. But I am
determined to finish my study of fandom before the regression becomes too marked
to overcome.
June 18
I am becoming irritable. I guess it may be the deterioration, but maybe not.
I'm having trouble finding references for the points in my research. I had them
in my mind, but I should have written them down. It's very irritating to have to
concentrate so deeply simply to remember.
June 20
I asked Dr. Strauss and Miss Kinnian to leave me alone. Im having alot of
trouble with my article. Not only cant I find where I read something, I dont
even agree with what alot of my notes say, what I can read of them. Yesterday I
read a Captain Future novel and found the sense of wonder as good as its ever
been. It doesnt fit what I wrote, can I be that far gone?
July 2 I havent been writing to much because Ive been busy. Every
thing is so hard now. I keep wanting to get done with that thing I been writing
but I hardly know what Im doing. I keep thinking of Algernon instead, I keep
thinking he has some thing to do with the article. But the articles about
fandom, not mice. What does a mouse, have to do with fandom, even a smart mouse.
But they say fans are smart, maybe thats it. I hope I'm still smart, cause I'm
still a fan. I dont feel any dumber, I just have more trouble is all.
Maybe I should have writen that colum for DISCORD. Everthings so hard now
maybe I wont do it.
July 16
I went back to the club today. It shure was good to see Joe Carp and all of
them. They acted funny at first but they still like me I guess. I told them I
was smart now. I forgot I wasn't suppose to. They said they always knew I was a
slan. Thats someone whos very smart.
I guess I mite not rite that article or anything. Everythings so hard. The
smarter I get the harder it is to remember. The only thing I remember good is
Algernon. He was reelly nice. I wish hed been smart enuf to understand cause I
would have like to tell him I thot he was nice. Everybody needs some egoboo even
a mouse. Thats why I like it when Joe Carp and them make jokes like they use to.
You got to have frends even when your smart I think. I sure need frends and Im
smart because of that operashun. But everythings so hard.
I have a cosmic mind. What do I do now.
Copyright © Terry Carr, 1962. Original appearance in
Ragnorok 6. Copyright retained by the estate of Terry Carr. Rekeyed and
posted in instalments to Usenet rec.arts.sf.fandom by Gary Farber,
February-March 1997.
Any sf fan can see that "Egoboo for Algernon" pastiches Daniel
Keyes's famous Flowers for Algernon, tranplanting Charlie Gordon into
the context of fandom and fanzines. There are a few specific digs that may need
annotation -- against the National Fantasy Fan Federation (NFFF or N3F) and its
supposed benefits and bureaucracy, and against named fanzines (these usually
deducible from context). By and large, it stands up without further commentary. UKSFA Home
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