"Bradley,.Marion.Zimmer.-.Darkover.Anthology.11.-.Darkover.v1.1" - читать интересную книгу автора (Bradley Marion Zimmer)

When she could speak she gasped, "Why did you pull me out? I had it—"
Callista murmured, "I'm sorry, but I had to. I dared not leave you longer. Your feet were burning!"
"But that is all illusion, isn't it?" Hilary asked.
"I don't know," said Callista, bending to pull off Hilary's slippers with deft hands. They all gasped at the scorched and blackened shoes, and looked in dismay at the mass of blisters on the reddened flesh.
"You won't be doing much walking for a few days," Ronal said harshly.
Hilary sighed, feeling the familiar preliminary stabs of pain through her abdomen.
"Oh, well," she said, "I wasn't planning on doing much walking for about a tenday anyhow. Callista, will you help me to my room? And I'd better have some golden-flower tea, too."
Later that day, Leonie came to visit her. At the tender solicitousness in the older Keeper's face, Hilary burst into tears. "I nearly had it, but Callista and Ronal pulled me back," she said, weeping.
"No, no, child; they did it to save your feet—if not your life. I heard you were badly hurt."
Hilary wriggled her bandaged toes. "Not as badly as all that," she said.
"All the same, I think they did right. We must let the big matrix go, at least for now. At least, if it is so well guarded by the forge-folk, no outsider can use it to do us harm," Leonie said, "and the forge-folk do not have the type of laran to use it as a weapon." But she looked somehow troubled, as if touched by a premonition of the future.

The Keeper's Price
by Marion Zimmer Bradley with Lisa Waters
The pain had started.
Hilary was aware of it even in her sleep, but, knowing that her body needed at least another two hours' rest, she tried to ignore it. But the gnawing discomfort deep in her body would not be ignored; after an hour she gave up the futile attempt and threw on a robe, slipping silently down the stairs to the stillroom to make herself a cup of golden-flower tea. She knew from experience that it would numb the cramping pain, at least a little.
It might also, she thought, settling back into her bed, make her sleepy. At least that was what the other women said. Somehow it never seemed to work that way with Hilary. It only made her arms numb and her head feel fuzzy, and the room seemed unbearably warm as things swam in and out of focus. The effects of the tea wore off all too quickly, and the heavy cramping pains, contractions, Leonie called them, became worse and worse, moving up from her abdomen to her stomach to her heart, so that she felt constricted and aching, struggling for breath.
She had only to call, she knew, and someone would come. But in a Tower filled with telepaths, help would be there when she absolutely needed it. And she didn't want to disturb anyone unless she had to.
After all, she thought wryly, this happens every forty days. They should be used to it by now. Just Hilary again, going through her usual crisis, disturbing everybody as usual.
The circle had been mining metal the night before, and everyone had gone to bed late and exhausted, espe-

cially Leonie. Leonie of Arilinn had been Keeper since she was a young girl; now she was an old woman— Hilary did not know how old—training Hilary and the new child, Callista Lanart, to be Keepers in her place. For the last half-year Hilary had been able to work at Leonie's side, during the heavy stresses of the work, taking some of the burden from the older woman. She wasn't going to drag Leonie out of bed to hold her hand. They wouldn't let her die. Maybe this month it would be only the cramping pain, the weakness; after all, there wasn't a woman in Arilinn who didn't have some trouble when her cycle started. It was simply one of the hazards of the work. Maybe this time it would subside, as it did in the other women, before she went into crisis, without the agonizing clearing of the channels....
But they couldn't wait too long, hoping it would clear spontaneously. Last time, wanting to spare her the excruciating ordeal, Leonie had waited too long; and Hilary had gone into convulsions. But that wouldn't happen for hours, maybe for days. Let Leonie sleep as long as she could. She could bear the pain till then.
Hilary adored Leonie; the older woman had been like a mother to her ever since she had come to Arilinn, five years before, a lonely, frightened child of eleven, enduring the first testing of a girl with Comyn blood, the loneliness, the waiting until, when her woman's cycles began, she could begin serious training as Keeper. She had been proud to be chosen for this. Most of the young people who came here were selected as monitor, mechanic, even technician—but very few had the talent or potential to be a Keeper, or could endure the long and difficult training. And now Hilary was near to that goal. Had all but achieved it; except for one thing. Every time, when her cycles started, there was the pain, the cramping contractions quickly escalating to agony, and sometimes to crisis and convulsions.
She knew why, of course. Like all matrix workers, she had begun her training as a monitor, learning the anatomy of the nerve channels which carried laran—and, unfortunately, also carried the sexual energies. Hilary had known, from the time she agreed to take training as a Keeper, that she must pay the Keeper's price; ordinary

sexuality was not for her, and she had solemnly sworn, at thirteen, a vow of perpetual chastity. She had been taught, in all kinds of difficult and somewhat frightening ways, to avoid in herself even the slightest sexual arousal, so that the lower nerve centers which would carry these energies were wholly clear and uncontaminated, the channels between the centers nonfunctional.
Only, somehow, the channels were not clear at this time, and it puzzled all of them. Hilary, who lived under Leonie's immediate supervision, and rarely drew a breath Leonie did not know about, knew that her chastity was not suspect; so it had to be something else, perhaps some unsuspected weakness in the nerve centers.
The only thing that pulled Hilary through each moon, and sent her back to work again in the screens, was her desire not to fail Leonie. She could not leave Leonie to shoulder the burden alone, not when she was so close to her goal. Leonie had been letting her, now, take a part of the burden as Keeper, at the center of the circle, and Hilary knew, without conceit, that she was capable and strong, that she could handle the linked energies of a circle up to the fourth level without too much drain on her energies. Soon, now, Leonie would be free of at least a part of the burden.
Little Callista showed promise and talent; but she was only a child. It would be a year before she could begin serious training, though she was already living with the carefully supervised life of a pledged Keeper and had been allowed to make provisional vows; it would be years before she would be old enough to take on any part of the serious work. There was so much work to do, and so few to do it! Arilinn was not alone in this; every Tower in the Domains was short-handed.
The last effects of the tea were gone. Outside the window it was sunrise, but no one was stirring. Now the pains seemed to double her into a tight ball; she rolled herself up and moaned to herself.
Don't be silly, she told herself. You're acting like a baby. When this is over you'll hardly remember how much it hurt.
Yes, but how much longer can I stand this?

As long as you have to. You know that. What good is your training, if you can't stand a little pain?
Another wave of pain washed over her, effectively silencing the inner dialogue. Hilary concentrated on her breathing, trying to still herself, to let the breath flow in and out quietly, one by one monitoring channel after channel, trying to ease the flow of the currents. But the pains were so violent that she could not concentrate.
It's never been this bad before! Never!
"Hilary?" It was the gentlest of whispers. Callista was bending over her, a slight long-legged girl, her red hair loosely tied back, a heavy robe flung over her nightgown. She was barefoot. "Hilary, what is it?"
Hilary gasped, breathing hard.
"Just—the usual thing."
"I'd better get Leonie."
"Not yet," Hilary whispered, "I can manage a little longer. Stay with me though. Please...."
"Of course," Callista said. "Hilary, your nightgown is soaking wet; you'd better get out of it. You'll feel better when you're dried off."
Hilary managed to pull herself upright, to slide out of the gown, drenched with her own sweat. Callista brought her a dry one from her chest, held it while Hilary slipped it over her head; maneuvering deftly, so carefully that she did not touch Hilary even with a fingertip.
She is learning, Hilary thought, and looked with wry detachment at the small scarred-over burns on her own hands; remnants of the first year of her training. In that year she had been so conditioned to avoid a touch, that the slightest touch of living flesh would create a deep blistered -burn exactly as if the other flesh were a live coal. Callista's scars were still red and raw; even now she would punish herself with a deep burn if she touched anyone even accidentally. Later, when the conditioning was complete, the command would be removed—Hilary was no longer forbidden to touch anyone, the prohibition was no longer needed; she could touch or be touched, with great caution, if it was unavoidable—but no one touched a Keeper; even in the matrix chamber, a Keeper was robed in crimson so that no one would touch her when she was carrying the load of the energons. And

among themselves, even when the conditioning was no more than a memory, they used the lightest of fingertip-touches, more symbolic than real. Hilary, settling back on the clean dry pillow—Callista had changed the pillow-cover, too—wished rather wistfully that she could hold someone's hand. But such a touch would torment Callista and probably wouldn't make her feel any better.
"It's really bad this time, isn't it, Hilary?"
Hilary nodded, thinking, She is still young enough to feel compassion. She hasn't yet been dehumanized....
"You're lucky," Hilary said with effort. "Still too young to go through this. Maybe it won't be so bad for you...."