"Mything Persons" - читать интересную книгу автора (Asprin Robert)

Chapter Two:

"Success often hinges on choosing a

reliable partner."

#8212;REMUS

"WHAT'S that?" Guido demanded, taking advantage of

our stunned silence.

"It's a door," I said.

"An open door, to be specific," Aahz supplied.

"I can see that for myself!" the bodyguard roared. "I

meant what is it doing here?"

"It would look pretty silly standing alone in the mid-

dle of the street now, wouldn't it?" Aahz shot back.

Guido purpled. As I've said, these two have a positive

talent for getting under each other's skins.

"Now look, all I'm askin'...."

"Guido, could you just hang on for a few minutes

until we decide what to do next? Then we'll explain, I

promise."

My mind was racing over the problem, and having

Aahz and Guido going at each other did nothing for my

concentration.

"I think the first thing we should do, partner," Aahz

12 Robert Asprin

said thoughtfully, "is to get the door closed so that we

won't be... interrupted while we work this out."

Rather than answer, I reached out a cautious toe and

pushed the door shut. Aahz quickly slipped two of the

bolts in place to secure it.

That done, we leaned against the door and looked at

each other in silence.

"Well? What do you think?" I asked at last.

"I'm in favor of sealing it up again and forgetting the

whole thing."

"Think it's safe to do that?"

"Don't know, really. Not enough information."

We both turned slowly to level thoughtful stares at

Guido.

"Say, uh, Guido, could you tell us a little more about

those customers who came in this morning?"

"Nothing doin'." Guido crossed his arms. "You're

the guys who insist on 'information for information.'

Right? Well, I'm not telling you anything more until

somebody tells me about that door. I mean, I'm sup-

posed to be your bodyguard and nobody bothers to tell

me there's another way into this place?"

Aahz bared his teeth and started forward, but I

caught him by the shoulder.

"He's right, partner. If we want his help, we owe him

an explanation."

We locked eyes again for a moment, then he shrugged

and retreated.

"Actually, Guido, the explanation is very sim-

ple. ..."

"That'll be a first," the bodyguard grumbled.

In a bound, Aahz was across the room and had Guido

by the shirt front.

"You wanted an explanation? Then SHUT UP AND

LET HIM EXPLAIN!"

MYTH-ING PERSONS 13

Now Guido is no lightweight, and he's never been

short in the courage department. Still, there's nothing

quite like Aahz when he's really mad.

"0#8212;Okay! Sorry! Go ahead. Boss. I'm listening."

Aahz released his grip and returned to his place by the

door, winking at me covertly as he went.

"What happened is this," I said, hiding a smile.

"Aahz and I found that door when we first moved in

here. We didn't like the looks of it, so we decided to

leave it alone. That's all."

"That's all!? A back door that even you admit looks

dangerous and all you do is ignore it? And if that wasn't

bad enough, you don't even bother to tell your body-

guards about it? Of all the lamebrained, half...."

Aahz cleared his throat noisily, and Guido regained

control of himself... rapidly.

"Aahh... what I mean to say is ... oh well. That's

all behind us now. Could you give me a little more in-

formation now that the subject's out in the open?

What's on the other side of that door, anyway?"

"We don't know," I admitted.

"YOU DON'T KNOW?" Guido shrieked.

"What we do know," Aahz interrupted hastily, "is

what isn't on the other side. What isn't there is any di-

mension we know about."

Guido blinked, then shook his head. "I don't get it.

Could you run that past me again ... real slow?"

"Let me try," I said. "Look, Guido, you already

know about dimensions, right? How we're living in the

dimension Deva, which is an entirely different world

than our own home dimension of Klah? Well, the

people here, the Deveels, are masters of dimension

travel to a point where they build their houses across the

dimension barriers. That's how come this place is bigger

on the inside than it is on the outside. The door is in

14 Robert Asprin

Deva, but the rest of the house is in another dimension.

That means if we go through that door, the back door

that we've just shown you, we'd be in another world ...

one we know nothing about. That's why we were willing

to leave it sealed up rather than stick our noses out into

a completely unknown situation."

"I still think you should have checked it out," the

bodyguard insisted stubbornly.

"Think again," Aahz supplied. "You've only seen

two dimensions. Skeeve here has visited a dozen. I've

been to over a hundred myself. The Deveels you see here

at the Bazaar, on the other hand, know over a thousand

different dimensions."

"So?"

"So we think they gave us this place because it opens

into a dimension that they don't want... 'don't want'

as in 'scared to death of. Now, you've seen what a

Deveel will brave to turn a profit. Do you want to go ex-

ploring in a world that's too mean for them to face?"

"I see what you mean."

"Besides." Aahz finished triumphantly, "take an-

other look at that door. It's got more locks and bolts

than three ordinary bank vaults."

"Somebody opened it," Guido said pointedly.

That took some of the wind out of Aahz's sails.

Despite himself, he shot a nervous glance at the door.

"Well... a good thief with a lockpick working from

this side...."

"Some of these locks weren't picked, Aahz."

I had been taking advantage of their discussion to do

a little snooping, and now held up one of my discoveries

for their inspection. It was a padlock with the metal

shackle snapped off. There were several of them scat-

tered about, as if someone had gotten impatient with the

MYTH-ING PERSONS 15

lockpick and simply torn the rest of them apart with his

hands.

Guido pursed his lips in a silent whistle. "Man, that's

strong. What kind of person could do that?"

"That's what we've been trying to get you to tell us,"

Aahz said nastily. "Now, if you don't mind, what were

those customers like?"

"Three of them... two men and a woman... fairly

young-looking, but nothing special. Klahds by the look

of 'em. Come to think of it, they did seem a bit nervous,

but I thought it was just because they were coming to see

a magician."

"Well, now they're on the other side of the door."

Aahz scooped up one of the undamaged locks and

snapped it into place. "I don't think they can pick

locks, or break them if they can't reach 'em. They're

there, which is their problem, self-inflicted I might add,

and we're here. End of puzzle. End of problem."

"Do you really think so, Aahz?"

"Trust me."

Somehow that phrase struck a familiar chord in my

memory, and the echoes weren't pleasant. I was about

to raise this point with Aahz when Nunzio poked his

head in the door.

"Hey, Boss. You got visitors."

"See?" my partner exclaimed, beaming. "I told you

things could only get better! It's not even noon and

we've got more customers."

"Actually," Nunzio clarified, "it's a delegation of

Deveels. I think it's the landlord."

"The landlord?" Aahz echoed hollowly.

"See how much better things have gotten?" I said

with a disgusted smirk. "And it's not even noon."

"Shall I run 'em off, Boss?" Guido suggested.

16 Robert Asprin

"I think you'd better see *em," Nunzio advised.

"They seem kind'a upset. Something about us harbor-

ing fugitives."

Aahz and I locked gazes in silence, which was only

natural as there was nothing more to be said. With a

vague wave that bordered on a nervous tick, I motioned

for Nunzio to show the visitors in.

As expected, it was the same delegation of four from

the Devan Chamber of Commerce who had originally

hired us to work for the Bazaar, headed by our old ad-

versary, Hay-ner. Last time we dealt with him, we had

him over a barrel and used the advantage mercilessly.

While he had agreed to our terms, I always suspected it

had hurt his Devan pride to cut such a generous deal and

that he had been waiting ever since to pay us back. From

the smile on his face as he entered our reception room, it

appeared he felt his chance had finally come.

"Aahh, Master Skeeve," he said. "How good of you

to see us so promptly without an appointment. I know

how busy you are, so I'll come right to the point. I

believe there are certain individuals in residence here

that our organization is most anxious to speak with. If

you would be so kind as to summon them, we won't

trouble you further."

"Wait a minute, Hay-ner," Aahz put in before I

could respond. "What makes you think the people

you're looking for are here?"

"Because they were seen entering your tent less than

an hour ago and haven't come out yet," said the largest

of Hay-ner's back-up team.

I noticed that unlike Hay-ner, he wasn't smiling. In

fact, he looked down-right angry.

"He must mean the ones who came in earlier," Nun-

zio suggested helpfully. "You know. Boss, the two guys

with the broad."

MYTH-ING PERSONS

Aahz rolled his eyes in helpless frustration, and for

once I was inclined to agree with him.

"Umm, Nunzio," I said, staring at the ceiling, "why

don't you and Guido wait outside while we take care of

this?"

The two bodyguards trooped outside in silence,

though I noticed that Guido glared at his cousin with

such disdain that I suspected a stern dressing-down

would take place even before I could get to him myself.

The Mob is no more tolerant than magicians of staff

members who say more than they should in front of the

opposition.

"Now that we've established that we all know who

we're talking about and that they're here," Hay-ner

said, rubbing his hands together, "call them out and

we'll finish this once and for all."

"Not so fast," I interrupted. "First of all, neither of

us have laid eyes on those folks you're looking for,

because, second of all, they aren't here. They took it on

the lam out the back door before we could meet them."

"Somehow, I don't expect you to take our word for

it," Aahz added. "So feel free to search the place."

The Deveel's smile broadened, and I was conscious of

cold sweat breaking out on my brow.

"That won't be necessary. You see, whether I believe

you or not is of little consequence. Even if we searched,

I'm sure you would be better at hiding things than we

would be at finding them. All that really matters is that

we've established that they did come in here, and that

makes them .your responsibility."

I wasn't sure exactly what was going on here, but I

was sure that I was liking it less and less with each pass-

ing moment.

"Wait a minute, Hay-ner," I began. "What do you

mean 'We're responsible'? Responsible for what?"

18 Robert Asprin ;

"Why, for the fugitives, of course. Don't you remem- |

ber? When we agreed to let you use this place rent-free,

part of the deal was that if anyone of this household

broke any of the Bazaar rules, and either disappeared

off to another dimension or. otherwise refused to face ;

the charges, that you would personally take responsibil-

ity for their actions. It's a standard clause in any Bazaar

lease."

"Aahz," I said testily, "you cut the deal. Was there a

clause like that in it?" |

"There was," he admitted. "But I was thinking of

Tananda and Chumley at the time... and we'll stand

behind them anytime. Massha, too. It never occurred to

me that they'd try to claim that anyone who walked

through our door was a member of our household. I

don't see how they can hope to prove...."

"We don't have to prove that they're in your house-

hold," Hay-ner smiled. "You have to prove they

aren't." I

"That's crazy," Aahz exploded. "How can we |

prove...." I

"Can it, Aahz. We can't prove it. That's the point. |

All right, Hay-ner. You've got us. Now what exactly

have these characters done that we're responsible for

and what are our options? I thought one of the big sales

points of the Bazaar was that there weren't any rules

here."

"There aren't many," the Deveel said, "but the few

that do exist are strictly enforced. The specific rule your

friends broke involves fraud."

He quickly held up a hand to suppress my retort.

"I know what you're going to say. Fraud sounds like

a silly charge with all the hard bargaining that goes on

here at the Bazaar, but to us it's a serious matter. While

we pride ourselves in driving a hard bargain, once the

MYTH-ING PERSONS 19

deal is made you get the goods you were promised.

Sometimes there are specific details omitted in describ-

ing the goods, but anything actually said is true. That is

our reputation and the continued success of the Bazaar

depends on that reputation being scrupulously main-

tained. If a trader or merchant sells something claiming

it to be magical and it turns out to have no powers at all,

that's fraud ... and if the perpetrators are allowed to go

unpunished, it could mean the end of the Bazaar as we

know it."

"Actually," I said drily, "all I was going to do was

protest you billing them as our friends, but I'll let it go.

What you haven't mentioned is our options."

Hay-ner shrugged. "There are only three, really. You

can pay back the money they took falsely plus a twenty-

five percent fine, accept permanent banishment from

the Bazaar, or you can try to convince your fr#8212;aahh, I

mean the fugitives to return to the Bazaar to settle mat-

ters themselves."

"I see... Very well. You've had your say. Now

please leave so my partner and I can discuss our position

on the matter."

Aahz took care of seeing them out while I plunged

into thought as to what we should do. When he re-

turned, we both sat in silence for the better part of an

hour before either of us spoke.

"Well," I said at last, "what do you think?"

"Banishment from the Bazaar is out!" Aahz snarled.

"Not only would it destroy our reputations, I'm not

about to get run out of the Bazaar and our home over

something as idiotic as this!"

"Agreed," I said grimly. "Even though it occurs to

me that Hay-ner is bluffing on that option. He wants us

to stick around the Bazaar as much as we want to stay.

He was the one who hired us in the first place, remem-

Robert Asprin

ber? I think he's expecting us to ante up and pay the

money. That way he gets back some of the squeeze he so

grudgingly parted with. Somehow the idea of giving in

to that kind of pressure really galls me."

Aahz nodded. "Me too."

There followed several more minutes of silence.

"Okay," Aahz said finally, "who's going to say it?"

"We're going to have to go after them." I sighed.

"Half right," Aahz corrected. "I'm going to have to

go after them. Partner or not, we're talking about hit-

ting a totally new dimension here, and it's too danger-

ous for someone at your level of magical skill."

"My level? How about you? You don't have any

powers at all. If it's too dangerous for me, what's sup-

posed to keep you safe?"

"Experience," he said loftily. "I'm used to doing

this, and you aren't. End of argument."

" 'End of argument' nothing! Just how do you pro-

pose to leave me behind if I don't agree?"

"That's easy," Aahz grinned. "See who's standing in

the corner?"

I turned to look where he was pointing, and that's the

last thing I remembered for a long time.